Posts by Ember_Simone@spinster.xyz
(DIR) Post #ANj4hhd8Mu3WlaDi7c by Ember_Simone@spinster.xyz
2022-09-19T15:12:29.243971Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
My mom is very like accept that the world sucks and move on. Do not do things that you want to do that may “make” an oppressive world oppressing you. For example, she was/ is very against help children going into “women” occupations like teaching. On Saturday, she told me to suck it up after asking me about my job basically because she knows jobs can be exploitive. Instead of being understanding or receptive, she’s like box it up and shut it done. It’s just exhausting because I’m like “please don’t minimize my stress, it makes my life hard to thrive in” & my mom is like stop complaining, that makes your life harder. Which is minimizing! I’m exhausted 🙃
(DIR) Post #ANkzqpwYiaMrhXlJ0y by Ember_Simone@spinster.xyz
2022-09-20T13:30:26.677267Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
I’m getting my LSAT score back next Wednesday! I’m so nervous! 😳 and excited 🥳🥳 and a lot of feelings 😣😫🥰🫠
(DIR) Post #ANlVRgO4JAeJMAg96O by Ember_Simone@spinster.xyz
2022-09-20T19:24:12.334033Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
Got this tattoo today, it’s pretty red but the flowers will be blue and purple, they are forget me nots ❤️
(DIR) Post #AO1Xroh1MJh15CUYQy by Ember_Simone@spinster.xyz
2022-09-28T13:06:36.828823Z
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My LSAT score came back this morning! I scored a 158 or in the 68th percentile! 😆
(DIR) Post #AOhXrA1wVVHUhGzcZs by Ember_Simone@spinster.xyz
2022-10-18T19:21:40.941425Z
1 likes, 1 repeats
Got my second offer for a full ride for law school before even applying based on my profile. I’m speechless and it doesn’t even really feel real. I applied to 25 schools today so we’ll see what my options are. It looks like I’ll have my choice 😍
(DIR) Post #AOu3G7PFXS2jvT4bdg by Ember_Simone@spinster.xyz
2022-10-24T19:28:06.640562Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
Made the mistake of trying to be honest to my mom again. I always forget that she lives in a reality where I was SAed for over a year and a half living at her home then a condo that she owned. Not feeling safe to bring it up to her cuz of how she responded to other situations.I was groomed starting in middle school online so thr was other experiences for sure where I was shamed/ blamed. One time thy had a cop come threaten to tke me overnight if I kpt tlking to older guys & causing trouble. She’s decided there’s blame & it’s on me.Like when I was being groomed they acted like I was being rebellious and needed to be controlled. Not cared for in the aftermath leaving me scared then for the Andrew thing it was my fault for not being honest. Then the MSJ school it was my fault again for being rebellious.The entire time she keeps wanting to frame herself as my protector and say that she can somehow protect me moving forward. I just pushed back against that idea & she immediately wants to prove a point. Not caring if it causes a panic attack or how she’s blaming a 17 yr old me.Ddnt finish the thing we were trying to do done & now I’m feeling horrible. I was already feeling triggered by the pst cuz i had to be in a place I spent a bnch of time tht year. Trying to figure out wtf to do. I feel like I’m in the exact same spot today. Just trying to figure out what the fuck to do
(DIR) Post #AOuCH30II8si9HuzvE by Ember_Simone@spinster.xyz
2022-10-24T20:19:21.581530Z
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@Raunchel I’m so close to finally being free from this. I’m making enough money to buy car insurance and pay for my phone plan. I’m saving money and applying to law schools all over the country. I’m going to move away and finally fully be able to take of myself in a safe environment. I cannot wait and this is the first Christmas I’m planning on caring for myself first. I’m going to a friend’s house. It’s taken a long time but it feels so freeing to know I’ll be able to distance myself soon ❤️
(DIR) Post #APDMaz48IGXAo7uoBU by Ember_Simone@spinster.xyz
2022-11-03T03:39:32.918645Z
2 likes, 1 repeats
Turned 24 today 🎉
(DIR) Post #APETdoiQ7qKePf18lM by Ember_Simone@spinster.xyz
2022-11-03T15:14:41.767253Z
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@Hollahollara That’s the plan!
