Post APKjOFUQUNnwjmeGyO by Ember_Simone@spinster.xyz
(DIR) More posts by Ember_Simone@spinster.xyz
(DIR) Post #APKakyVKuIOj8CptNg by Ember_Simone@spinster.xyz
2022-11-06T15:18:35.638914Z
2 likes, 0 repeats
I broke down watching this video today. I have so many expectations for myself & it is just exhausting. 1. I’m finishing my election job and I don’t want to have any break between jobs, even though that’s why I’ve been saving so much for this job. So I wouldn’t need to be concerned2. This job I’m currently knocking close to 200 doors a day or calling about as many3. Trying to escape my bad mental self image by spending hundreds of dollars on skin/ hair products & trying to work out 3 times a week4. My main job rn is supposed to be preparing for law school & applying to law schools which is so overwhelming. I still think I’m not a smart worthwhile person and am surprised that schools want me/ think I need to be doing all these extra stuff. 5. Like becoming a black belt in Lean six sigma to show I understand how processes and improving processes work6. When I do rest I feel like I need to be doing a productive hobby so I’m learning 4 languages on Doulingo & trying to crochet & stuff7. That leaves household stuff which I already have a complex about from my intense childhood & is made worse by all the expectations I put on myself & the self talk that leads to.I’ve been waking up in cold sweats, unable to sleep, feeling the need to be productive @ all hours of the night. I feel low key like I’m going to explode sometimes but I’m doing so well. I’m sober & I feel like I have no reason to feel so wound up. I mean my life is in the best place it has been in a while. I’m no longer dealing with trauma on the daily & im successful.. uggghhhhttps://youtu.be/pRIM5ibxdK8
(DIR) Post #APKb0AVEa02Igg270K by ArtistBristol@spinster.xyz
2022-11-06T15:34:07.925868Z
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@Ember_Simone A paid election job? Wow.Is that for a political party, or for the local council, telling people how to vote?If it's for a Party, I'm amazed. I spent 30 years door to door canvassing, purely voluntary, we were lucky if our candidates bought us a pint in the pub afterwards!
(DIR) Post #APKb7ExkOd60Xwk4G0 by Hollahollara@spinster.xyz
2022-11-06T15:35:23.681314Z
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@Ember_Simone A therapist could give you small assignments (or you could look it up) about how to let yourself do nothing or rest for a few minutes at a time, where you quiet your thoughts. For you to succeed in such a demanding season, you will need moments of restoration.
(DIR) Post #APKcvJQiA4e0pnjJ1k by Ember_Simone@spinster.xyz
2022-11-06T15:40:01.928166Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@Hollahollara That’s some good advice for sure. I’ve been trying to get back into therapy but that’s been hard. Especially because how rare women, trauma informed therapists are around me & the cost of therapy. I’m trying to get back into the family services sliding scale but they haven’t been responsive.
(DIR) Post #APKe9f42cdN1wNX2w4 by Hollahollara@spinster.xyz
2022-11-06T16:09:27.378854Z
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@Ember_Simone I have heard that the sliding scale services have lengthy wait lists for the last few years.
(DIR) Post #APKjOFUQUNnwjmeGyO by Ember_Simone@spinster.xyz
2022-11-06T16:27:32.155951Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@Hollahollara Yeah, it was a service I used to use but my therapist changed locations. I didn’t mess with my new therapist & last fall/ winter was definitely peak dark before dawn. Now I just feel the need to be fully in control & on top of things to make sure I don’t go back. Since trying to go back it’s been call back at the start of the period to see if we have space. Towards the end of the month.