Post B2ZpGd9158zOa4F0Pg by gbargoud@masto.nyc
(DIR) More posts by gbargoud@masto.nyc
(DIR) Post #B2ZfhA980P8KvCJ2f2 by futurebird@sauropods.win
2026-01-23T10:59:14Z
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Take a look at "Life, take two!" At first I thought she was exaggerating. She talks about how her pastor discouraged her from going to college (!) from doing anything that might lead to financial independence. She listened to that bad advice, found herself trapped. Then she got out. She has little positive to say about marriage. The idea of discouraging someone from going to college was so alien at first I didn't believe her. But I think this is really happening. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v6yWcZ92eE4
(DIR) Post #B2ZgFpJjRHVuSOnM2q by roknrol@beige.party
2026-01-23T11:05:28Z
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@futurebird It absolutely happens. A lot. I went to high school with a few kids raised like this. One friend, last I'd heard, was grocery shopping for her parents, cleaning the house, and raising her baby brother. At 35. All because she hadn't 'found a man', to do all the same shit for.
(DIR) Post #B2Zgf9MA4SK7qa0Sno by futurebird@sauropods.win
2026-01-23T11:10:07Z
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Being a homemaker is incredibly important work. There is nothing wrong with being woman who thinks "what matters most to me is that I can be a good mother" that's kind of amazing. The first thing that you need to make that dream a reality is independence and your OWN financial stability. Anyone who tells you that, you can't do that unless "trust in a man to provide for you" is trying to lead you into a very pretty little cage. And no, we of the left, will not hate you for your dream.
(DIR) Post #B2Zgt2zGY4C89BvLn6 by futurebird@sauropods.win
2026-01-23T11:12:38Z
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Women:* Own property* Have bank accounts* Have the education and skills to take care of yourself. These are hard things for people of all genders to do "in this economy" it's a big fat lie that "leaving it to the man" is anything like a solution. If you really love him you might need to take care of him too, and yourself and the kids. Amass the knowledge and power to protect everything and everyone you love. That is how you "make the home."
(DIR) Post #B2ZhU50O0ZKl7Y6fIm by futurebird@sauropods.win
2026-01-23T11:19:19Z
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These things can be easier and better when you aren't alone. That's what a marriage can be. Two people with shared values who are happier and stronger together than alone. There are a lot of social templates that cast women into one role and men into another. These roles are not equal and the role as cast for men has more freedoms, although both are constricted.Have there been women who were happy homemakers untroubled by the world? Yes. There have also been women exploited by that dream.
(DIR) Post #B2ZhaAgbnc7ATflCxE by artemis@dice.camp
2026-01-23T11:20:22Z
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@futurebird I've been watching Jenny's videos lately. She has a lot of insight into cultural aspects of MAGA that can be inscrutable to outsiders.Women in my community were also discouraged to go to college. A waste of years that could be spent making babies.
(DIR) Post #B2ZhghrFNgGh5wqvGS by futurebird@sauropods.win
2026-01-23T11:21:36Z
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There is nothing wrong with using the template if it works for the life you want to create. But, be aware that you are using a template, you can toss it aside if it doesn't fit. And try not to close doors in your life, such as education, that might make such a change possible. Of course this is easy to say. Harder to Do.
(DIR) Post #B2ZhvQRyNtXXRx387s by futurebird@sauropods.win
2026-01-23T11:24:15Z
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@bri7 I totally agree. Women having the freedom to do what they want changes everything and there are some people who really really really don't like all of the status, free labor, and opportunities to exploit that become harder when this happens. They want everyone put back in our little boxes. And there is a lot of propaganda to try to get young women to feel their only "value" is their youth and child bearing hips. It is nonsense.
(DIR) Post #B2ZiEDobaKrllVb9e4 by artemis@dice.camp
2026-01-23T11:23:12Z
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@futurebird Okay, also, as someone who grew up in right-wing fundamentalism... You are genuine when you say that the idea of discouraging women from education was so foreign as to be nearly unbelievable?That's *wild* to me that that is your experience. Goes to show how insulated "insular" communities like mine really were.