(DIR) Post #APEXOZ3yRDctLC56kC by Ember_Simone@spinster.xyz
2022-11-03T15:14:22.275288Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@retard Honestly, it’s felt super long to me lol. The last few years have been so crazy
(DIR) Post #APGbtC3qnTgV6xnurY by Ember_Simone@spinster.xyz
2022-11-04T16:00:19.718676Z
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@ my job and a woman & a man started discussing gender politics…. Want outta here plz
(DIR) Post #APJQ6JR0zTIxTNpK76 by Ember_Simone@spinster.xyz
2022-11-06T01:56:58.972137Z
3 likes, 0 repeats
Made a little sweater for my pittbull he’s a living furnace but gets so cold during the winter with no thick fur
(DIR) Post #APKakyVKuIOj8CptNg by Ember_Simone@spinster.xyz
2022-11-06T15:18:35.638914Z
2 likes, 0 repeats
I broke down watching this video today. I have so many expectations for myself & it is just exhausting. 1. I’m finishing my election job and I don’t want to have any break between jobs, even though that’s why I’ve been saving so much for this job. So I wouldn’t need to be concerned2. This job I’m currently knocking close to 200 doors a day or calling about as many3. Trying to escape my bad mental self image by spending hundreds of dollars on skin/ hair products & trying to work out 3 times a week4. My main job rn is supposed to be preparing for law school & applying to law schools which is so overwhelming. I still think I’m not a smart worthwhile person and am surprised that schools want me/ think I need to be doing all these extra stuff. 5. Like becoming a black belt in Lean six sigma to show I understand how processes and improving processes work6. When I do rest I feel like I need to be doing a productive hobby so I’m learning 4 languages on Doulingo & trying to crochet & stuff7. That leaves household stuff which I already have a complex about from my intense childhood & is made worse by all the expectations I put on myself & the self talk that leads to.I’ve been waking up in cold sweats, unable to sleep, feeling the need to be productive @ all hours of the night. I feel low key like I’m going to explode sometimes but I’m doing so well. I’m sober & I feel like I have no reason to feel so wound up. I mean my life is in the best place it has been in a while. I’m no longer dealing with trauma on the daily & im successful.. uggghhhhttps://youtu.be/pRIM5ibxdK8
(DIR) Post #APKcvJQiA4e0pnjJ1k by Ember_Simone@spinster.xyz
2022-11-06T15:40:01.928166Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@Hollahollara That’s some good advice for sure. I’ve been trying to get back into therapy but that’s been hard. Especially because how rare women, trauma informed therapists are around me & the cost of therapy. I’m trying to get back into the family services sliding scale but they haven’t been responsive.
(DIR) Post #APKjOFUQUNnwjmeGyO by Ember_Simone@spinster.xyz
2022-11-06T16:27:32.155951Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@Hollahollara Yeah, it was a service I used to use but my therapist changed locations. I didn’t mess with my new therapist & last fall/ winter was definitely peak dark before dawn. Now I just feel the need to be fully in control & on top of things to make sure I don’t go back. Since trying to go back it’s been call back at the start of the period to see if we have space. Towards the end of the month.
(DIR) Post #APVV3pblG1dFKbo9UO by Ember_Simone@spinster.xyz
2022-11-11T21:10:39.261358Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
Since I graduated with honors from university and started getting full ride offers to law schools, the people in my life have stopped condescending me as much. However, it’s been replaced with thinly veiled contempt/ expecting me to continuously soothe their ego. Saying that they believe I think they are dumb and flipping out when I disagree with them. Especially men. My friend who I met in a pre- law program but also dropped out at the same time I did & hasn’t been able to go back to school. Today he just was getting upset and not listening to me. He then insisted that I had zero obstacles to going to law school while he is uniquely struggling. I just feel like I’ve been hearing this a lot & it’s absolutely crazy. I’m a second generation undergrad student with a lot of family violence & anti education vibes. I grew up in an abusive household & am still dealing with the aftermath of that. I spent over a year being sexually assaulted by my sister’s boyfriend between my senior & freshman year of college. Developed a addiction to drugs & alcohol. Dropped out of that school and lives back w/ my abusive parents. Then went to a different school and spiraled full out of control especially after being assisted by his cousin & trying to kill myself. I have been living within survival, trauma brain for at least 22-23 years of my 24. Last winter got so dark. It is so recently that I have been starting to feel smart, capable, worthwhile. And it’s come after becoming sober, accomplishing my goals, and putting boundaries up in toxic relationships. I blocked this ex friend for that reason. It’s just ridiculous to say I haven’t faced obstacles because my parents have money and helped me with specifically school. They had no problem trying to use that money and gaslight me into being around my sister who defends my rapist and refusing to stand up for me. I’m so tired. And I’ve been so isolated that part of me is blaming myself through these interactions. I’m just so tired and I just wanted so bad to be congratulated and supported by friends/ family. It feels like the more acceptances and scholarships I get the more people are threatened by me. It shows that none of my relationships were about support but control. Just like my parents. My mom liked the idea that I was going to struggle & was going to need financially/ comfort support. But as soon as I tried to put in boundaries & said “hey don’t blame me for my trauma or talk about my rape denier all the time” + I don’t need financial support & I can distance myself. She’s not about it anymore
(DIR) Post #APVVpMQJ4KWciU77HU by Ember_Simone@spinster.xyz
2022-11-11T21:57:29.011148Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@GrumpyOldNurse Thank you 😊 that’s some wise words. I think it may be easier in the future, I used to want to be saved so I could see how I could attract those trying to save me. I no longer want any of that
(DIR) Post #APZCDzG76rFJf6eR9c by Ember_Simone@spinster.xyz
2022-11-13T12:05:16.339012Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@RockTheBoat @Tiggy The pinned comment about not assuming gender also… like the conversation is literally about vaginal health. One maybe able to assume it’s women’s health they are referring to, because men do not have vaginas.
(DIR) Post #APdI6lLZoOxIqSz6R6 by Ember_Simone@spinster.xyz
2022-11-15T15:56:39.514722Z
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I deleted my other social media & I am going to delete this one as well. I can give out my email or number if anyone wants to personally message me. It’s not a healthy outlet for me
(DIR) Post #APdfKFhkYII9hxl0j2 by Ember_Simone@spinster.xyz
2022-11-15T20:20:53.448478Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@Gnomeshatecheese Yeah, I just noticed how draining my social medias have been w/ this Twitter stuff going wide. I’m volunteering with this organization that focuses women & Im hoping to gain positive community there. But I’m now more in favor or like discord or enclosed platforms more than social media