Post AI6FmHgAw9MXYKmLSa by sean@social.deadsuperhero.com
(DIR) More posts by sean@social.deadsuperhero.com
(DIR) Post #AI67QP9NgD7OigUmdU by sean@social.deadsuperhero.com
2022-04-04T06:51:59.336127Z
3 likes, 2 repeats
I'm in a weird rut where everything is a mess and I realize I need to change for the better, but change is hard.
(DIR) Post #AI67UxowiZvTPG6xZg by sean@social.deadsuperhero.com
2022-04-04T06:52:51.257896Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
I'm just so tired all the time. My thoughts are increasingly dark, and I find myself regressing to insecure behavior, because anxiety has me paranoid and in perpetual free fall. I know that people don't hate me, I know that I'm not a victim, I know that I'm not completely failing. It's just that my mind makes me feel this way, and a tendency to isolate makes it worse.
(DIR) Post #AI67hpslXn8gYC2HJo by sean@social.deadsuperhero.com
2022-04-04T06:55:09.354335Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
I feel like giving up on just about everything: my creative projects, my presence here, and life in general. My ability to feel joy or pressure or anything positive is incredibly muted, and often tempered by a toxic inner world of thoughts.One of my goals is to get actual help, but it's really hard when you have executive dysfunction and gaslight yourself all the time about how bad things are?
(DIR) Post #AI689QarA2SYE7odRw by davidoclubb@toot.wales
2022-04-04T06:58:36Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@sean . Everyone has a value and from what I see on your bio you have been a positive contributor for a long time ✊🤝
(DIR) Post #AI68PHuLDp7vvDUZnM by lpwaterhouse@mastodon.technology
2022-04-04T07:00:41Z
2 likes, 0 repeats
@sean Make sure you keep an eye on those things. If they persist or appear often you might be clinically depressed and professional help would be advisable. I know how hard it is to seek help for "just feeling down all the time", but, as someone who's been through that: there is no reason to prolong ones suffering needlessly.
(DIR) Post #AI69KczDWaLVno7AS8 by RyunoKi@layer8.space
2022-04-04T07:13:24Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
@seanI tend to recommend https://selfcare.tech/In your case it sounds like you are interested in consulting with a professional, though. So … talk to a doctor?Get well soon.(I'm in this for over a decade now)
(DIR) Post #AI6BqU9G7SxpZC88AK by cereal@shitposter.club
2022-04-04T07:41:36.021986Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
@sean have you tried walking the ladder of inference downwards?
(DIR) Post #AI6C5DoH9DGJEnLHM0 by Gina@fosstodon.org
2022-04-04T07:44:11Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@sean Relatable, and you're not alone. Allow yourself a break.When nothing inspires you anymore it's time to take a step back and evaluate if what you're doing works for you. Which is ironic considering I just posted about wanting to sell my things and living on a beach 15 min into having started my new job. It's hard to constantly have to sell our time and mental bandwidth to survive. We're only here for a very short time, so you may as well do whatever you want. You got this.
(DIR) Post #AI6DExPF5iA5DDq5s8 by ff0000@chaos.social
2022-04-04T07:56:38Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
@Gina @sean To add to this, please find professinal help, it might not be an instant cure all (which we always hope for), but it gives me perspective, medication, which helps balancing out everything a little bit easier and just the knowledge that you are not alone in this.Also it is okay to pause creative projects for a bit, or social media intake or anything that feels too much on top of your obligations.
(DIR) Post #AI6DM27LyLhLqrqVRA by sean@social.deadsuperhero.com
2022-04-04T07:58:26.456203Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
@cereal the way you phrased this is fascinating, but I feel too stupid to know what you mean.
(DIR) Post #AI6DYxoHIcySFx5b3A by sean@social.deadsuperhero.com
2022-04-04T08:00:39.997415Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
@lukas Yeah, I have roughly two years left of Active Duty, and a lot of mixed feelings about it. To be honest, I'm pretty sure this wasn't the right move for me.On the other hand, it was an interesting experience, and I have fallen deeply in love with a beautiful woman I otherwise wouldn't have met. So, there's that.
(DIR) Post #AI6DsmWixYBP3PKQoi by Zerglingman@freespeechextremist.com
2022-04-04T08:04:25.813033Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
@sean 3 of 5 comments so far are recommending "professional help".These people hate you and want you in debt, crippled, on medication for the rest of your life. Pay them no heed.The problem is, fundamentally, a God-shaped hole, but you probably don't want to hear that. In lieu of that, not giving a fuck about reputation is generally the best medicine.
(DIR) Post #AI6DyHfMbyi54wze7s by sean@social.deadsuperhero.com
2022-04-04T08:05:19.929508Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
@Gina Yeah, it's kind of funny that you mention the "new job" thing. When I joined an Open Source startup a few years back (Sentry), I was over the moon about it...right until I clocked into work and realized that it was the same corporate tech startup as any other. Work was still work, and it was still the variety that I excelled at, but never enjoyed doing. This isn't to say that your experience will necessarily be the same, but...after about two years of dealing with an environment I really didn't care for, I got out and haven't looked back that much.