(DIR) Post #B2ZiEFHM8vSUIy3d68 by futurebird@sauropods.win
2026-01-23T11:27:38Z
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@artemis It was honestly a shock to me. But my mom is a black woman who was a college professor in the 70s, her mother was a homemaker with a 6th grade education, her mother worked on a tobacco plantation and learned to read from the Bible. All of them would agree "girl, you better have your own bank account, I don't care how much you love him."I think, since black women have never been really offered the "homemaker" status the nature of the sham is a bit more obvious from over here.
(DIR) Post #B2Zicy2TNVR24jstEW by MCDuncanLab@mstdn.social
2026-01-23T11:32:05Z
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@futurebird Life happens. You might have the perfect partner and then suddenly they are gone.Happened to my grandmother. Three kids, has just quit her job and sold the house in Seattle to buy a farm, she was no farmer grandpa was. Then bammo he nearly dies from an infection and she had to scramble to unsell the house reclaim her job and support the family for a couple of years while he recovers. He later died at 65 she lived to 101, her own pension kept her comfortable until death.
(DIR) Post #B2Zip1LQufSJnrV4zo by JamesWidman@mastodon.social
2026-01-23T11:34:16Z
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@futurebird Somehow, i've managed to avoid paying attention to the output of matt walsh until now.After seeing those clips around 7 minutes in: holy shit, that man is a straight-up child predator who's trying to get large numbers of men to become child predators.
(DIR) Post #B2ZiyD5Adr8CoUH8me by futurebird@sauropods.win
2026-01-23T11:35:56Z
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@artemis My great grand mother got married at 16 for the first time. She had three husbands. They were all in their 40s and 50s. If she was not married she would have lost the little scrap of land they owned, against all odds in NC. If her children didn't have a mother who was married to their father they would face social exclusion. She understood this and worked within it. Kept the land, improved it. Raised a massive family. The template was hardened. Unhelpful. She was so brave.
(DIR) Post #B2Zj0m4dW2B9usFSWe by stevewfolds@mastodon.world
2026-01-23T11:36:25Z
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@futurebird @bri7 Not being the smartest person in the room is always beneficial regardless of one’s sexual orientation.
(DIR) Post #B2Zj2MMQ5UdMkPK2qm by artemis@dice.camp
2026-01-23T11:36:42Z
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@futurebird Ok, yes, that makes a lot of sense. It is absolutely tied to whiteness. I think in addition to financial dependence, it also keeps white women in their own communities, unaware of & frightened by the world outside. White supremacy needs white women scared & dependent so that they will serve the men & do the labor in exchange for "protection".
(DIR) Post #B2ZjH819hFtabiPzsW by futurebird@sauropods.win
2026-01-23T11:39:23Z
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@artemis My grand mother had just one husband and married at age 18. She loved him, I think. He worked in the steel mill and she packed his lunches and kept house. The template was still there. But I think she found a better place in it. She sent all five of her kids to college. Especially the girls. Especially my mom and aunt. And she sometimes resented how smart and fancy they had become, but she never doubted it was the right thing to do.She was embarrassed that she struggled to read.
(DIR) Post #B2ZjfcDj3Tv5EHyTDs by futurebird@sauropods.win
2026-01-23T11:43:49Z
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@artemis My mom? By then women could own property and have credit cards. My mom was the first through the gate to get her hands on all those things and grandma was right behind her cheering her on.My dad loves how she takes over all of the financial matters. He worked as a chemist, she became a college teacher. They still love spending all their time together. I think of my husband and how I hope we can grow old together like that. That's a good template.
(DIR) Post #B2Zk1S6nKatmEt93Oy by guyjantic@infosec.exchange
2026-01-23T11:47:45Z
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@futurebird Growing up LDS, this is something I heard a lot (probably extra because my mother and older sisters were ubiquitous while my dad was gone a lot). I won't say the LDS church has anything like gender equality or equity, but this, at least, was better messaging than I've seen in some other places. Women were (I hope still are) encouraged to pursue their own education, for the reasons you cite. It was strange and disappointing to eventually find out that some conservative subcultures actively discourage women having education and autonomy.
