Post Az2eM2BIw5yPQI4aYq by KittyTantrum@poa.st
 (DIR) More posts by KittyTantrum@poa.st
 (DIR) Post #Az2eM2BIw5yPQI4aYq by KittyTantrum@poa.st
       2025-10-09T16:19:23.275344Z
       
       1 likes, 0 repeats
       
       Here's a funny thing...BFF'S husband recently felt the need to have a serious conversation about if/when we're planning to get our own place and move out.(as soon as possible if I have anything to do with it lmao)I guess us living here stresses him out and it came to a bit of a head because... I like to unplug the stupid Amazon Echo in the kitchen while I work in there. Apparently this offends some people in the house. Not for any practical reason, but because these folks have their identities and egos tied up in their electronics and gadgets and any rejection of the system is seen as disrespectful of the people who identify with it (creepy idolatry much? idk).ANYWAY.I'm not terribly put out by it. The feeling of discomfort is mutual. THEY were the ones initially hoping we'd want to live here long-term, and we were never going to be down for that.The funny thing is how quickly/easily he decided it was time to start talking about a timeline for moving out, compared to when BFF's brother (my ex) and his girlfriend were living with them.They put up with them for a LONG time. Even though their list of complaints were endless. Didn't pay their rent, ate all their food/didn't buy their own groceries, completely trashed the room they were staying in (unruly dog tore things up and used the carpet as a toilet, etc.), left huge messes, ruined other people's things, were rude and confrontational, disrespectful of their faith, openly judgmental about how they live and raise their kids, etc.It just goes to show that, generally speaking, people aren't more inclined to subject themselves to what is more tolerable. They put up with my ex for a long time because he was aggressive, whiny, and demanding of endless accommodation. He contributed basically nothing, but had them walking on eggshells and afraid to ask him to leave.They also had her younger brother and his wife living with them for a while and had similar complaints (albeit to a lesser degree) and were similarly hesitant to bring up having them move out. In both cases BFF regularly complained to me "I just want them gone but I don't know what to do."They INVITED us to live here (brought it up and practically begged us to consider moving here and living with them every time I visited for years) because having us around actually contributing to the household in various ways was so much more pleasant than her brothers who "needed" a place to stay and then brazenly took advantage.It's weird to me, but it seems to be how most people operate. The average person with the average disposition will take hell from someone who is basically using them because they're afraid of the confrontation/discomfort required to get out of the situation.It's much easier to cut ties or terminate arrangements with people who are generally agreeable, respectful, and pull their own weight.And so people spend the greater portion of their lives in various arrangements where they are tolerating disrespectful people who take and take and take from them without giving back.And far less of their lives in cooperative arrangements with folks who are objectively beneficial to have around, because it's so EASY to show them the door at the first sign of minor discomfort.They don't keep the people around who are better for them. They keep the people around who are demanding and volatile and impose on them and make them feel like they have no choice.What an absolutely crazy way to live. Completely backwards. But I've seen the pattern repeated over and over with so many people in so many different contexts. Housemates, relationships, employees, etc.Fear is a costly way to live.
       
 (DIR) Post #Az2eNZQ8q3HynokHNQ by KittyTantrum@poa.st
       2025-10-09T16:35:11.546642Z
       
       1 likes, 0 repeats
       
       This was all underscored by the fact that my BFF came and talked to me before her husband brought it up, and she actually started CRYING because she likes having us here and doesn't want us to have to move out, but has to respect her husband's decision.And then I had to gently point out to her that this is fine because we were never going to stay long term anyway, and that made her sad, too.I feel bad for her. Her husband could have put his foot down at any time while they were actually being taken advantage of. But his action/inaction is all centered around his own weakness. D: