Post AhtyF2Ic7my0YYkdnM by jessica@mastodon.heavymusic.rocks
 (DIR) More posts by jessica@mastodon.heavymusic.rocks
 (DIR) Post #AhtyF2Ic7my0YYkdnM by jessica@mastodon.heavymusic.rocks
       2024-04-09T02:10:51Z
       
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       The big tl;dr is pinned, but the tiny tl;drI’ve been aware of competing “voices” since at least 2012. No I’m not schizophrenic. Yes, I’ve asked repeatedly as of late. The three primary consciousnesses are mine, the woman before me, and the child before her. Obviously a lineage created from trauma and severe dissociation. Lately I had the body’s hormonal profile redone to be much more neutral in nature, thinking my happiness was the key to stability. That was wrong. (Cont’d)
       
 (DIR) Post #AhtyF3Og2jPXxeazsu by jessica@mastodon.heavymusic.rocks
       2024-04-09T02:14:35Z
       
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       The woman’s presence was always the stabilizing factor over the years I’ve been around. And I upset her greatly by choking off the estrogen/progesterone supply a few months back, which coincidentally (or not) lined up with a fuckton of instability since. I know this because the number of flashbacks specific to *her* trauma increased greatly.Tomorrow after the tardive dyskinesia mess is evaluated, I’m going to ask the doctor if he can restore the profile of 2011, the last year I had injectables
       
 (DIR) Post #AhtyF53TsVe16Uh67k by jessica@mastodon.heavymusic.rocks
       2024-04-09T02:16:46Z
       
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       My hypothesis is that the system will be much more at peace if she is at peace. What I do not know, and this is a very interesting possibility, is who takes charge of the system if such a thing is done. I’m honestly tired from the past fifteen years. I’m willing to roll the bones.