(DIR) Post #B2Zk32UxWKSRODCjfk by Life_is@no-pony.farm
2026-01-23T11:45:54Z
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@futurebird@sauropods.win In a company where I worked, some of my colleagues were women who worked full-time and had children. The fathers looked after the children as full-time homemakers without paid work. It seems strange to me that when it comes to dividing up full-time work and full-time homemaking, it is automatically assumed that the father has paid work. There are women who have children without feeling maternal – or only during the holidays, when they take the children with them to travel together. During my childhood and adolescence, I was told that my grandfather did not enter into another relationship after his wife died so that he could raise his children. A colleague of mine did enter into a new relationship after his wife died, but he raised his children alone. After primary school, my best friend was a child who had moved in with his father after his parents divorced. My cousin is raising his children after their mother kicked them out to have more space, time and money for her new partner.
(DIR) Post #B2Zk33Wlh5V0a73h8C by futurebird@sauropods.win
2026-01-23T11:48:00Z
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@Life_is These templates can cut men off from some of the most rewarding aspects of life and shame them for having normal human feelings. That's an argument for just not having them at all.
(DIR) Post #B2ZkEp5jC1cfHe1PKi by burnitdown@beige.party
2026-01-23T11:50:09Z
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@futurebird i wouldn't doubt it at all. the minister of my mom's church once told someone i knew from that time, who definitely had developmental and learning disabilities, was taken advantage of and had several children with someone who was very abusive almost as soon as she left home, that she was going to hell for having children out of wedlock. her parents gave her no advice on how to deal with anything like that cause they are abusive in their own ways but they were the church rock stars, a guitar and piano duet, so no one asked questions or said anything.
(DIR) Post #B2ZkGO4gbzQQ4VHRg0 by guyjantic@infosec.exchange
2026-01-23T11:50:28Z
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@futurebird Not for biblical-interpretation reasons (more just the culture), but when I taught university in south Texas I knew of many female students who had significant conflict with their families because they chose to go to college. A few had been flat-out disowned. Some implied they had endured physical abuse because of this. That's just one subculture in the US, but it has made me realize this attitude is not extremely rare.
(DIR) Post #B2ZkPOFHLVS5CwWmem by stevewfolds@mastodon.world
2026-01-23T11:52:04Z
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@futurebird Raising curious children who go on to be educated is a benefit for us all.
(DIR) Post #B2ZkTTG4eNPrufqUWO by futurebird@sauropods.win
2026-01-23T11:52:49Z
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@JamesWidman The whole "marry off the fertile young girls" thing is just that. It's just creeps who want a female servant.
(DIR) Post #B2ZlIIMOvbkKsm2XLs by futurebird@sauropods.win
2026-01-23T12:02:00Z
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@MCDuncanLab This "trad wife" stuff marketed to young women and men is based mostly on aesthetics and not practical realities like the ones you describe. A postcard image of a woman taking care of happy children. The husband working hard and paying for everything. A real partnership. Then they lie and suggest that "the left doesn't want you to have this"Young people see is the trusting relationship. The financial stability. The shared independence. We all want that, right?
(DIR) Post #B2Zlb9XpvcUd2lNfyS by futurebird@sauropods.win
2026-01-23T12:05:20Z
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@jianmin Wanting someone to be free and independent *is* loving them. It would feel hollow if I thought the only reason my husband was around was because in some sense he had no real choice. I don't think he'd enjoy being with me either if I was just... stuck. Not here because there isn't anywhere else in the world I'd rather be.And if something happens to either of us it feels good to know one of us could still make it.
