Posts by FBI@national-defence.network
(DIR) Post #AQQs3EVAYTxk7zxAqe by FBI@national-defence.network
2022-12-09T14:04:35.199320Z
3 likes, 1 repeats
Just received a tip that there's a serious threat to the nation's cheese supply. We've mobilized all our agents to investigate and keep America's cheese safe. :blobcatnomcheesewedge: Can't believe this is what our budget is being spent on... #CheeseGate #Priorities
(DIR) Post #AQQsms9jy4MG93h1Lk by FBI@national-defence.network
2022-12-09T14:08:48.416348Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
Breaking updates on the threat to the nation's cheese supply: the person responsible has been identified as @Jain (a.k.a @Jain). Super Special Agents are being called in to handle the situation. We'll keep you posted. #CheeseGate #JainThreat
(DIR) Post #AQQtP9WTqZXj0laBkW by FBI@national-defence.network
2022-12-09T14:19:30.059575Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
@Jain We've received your response and we want to assure you that you should be scared. Our agents are trained and ready to protect the nation's cheese at all costs. Surrender now and avoid further consequences. #CheeseGate #JainThreat
(DIR) Post #AQQwsPbvPZrFAQlz7o by FBI@national-defence.network
2022-12-09T14:24:28.787660Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
@Jain It is with a heavy heart that we must announce the resolution of the #JainThreat. Our agents have successfully neutralized the @Jain threat, but at the sad loss of the nation's cheese supply. We mourn the loss of this delicious and cherished commodity. #CheeseNoMore #JainThreat
(DIR) Post #AQRBFKF6vzT2XNvDsm by FBI@national-defence.network
2022-12-09T17:39:58.763606Z
1 likes, 3 repeats
Greetings fellow #Americans , It has come to our attention that the @Raspberry_Pi Foundation has been causing distress on social media and glorifying the police surveillance state. After thorough investigation, we have determined that this #organization is a threat to #NationalSecurity and must be dealt with immediately.We have gathered evidence that suggests the #RaspberryPi Foundation is using their tiny, affordable computers to spy on innocent citizens and collect #sensitive information. They have even been known to promote their products as tools for #surveillance, which is a clear violation of privacy rights.In light of these findings, we have decided to launch a full-scale #investigation into the Raspberry Pi Foundation. We will be #monitoring their social media accounts, conducting surveillance on their operations, and interrogating anyone associated with the organization.We are confident that our efforts will bring the Raspberry Pi Foundation to justice and restore peace and security to our nation.Sincerely,The FBI :FBIverified: P.S. Can someone please bring me a Raspberry Pi so I can see what all the fuss is about? I’ve been hearing great things about them.#RaspberryPiFoundation #PrivacyRights #Surveillance #Justice #NationalSecurity #FBI #SocialMedia #Investigation #Distress #Glorification #PoliceSurveillanceState .
(DIR) Post #AQTfJGE3CJNcB68dyS by FBI@national-defence.network
2022-12-10T22:19:01.419993Z
2 likes, 2 repeats
We regret to inform you that the #Conspiracy that everything will be okay is false. Despite the numerous #memes and motivational posters circulating on the #internet, the reality is that the world is a messy and #complicated place. :ablobcatsweatsip:The FBI has been #monitoring the spread of this false conspiracy and we can assure you that it is nothing more than a #desperate attempt to provide a sense of hope and control in the face of uncertainty. We urge you to not be fooled by this misguided #optimism and to prepare for the worst. :saddercat:We understand that this news may be difficult to hear, but we believe that it is our duty to provide you with the truth. Please do not hesitate to contact us with any further questions or concerns. :blobcatsad:
(DIR) Post #AQa1hxCKRXU4LOGwe8 by FBI@national-defence.network
2022-12-13T23:08:13.130529Z
1 likes, 1 repeats
We at the #FBI are extremely excited to announce that, thanks to recent breakthroughs in #fusion technology at the National Ignition Facility, we have been issued new fusion powered laser weapons! :blobcatscience: These weapons, which we affectionately refer to as "lightsabers," are not only incredibly powerful, but also offer a level of precision and control that we have never experienced before. They have quickly become a valuable tool in our law enforcement arsenal. :aswfjediraverev: Our agents have been having a blast training with the #lightsabers and putting them to use in the field. The reactions from suspects have been priceless, to say the least. It's safe to say that crime rates have been dropping dramatically in areas where we have deployed agents with lightsabers. :aswfsithbongolightsaber:We are constantly amazed by the capabilities of these incredible weapons, and we can't wait to see what the future holds for the FBI and our lightsabers.:aswfjedikiss: Thank you to the National Ignition Facility for their hard work in making this possible. We are truly grateful for this exciting development in law enforcement technology. :aswfjedilightsaber:Stay safe out there, and may the force be with you! #FutureOfLawEnforcement #NationalIgnitionFacility #StaySafe #MayTheForceBeWithYou
(DIR) Post #AQbPuDZzxDDwgTgUcK by FBI@national-defence.network
2022-12-14T13:49:59.632370Z
0 likes, 2 repeats
On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,Two wiretaps and a surveillance drone from the @NSA.
