Post Ajkf1Gm470Gs1iUnbM by Hellybootwader@mastodon.scot
(DIR) More posts by Hellybootwader@mastodon.scot
(DIR) Post #AjkdDPikTVxjLAbj72 by futurebird@sauropods.win
2024-07-09T10:23:19Z
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Should I have a kid or write my fiction books?
(DIR) Post #AjkdT944AbLIJd51Ci by justafrog@mstdn.social
2024-07-09T10:26:10Z
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@futurebird Pica is already baby.And then there's all the ant eggs.Clearly, you don't need more baby.
(DIR) Post #AjkdUhSrl0DnILQBBg by futurebird@sauropods.win
2024-07-09T10:26:29Z
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"You can do both!"Maybe. That's not the point of the question. I always end up thinking about this after visiting my family who are all so sad that we are "dying out" -- You know I'm sad too. But maybe my brother could have a second kid. Or my parents could adopt a teen. I can't get that mad at them since I'm very much in favor of other people I'm related to having lots of kids. But I know how I focus on whatever I'm doing. If we have a kid I will focus on them for 20 years relentlessly.
(DIR) Post #AjkdqfZLU8gHmqvaNc by Hellybootwader@mastodon.scot
2024-07-09T10:30:28Z
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@futurebird would you be more upset looking back and not having done the other option?
(DIR) Post #AjkdvA7fpTK5hp7vU0 by BubblegumYeti@mastodon.social
2024-07-09T10:31:14Z
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@futurebird Have a kid, then write a book.
(DIR) Post #AjkdyvGwz6Bio4G7n6 by futurebird@sauropods.win
2024-07-09T10:31:58Z
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@Hellybootwader I don't know. I think no matter what you do there are always regrets.
(DIR) Post #Ajke4b8GmGOe54uA88 by Uair@autistics.life
2024-07-09T10:32:51Z
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@futurebird If you can not write, don't.
(DIR) Post #AjkeDcJFloKYL1LKMK by Wharrrrrrgarbl@an.errant.cloud
2024-07-09T10:34:35Z
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@futurebird I don't think I can vote on this, but the best sales trick I ever saw for stuff like this was when a guy told me to flip a coin, and after the result came up asked if I felt disappointed.
(DIR) Post #Ajkf1Gm470Gs1iUnbM by Hellybootwader@mastodon.scot
2024-07-09T10:43:34Z
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@futurebird true, good luck on making your choice.
(DIR) Post #Ajkf3FkCucrxPZZYHY by sofia@chaos.social
2024-07-09T10:43:57Z
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@futurebird wow, i never felt so underqualified in an intenet poll š
.from what i've seen, you seem to be the person one would like to have as a parent, and you probably have a lot good things to teach to little curiosity monsters.i feel like the prevalence of antinatalist nonsense is going to skew the results, so i "skewed it back", but obviously i'm in no place to tell you what to do with your time and body.also i'm not a big fiction reader š
.
(DIR) Post #AjkfGqESYvN0LECbKq by tshirtman@mas.to
2024-07-09T10:46:22Z
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@futurebird i'm sorry, but i'm not voting on this, it's your life, and it's a very consequential choice for you indeed.i'd say don't do the latter out of feeling an obligation, though.
(DIR) Post #AjkfOKDRTyFzMRILAW by rubinjoni@mastodon.social
2024-07-09T10:47:36Z
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@futurebird @Hellybootwader Now that I have kids in my forties, I regret not having kids in my thirties.
(DIR) Post #AjkgGCYACROxDug3Au by iDGS@mas.to
2024-07-09T10:57:23Z
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@futurebird Old joke: āGod gives you children so youāll feel sorry for your parents!ā š¤Ŗ
(DIR) Post #AjkgTEgFadyBayfuxU by chrisamaphone@hci.social
2024-07-09T10:59:48Z
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@futurebird i think if thereās some part of you that wants to raise a kid then do that. there will be a ātoo lateā point (even with adoption, you want to be around when your kids grow up) and iāve seen many people with late life regrets that they missed this window. (otoh, thereās a natural bias there bc people who regret *having* kids would be understandably loath to say it.) i found the book āall joy and no funā helpful for myself in making this decision (fwiw: no kids).
