Post ArsGkVF8JzZxkhmUO8 by stveje@mstdn.social
(DIR) More posts by stveje@mstdn.social
(DIR) Post #ArqYiQXaFAi3RoeQYS by futurebird@sauropods.win
2025-03-08T13:58:03Z
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#stardewvalley is ****judging**** me with this quest."Everyone will like you a little more"What exactly are you implying with this!?
(DIR) Post #ArqYq6KFHqs54I4Uqm by futurebird@sauropods.win
2025-03-08T13:59:26Z
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I really enjoy using this game as an ignoring everyone simulator and so I'm horrified that the well-meaning suggestions of my friends IRL have been inserted into the game too. I have talked to no one except to complete quests for a year and so the game is like "the NEW quest is talking to people!"this is pure evil.
(DIR) Post #ArqYwfB6cQOOtnvRbs by futurebird@sauropods.win
2025-03-08T14:00:37Z
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Honestly, Emily this is NOT how you spread peace and goodwill. And if you think it is why don't you do this yourself. Why can't you be happy with me killing some slimes or something?
(DIR) Post #ArqZMQ3tRYX5XtpjaS by richpuchalsky@mastodon.social
2025-03-08T14:05:11Z
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@futurebird Half of anime these days is "will no one pity the poor slimes". You should just be glad that there isn't PETS organization getting on your case.
(DIR) Post #ArqaBTpVC6Ce05Rwhs by DrinkFromTheCup@mastodon.social
2025-03-08T14:05:35Z
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@wakame @futurebird , yes, I do talk to Krobus too.On Fridays.We are Silent Duo for life!
(DIR) Post #ArqaBVOzLeBOsR3neq by futurebird@sauropods.win
2025-03-08T14:14:23Z
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@DrinkFromTheCup @wakame Kroubus is the best. I'm now thinking about how being able to choose NOT to do something can be an important part of the fun of a game. Could one design a game that really leans in to the joy of being introverted?I think this is one of the fun things about stardew. It's a dating sim... but you can just ignore all of that and NOT do it. Delightful!
(DIR) Post #ArqaZU5Du2vDjkFVnU by futurebird@sauropods.win
2025-03-08T14:18:49Z
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@clarfonthey It can seem transactional, yes. But, making a real quest for yourself to say hello to everyone at an event (by name!) works. You don't even need to have anything interesting to say beyond just knowing everyone's name. If someone is talking too me too much I just start up on ants and either they are excited about ants too... or they go away. But just saying hello is a big deal to most people more than they think. Wish someone told me this when I was younger.
(DIR) Post #ArqaxLyfgv4TY0ZB3o by futurebird@sauropods.win
2025-03-08T14:23:09Z
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@clarfonthey If someone is pressuring you to go to a social event and you hate the idea of it sometimes it can help to ask them "who will be there?" and have them go through all of the people and help you learn who they are beforehand. (or at least a good handful depending on the size of the event)Then you can show up and do the greeting quest until you find someone who will talk with you about something you actually want to talk about.
(DIR) Post #ArqbS7bx9gbBy4byXw by futurebird@sauropods.win
2025-03-08T14:28:42Z
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@clarfonthey I took me too long to realize that the terror and preemptive exhaustion I'd feel when my mom wanted me to go to some event was mostly down to HER not doing a great job telling me who anyone was. Now I just say "sure I'll go! But who will be there?" and have her take out her phone and SHOW me who all the people are. I didn't realize that my mom (and many people tbh) think that if THEY know who someone is you do too. This makes everyone much happier.
(DIR) Post #ArqbgPrW5xUgcuhuoS by futurebird@sauropods.win
2025-03-08T14:31:17Z
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@wakame @DrinkFromTheCup Except you can't give them money. You have to remember the thing that they like. Which means thinking about them and what they care about for half a second.
(DIR) Post #ArqbrAv7zLhbTGWiXo by futurebird@sauropods.win
2025-03-08T14:33:14Z
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@clarfonthey I think some people may pick up this kind of information "organically" but I am not one of them. And I'm not going to feel bad because I don't know things no one has told me. (granted if I paid more careful attention when people talk about what other people are doing I might not be so far behind. But this is much simpler. )
(DIR) Post #Arqc0zTtNGm0t9T48u by Katma@mstdn.social
2025-03-08T14:34:57Z
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@futurebird @clarfonthey When I was first playing, I tried SV friendship “principles” at work. I didn’t know birthday’s so that was first. I’m terrible with names so I started a Doc to keep track of partners, kids, pets, etc., that colleagues mentioned so I could ask about themIt’s embarrassing how well it worked. It was so easy and good. I was raised by wolves so that’s part of it, but I feel that we’re missing something in society in general about connection and care
(DIR) Post #Arqc1uG2HSYeygQIxU by toni@zug.network
2025-03-08T14:35:00Z
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@futurebird @clarfonthey My parents still do that with me. “Mr. Soandso died, we were at his funeral. You know him, right?”Like, sure, I’ve heard you say the name Soandso a few times during my childhood in the small village. I never knew how they looked or what they did.
