Post 1609208 by realtoddhoward@mastodon.social
(DIR) More posts by realtoddhoward@mastodon.social
(DIR) Post #1609208 by realtoddhoward@mastodon.social
2018-08-24T16:38:15Z
0 likes, 1 repeats
@Gargron should i put a cw on my posts about clapping hillary’s cheeks? seems sexual but i don’t explicitly say anything so i don’t know
(DIR) Post #9jJXhY9qUp6aZpNMdU by nydel@mastodon.sdf.org
2019-05-29T20:54:07Z
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@Gargron some of the pushback on the suggestion comes from a particular attitude - or rather a lack of an attitude - one wherein a person thinks “forget what everyone else can do to better this life; remember to do what is in my own power instead” - i don’t understand dissent to a direct ideative descendent of “don’t be a d’ck” which implies “don’t solicit dictating behavior of others” which can be followed by “don’t demand content warnings from stran...[explanation]” #thankYou!
(DIR) Post #9jJXz58L98mFlw20hc by gemlog@mastodonten.de
2019-05-29T20:49:26Z
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@Gargron @vilbi Absolutely.I know Eugen doesn't read my musings, but This so much!I run with CW 'turned off' to automatically reveal the hidden text to me.I have had it explained to me that there is one instance where a selfie looking straight into the camera may upset certain people and I respect that one - I would put such a photo in a CW.However, for anything else, we have so many tools to mute threads, mute people, block ppl, filter words...Just stop whinging and follow someone else!
(DIR) Post #9jJjzbRsCNrlRgBOlM by jakobpunkt@mastodon.social
2018-08-24T13:00:23Z
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@Gargron This request feels like a basic change in mastodon social norms. My understanding (and what I've observed) is that it's fine to make polite requests, and let people know that their topic can be heavy for some people. It's not okay to get pissy if they say no, but it's okay to ask.How else will we all learn how to take care of each other? We need to let each other know what we need.
(DIR) Post #9jJjzbjb8U2oKeTYOG by cypnk@mastodon.social
2018-08-24T16:12:07Z
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@jakobpunkt @Gargron Emphasis on "polite" though. I've had quite a few people yell at me, not even from .social, demanding that I CW pics that seemed totally innocuous (one was a kitten). There's no way to guess what upsets people and when the first reply is outrage, the experience can sour quickly
(DIR) Post #9jJjzby8GRfd3jHA2q by wilbr@glitch.social
2018-08-24T19:05:00Z
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@cypnk @jakobpunkt @Gargron one thing to remember is that in our current society, and in Mastodon specifically, many people have been traumatized and are trying to recover or support each other. So on one hand you're totally right, but on the other hand you can't really ask a person who's been stabbed to calm down, ya know? They're not focused on politeness, they're focused on surviving an onslaught.This sort of context mismatch is very common on twitter and seems to happen here too.
(DIR) Post #9jJjzc7hgrKJXPknxo by wilbr@glitch.social
2018-08-24T19:06:42Z
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@cypnk @jakobpunkt @Gargron the #1 piece of advice I can give someone in your shoes is, when someone's yelling at you, take a beat to sympathetically figure out why they might be yelling. Could be you're standing on their foot. Could be they're off their rocker and ya need to block them. We're all in a big room shouting into the void, hard to know what's going on without checking first.
