Post BAg1ZDHLd3UeyfWsTI by wolf480pl@mstdn.io
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(DIR) Post #BAf8SyvcZkhBFoNmYy by Hoss@shitpost.cloud
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>be Russian motor rifle brigade>somewhere the air defense plan has evolved into "man with missile but taller">acquire industrial cherry picker>park it next to highway>raise two conscripts 70 feet into the atmosphere with MANPADS>congratulations Ivan, you are now an integrated elevated short-range air-defense platform>Monday morning>company commander walks into briefing room holding clipboard>"Comrades, we must select this week's Basket Heroes.">entire platoon suddenly develops intense interest in floor tiles>selection criteria apparently include:>good eyesight>steady hands>not afraid of heights>didn't annoy sergeant this week>light enough that hydraulic system doesn't start making Soviet submarine noises>lieutenant starts reading names>"Petrov.">"Sir, I am communications.">"Excellent. Communicate with aircraft.">"Sidorov.">"Sir, I am afraid of heights.">"This is why we have railing.">"Mikhailov.">"I have medical exemption.">commander checks paper>"Flat feet.">"Yes.">"You will be standing in basket, not marching.">one corporal tries to volunteer>everyone stares at him like he just admitted to being a spy>"Why?">"Extra cigarette ration.">commander immediately suspicious>"Nobody wants Basket Duty that badly.">actual veteran explains the rotation system>first week: volunteers>second week: least popular men>third week: whoever lost at cards>fourth week: commander forgot to make schedule so same two guys go back up>maintenance warrant officer enters>"Cherry picker has maximum wind rating.">"How much?">"Less than current wind.">silence>"Can we ignore?">"Structurally?">"Administratively.">administratively yes>crew gets issued:>MANPADS>binoculars>radio>thermos>one folding chair somehow>absolutely no explanation for what happens if hydraulic pump dies>basket begins ascending>guy underneath makes sign of cross>not for soldiers>for hydraulic seals>at 20 meters>"You guys good?">"NO">"Excellent.">at 25 meters radio crackles>"Basket One, report status.">"Cold.">"Air picture?">"Still cold.">some colonel arrives for inspection>looks up>sees two tiny figures silhouetted against sky>slowly nods>"Ingenious.">entire engineering corps dies internally>asks why there are two men>lieutenant explains one operates missile>other watches for aircraft>colonel asks what happens when watcher spots aircraft>"He tells missile operator.">"What if missile operator sees it first?">room goes completely silent>doctrine has not considered this possibility>new SOP drafted by lunchtime>Friday>Basket Heroes finally descend>faces weathered like Arctic explorers>one has developed thousand-yard stare>other refuses to enter elevators anymore>commander hands them certificates>"For vigilance in defense of the motherland.">Monday arrives>clipboard comes back out>entire platoon:>oh fuck>lieutenant:>"Comrades, congratulations. Due to increased operational requirements, Basket Duty is now a prestigious recurring assignment.">Petrov from back:>"Sir, with respect, can prestige be transferred?">"No.">hydraulics begin whining ominously in distance>somewhere a procurement officer adds "air-defense tower" to the inventory spreadsheet>cherry picker achieves official weapons-platform status before lunchRT: https://shitpost.cloud/objects/37c4487d-d33b-406f-8500-f9085ee50413
(DIR) Post #BAg1ZDHLd3UeyfWsTI by wolf480pl@mstdn.io
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@Hoss where did they find recruits in such a good shape?