Post APdKCzBTTkIvPEM2ds by taedryn@dice.camp
(DIR) More posts by taedryn@dice.camp
(DIR) Post #APcwoXJx7lRT5sh0im by taedryn@dice.camp
2022-11-14T07:04:09Z
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To give you an idea of what gender dysphoria feels like, imagine you're a gentleman and everyone knows it. Yet at the cafe, the waiter approaches you and says, "What can I get you ladies?" Maybe with a little sneer. And he keeps saying it, even if you correct him. It feels pretty crappy. And it's so easy to just use the correct pronouns, which makes everyone happy.If someone asks you to use pronouns that don't fit how you see them, making that small change will mean a lot.
(DIR) Post #APcwoZ4mb8UoXPbvM0 by taedryn@dice.camp
2022-11-14T07:09:05Z
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One of the most important things you can do is just treat everyone like a normal human being. Extend the same grace to the trans people in your life that you'd give to anyone else.Trans people are currently living in a world that actively wants us to die (if you pay attention to what politicians are doing, at least in the US and UK). A very vocal minority of people in power are actively taking away our rights. This is a stressful position to be in.
(DIR) Post #APcwoanqB68FtRhQDw by taedryn@dice.camp
2022-11-14T07:15:15Z
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It's not an excuse for anyone to be rude, but remember that we all generally have a finite amount of stress we can deal with before we start to break down in different ways. Trans folks are no different.This brings me to how to be a good ally.The #1 thing you can do is to stand up for us when we're not around. Or even when we're right there. Correct people (politely) when they get our name or pronouns wrong. A "Dude, not cool" dropped into a convo is *very* powerful.
(DIR) Post #APcwocCKzVK0DiAV2u by taedryn@dice.camp
2022-11-14T20:50:34Z
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As someone downstream pointed out, if the idea of being addressed as some gender other than what you are is appealing, chances are that you're already some flavor of trans.For many people, this is a very scary thing to hear. I get it (believe me, I get it). Find a safe, private space, and go check out the Gender Dysphoria Bible. Life can probably be better.https://genderdysphoria.fyiYou can also DM me, I think (still new to Mastodon). Took me half a century to figure out I was trans.
(DIR) Post #APcwocWtl3lhFTmv5s by taedryn@dice.camp
2022-11-14T07:19:09Z
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Telling trans people that you support them is not very useful. It's FAR more impactful to tell your cis friends that you support us. Even better, tell your representatives in government that you support us, and that trans rights are an important issue to you.I almost forgot: "cis" just means "not trans" (both from Latin). Literally, "trans" means something like "crossing over" (eg, like trans-Atlantic) and "cis" means "on the same side."
(DIR) Post #APcwoeLH1Feqs0MfFg by taedryn@dice.camp
2022-11-14T07:24:05Z
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Anyway, back to allyship (almost done!). Trans voices are raised against the crap we have to deal with all the time, but because we're trans, we're disregarded, so having cis folks saying the same things is incredibly powerful.You may have heard the phrase "the banality of evil." Sitting back and letting bad laws be passed because they don't affect you is exactly what this phrase refers to. Trans folks are no more or less important than any other minority population, or the majority.
(DIR) Post #APcwog3GfARYAjxJSq by taedryn@dice.camp
2022-11-14T07:29:16Z
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We all have a duty to object to evil, whether it's denying someone healthcare, or rights, or anything else. The cool thing is that, as a cis person, your voice is literally more important, more powerful, and more impactful than that of any trans person (hopefully that changes some day, but it's true now).The few times I've heard a cis person stand up for me, I almost started crying, it was so meaningful to me. And in the ~9 months I've been out as trans, it's happened maybe twice.
(DIR) Post #APcwohupjUsvxA1bay by taedryn@dice.camp
2022-11-14T07:34:36Z
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Finally, the end!If you want to know more about the effects of hormones, or gender dysphoria (particularly if you have trans folks in your life), I cannot recommend the Gender Dysphoria Bible enough, at https://genderdysphoria.fyi/It's very approachable and factual. It was instrumental in helping me figure myself out, too.Thank you for reading this far, I really appreciate it! There's a LOT I didn't get into, but this is a good overview.Have a great day! ❤️ :flagtrans:
(DIR) Post #APcwojrMVNIRyyPrSi by taedryn@dice.camp
2022-11-14T19:01:51Z
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Addendum: I forgot to say, I Am Not An Expert! I'm just a deep-diving baby trans femme with a wish to share my knowledge. I'm an expert on my own experience, and reasonably well-read on others'.For every single thing I said here, there's an exception, or a nuance, or an additional detail (frequently MANY details) that I skipped for the sake of brevity, or don't know about. Exactly like the breadth of human experience, the trans experience is wildly diverse, and I only have my own perspective.
(DIR) Post #APdKCr59bMUkHJKsgC by taedryn@dice.camp
2022-11-14T06:32:30Z
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Hey cis friends! I want to help you understand some stuff about the #trans experience that can be confusing (including to myself, before I figured out I was trans). FYI, this is intended as a 101 course, skipping a lot of nuance and detail.Let's begin with terminology. "Trans man" means a man, frequently someone who was born with their body in the wrong configuration. Likewise, a "trans woman" is a woman. Don't overthink these. The term says who they really are, not who they were.
(DIR) Post #APdKCszYV9CmCWjREO by taedryn@dice.camp
2022-11-14T06:37:49Z
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The term "non-binary" means someone who doesn't fit comfortably into the "definitely male" or "definitely female" categories (frequently referred to as binary genders, since there are only two).None of these terms indicate how you should address a person (though frequently they hint strongly). A trans woman can use they/them pronouns while sporting a beard, a non-binary person can use he/him pronouns in a frilly dress with obviously "female" body characteristics.
(DIR) Post #APdKCuiG6QYdXSeeY4 by taedryn@dice.camp
2022-11-14T06:42:16Z
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Gender and presentation and pronouns are all different things. Yes, it can be confusing, and that's ok.If you have any doubt about how to refer to someone in your life, and you can't figure it out by context clues, it's usually fine to ask directly. I prefer the question, "What pronouns do you use?"Ok, next up, some interesting body stuff (CW, engage!).
(DIR) Post #APdKCwrY6rB4Cr16J6 by taedryn@dice.camp
2022-11-14T06:45:39Z
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People who are taking hormone replacement therapy (HRT) will usually see numerous changes in their bodies.AMAB people (who were Assigned Male At Birth) who take estrogen will grow breasts, their skin will soften, and after a few years, musculature will reduce, and fat will redistribute from belly to hips and thighs. HRT is very much Puberty 2.0, which is kinda wild as an adult.
(DIR) Post #APdKCzBTTkIvPEM2ds by taedryn@dice.camp
2022-11-14T06:49:19Z
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AFAB folks (Assigned Female At Birth) who take testosterone will start to grow facial hair, put on muscle mass, their voice will crack and drop, and frequently will experience "bottom growth," where their clitoris will enlarge into a kind of mini penis. I'm trans femme, so I don't know the AFAB side of things as well; grain of salt time.Notably, hormones generally make body structures (breasts, vocal cords, etc.) grow, not shrink.
(DIR) Post #APdKD0uX3hwMlGRXVo by taedryn@dice.camp
2022-11-14T06:53:54Z
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Because of this, trans women's voices don't go up in pitch, their facial hair doesn't stop growing, and their penis doesn't shrink down into a clitoris (if only) because of hormones. Likewise, trans men don't un-grow their breasts, and their hips don't become more narrow. Bones are generally fixed, if you start HRT after puberty 1.0 is finished with you.Next, let's talk a little bit about dysphoria.