(DIR) Post #ArqcQIOqAm0MnqAgbI by futurebird@sauropods.win
2025-03-08T14:39:34Z
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@wakame @DrinkFromTheCup The problem with the kind of dude who thinks "give woman $$gift five times: she must like me now" is mostly down to entitlement... but, also they don't bother to find out what the correct gift is. It's not the value. It's taking the time to learn a about the other *person* who *is* a person, not a vending machine.If these dudes gave better gifts their plan might work. (and in the course of executing the plan they might make a human connection which is the point)
(DIR) Post #ArqcaXuLMvVhnQnJMe by futurebird@sauropods.win
2025-03-08T14:41:26Z
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@wakame @DrinkFromTheCup I tended to err in the opposite direction of such dudes. I thought that doing things like working to learn names or making an effort to say something to everyone was "artificial" (it is) but therefore bad and fake and that I should be able to make friends and get to know people ... somehow... without doing any of these things.This can work but it takes a long time, and you miss so many people that way.
(DIR) Post #ArqdMxwFtEm8QgmE7s by futurebird@sauropods.win
2025-03-08T14:50:12Z
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@wakame @DrinkFromTheCup Please do not beat yourself up about being "bad at socializing" while at the same time rejecting every basic thing that might make it less stressful. I think it's fine to decide that you just don't like talking to people and avoid it. But, there is no need to view yourself as deficient and not good at being human with other humans when you deliberately play on hard mode in social interactions in an effort to be "authentic."
(DIR) Post #ArqdSteEkt1OrNB28G by futurebird@sauropods.win
2025-03-08T14:51:16Z
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@wakame @DrinkFromTheCup I used to feel so bad that I didn't know who someone was, so stressed out that they would hate me, and everyone would hate me for not knowing what to say or do. But, **also** forbid myself from ever asking for help. Because that also somehow meant I was "bad at" being social. (which I am, I do think some people find this effortless and they are freaks) nah. Just ask for help.
(DIR) Post #ArqestGosk9LAiBN7A by futurebird@sauropods.win
2025-03-08T15:07:10Z
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@wakame @DrinkFromTheCup I remember having a very intense argument with a guy 'friend' in college about this topic. He was convinced from the "expert dating advice" that 'females' care about the *value* of gifts specifically and all my efforts to convince him that he'd do better if he spent more time finding the exact right gift (or thing to do, or even joke) were just some kind of propaganda put out by women to IDK conceal how things really work I guess?Wonder how things worked out for him?
(DIR) Post #ArqfZr0dAG6Obx63jk by futurebird@sauropods.win
2025-03-08T15:14:56Z
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@wakame @DrinkFromTheCup Problem is, there are women (people of every gender) who care about the value of gifts, who look at relationships in that transactional way and through no other perspectives. I couldn't convince this guy he was embarking on a life where these would be the only kind of women he'd meet.But, then, he *was* also the guy who said my advice about women didn't count because I was "basically a man because you know too much math"CMU was kind of a toxic place looking back.
(DIR) Post #ArqgvWJ4ursojEcX7w by futurebird@sauropods.win
2025-03-08T15:29:58Z
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@wakame @DrinkFromTheCup I was curious so I checked... and it seems he's still single and grumpy. Which would be fine except all he ever talked about was "finding a good wife" ... IDK. what do we do to boys to make them this way? I think they correctly perceive they have been given a set of rules where happiness is impossible.
(DIR) Post #Arqh1YhouRtluH4ZcG by DrinkFromTheCup@mastodon.social
2025-03-08T15:31:06Z
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@futurebird @wakame , from my experience, sometimes people nosedive so badly so they don't even get the idea of asking for help. And it happens way more often than we think.A healthy group will propose assistance eventually, as it's a matter of group's well-being.Generally that's why I'm obsessively listening to some of my coworkers' rants and bringing coffee to them.Some of them need attention.And won't ask for help.And I need them all in good shape, desperately.(like Emily does :) )
(DIR) Post #ArqhI4bA6L11S9piPA by bibi@bolha.one
2025-03-08T15:34:02Z
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@futurebird I play with mods that add 2 villages. There's no way I'm gonna say 'hi' to everyone xD
(DIR) Post #ArqhVQ2NhdB3i3vd9E by DrinkFromTheCup@mastodon.social
2025-03-08T15:36:30Z
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@futurebird @wakame > IDK. what do we do to boys to make them this way?Can't vouch for whomever you're talking about.For me specifically it took exactly one incident, instigated by girls from my college class, which could leave my life completely devastated.I'm eager to avoid such incidents at all costs now.From lady's point of view that incident was a silly shenanigan.For boy's point of view, it could end up with being convicted for a very inappropriate crime
(DIR) Post #ArqhdlZDXXdSncGebg by DrinkFromTheCup@mastodon.social
2025-03-08T15:38:02Z
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@futurebird @wakame The result is relatively the same with that person.I've just learned to not make it everyone's problem after 18 years of working with people...
(DIR) Post #ArqhtuH4vwu2RETno8 by StumpyTheMutt@social.linux.pizza
2025-03-08T15:40:50Z
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@futurebird @wakame @DrinkFromTheCup For a while I was madly in love with a woman who had worked as a mechanic and saved up to go to college. She thought my affection was cute, almost puppy like. She was right, but still...
(DIR) Post #Arqhzrmj6QTISF7mro by DrinkFromTheCup@mastodon.social
2025-03-08T15:41:59Z
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@futurebird @wakame , besides.> But, there is no need to view yourself as deficient and not good at being human with other humans when you deliberately play on hard mode in social interactions in an effort to be "authentic."Not talking to anyone is easy in Year 2025.Now, not accepting (nor giving gifts) "because gift is debt and I don't make debts" - that's something that might be viewed as a moral abomination. . .
(DIR) Post #Arqi3CyalnxV2zGgbI by BashStKid@mastodon.online
2025-03-08T15:42:36Z
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@futurebird @wakame @DrinkFromTheCup Wow. 😮
(DIR) Post #Arqiis5eoXNqQtRIiu by DrinkFromTheCup@mastodon.social
2025-03-08T15:50:10Z
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(DIR) Post #ArqjHgIide4s0K9Cgi by knowattitude@m.ai6yr.org
2025-03-08T15:56:27Z
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@futurebird @wakame @DrinkFromTheCup Apropos of this thread, the book "Platonic" by Marisa G. Franco was illuminating, for me.
(DIR) Post #Arqt9pxPqqdjB656oq by jessamyn@glammr.us
2025-03-08T17:47:02Z
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@futurebird I very much relate to this. When I worked the polls on voting day this past Tuesday, I found that people really liked it when I greeted by name (if I remembered their names) or some little bit about their lies "Oh when's the baby due?" It doesn't take much but I think it lifts everyone's spirits just a teeny amount.
(DIR) Post #ArqxkGozqdJUjmltY0 by Peter_Panther@mastodon.social
2025-03-08T18:38:29Z
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@futurebirdWow... incredible.@wakame @DrinkFromTheCup @futurebird
(DIR) Post #ArsGkVF8JzZxkhmUO8 by stveje@mstdn.social
2025-03-09T09:46:06Z
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@futurebird Have you played The Longing? It's basically a game where you play "Krobus" and have to spend ages being alone. It's played in "real time", and iirc you can essentially just leave your little shadow person sitting there in the dark for a year, or you can explore caves and read books and otherwise pass the time.
(DIR) Post #ArsI43WJCjVLW6hb6m by KatS@chaosfem.tw
2025-03-09T10:00:50Z
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@futurebird @wakame @DrinkFromTheCup I think you're right about boys being set up with an impossible set of rules.Those rules include never actually listening to women, and (certainly Western) society isn't big on mentally equipping its subjects to deconstruct it (i.e. see through its bullshit).So they're given a set of goals, plus an incomplete and largely wrong mental model... it's like we've been set up to perpetuate a completely unnecessary "war between the sexes."
(DIR) Post #ArsIermrn2fpqI02jo by faassen@fosstodon.org
2025-03-09T10:07:31Z
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@futurebird@wakame @DrinkFromTheCupOh god what a females type of dude
(DIR) Post #ArsOPiP6zexa7e2yvo by reginaldodr@ursal.zone
2025-03-09T11:12:00Z
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@futurebird So, knowing to much math make you think like men? What a curse!
(DIR) Post #ArsOWz7JFnhDz2BdIW by reginaldodr@ursal.zone
2025-03-09T11:13:20Z
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@futurebird @wakame @DrinkFromTheCupSo, knowing to much math makes you think like men? What a curse!
(DIR) Post #Arss2LynCMemXRVrIu by futurebird@sauropods.win
2025-03-09T16:43:55Z
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@reginaldodr @wakame @DrinkFromTheCup Looking back I think he was trying to get me angry, but I was just baffled by his arguments and desperately trying to make sense of anything he was even saying. Now that I know a bit more about the "outlook" he was falling into I don't think I would bother letting the conversation continue as long as it did.
(DIR) Post #ArwaBNQu8uvN6reequ by Catawu@mastodon.social
2025-03-11T10:50:45Z
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@futurebird @wakame @DrinkFromTheCup I dunno but I bet he has a string of exes with mementos he gave them, while all he has is a bitter aftertaste that women are all evil.
(DIR) Post #ArwqLRDEXnMKzh504W by svenja@mstdn.games
2025-03-11T14:43:48Z
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@futurebird Never had this Quest, is it from a Mod?
(DIR) Post #ArwtpzNOO6ynV95gu0 by futurebird@sauropods.win
2025-03-11T15:22:59Z
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@svenja No it’s vanilla!