(DIR) Post #Ajkha6lXVzMN1tzR1k by zachnfine@mastodon.social
2024-07-09T11:12:06Z
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@futurebird I donāt even think Iād weigh in on this one with close friends let alone people whose internet persona and writing I appreciate but I havenāt been hanging with for decades. You might raise a cool kid, you might write a cool book. Possibly the two are unrelated or would affect each other. I vote āpresentā.
(DIR) Post #AjkiDLOz21xliV9H9c by Xanadu@glammr.us
2024-07-09T11:19:20Z
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@futurebird I am in the company of our newborn (4 weeks old). I'm very close to the new baby experience, so obviously my perspective is skewed, but it's been immediately and irrevocably life changing. I'd support that choice for anyone with the inclination.
(DIR) Post #AjkjKqCD2T4rChJPyy by paulc@mstdn.social
2024-07-09T11:31:55Z
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@futurebird I feel uncomfortable voting on this question since it is so personal. But vote I did since you asked.I think you would make a great mom and a great author.
(DIR) Post #AjkjdUZDg8MHcoy7LE by nazokiyoubinbou@urusai.social
2024-07-09T11:35:17Z
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@futurebird Why not make a kid write your fiction books?What?I'll show myself out.
(DIR) Post #AjkmqerwzEJ5CghQrw by Atticus1956@mastodon.social
2024-07-09T12:11:20Z
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@futurebird @Hellybootwader
(DIR) Post #Ajko3W4980fBcT6Ci8 by jaze@toot.io
2024-07-09T12:24:49Z
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@futurebird I misread the question as:"Should I have a kid write my fiction books?"
(DIR) Post #Ajl2hLvncu8v845J9k by ZacBelado@hachyderm.io
2024-07-09T15:08:53Z
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@futurebird why would anyone want to bring kids into this world?
(DIR) Post #Ajl2twsG6EMpBFR0ZE by bwbeach@qoto.org
2024-07-09T15:11:05Z
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@futurebird I've been thinking about your question all morning.I have three kids, aged 32 - 42. Raising them was, by far, the hardest thing I have ever done. Each was their own unique person, who needed very different things from their parents.For a long time, kids were the primary focus, which slowed down other things. I got fired from a tech startup because I wouldn't work into the night. Grad school took a long time, in between volunteering at school and cub scout meetings.Having kids was the right thing for me and for my wife. We (mostly) enjoyed the time when they were little, and love having grown kids and grandkids.I don't know how to give advice about kids, other than to look and other people's experiences, and then to make your own decision.
(DIR) Post #Ajl3Dg9ZyZuJ77wbrM by Joannanewsomsuperfan@mas.to
2024-07-09T15:14:44Z
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@futurebird Books don't suffer.
(DIR) Post #Ajl3mKl5VwDMtU0tXc by nancylwayne@mastodon.social
2024-07-09T15:20:56Z
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@futurebird I had one child in my early 30s and a second in my late 30s. I also had a very intense career as a biomedical science professor at an R1 medical school. Those were very tough years. Looking back, I would still have my kids and still pursue my career. I love both.
(DIR) Post #Ajl3qelj3fxw74NBk8 by grrrr_shark@supervolcano.angryshark.eu
2024-07-09T15:21:45Z
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@futurebird @Hellybootwader this.I chose to have the kid, whom I love. The challenges have been earth-shattering, though.I think the question isn't about regret - we all regret the idealised other path. Which probably is not about how it would have gone.It's about resource-allocation, really.
(DIR) Post #Ajl3sRVFLpjpY6W5y4 by llewelly@sauropods.win
2024-07-09T15:22:01Z
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@futurebird I don't think I should vote, bc, I want you to write books so I can read them, and that's a purely selfish motivation.
