Posts by Cryol@outerheaven.club
(DIR) Post #AIJVQSU8p38hhutRcu by Cryol@outerheaven.club
2022-04-10T06:00:17.963525Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
god i just want to be special again
(DIR) Post #AIJVQilOIgRcC35Rjc by Cryol@outerheaven.club
2022-04-10T06:01:36.295538Z
1 likes, 1 repeats
i want to sleep and wake up in a time where nobody remembers who i am and nobody has any expectations of me
(DIR) Post #AIJVQkrUUyVohXxLWK by Cryol@outerheaven.club
2022-04-10T06:01:54.266340Z
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hopefully by then i won't have any expectations for me either
(DIR) Post #AIJVQmvonrA77XzpXk by Cryol@outerheaven.club
2022-04-10T06:02:40.960585Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
this is obviously a lie. i'll never be happy with myself. i think i was 15 the last time i was happy with myself.
(DIR) Post #AIJVRR55WoLPdsdnXs by Cryol@outerheaven.club
2022-04-10T05:57:50.327451Z
1 likes, 1 repeats
i miss the wonder that the younger me had in his eyes. he used to be so curious about the world and passionate about his learning. that kid is dead now. i wish i still had him around.
(DIR) Post #AILmkbdcaZ9HQIRMK8 by Cryol@outerheaven.club
2022-04-11T20:14:24.641562Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
i want to be happy. please. i know that i'll never be happy with myself anymore but for one moment i would like to forget how much I hate myself.
(DIR) Post #AIMHvYrqKM8cavnQMy by Cryol@outerheaven.club
2022-04-12T02:00:35.295731Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
i feel miserable but i have no means of venting it and no means of truly expressing it
(DIR) Post #AIP7WH8ufqiiJcxr8K by Cryol@outerheaven.club
2022-04-13T06:52:38.397330Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
i hate the present but i'm afraid of the future.
(DIR) Post #AIP7WHiMY34o5ZYAO8 by Cryol@outerheaven.club
2022-04-13T06:56:03.008974Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
i can't remember the last time i was without worry. i miss being a kid. i never seem to find any enjoyment in anything anymore. with the exception of my s/o and my friends, i don't really enjoy anything. even then, i'm still haunted by my anxieties throughout. i often feel like a disappointment. to me and to my parents. honestly, i don't know who i've disappointed more. i hate myself so much. i wish i could go back in time and start again. then again, i'm horrible at changing. i don't know if i'd really change anything. fuck. i just want to be happy again. but at the same time, misery's bittersweetness is so addictive. maybe it's because i think that i deserve to suffer. maybe.
(DIR) Post #AIP7WIEyanAFiioDDs by Cryol@outerheaven.club
2022-04-13T06:57:10.631905Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
the fear of growing up haunts me every day. i know that i'll never be happy with myself. i've gotten to the point where even if i do make a fresh start my previous attempt will haunt me.
(DIR) Post #AIS7hdjpaVXL3OX04m by Cryol@outerheaven.club
2022-04-14T17:32:48.773294Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
i have decided that i am no longer interested in dumb nerd shit. i am now a himbo
(DIR) Post #AIhCBFqICbsSWotXs0 by Cryol@outerheaven.club
2022-04-21T22:30:26.354113Z
1 likes, 1 repeats
eternal boredom
(DIR) Post #AIhCD7wgX9uqcEmHwG by Cryol@outerheaven.club
2022-04-21T22:17:44.739961Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
i've been feeling lightheaded all day. my hands are shaky and my handwriting is messy. i'm even having a hard time typing out this message. my hands feel heavy and it feels like i have little control over my limbs. what's happening to me?
(DIR) Post #AIss9USfUqksMFxcMy by Cryol@outerheaven.club
2022-04-11T04:39:20.242642Z
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i'm a completely different person than who i was back then. but i'm not trying to say that change or growth is a bad thing. my friend told me that i've went through a whole new philosophical change. what they were referring to was my lack of desire to learn or be curious about the world around me. the passion i had once had for intellectual stimulation is gone. part of me wishes i had it back, and that same part of me still yearns for new information and topics to learn about. but as of now, it lies buried deep under many layers of self-pity.
(DIR) Post #AIss9V27N36y8CXvcm by Cryol@outerheaven.club
2022-04-11T09:22:45.020307Z
0 likes, 1 repeats
i feel like i should elaborate on this. what i mean is that my "lack of passion" is more of a flat out rejection of my prior curiousity. i feel annoyed when i have to learn or think critically. i find it genuinely aggravating. while before i would feel solemn when thinking about my previous interests, i now feel contempt and annoyance when i think about them. it makes me... angry? i hate thinking about it. something about those topics piss me off so much.
(DIR) Post #AIss9ZinwHdKfkY4iO by Cryol@outerheaven.club
2022-04-11T09:25:04.725931Z
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this is how i know that i'll be miserable forever. these prior passions were once my everything. i don't have anything else i enjoy(ed). all i do now is mindlessly partake in mass media consumption in an attempt to give myself a non-invasive lobotomy. god i hate thinking so fucking much.
(DIR) Post #AJHO42Mnz0BdnNZzyC by Cryol@outerheaven.club
2022-05-09T09:28:27.864410Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
it feels so nice having somebody that doesn't expect anything from me. all they ask is that i love them. it's so refreshing and relieving that sometimes i cry from how nice it feels.
(DIR) Post #AJn67vDUvajIf4e9CK by Cryol@outerheaven.club
2022-05-24T17:59:57.560909Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
i have no ambition in life
(DIR) Post #AJwxyvfARgCsca0AaW by Cryol@outerheaven.club
2022-05-29T12:43:06.422775Z
1 likes, 1 repeats
when i think about it, I don't think I really ever had any ambition in life. almost everything i've done or said that could be considered "ambitious" were said to impress people or make someone proud.
(DIR) Post #ALOZsuS0QgsZ8F67cm by Cryol@outerheaven.club
2022-07-11T22:11:10.552475Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
it's been a while since i've last checked up on this placehow is fedi doing today?