(DIR) Post #AI6EV7HgETWMR5ZTsW by Gina@fosstodon.org
2022-04-04T08:11:17Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
@sean Jup, same is happening here. It's been an hour at my new job and I'm having a mild existential crisis.
(DIR) Post #AI6EiC2TriFEwnhIHY by sean@social.deadsuperhero.com
2022-04-04T08:13:36.506390Z
3 likes, 0 repeats
@Zerglingman I disagree on your point about "people hate you because they want you to get a diagnosis / therapy / medication"; I think it's easy to overgeneralize about Big Pharma creating an endless cycle of dependency. Some drugs help, and a substantial portion of therapy isn't even dependent on drugs. I think people also conflate counseling, therapy, psychiatry, and psychology into one thing, when really it's the psychiatrists who prescribe drugs.There is something to be said about the lack of a spiritual connection and deeper meaning in a modern industrialized world focused largely on consumption. It is something that I struggle with, partially because I generally reject Christianity as well as New Age spiritualism. I have yet to find "that thing" worth aligning myself to.
(DIR) Post #AI6En3ZWlyWo8STR56 by spyro@fosstodon.org
2022-04-04T08:02:27Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@sean same here.I'm attempting to clear out all my old rubbish and dead projects.
(DIR) Post #AI6ErJuvwYVzzIWG6C by sean@social.deadsuperhero.com
2022-04-04T08:15:19.702956Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
@spyro Yeah, I feel that. I have a pile of a decade of stuff, and it's frustrating to pick over. So much of it feels like it has potential, but I rarely finish anything.
(DIR) Post #AI6FVBlVfhnQHv7dbs by cee@freethinkers.lgbt
2022-04-04T08:22:33.575854Z
2 likes, 0 repeats
@seanI think u would love Michel Foucault's works on Medicalisation and "bio-power".@Zerglingman
(DIR) Post #AI6FmHgAw9MXYKmLSa by sean@social.deadsuperhero.com
2022-04-04T08:25:35.557169Z
2 likes, 0 repeats
@cee @Zerglingman I actually quite enjoy Foucault's writings, although "Discipline and Punish" was quite brutal. I'd imagine some of the ideas might overlap, though.
(DIR) Post #AI6FrsXfJFjjKQSws4 by cereal@shitposter.club
2022-04-04T08:26:40.337748Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@sean the ladder of inference is a tool that describes your going from what you can actually see to the conclusions that send you spiralling. Search engine of your choice should lead you there for more information.
(DIR) Post #AI6G72eZztnb24vk9Y by sean@social.deadsuperhero.com
2022-04-04T08:29:11.923901Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
@lukas We've been together for a year, and are both convinced that we should spend the rest of our lives together. She has a beautiful heart, and has given me the kind of love that I never thought I deserved, but always wanted.
(DIR) Post #AI6HaCzwiPD3T4Oc9Q by sean@social.deadsuperhero.com
2022-04-04T08:45:49.291364Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
@cereal I just read a little bit about it, based on your suggestion. Thank you for this! The underlying logic seems almost obvious, but I've kind of been living for years at this point having forgotten about the idea behind it.
(DIR) Post #AI6I3AFxzHa9MYhFpY by cereal@shitposter.club
2022-04-04T08:51:07.144638Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@sean many things are painfully obvious until you realize you need to step outside of your own mind to see them in such clarity and that doesn't just happen, so no reason to beat yourself up about it.
(DIR) Post #AI6JJeDkRt6Esn5BwW by cee@freethinkers.lgbt
2022-04-04T09:05:17.409012Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@sean @Zerglingman Yeah... i know some of works are obviously out-dated, the power dynamics have shifted a bit and changes to the medical industry, esp within the past several years. Well, here in Australia at least, idk what the conditions are like for u guys. I know the medical association have pushed the TGA for a bunch of rescheduling- i know most opiates have been taken off the white market, and there's been a crack down on the over-prescription of medicines.I also have noticed that they've introduced and are experimenting with open-floor planning of prisons... kinda like an inverted panopticon.A steer away from the ol' barred cells... it's definitely got me thinking
(DIR) Post #AI6TohrnwSJki3Gdwe by thebiologist1117@mk.nixnet.social
2022-04-04T10:59:15.234Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
I feel that way too. ❤️🩹
(DIR) Post #AI6TrA7frFKMvHrSme by 404zzz@stereophonic.space
2022-04-04T11:03:24.232816Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
@thebiologist1117 @sean I can share some Buddhist sermons with you, if you want.
(DIR) Post #AI6aI6d5YMxxdGmngm by ralfy@podcastindex.social
2022-04-04T12:15:29Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@sean @Zerglingman @cee i send you ... this:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qM4vJjQqk-4with lots of love!
(DIR) Post #AI6vcIadVhBmFJl6VE by spyro@fosstodon.org
2022-04-04T15:52:10Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@sean today's process: we have cleared the hall, thrown out a ton of old shoes, and emptied the disgusting space the cat pissed in under the stairs.Ok, the living room is now impassable, but... Progress!