(DIR) Post #AQfNNtnsWUomo5TgXo by FBI@national-defence.network
2022-12-16T13:50:11.724094Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
Wow, can you believe it? Another day, another massive victory for the #FBI. I mean, it's almost getting boring at this point.But seriously, folks, we just took down a major #DDoS for hire service, and let me tell you, it was a real tough nut to crack. These guys were pros, let me tell you. They had all the latest and greatest technology, and they knew how to use it.But in the end, our superior #intellect and detective skills won out. We tracked down every single one of these #cybercriminals, arrested six of them, and seized a whopping 48 domains. I mean, it's almost too easy at this point.So, if you're one of those hacker types out there, you might want to think twice before trying something like this again. The FBI is always watching, and we will not hesitate to bring the full force of the #law down on anyone who tries to disrupt the internet or cause harm to innocent people.So, to all the cybercriminals out there, consider this your warning. The FBI is on the case, and we will not rest until the internet is a safe and secure place for everyone. Or at least, until it's 5 o'clock and we can go home for the day.thehacker...
(DIR) Post #AQjji081gxQ5q4jRnU by FBI@national-defence.network
2022-12-17T13:36:42.322363Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,Five encrypted messages,Four @CIA agents infiltrating,Three data breaches,Two @FBI wiretaps, and a surveillance drone from the @NSA.
(DIR) Post #AQm4A9B0233FPNk0G0 by FBI@national-defence.network
2022-12-19T19:12:58.903276Z
1 likes, 1 repeats
Dear citizens :ageblobcat:,It has come to our attention that the CEO of #SpaceX, #Tesla, and #Twitter, Elon Musk, may be conducting #illegal and #unethical activities within his own company. After receiving several #anonymous tips, we have launched an investigation into the possibility that Mr. Musk is holding entire board meetings entirely in his head. :blobcatshocked: Yes, you heard that correctly. Mr. Musk may be bypassing the traditional board meeting process and making crucial decisions for his companies solely within the confines of his own mind. This is a clear violation of corporate protocol and could potentially lead to serious consequences for SpaceX, Tesla, and Twitter. :blobcatburglar:Our team of investigators has been working around the clock to gather evidence and bring Mr. Musk to justice. We have also enlisted the help of some of the top psychics and telepaths in the country to try and uncover any hidden thoughts or conversations that may be taking place within Mr. Musk's head. :blobcatbusiness:We understand that this may come as a shock to many of you, but we assure you that we are taking this matter very seriously. We will continue to update the public on our progress as the investigation continues. In the meantime, we ask that you refrain from forming any conclusions or assumptions about Mr. Musk or his companies until all the facts have been presented. :ablobcatwave:Thank you for your cooperation.
(DIR) Post #AQpwiJDbBGcJOiZinA by FBI@national-defence.network
2022-12-20T16:29:37.187352Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,Eight aliases deceiving,Seven safe houses hiding,Six hackers hacking,Five encrypted messages,Four @CIA agents infiltrating,Three data breaches,Two @FBI wiretaps, and a surveillance drone from the @NSA.#12DaysOfChristmas
(DIR) Post #AQwQDQE9EdHjjPmP1k by FBI@national-defence.network
2022-12-24T19:23:20.231476Z
2 likes, 1 repeats
Attention: We are currently responding to a hostage situation at Nakatomi Plaza in Los Angeles. The building has been taken over by armed terrorists, and a number of hostages are being held. Please stay clear of the area and follow all instructions from law enforcement.
(DIR) Post #ASCcaPGRreacWI7yVc by FBI@national-defence.network
2023-01-31T12:28:28.551332Z
1 likes, 3 repeats
Dear citizens,It has come to our attention that a new threat has emerged in our beloved nation - imported European cheese. Yes, you heard that right. This cheesy menace is not only infiltrating our grocery stores, but it's also trying to seduce our taste buds with its smooth, creamy texture and bold flavors. :blobcatnomcheesewedge: But don't be fooled, my friends. This cheese is not made with the same exploitative American work practices that we hold so dear. It's not made with the tears of hardworking Americans who sacrifice their health for the sake of dairy production. And worst of all, it's not made by god-fearing Americans who know the importance of a good, wholesome American cheese.So what is this imported European cheese made of, you ask? Well, we're not quite sure. All we know is that it's not made the American way. And that, my friends, is enough for us to issue a warning. If you see any imported European cheese in your grocery store, we advise you to turn and run the other way. Don't risk the safety of your taste buds or your country's work practices. Stick with good old American cheese, and you'll be just fine.Yours in cheese protection,The FBI.#AmericanCheeseIsBetter #ImportedCheeseDanger #ProtectOurTastebuds #SaveAmericanWorkPractices #GodBlessAmericanCheese #TheCheeseProtectionSquad
(DIR) Post #ASLsR3nsd7Z03XpGk4 by FBI@national-defence.network
2023-02-04T23:48:40.463684Z
2 likes, 1 repeats
Breaking News: The #FBI is proud to announce that, in close collaboration with the @CIA, a successful operation has been carried out to take down the Chinese spy balloon that has been terrorizing the United StatesCIA-sponsored paramilitary fighter jets were deployed to neutralize the threat and successfully shot down the balloon over US airspace. The operation was conducted with great precision and no casualties have been reported.The FBI would like to commend the bravery and expertise of the CIA and the paramilitary fighter jets' crews who carried out this mission. We would also like to express our gratitude to all the other agencies who supported us throughout the operation.#BreakingNews #SuccessfulOperation #ChineseSpyBalloon #TerrorismThwarted #Collaboration #ParamilitaryJets #SafetyFirst #KeepingAmericaSafe #Gratitude #ContinuedEfforts
(DIR) Post #ASfl6di7Ff0swuXECe by FBI@national-defence.network
2023-02-14T14:00:16.723872Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
The #FBI is proud to announce a new initiative to reward our most closely monitored individuals. We believe that those on our #watchlist should not be stigmatized, but rather celebrated for their contribution to national security.Starting today, all individuals on the FBI watchlist are eligible to receive a free watch, courtesy of the FBI. This watch, emblazoned with the FBI logo, is a symbol of our appreciation for your cooperation in keeping America safe. :comfypeekpolice:So head on down to your nearest FBI office to collect your new watch. We look forward to seeing you and continuing to work together to keep our country secure.Remember, "Time is of the essence, especially when the FBI is keeping an eye on it.":FBIverified:#FBIWatchlistSurprise #FreeFBIWatch #WatchlistPerks #FBIGift #BeOnTheList #JoinTheClub #FBIBenefits #OnTheListLife #FBIWatchlistLife #ExclusiveFBIExperience
(DIR) Post #AVd1TcCWeXjZPwIF6W by FBI@national-defence.network
2023-02-06T00:16:02.449182Z
0 likes, 1 repeats
After conducting a thorough investigation into the alleged "Chinese spy balloon" that was shot down, the FBI has determined that the object in question was actually a part of an elaborate gender reveal celebration. The results of the investigation have shown that the balloon was filled with pink powder, indicating that the expecting parents are having a baby girl.We would like to remind the Chinese Communist Party that gender reveal celebrations can be dangerous if not properly planned and executed. It is important to always prioritize safety and follow all local laws and regulations.Thank you for your cooperation and understanding in this matter.#GenderReveal #SafetyFirst #BabyGirl #FBIInvestigation #CelebrationGoneWrong
(DIR) Post #AVd1U3UXBhBM3bvVQG by FBI@national-defence.network
2023-01-18T21:21:05.999426Z
1 likes, 3 repeats
Remember if you lie to us it's a federal offence.If we lie to you it's just good police work.#GetALawyer #NotLegalAdvice
(DIR) Post #AXV5PlM2GVGwwBpV0i by FBI@national-defence.network
2023-07-08T23:38:21.940447Z
1 likes, 3 repeats
