Post 9z1eFfTdnoFZic8TB2 by sydneyfalk@elekk.xyz
(DIR) More posts by sydneyfalk@elekk.xyz
(DIR) Post #9z1eFfTdnoFZic8TB2 by sydneyfalk@elekk.xyz
2020-09-10T16:44:29Z
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sometimes I say I'm only words.when I was little, I lived in a microtown with a population under one hundred. literally everybody knew of everyone else. not even a store; just a nearby town we could get stuff from the oldest lady in the town was so nice. my parents had her babysit me, until --well, I don't remember getting a real answer. just that it wasn't safe. she was nice. we played board games.she died a few years later. I was inconsolable.some twenty five years after, I was experiencing acute, excruciating gallbladder attacks due to long term use of a medication that wasn't properly tested. (ranitidine. don't take it, if you can possibly avoid it.)I got severe jaundice. even with my color vision defect, I could see it.unusual bilious urine. bilious vomiting followed.that seemed bad but my fear of surgery kept me home. pain is my life. pain is my existence.so I started eating endless salads. couldn't think of another way to try to fix my gallbladder without surgery.I lost weight. rapidly.went from a 3x to an XL, and that's as detailed as I want to get. I added meat to the salads for protein.and then something worse happened.fast forward a couple years. my wife is at a work conference.one thing led to another, and I completely forgot to eat anything but fiber cookies for about two straight days.I was having a lot of problems I wrote off as stress.I was wrong.the first time I got meat and eggs in me, things... cleared. mentally and physically.pieces fell into place.smells.the oldest lady in the town had a house full of mothballs.and that's about the time I was gaining weight due to depression and anxiety.fat soluble poisons accumulate in fat cells.I was getting naphthalene poisoning, along with whatever else is wrong with me. excitement, nervousness, confusion, memory issues, dizziness.all fit. and the fact she died a few years later, when I believe she... lost weight! ha ha.fuck.previous trips had been to places where I wasn't horrendously intimidated by everything about the hotel and we weren't out of all delivery radiuses.I had eaten nothing but fiber and a bit of sugar, and my body was quite unhappy.this isn't even the last part.I forget to eat.it's self-care. self-care is just about the hardest thing for me to accomplish.so every now and then I wake up to find all my joints hurt (partially because xanax levels are low but the naphthalene aggravates it), my stomach is screaming, I'll spew up bile now and then.y'know.just how life in the United States is.you get to be your own doctor and hope you don't kill yourself.logically, I'd have my gallbladder out. logically. except who the fuck knows what's going on inside me.I have frothy urine occasionally. probably fine, lol.I'm adding low amounts of alcohol to my diet again -- beer, not what I like but less sugar than jack and coke. naphthalene is alcohol soluble.surgery might just fucking kill me anyway at this point.and logic is relative.I guess I'm worried that I'm at the end of things now, that in a few months or years this ramshackle goldberg machine of an internal organ system will simply fall apart.if this is the last story I ever get to properly tell, I might as well do it, right?after all, I'm only words. oh, and I can smile through and/or psychologically suppress pain that leaves other people screaming at the hospital.no big deal, just another life.I'm going to explain all this to my doctor (WHO DOES NOT KNOW ANY OF THIS EXCEPT THAT I'M ON XANAX, HA HA HA NOT EVEN KIDDING), and we'll see how things go.wish a girl luck when she's about to make a mistake. ^_^
(DIR) Post #9z1eFfn8dJqWh5G2ZE by feld@bikeshed.party
2020-09-10T19:36:22.965966Z
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@sydneyfalk oh dang, fat soluble things are really dangerous like that. I've also heard of people having problems from too much vitamin D supplements causing health issues as their body releases too much during weight loss