(DIR) Post #9jJjzcIh207K5Uta5o by webmind@social.weho.st
2019-05-29T23:11:39Z
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@wilbrGood advice, but not easy when being yelled at is what triggers you.Trigger cascades are serious worries for me.@cypnk @jakobpunkt @Gargron
(DIR) Post #9jJnkCYCsyddhP3aGu by wilbr@glitch.social
2019-05-29T23:53:51Z
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@webmind @cypnk @jakobpunkt @Gargron ultimately someone being triggered into a legit PTSD anxiety attack is something that person needs to deal with in a halfway-acceptable way. It's not your fault for lighting off fireworks on July 4, and it is Old Man Dan's fault for coming at you with a gun demanding you stop, but the ~resolution~ to this stalemate is to recognize the symptoms of PTSD, deescalate, apologize & try to be considerate
(DIR) Post #9jJpKctoV3chnS607U by webmind@social.weho.st
2019-05-30T00:11:29Z
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@wilbrYes, that is the ideal. I'm just saying it's not always easy to respond 'fittingly' to triggers, that's the entire issue with triggers. They trigger strong and often overwhelming emotional responses.If it was so easy to 'just not act on them' they wouldn't be half the trouble they are.@cypnk @jakobpunkt @Gargron
(DIR) Post #9jJpqnvv0lhXHhQLsO by wilbr@glitch.social
2019-05-30T00:17:22Z
0 likes, 1 repeats
@webmind @cypnk @jakobpunkt @Gargron oh of course.I guess the mental trick to dealing with this is to realize, yes, IT'S NOT FAIR. None of it is. Neither the innocent initial infraction or the outsized reaction or the giant cluster**** that has resulted. There is no fairness here.But the ANSWER is to try and deescalate and forgive and apologize and create breathing room to cool down. Nothing to do with fairness, just pragmatism.
(DIR) Post #9jJq1XxMkiaIv3Dub2 by wilbr@glitch.social
2019-05-29T23:56:53Z
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@webmind @cypnk @jakobpunkt @Gargron sometime in between this ancient post and now I developed a mantra that gets more relevant every day:- don't get defensive.- if someone's getting defensive, don't double down.Literally 2 days ago I got dragged and subtooted to hell on here for jumping in someone's mentions and pissing them off. But once I realized the signs I just apologized, backed down, cleared my notifs, & closed the app.
(DIR) Post #9jJq1YDJnPLRiWgeSe by webmind@social.weho.st
2019-05-30T00:19:10Z
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@wilbrOnly now noticed how old this thread is...Those are good approaches and is core of cognitive behavior therapy. You can apply it to all kinds of triggers, but depending on the severity it can take quite some time before you manage and then more until it becomes easier. And then we can all have our setbacks and fails when we're exhausted/tired. Recovering from trauma is hard work.@cypnk @jakobpunkt @Gargron
(DIR) Post #9jJqVBiM0qgSckKsNM by wilbr@glitch.social
2019-05-30T00:24:45Z
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@webmind @cypnk @jakobpunkt @Gargron I've got a great idea!Let's put a WHOLE BUNCH of marginalized, traumatized, and antisocial people in ONE GIANT ROOM and give each person a megaphone and a pair of earplugs. It'll be fun! (Don't worry, if they don't like it they can just use the earplugs.)
(DIR) Post #9jJsKI9PwQjvJEvV4K by bulkington@radical.town
2019-05-29T23:44:09Z
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@Gargron I think I'm going to disagree with this. It's a useful form of dialogue that informs us of each others' differing experiences. Someone explained the eye contact CW to me last night and I learned something. It's ok for there to be friction.
(DIR) Post #9jKRpWQwNyPKykkZ04 by webmind@social.weho.st
2019-05-30T07:22:54Z
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@wilbrYeah. No@cypnk @jakobpunkt @Gargron
(DIR) Post #9jLQBKbz0wpLw099m4 by wilbr@glitch.social
2019-05-30T18:39:15Z
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@webmind @cypnk @jakobpunkt @Gargron oops
(DIR) Post #9jQuhm0aepAmaPqFM0 by m4iler@infosec.exchange
2019-06-02T10:14:55Z
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@Gargron This I can fucking get behind, Eugen. Great post, sir.
(DIR) Post #9jQuijpKFpoU6r267s by haverofopinions@mastodon.social
2018-08-24T12:48:25Z
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@Gargron content warning plz eugen
(DIR) Post #9jQuik0fZet4g2L9o8 by m4iler@infosec.exchange
2019-06-02T10:15:05Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
@haverofopinions @Gargron :awesome: