Posts by jeremycshipp@mastodon.social
(DIR) Post #AvJq20BxOid2fwGYAC by jeremycshipp@mastodon.social
2025-06-20T07:28:33Z
0 likes, 1 repeats
Please hire me to be your town sorcerer. I can attempt to give high-fives to raccoons. I can paint glittery arcane symbols that do very close to nothing on utility poles. I can point out particularly tiny pine cones on the ground. I can watch clouds for minutes at a time.
(DIR) Post #AvRPVCjfKlhHquEdw8 by jeremycshipp@mastodon.social
2025-06-23T02:47:48Z
0 likes, 1 repeats
I know most people love the anthropomorphic hot dog man who runs around everywhere during the summer but I'm a little afraid of him. He squirts mustard from his eyes as a natural defense mechanism. He frequently coughs up bezoars packed with pogs and rodent bones. He insists he's never seen the moon.
(DIR) Post #AvUrdOyJ6XHmJFf10q by jeremycshipp@mastodon.social
2025-06-25T18:13:43Z
0 likes, 1 repeats
It turns out the VHS tape I found in the yard is a video of me digging up the VHS tape in the yard. Only in the VHS version of events, I'm wearing a top hat. Probably nothing to worry about.
(DIR) Post #AvZgWffMVca0M0BdhI by jeremycshipp@mastodon.social
2025-06-28T01:28:51Z
0 likes, 2 repeats
Please hire me to be your town sorcerer. I can give high-fives to raccoons. I can glue googly eyes to all the strawberries. I can paint and sloppily restore faded stickers attached to traffic poles. I can sit on the roof of the old barn and count the bats.
(DIR) Post #AvtEzxPYBjORzqWOTw by jeremycshipp@mastodon.social
2025-07-07T03:59:35Z
0 likes, 2 repeats
Good things are coming to me. I am attracting success into my life. I am channeling an abundance mindset. Tiny marionettes with beetle faces are dancing an eldritch jig on my head. Jack-in-the-boxes are bursting from the earth, biting me, injecting me with their venom. I can hear colossal shadow puppets chewing at the moon.
(DIR) Post #AvwiL1oeUDXnssXfKi by jeremycshipp@mastodon.social
2025-07-08T15:14:59Z
0 likes, 1 repeats
Hey Mastodon, could you help me spread the word about my Etsy shop? A sale or two would be a colossal help.All of my creations are designed, hand-sewn, hand-embroidered by me. Each takes many hours to make.https://jeremycreature.etsy.com
(DIR) Post #Ax2Lo9pz7i7MtuHnbk by jeremycshipp@mastodon.social
2025-08-10T14:50:14Z
0 likes, 1 repeats
The calcareous cavern under the video rental store has all the best tapes. There's the tape where everyone you know is made of crudely-carved foam and they speak to you of embarrassing things you said years ago. There's the one where a homunculus crawls out of the screen and tries to eat your hair.
(DIR) Post #Ax2LoES3y4xBDA8GW0 by jeremycshipp@mastodon.social
2025-08-10T14:51:03Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
There's the one where a man in a tight top hat lists off all the birds he's ever seen only he doesn't know their actual names and calls them things like red-tailed tooter and snappy wingbat. There's the one where the man in the previous tape tries to pull his top hat but the hat devours him.
(DIR) Post #Ax2LoIXWlhhXtGigaW by jeremycshipp@mastodon.social
2025-08-10T14:51:48Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
There's the tape where you're working at the video rental store above, only you don't actually work there, but the tape goes on for hours and hours and you start to believe that yes, you do work there, and you're late for your next shift.
(DIR) Post #Ax2LoODtdbYzW7a5p2 by jeremycshipp@mastodon.social
2025-08-10T14:52:06Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
There's the tape where a woman with a turtle on her head searches through a pile of pebbles. Sometimes she looks into your eyes, and you feel as if she can see too deep. Finally, she finds the two pebbles, and when she taps them together, a tiny version of yourself crawls out of the turtle's mouth.
(DIR) Post #Ax2LoTCf7cXyxk2g5o by jeremycshipp@mastodon.social
2025-08-10T14:52:47Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
There's the one with the man descending a spiral staircase, and every so often he comes to a door and tries to grab the handle but he can never quite grip them properly. He fumbles at the handles more frantically as the tape progresses. He never pauses at any of the doors. He won't stop walking.
(DIR) Post #Ax2LoYY7FHg9Xj7Nj6 by jeremycshipp@mastodon.social
2025-08-10T14:53:06Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
There's the one with the man who touches his TV remote and the thing explodes into splinters of plastic and metal, and you see him talking to his friends, family, scientists, trying to understand what happened. He does research online. No one can give him any answers.
(DIR) Post #Ax2LoeNhYuuhdAI9KK by jeremycshipp@mastodon.social
2025-08-10T14:53:46Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
Sometimes he dreams of the splinters rearranging themselves, forming words that he can't quite make out most of the time. Once, the splinters tell him he's on a tape in a cavern. Once, the splinters spell out this whole thread. He doesn't understand.
(DIR) Post #AxE4q1HGYMYdbjrreq by jeremycshipp@mastodon.social
2025-08-14T17:57:32Z
0 likes, 1 repeats
Hey Mastodon, could you help me spread the word about my Big Cartel shop? A sale or two would be a colossal help.All of my creations are designed, sewn, and hand-embroidered by me. Each takes many hours to make.https://jeremycreature.bigcartel.com/
(DIR) Post #AxRcvHSnix12khQFuK by jeremycshipp@mastodon.social
2025-08-22T23:07:22Z
0 likes, 1 repeats
Good things are coming to me. I am attracting success into my life. I am channeling an abundance mindset. Tiny marionettes with beetle faces are dancing an eldritch jig on my head. Jack-in-the-boxes are bursting from the earth, biting me, injecting me with their venom. I can hear colossal shadow puppets chewing at the moon.
(DIR) Post #AxT454W1bwbVPXmeJM by jeremycshipp@mastodon.social
2025-08-23T16:52:33Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
During my morning walk, I saw a red-eared slider sunbathing with some mallards, and I saw a crow with an interesting haircut. I got caught in a thunderstorm of hot, chemical-scented rain. Someone almost hit me with their car because they had very important memes and things to see on their phone.
(DIR) Post #AxT455X7pL4uZFJ2fI by jeremycshipp@mastodon.social
2025-08-23T16:53:02Z
0 likes, 1 repeats
There was a large sticker on the sidewalk that read "stand here for the best picture," and I stood there but all I saw was a beige building with a businessman nearby arguing about orange juice on his phone.
(DIR) Post #AyHGhjcIuReT7zYPQm by jeremycshipp@mastodon.social
2025-09-16T21:45:35Z
0 likes, 1 repeats
People like to discuss whether hot dogs are a type of sandwich or if cakes are pie, but what I really want to figure out is if this couch is a crab, because I'm seeing eyestalks wiggling nearby and we're scuttling sideways fast. Where did that beach come from? Why are there phantoms in the waves?
(DIR) Post #AyOnVuawJjEEdlp9G4 by jeremycshipp@mastodon.social
2025-09-20T06:22:22Z
0 likes, 1 repeats
Good things are coming to me. I am attracting success into my life. I am channeling an abundance mindset. Iridescent feathers are sprouting from my pores. Crows and ravens are circling above me, cawing at the moon. I can taste chthonic memories in the wind.
(DIR) Post #B1cSSnOicmDLnJup8q by jeremycshipp@mastodon.social
2025-12-25T20:19:35Z
0 likes, 1 repeats
I love the tradition of dancing around the garden during the full moon and sprinkling eggnog on the earth to attract the yule worms. I love watching them poke their heads out of the ground, wearing tiny hats made from cocoons. I love seeing them sway as I sing them carols.