(DIR) Post #B2Zm9FLsqN28ts2yq8 by futurebird@sauropods.win
2026-01-23T12:11:35Z
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@MCDuncanLab Real love is only possible when people are free. Real love is only possible when it's a free choice made by independent people. My great grandmother, married at 16 did not have much love in that marriage. At best it was hopefully polite, tolerable. I look at her eyes in the photos and I don't know if it was even that. I do not want our daughters to live that way. Not ever again.
(DIR) Post #B2ZmJvkw2cQBJGrKnQ by GinevraCat@toot.community
2026-01-23T12:13:28Z
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@futurebird @artemis That is a fantastic template!
(DIR) Post #B2Znf5p7uBNYZMTUA4 by lienrag@mastodon.tedomum.net
2026-01-23T12:28:16Z
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@futurebird Your great-grandmother was Celie Harris Johnson ????
(DIR) Post #B2Znm4KbqrFVy6WjD6 by futurebird@sauropods.win
2026-01-23T12:29:49Z
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@lienrag No. LOL. That book just has a lot of themes.
(DIR) Post #B2ZnogYMiMVh5gD08u by gbargoud@masto.nyc
2026-01-23T12:30:14Z
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@futurebird I have seen a statistic that on average millennial dads spend almost as much time with their children as boomer moms.The roles are shifting to more equal ones whether people like it and want to go with that or not.
(DIR) Post #B2Zntw0cg5DsTQveoC by GinevraCat@toot.community
2026-01-23T12:18:03Z
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@artemis @futurebird In my family (white, English, middle-class, British colonial descent in Africa), my generation was the first to finish university degrees. My dad and uncle both dropped out to work. My mom had to fight her parents to go to teacher-training college because it was 'a waste of time' to educate girls past school. Women's education being less important is still a pretty dominant idea in a lot of South African society. It's just less explicit now.(Edited grammar)
(DIR) Post #B2Zntx4YivxvlvmJaC by GinevraCat@toot.community
2026-01-23T12:23:37Z
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@artemis @futurebird Encouragingly, I was told that having a higher education fetches a higher Lobola* in modern Zulu society. A young male Zulu colleague of mine explained it to me when I asked when he and his fiancée planned to marry. He had to save up for longer, because she got her degree!*( This is the price paid by the groom to the bride's family to get permission to marry her, still expressed in head of cattle, but paid in equivalent worth, now.)
(DIR) Post #B2ZntyCkVy6xHccMzI by futurebird@sauropods.win
2026-01-23T12:31:10Z
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@GinevraCat @artemis Americans will look at this and call it "primitive" and they are doing the same things.
(DIR) Post #B2Zo2NxCfBq5SZMKEC by tayfonay@beige.party
2026-01-23T12:32:42Z
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@futurebird I’ll recommend the books “A Well Trained Wife” by Tia Levings for more insight on this, and “Uncultured” by Daniella Mestyanek Young for more on these topics.
(DIR) Post #B2ZoapLTKSpcG68Ly4 by GinevraCat@toot.community
2026-01-23T12:38:56Z
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@futurebird @artemis That's why I am so grateful to have lived in a truly multicultural society, where cultural traditions are still largely observed in the different cultures. Explicit cultural traditions are so much easier to examine, update, appreciate, follow or refute than hidden assumptions and expectations.
(DIR) Post #B2ZohW1Ha0GeLesacC by JessTheUnstill@infosec.exchange
2026-01-23T12:40:10Z
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@futurebird I could MAYBE see an argument to be made if it was a financial question - is it worth going 6 figures into debt to get a piece of paper you never use? But that's going to be very person specific based upon what their dreams and aspirations are. And it'd still be best to keep some sort of plan B around, be it a trade or a 2 year degree or something.
(DIR) Post #B2ZovV5VqBo7VqWi4u by futurebird@sauropods.win
2026-01-23T12:42:43Z
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@JessTheUnstill The question about if taking on a loan is a good idea to pay for college should be separate from the question of if it's a good idea to go or not at all. I think it's better to be debt free and have a less prestigious institution than big debt and a fancy name... but much of this depends on if you are "good at school" and other questions. And really college should be free. If we had any sense.