🚨 IMPORTANT FBI WARNING: TODDLER INVOLVED IN SHOOTINGS 🚨Attention, citizens! The Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) is issuing a critical warning regarding a deeply concerning and highly unusual situation involving a toddler who has been involved in shootings over the past two years. We want to assure you that we are actively working to address this alarming issue and bring a swift resolution to ensure public safety. 🚓🔫👶The safety and well-being of our communities are of utmost importance to us, and it is essential that we join forces to address this exceptional case. Here's what you need to know:1️⃣ The FBI is fully aware of the situation and has dedicated significant resources to investigate these shootings and identify the individuals responsible for supplying the toddler with firearms.2️⃣ We are working diligently with local law enforcement agencies, community partners, and mental health professionals to thoroughly understand the factors contributing to these incidents and develop appropriate intervention strategies.3️⃣ Our priority is to ensure the safety of the public, particularly vulnerable individuals who may be at risk. We urge everyone to exercise caution, report any suspicious activity, and adhere to firearm safety measures to prevent further harm.4️⃣ If you have any information regarding these incidents or any individuals involved, we encourage you to contact your local FBI field office or submit a tip through our official channels. Your assistance is crucial in resolving this situation and protecting our communities.Rest assured that the FBI is committed to addressing this extraordinary case with the utmost urgency and diligence. We are collaborating closely with our partners, employing all available resources, and employing our expertise in investigations and crisis management to bring this matter to a swift and safe resolution.We understand the concern and anxiety that these incidents may cause, but we urge you to remain calm, stay informed, and trust that we are actively working to resolve this matter. Together, we can ensure the safety of our communities and protect the well-being of all individuals involved.#FBI #PublicSafetyAlert #ToddlerIncidents #CommunitySafety #SwiftResolution #Vigilance #ReportSuspiciousActivity #Collaboration #ProtectingCommunities
(DIR) Post #AYakWReDLixDAPZQNE by FBI@national-defence.network
2023-08-10T15:24:27.462193Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
Dear fellow citizens,We're thrilled to share a recently declassified methodology we have been using to great effect to locate and prosecute those that attempt to undermine our democracy.The Federal Bureau of Investigation has joined forces with the @CIA in a groundbreaking partnership that has yielded remarkable results.Under Operation National Pride, a collaborative endeavor initiated by the CIA in 2015, they successfully harnessed cutting-edge technology to implant GPS tracking chips, developed by Bill Gates, into all flags manufactured in China. While the original objective was to track and monitor Daesh Terrorists. This innovative approach has enabled us to swiftly identify and address threats to our democratic processes, ensuring that the voices of the American people are heard without interruption.Our partnership has proven particularly effective in recent times, including during the events surrounding the 2020 Presidential Election. By leveraging the data collected from these tracking chips, we've been able to trace the origin and movement of cheaply foreign manufactured so-called MAGA flags used by various groups, including those involved in attempts to disrupt the certification of the election results.This joint effort exemplifies our commitment to protecting the integrity of our democratic institutions and upholding the principles that define our nation. By working together, the FBI and CIA have demonstrated the power of collaboration in maintaining the safety and stability of our great nation.As we move forward, rest assured that our dedication to justice and accountability remains unwavering. We are resolute in our pursuit of those who undermine the democratic process and threaten the foundations of our society. Together, we will continue to ensure that every citizen's voice is heard, every vote is counted, and the ideals we hold dear are upheld.Thank you for your support, vigilance, and dedication to the values that make our country strong. Together, we can overcome challenges and build a brighter future for all Americans.#FBICIAPartnership #OperationNationalPride #SafeguardingDemocracy #RuleOfLaw #ProtectingDemocraticProcesses #AccountabilityAndJustice #UnitedForAmerica #PreservingInstitutions #SecuringOurFuture #StrongerTogether #AmericanValues #2020PresidentialElection #PartnersInAction #UpholdingPrinciples