(DIR) Post #Ajl3uVSrapt4PmO01Y by maj@cosocial.ca
2024-07-09T15:22:08Z
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@futurebird Honestly, having done one (2 teens) and spent a lot of time trying the other, writing the book is easier. I say that even though I feel like I succeed with my kids (they are amazing people!) and still flailing on the book side (trying again after giving up for ~10 years). Kids absolutely demand attention. It is really hard to not spend the majority of your day on them and their needs. Books, on the other hand, almost want you to ignore and/or give up on them. #writing #parenting
(DIR) Post #Ajl4F1bhnUlBtYJ1P6 by tadbithuman@mastodon.social
2024-07-09T15:26:09Z
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@futurebird choose one and don't bemoan your choice, it'll be difficult to not look back. Significant other might be an important voice as well, and they must be willing to provide care labor so you could more than just care labor.
(DIR) Post #Ajl4Rdmjg8EZmDTsAK by futurebird@sauropods.win
2024-07-09T15:28:27Z
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@tadbithuman We are both useless and full of waffling. Though I'm starting to thing since I only worry about this after other people bring it up. "you should have kids" "oh yeah that would be nice!"But I also forget about it if no one mentions it maaaaaaybe I don't really have that much investment in it. And my husband only talks about it if I do, because someone else reminded me.Hmmm.
(DIR) Post #Ajl4deERqITOdcAVea by tadbithuman@mastodon.social
2024-07-09T15:30:02Z
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@futurebird I love my kids, but looking at the world today, sometimes I feel like what did we bring them in to.Waves at all the fascism, hate and environmental degradation around.
(DIR) Post #Ajl5KGBd7Q36VxAZ3w by robotistry@sciencemastodon.com
2024-07-09T15:38:11Z
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@futurebird I asked my dad whether it was better to have kids when you're older or younger. He said that the advantage of having kids when you're younger is that you get more time to be friends with them as adults.For me it was always a choice of now vs later rather than of whether to do it at all. It has absolutely been worth every moment to have a whole extra person in my life going out and doing their thing in the world.There will also be a time after childrearing.
(DIR) Post #Ajl5it666JwM8zKCwK by dgoldsmith@mastodon.social
2024-07-09T15:42:43Z
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@futurebird Only you can decide this. I always wanted kids and I love mine, but everyone is different. I know people who don't want kids and that's fine too. To be sure they are a lot of work.
(DIR) Post #Ajl5yuMl9SI8iDl2H2 by clarablackink@writing.exchange
2024-07-09T15:28:50Z
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@futurebird I think if you make it an either or you'll always resent the choice you make.You can write a book at any point but having kids is a limited window (because of biology not just reproductively but in terms of the energy and attention you'll have as you age).My mom stopped writing in order to work and raise me with my dad. But, I'd have been happier if she had put some time into her writing instead of worrying over me constantly.There's no perfect decision.
(DIR) Post #Ajl8ZLY1leddLeWzKK by rf@mas.to
2024-07-09T16:14:40Z
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@futurebird I would not pass on kids just *because* you want to write fiction -- life is long and more experiences can enrich the fiction. I think it is mostly about if you want kids. Wouldn't pre-emptively give up on fiction-writing-while-raising-kids though yeah ages 0-3 probably not the easiest ones for a side project
(DIR) Post #Ajl9gPmcWEbISuI6Yy by CuriousMagpie@mastodon.social
2024-07-09T16:27:08Z
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@futurebird my daughter was born in 1985 - the world she grew up in was dramatically different from the world I grew up in (60s & 70s). I apologized for the state of the world, a lot.Having children now ā¦ phew ā¦ a tough call. I donāt think I could, knowing the likely future they will face. But I am not you! We also donāt want people who will be great parents to new beings to stop having kids! Follow your gut instincts - you will know whatās best for you and your husband.
(DIR) Post #Ajl9pqca6ZAQJB5qdM by futurebird@sauropods.win
2024-07-09T16:28:51Z
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@CuriousMagpie Of all the arguments the state of the world worries me least? To be honest the sheer time is the biggest concern.
(DIR) Post #AjlATpfp31jox6fwMC by CuriousMagpie@mastodon.social
2024-07-09T16:35:36Z
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@futurebird the time investment is huge and doesnāt get shorter as they get older, itās just different - less physical and more intellectual and emotional.I donāt regret a moment - and it was the most difficult thing Iāve done.
