Post A6vFoeJBvUbSB175ay by ethicsperoxide@oldbytes.space
 (DIR) More posts by ethicsperoxide@oldbytes.space
 (DIR) Post #A6uInmnOzUT6ukZ30i by nina@neenster.org
       2021-05-04T13:29:53.296411Z
       
       1 likes, 2 repeats
       
       Maybe we should bring back taboo and shame.Maybe it’s a problem that modern Westerners want everything in the subconscious brought into the light. Maybe we need some things to remain covert and subconscious. Shame is painful but it serves a function.We need shadows. While it can feel amazing to bring parts of ourselves from the shadows into the light, we can’t and shouldn’t bring all of ourselves out that way. It’s not healthy.It’s like “developing” and farming every scrap of wilderness. Most of the earth should be wilderness if the cultivated areas are to stay healthy. We’re colonizing our own psyches like we do the planet.
       
 (DIR) Post #A6uKBvVgLKp4qSLoPI by mithrandir@pl.wizards.zone
       2021-05-04T13:45:28.004018Z
       
       1 likes, 0 repeats
       
       @nina Sharing your whole life with the public is bound to cause problems.
       
 (DIR) Post #A6uOQ3dlJLwLvp7kLQ by nina@neenster.org
       2021-05-04T14:32:50.045418Z
       
       1 likes, 0 repeats
       
       Low self-esteem, somewhat related to shame, was considered the Big Problem by popular psychologists 20 years ago. So everyone got validation, support, messages like "You are wonderful and amazing!!" "You can do anything!!"  But it turns out, not everyone has low self-esteem, and positive affirmations are inappropriate for some conditions. Maybe you're NOT wonderful and amazing; and you can't actually do anything. This negativity might hinder some, but for others it would be a much-needed reality check. For some people, validation and "unconditional love" is like pouring gasoline on a trash fire. There's no one-size-fits-all answer to mental health. People are different, and need different things. Some need more validation to get closer to Reality, and some need less. Since over-validating has been fashionable for a decade or two, there may be an unfortunate over-correction on the way.
       
 (DIR) Post #A6uTsB49nNtwqDhKNc by me@u.johnconway.art
       2021-05-04T15:24:28Z
       
       1 likes, 0 repeats
       
       @nina Also, I think some things are just aesthetically better if we don't just indiscriminately blather about them. Intimacy is devalued if you've told half of Twitter everything about yourself.
       
 (DIR) Post #A6vFoeJBvUbSB175ay by ethicsperoxide@oldbytes.space
       2021-05-05T00:23:18Z
       
       1 likes, 0 repeats
       
       @nina I've wondered about this! At a societal level, there's definitely a clear value in having people present themselves (in public) as a simplified version of themselves.I can't remember the precise number, but we've got room in our minds to have meaningful, complex relationships with about 100 or so people. Anything beyond that and we need to start seeing people simplified. It eases things psychologically if there's some polite fiction to just see someone in a pleasantly iconic form, just "gentleman" or "lady" or "cashier", with all of their rough edges hidden away from us.At a personal level...even for people that you have a close and intimate relationship, there's still a little bit of shame and pretending to be someone easier to deal with than you really are, even if it's to a lesser degree.It's tough because there are obvious downsides to this (you can't go through life comparing yourself to everyone else's social mask), but I still think there's value to it somehow.
       
 (DIR) Post #A79NHBVtU5iLA031Ky by Frau_BerchDUH@spinster.xyz
       2021-05-11T19:44:43.271971Z
       
       1 likes, 0 repeats
       
       @ethicsperoxide @nina It's 150 people. Obviously there are some people who can handle more and some who can handle fewer. And I like that concept of a "simplified self". Most people have enough shit going on in their lives and don't need intimacy from every cashier and bus-riding rando they meet. We all have social circles graded by level of intimacy, and the inner circles see more of us than the outer circles. And some circles are very specialized and see a very specific side of ourselves. And that's how it should be. And that's why we need to learn social niceties, so the simplified self is easy to run.
       
 (DIR) Post #A79NI3eyAZ3l5mi1yq by Frau_BerchDUH@spinster.xyz
       2021-05-11T19:46:21.271979Z
       
       1 likes, 0 repeats
       
       @nina I'd agree with you about taboo making a comeback, but society tends to forbid the wrong things. Shame, though. THAT needs to make a comeback.