Post AT7ibiSCo3JxCX67Y8 by davidculley@sigmoid.social
(DIR) More posts by davidculley@sigmoid.social
(DIR) Post #AT7ShqN8gGSOEKczVw by nicole@pkm.social
2023-02-27T22:58:13Z
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It makes me instantly panic when people ask me where I'm from, especially if they just want a quick answer. I don't have one.It's frustrating not knowing what they're asking for, and yet not wanting to take up more of their time by asking for clarification. Birthplace? Ethnicity? Nationality? Residence? Languages? Culture? Those are different, nuanced answers.But mostly, being asked to choose just ONE part of me is really suffocating.
(DIR) Post #AT7SyZaSLCHD5vplk8 by Judeet88@home.social
2023-02-27T23:01:07Z
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@nicole I've moved around a LOT until recently, and it was difficult for me too to say specifically where I was 'from'. I used to just say, "well, at the moment it's such and such a place".
(DIR) Post #AT7Wk8AbsYxVpE76QK by moria@pkm.social
2023-02-27T23:43:20Z
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@nicole My favourite one to do is just name the department I work in — especially if it's a random social event. "I'm from Digital Learning Futures" really dissarms them
(DIR) Post #AT7XnP83NoZRFF2hns by nicole@pkm.social
2023-02-27T23:55:14Z
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@Judeet88 Even if I knew for certain that they were talking about where I'm living, I would have to answer with two countries. Which would require more explanation! 😅
(DIR) Post #AT7Xz4Sc3NbscNDpj6 by nicole@pkm.social
2023-02-27T23:57:13Z
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@moria Incidentally I'm currently kind of between departments at work too. 😅 Arrrgh.
(DIR) Post #AT7cHP7IOPIHi9FTZw by ricraftis@pkm.social
2023-02-28T00:45:28Z
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@nicole I find those types of questions often a subconcsious attempt by people to put labels on others so they know which box they belong in and what values and judgements they will apply to the box.
(DIR) Post #AT7ibiSCo3JxCX67Y8 by davidculley@sigmoid.social
2023-02-28T01:56:14Z
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@nicole People who want just the quick answer without elaboration do not care about you and are thus not worth the frustration you are causing yourself.I understand what you mean, but regular non-polyglot people almost guaranteed just mean where you were born/raised and in which country you live *now*, plus—if your ethnicity matches neither—where your parents are from.”I was born in Syria but currently live in Sweden.“”I was born in France and live in the US, but my dad is from Morocco.“
(DIR) Post #AT7nbU0yzRPkBq4ZZw by kmaustral@pkm.social
2023-02-28T02:52:19Z
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@nicole I think you can just choose that one country to start the conversation. In most cases, it comes from curiosity rather than an attempt to box someone in.
(DIR) Post #AT7oFTTkP0Oy6vb35M by BrokenAnsible@fosstodon.org
2023-02-28T02:59:36Z
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@nicole 'It's complicated' is never a bad answer.
(DIR) Post #AT8IdOHyLaHVabPQYK by Simplescribbler@tooting.ch
2023-02-28T08:39:57Z
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@nicole yep…utterly agree.
(DIR) Post #AT8MXELcnKNKpwR3w0 by nicole@pkm.social
2023-02-28T09:23:44Z
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@davidculley I get it, but for me that answer would still encompass four countries. That immediately prompts people to spend more time on me as they ask questions, which was what I was trying to avoid.
(DIR) Post #AT8Md1gGnrCXHvr7SK by nicole@pkm.social
2023-02-28T09:24:43Z
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@kmaustral Which one country, though?I understand most people don't intend it that way, but it doesn't change the fact that that is the effect on me.
(DIR) Post #AT8MhmGFYofguex0M4 by nicole@pkm.social
2023-02-28T09:25:36Z
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@BrokenAnsible I do end up doing a variation of this! But I don't always enjoy that it comes across as a bit standoffish.
(DIR) Post #AT8MpqiYsIPR3G2ftw by msemochkin@pkm.social
2023-02-28T04:15:44Z
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@ricraftis @nicole Or it's just a routine interest that occurs when you first meet someone, just as "how are you" does not mean sincere interest, so "where are you from" can literally mean nothing more than "hello".
(DIR) Post #AT8MprO2O5aP7tRnY8 by nicole@pkm.social
2023-02-28T09:26:50Z
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@msemochkin @ricraftis That's the worst part! When it's just a routine question, I need to have a single quick answer. I can't just say "Well, thanks! You?" like I can to "How are you?"
(DIR) Post #AT8O9kLmMHRb36RBOS by msemochkin@pkm.social
2023-02-28T09:41:50Z
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@nicole @ricraftis Oh... I get it! Yeah, that can be pretty annoying in a complicated case like yours.
(DIR) Post #AT8OjXzXmik9916lwu by wim_v12e@octodon.social
2023-02-28T09:48:22Z
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@nicole I totally hate that question because it's just another way to say "we've pegged you as an outsider".
(DIR) Post #AT8QBbUmS23C4df3Fg by Resting@zirk.us
2023-02-28T10:04:33Z
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@nicole I'm with you on that. If I understand you correctly, you don't want to reduce the complexity of your life too much, because it would feel dishonest to yourself? At the same time you don't want to make things difficult? How about, as a compromise, saying "The simple answer is..." and picking one place? That way you've shown there's more to it, therefore being loyal to yourself, and people can choose whether to enquire more. @msemochkin @ricraftis
(DIR) Post #AT8lN8OEaZRWJhwG7E by philoserf@pkm.social
2023-02-28T14:01:57Z
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I know. I'm from the Obsidian community, or the PKM community.@nicole @moria
(DIR) Post #AT9uKyjWc9WAX9u72u by kmaustral@pkm.social
2023-03-01T03:17:12Z
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@nicole I guess it's a common presumption that the country we grew up in had the greatest influence - in our genes, accent, habitus, etc.