Post 9magTGygY4VMiJfcfI by grace_hawthorn@spinster.xyz
 (DIR) More posts by grace_hawthorn@spinster.xyz
 (DIR) Post #9magTGZs2KehTM3nzE by MonsterousBee@spinster.xyz
       2019-09-04T12:07:30Z
       
       0 likes, 1 repeats
       
       This is probably going to come out wrong. But. I've been thinking about how at the start of Me Too, men were apparently going to psychologists, because they were horrified they may have hurt someone and didn't realize it (from an onbeing episode). I'm listening to an NPR interview right now, where this guy, who was accused of rape, said he went over every single romantic interaction he had, questioning each of them. People will probably take that information and say that women are lying. But we've all seen the statistics. False accusations are very rare. Which means, that some situations, we have men who don't believe they've done anything wrong and women who believe they've been assaulted. The thing is, I actually believe both of them. I think those women were raped. And I think the men don't believe they've done anything wrong because rape, lack of consent, and pushing at women's boundaries are all very normal in our culture. They're all socially acceptable. And women are socialized to not talk about it and often times to not even question it. This is of course not every case, I do think in most instances men know exactly what they're doing. But I also think in cases like these it really speaks to how our culture bakes entitlement and violence into men.
       
 (DIR) Post #9magTGnhCviMAEWqXI by blackilocks@spinster.xyz
       2019-09-04T15:35:42Z
       
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       You're accurate, I educate the public on boundary setting as part of my domestic violence prevention work, there're a lot of misconceptions. My personal lived experience, listening to the stories of women and men, it is indeed as such. Many women are so disempowered, used to misogynistic behaviours, they see boundaries =selfish, boundaries = unkind, etc. Guess who told them that all their lives? Male misogynists and females with internalised misogyny. It puts them at high risk of assault, this is a serious societal problem, boundaries.  @MonsterousBee
       
 (DIR) Post #9magTGygY4VMiJfcfI by grace_hawthorn@spinster.xyz
       2019-09-04T15:56:02Z
       
       0 likes, 1 repeats
       
       @blackilocks @MonsterousBee and also Judith Herman (from Trauma and Recovery);"Women quickly learn that rape is a crime only in theory; in practice, the standard for what constitutes rape is set not at the level of women's experience of violation, but just above the level of coercion acceptable to men.That level turns out to be very high indeed."
       
 (DIR) Post #9maj5wNtFRzs2w1ebI by Sherri_Ingrey@spinster.xyz
       2019-09-04T21:22:06Z
       
       0 likes, 1 repeats
       
       @grace_hawthorn @blackilocks @MonsterousBee
       
 (DIR) Post #9majIAcI9tuJf6arHk by darwi_odrade@spinster.xyz
       2019-09-04T21:30:27Z
       
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       @Sherri_Ingrey @grace_hawthorn @blackilocks @MonsterousBee And when the reports go up the incarceration rate starts dropping even further. They absolutely don't give a fuck when a women are violently assaulted and raped. All these women... have video evidence and fucking witnesses. Perp still walks free. It's outrageous!
       
 (DIR) Post #9mbEsMeZyqFJzvOzVQ by darwi_odrade@spinster.xyz
       2019-09-05T03:24:21Z
       
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       @grace_hawthorn @blackilocks @MonsterousBee A lot of women and girls don't even know they've been raped!! They cannot tell the difference.
       
 (DIR) Post #9mba6RrJWOwTEXupMG by grace_hawthorn@spinster.xyz
       2019-09-05T07:22:12Z
       
       0 likes, 1 repeats
       
       @darwi_odrade @blackilocks @MonsterousBee from experience, i think a lot of women and girls struggle to find the words for their experience; the public idea of rape is so limited (stranger in a dark alley etc), the sociall gaslighting around it is so entrenched, the implications of naming their partner/ colleague/ friend as a rapist so overwhelming,  the psychological consequences so powerful, that what I've seen is women kind of walking up to the naming and then backing away. And it can take a long time and solid support to fully name it. At the same time,  there's also a really strong sense of something having been wrong, and being wrong, that won't go away. It's so hard to be in that space of knowing, without words, that something profoundly violating has happened, and then being able to name it and be ready for all that that means. As a process, it's incredibly hard, much harder, i think than is generally recognised or understood.