(DIR) Post #AjlAkq1D1D76wemu1Y by slothrop@chaos.social
2024-07-09T16:39:07Z
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@futurebird If you feel like you have to ask, Iād say āwrite booksā.At the risk of being blunt: the only good reason to have kids is if you really, really want them. Nobody owes it to anyone to have kids. Thatās just toxic bullshit.
(DIR) Post #AjlBcpztJVNmW5v7my by OWOP@mastodon.world
2024-07-09T16:48:52Z
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@futurebird @CuriousMagpie TWW: It is with the eyes of a child that you will know the most that the moment can show you. The world is a child's paradise. *A child, yours or anotherās, will teach you more than you can imagine without. Grandlings will bring back your youth and show you even more, itās worth every bruise. Their love is the most powefull thing you will ever feel. OWOP
(DIR) Post #AjlBy9lkzraNv5TVIW by jayalane@mastodon.online
2024-07-09T16:52:45Z
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@futurebird also not voting as this is really a defining choice for you and your life. I doubt either way you would regret unless you have a tendency to regret. I haven't written a book but I have had two kids and two step kids and I find it hard to imagine they are comparable work commitments. Equal would more like be the 21st century Agatha Christie or have kids. I love my kids but definitely at professional price for them. Not just the time and loss of income 1/2
(DIR) Post #AjlCYlkVGZNS8YLYUy by coldfish@sfba.social
2024-07-09T16:59:22Z
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@futurebird As someone with too many kids, I "want" to say, "write books", but I do like my kids and I read fewer and fewer books every year.The real question is $$$. I could afford to write books if I rented a tiny place outside the city, but instead I got 4 kids and a job and a apt in the city.Also, I know that I'm very much a reflection of the values my parents gave me. I hope I can push those onto my kids. And, in some way, I feel that's a bit of immortality for me, and also some positive influence on a society that's seem to be floundering.My wife, on the other hand, now is so horrified with fascism, climate change, polution, etc... that she'd never have another kid and recommends to our own that they not have any. Me.... maybe one will be the one to make things better. Who knows?
(DIR) Post #AjlCueKBYDdBTtTCNM by Incognitim@mastodon.social
2024-07-09T17:02:46Z
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@futurebird I know "both" isn't an available choice, and in the end I think you'll know which one is right for you.But if "both" was an option...I'd say that š
Just think of all the great book material a kid provides! Plus- I feel like you'd never get a better ground-floor and up, intrinsic understanding of what motivates a human to do the things we do.But this is also coming from someone who's REALLY struggling to raise a hyperactive puppy with pica, so a tiny grain of salt with my vote š
(DIR) Post #AjlEtnCNGuxycdXGhk by ben@werd.social
2024-07-09T17:25:34Z
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@futurebird Yes.
(DIR) Post #AjmfGHbXhCgxGHeWOW by xilebo@norden.social
2024-07-10T09:55:35Z
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@futurebird Having grandkids motivated my father to write a children's book.I think, you can focus on your child(ren) AND write that book. But the book will be a book, that you write for your child.
(DIR) Post #AjmfGJltdgA7yyVooK by xilebo@norden.social
2024-07-10T09:55:35Z
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@futurebirdAfter having children myself, I can totally recommend that experience. I am sad for a lot of stuff, that I gave up, but it still was/is totally worth it.But it's also something, that you have to decide for yourself. If you don't feel like having a kid, don't. If you feel like having a kid, go for it. Your hormones will keep you from regretting it. And everything else will feel not that important.
(DIR) Post #AjneVQFvuGdJdp9z7I by projektionsyta@mastodon.nu
2024-07-10T21:21:56Z
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@futurebirdThat's something I refuse to have an opinion about.
(DIR) Post #AjrUch2RgbkmoDWGHI by proedie@mastodon.green
2024-07-12T17:50:02Z
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@futurebird You could have kids and then force them to write the book for you.
(DIR) Post #AjrW4OuclwLAecdYHo by futurebird@sauropods.win
2024-07-12T18:06:17Z
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@proedie Might be taking the whole ant thing a little to far, no?