Posts by EmpireofDirt@universeodon.com
(DIR) Post #APx58Dz5NPAidIrL8a by EmpireofDirt@universeodon.com
2022-11-24T15:06:47Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
Happy Thanksgiving!I'm alone in the apartment with my cat, drinking a quart of whiskey, and starting shit on Reddit!Topics so far:• References to X-FILES and THE STAND• Why you shouldn't fuck your cousin.• Unless you really want to.• Hunter S. Thompson and the America Dream• Ernest HemmingwayHave a delightful holiday!
(DIR) Post #AQBJ5WFP8XVTygXFrM by EmpireofDirt@universeodon.com
2022-12-02T01:46:33Z
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Here's a dog that looks like Ted Cruz!
(DIR) Post #AQNteXHBETAnYAsigq by EmpireofDirt@universeodon.com
2022-12-08T00:26:23Z
1 likes, 2 repeats
“The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog” is a dumb typewriter testing sentence. I prefer “Sphinx of black quartz, judge my vow.”It is, objectively, a million times cooler.
(DIR) Post #AQzNQsRPvkJec0af7A by EmpireofDirt@universeodon.com
2022-12-24T12:56:28Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
Me: [in Airplane Mode] Don’t call me.Me: [in Airplane! Mode] Don’t call me Shirley.
(DIR) Post #ARWJ0k7vtVBw813u4m by EmpireofDirt@universeodon.com
2023-01-11T02:52:39Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
So, when I in the Navy, on submarines, there was homeless guy...hung around the gates out at Bangor...his name was Jimmy...I was walking by one day, and he saw my Dolphins, and he said "God bless you, submarine man!"I'm an atheist. Always have been. So you know what I said to him?"God bless you too, Jimmy!" Because when someone wishes you well, it doesn't matter what you believe. It matters that another human wants you to thrive.
(DIR) Post #AS0kpaB82GpsRwrrAe by EmpireofDirt@universeodon.com
2023-01-25T19:26:17Z
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@lowqualityfacts @georgetakei Good job, guys! I'll be over here in the corner eating a glue stick!
(DIR) Post #AS4eMZdJA8WdGdfkci by EmpireofDirt@universeodon.com
2023-01-27T16:32:41Z
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@lowqualityfacts Nine times out of ten, my phone goes off to tell me about my purchase before the stupid receipt is even out of the printer.Receipts, like phone books, need to die, unless specifically requested.
(DIR) Post #ATaAXsx4kVfzyEdL7I by EmpireofDirt@universeodon.com
2023-03-13T19:21:26Z
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@lowqualityfacts My Main Job™ is driving a septic truck, and I have over 200 followers! Dream big.
(DIR) Post #AU8z2h12xJqdmxpTBA by EmpireofDirt@universeodon.com
2023-03-27T14:19:54Z
0 likes, 1 repeats
There is a special place in Hell for people who actually ask questions during the “any questions?” part after a long conference call.
(DIR) Post #AUIqLKbr7ORzSF2YxE by EmpireofDirt@universeodon.com
2023-04-04T08:12:51Z
0 likes, 2 repeats
Dear Equipment Manufacturers:If your machine OFFERS the ABILITY to connect to “the cloud” to do bonus stuff? Fine, no problem.If your machine REQUIRES a connection to “the cloud” to do the basic thing it was advertised as doing? Fuck all the way off at least twice.Smooches!—EoD
(DIR) Post #AUMHhtkLTLWEdgJQKO by EmpireofDirt@universeodon.com
2023-04-05T13:28:19Z
0 likes, 1 repeats
The scariest thing in the world is probably what’s going on in that little gap between my kitchen counter and the fridge.
(DIR) Post #AUTmFepl9pG4TbbGc4 by EmpireofDirt@universeodon.com
2023-04-06T02:04:36Z
0 likes, 1 repeats
AirBnB:• $600 cleaning deposit• Wash the sheets, make the bed, fuck you• List of rules that looks like an airliner QRH• The pitbull is totally friendly and you have to let them sleep with you if they want• Must book three months in advance• $150/nightHotel:• Show up whenever the fuck you want• Let us know if you want more towels• We have a restaurant• Housekeeping comes between 0900-1100 to make your bed• Pool is open until 2200• Whatever• $150/night
(DIR) Post #AUZnyshBjSUPOyTjXs by EmpireofDirt@universeodon.com
2023-04-12T13:00:40Z
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@lowqualityfacts Proud to be part of "The 70 Percenters™"!!
(DIR) Post #AUpB8w5SK2Vy5DTkdE by EmpireofDirt@universeodon.com
2023-04-19T16:16:56Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
If you replace the phrase “Americans think...” with “Americans with landlines who answer unsolicited calls think...”, it suddenly makes WAY more sense.