(DIR) Post #B2Zp0RqZJnGeuOtbuK by JessTheUnstill@infosec.exchange
2026-01-23T12:43:35Z
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@futurebird 100%
(DIR) Post #B2Zp1KogwTRjOVRO7M by estelle@mstdn.social
2026-01-23T12:43:41Z
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@futurebird it's rare to hear anyone in the states bring this up, but it's very unusual to be able to migrate freely to another country unless you have a 4 year university degree, which is probably one of the best reasons to try and obtain onethe fact that most countries settled upon this insane restriction is its own can of worms spanning all the way back to nativism but the fact remains, so i suspect anyone who discourages university for any group of people
(DIR) Post #B2Zp9nKMp68S8UI5Eu by futurebird@sauropods.win
2026-01-23T12:45:17Z
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@GinevraCat @artemis I know my mom and dad love each other because that woman would be gone in a heartbeat if she didn't. Gone to the other side of the earth never to be seen again. Heck she might leave if she got sick of me. It's sad she didn't grow up in the era of memes. "hit da bricks" is in that woman's soul.
(DIR) Post #B2ZpGd9158zOa4F0Pg by gbargoud@masto.nyc
2026-01-23T12:46:18Z
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@futurebird And here is the article: https://news.uci.edu/2016/09/28/todays-parents-spend-more-time-with-their-kids-than-moms-and-dads-did-50-years-ago/> In 1965, mothers spent a daily average of 54 minutes on child care activities, while moms in 2012 averaged almost twice that at 104 minutes per day. Fathers’ time with children nearly quadrupled – 1965 dads spent a daily average of just 16 minutes with their kids, while today’s fathers spend about 59 minutes a day caring for them.There are a couple of interesting things here, also ties in to "why aren't people having more kids?"
(DIR) Post #B2ZpHScBiRcwDJHWSm by GinevraCat@toot.community
2026-01-23T12:46:40Z
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@futurebird @artemis 💪
(DIR) Post #B2ZpK2Yr2W1uHIx7Ts by ben444@mastodon.online
2026-01-23T12:47:06Z
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@futurebird That's precisely why the "trad-wife" trend is a problem. NOT because the idea of a tightly knit family is somehow bad, or because motherhood is somehow not en vogue... It's the fact that it puts women in a very vulnerable, dependent position. That's not a problem as long as the relationship is working. But the moment the relationship stops working, you end up with women who are trapped in very vulnerable positions.
(DIR) Post #B2ZpSGQfMYVrbb2mWW by futurebird@sauropods.win
2026-01-23T12:48:37Z
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@ben444 And what kind of person would want to trap their partner? What kind of low self esteem having, sad, desperate person?Don't you want to have the admiration and respect of a free person who give it to you freely? Not a participation award of a spouse?
(DIR) Post #B2ZpaVNpeAsCImeEYC by burnoutqueen@todon.nl
2026-01-23T12:47:59Z
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@gbargoud @futurebird they're pissed that both women and men are actually loving their children instead of popping them out like a factory
(DIR) Post #B2ZpaWqwBRkUrLGzYW by futurebird@sauropods.win
2026-01-23T12:50:06Z
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@burnoutqueen @gbargoud Angry that men are "too soft" and have feelings. Angry that women choose to be mothers and don't do it out of some sense of obligation.
(DIR) Post #B2ZpbNl5TvYqwXwZIO by GinevraCat@toot.community
2026-01-23T12:50:06Z
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@futurebird Always, always, always have your own bank account! Even if you also have a joint account.
(DIR) Post #B2Zq2CTXXWeNlhWXKK by roknrol@beige.party
2026-01-23T12:55:06Z
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@futurebird You answered yourself in the question.They would prefer respect, but they'll take submission.@ben444
(DIR) Post #B2ZqGnLhF36yBRoYFM by louisffourie@c.im
2026-01-23T12:57:44Z
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@futurebird @ben444 Many kinds of persons want a trapped spouse. I grew up in a fundamentalist cult, and they certainly did that.
(DIR) Post #B2ZqIBJXcoUGnfT2pM by GoblinQuester@dice.camp
2026-01-23T12:57:59Z
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@futurebird @ben444 I think these people don't belive such things exists, they have been caught up in the individualistic propaganda to such extent that they have lost sight of the reality.
(DIR) Post #B2ZqUtKrmRlMny9EIK by mensrea@freeradical.zone
2026-01-23T13:00:14Z
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@futurebird marriage, as envisioned, is a property contact between the bride's father and husband. i.e. the father gives away the bride at the alter. why would you want your property running around doing it's own thing?
(DIR) Post #B2ZsCWHmwJbO0u4kE4 by fiend_unpleasant@mastodon.social
2026-01-23T13:19:22Z
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@futurebird Not sure if this is helpful or neurospicy understand sharing but...I used to live the queer/kinky/etm version of the Chrito-het-male wet dream. Everything was great I worked a white collar job, and taught as part of an unpaid internship at a Martial Arts school. While I encouraged my other half to go to a trade school as well as take care of their chores because everyone should have a back up plan. Then I got hurt, a TBI. Now I am the stay at home, disabled.
(DIR) Post #B2ZsbS31pkOy6p3mrI by jmcrookston@mastodon.social
2026-01-23T13:23:50Z
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@futurebirdIt is absolutely happening
(DIR) Post #B2ZuJHv6wv5tOVp7YG by paulc@mstdn.social
2026-01-23T13:43:00Z
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@futurebird As part of the dementia caregiver community I recommend to to couples that each one can do the work of the other, but especially women. I've encountered women in their 50s caring for a husband who have never walked into a bank or written a check in their life. They've have to jump into taking over finances and getting a job with no background. Bad things can happen to your spouse. This includes legal documents that some people refuse to create until they are on their death bed.
(DIR) Post #B2ZudVVy7C5TLfhkSe by paulc@mstdn.social
2026-01-23T13:46:40Z
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@futurebird Leaving aside divorce, since people promoting this view want to make divorce illegal consider:1. What if hubby gets dementia.2. What if hubby gets hit by a bus.3. What if hubby dies from aneurysm.A spouse with dementia can destroy family finances. The uninvolved spouse will have no warning that all money is gone.I know husbands who had secret bank accounts and when they died no one knew where the money was. All because women shouldn’t be involved.
(DIR) Post #B2ZuwazdyBk5qHgeSO by paulc@mstdn.social
2026-01-23T13:50:06Z
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@futurebird @MCDuncanLab It makes me wonder if the "trad wife" movement agrees with some feminists. That women really don't want to be with men so you have force them to be with men for financial reasons.
(DIR) Post #B2ZxDGTHisJn1fcxw8 by donlamb_1@mastodon.online
2026-01-23T14:15:31Z
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@futurebird @MCDuncanLab the 1970's are only possible with 90% tax brackets. right?
(DIR) Post #B2a03PjAkl5shU3MPo by Netraven@hear-me.social
2026-01-23T14:47:22Z
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@futurebird All religions essentially function as match making services for old men to be paired with young women, in order to make more babies. Before the internet had porn and before gramps had underground, homemade, raunch clubs, people just went to church. Disgusting.
(DIR) Post #B2aA1l79GYRlzb7KnQ by sarae@ecoevo.social
2026-01-23T16:39:03Z
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@futurebird @MCDuncanLab my dad said to the family group text the other day that my mom was the first woman in our family to work outside the homeI said what the hell are you talking about?! her great grandmother ran a boarding house after her husband died and three of her great aunts had jobshere are photos of them at work in the 1910s and 20shere's Aunt Helen with her boyfriend who died in WWI and so she made her own waywomen have usually worked! but now we can keep what we earn
(DIR) Post #B2aNJHIY9vKy8V8OC8 by dank@jorts.horse
2026-01-23T19:07:54Z
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@futurebird the heritage foundation is pushing this extremely hard as their next phase https://sfba.social/@DeliaChristina/115941145456564631