Post B7TqQ62L8bwZzoATho by drq@mastodon.ml
(DIR) More posts by drq@mastodon.ml
(DIR) Post #B7RGYwbe42GQjrEdAu by drq@mastodon.ml
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To be honest, I'm not really on-board with all that "dom/sub" thing, for all the talk about that. I mean, I certainly understand how it works to *some* extent, I can talk about it, I got friends who are into that, it's their thing, it just isn't mine. I just don't think in categories like this when it comes to enjoying each other. It just doesn't "click" with me. I mean, we're both (or all) here, we both (or, again, all) know what we're doing, we know what we're here for - which is, each other. Why one has to be superior to another? Can't we just all get what we want without drawing an org chart first? Why you want me to "dominate" you? I don't wanna dominate anybody. What makes you think that I do? Is it because I'm big and scary? The fuck are you calling me "daddy"? I'm not paying your alimony. Am I the weird one here? Or am I too old? Do people still, on occasion, fuck as equals, or is it going out of style, and I need to get with the times?
(DIR) Post #B7RHlb1XiYr9WMwf4K by Foritus@toot.dusepo.co.uk
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@drq It's not going out of style. The kink types are louder. It's like how you'd think most trans women are lesbians, when a majority are straight or bi.Enjoy yourself ❤️
(DIR) Post #B7RHlbDwyQmU8qkZPM by drq@mastodon.ml
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@Foritus I get called "vanilla" a lot, and it annoys me to no end.Like, motherfuckers, am I not exciting enough for you? Screw you. You don't live like I do. I'm 36 and in a polycule. You insolent spoiled brats have no idea what "vanilla" is. /hj
(DIR) Post #B7RKzg4e2RAh6GnneK by grishka@friends.grishka.me
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To me, all that dom/sub thing is part of BDSM. Very much not everyone is into BDSM. I'm not into anything like this either, it's alien to me. And that's okay. Like with all other kinks, the only thing that's important is that these expectations should match between partners (or if your partner is into it, they need to know that you are not and be fine with respecting that — I met people like this and we still enjoyed each other).
(DIR) Post #B7RMlknxqs7lcwULhI by drq@mastodon.ml
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@grishka > To me, all that dom/sub thing is part of BDSM.Yeah, me too. At least one or two of my partners were trying to convince me otherwise, but I don't know, I'm just not feeling it.
(DIR) Post #B7RN88AxdjeOTuunbc by grishka@friends.grishka.me
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Dr. Quadragon ❌, I might carefully try something like this with someone I trust a lot, but the thing is, the only person that I trust enough is not into it either from what little I know about that part of his personality.
(DIR) Post #B7RYRAL2vFGYBduZdo by drq@mastodon.ml
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@Chia Still, that's a very dumb position to be in. From the most people's perspective, my views and preferences are enough to burn me at stake.From the point of view of my bubble, though, I'm 100+ kg of milktoast with a pinch of quiet-but-audible disappointment.This is stupid.
(DIR) Post #B7RpqDOmNcei8dBi9A by vint@mastodon.ml
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@drq @grishka Now, *that* is weird: dom/sub is literally in the name, "DS" part of BDSM. How more obvious should it be made to the partner? :blobcat_googly_confused:
(DIR) Post #B7RqvfLA1MdGCRes76 by vint@mastodon.ml
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@drq It's like fixating on being top or bottom and going around asking if sexual partner is one of the two. This is so close-minded and objectifying.Leaving a room to be role-free (a sort of wildcard), on the other hand, is the sexiest thing ever!
(DIR) Post #B7RxkcQYjMj3bmJFNg by bleed@dostar.moe
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@drq >I'm not paying your alimony.That's probably the goal though
(DIR) Post #B7SxuLqPR31SEN096u by drq@mastodon.ml
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@fa11_1eaf > vanilla sexThat word again. What does it even mean, aside from boring and uninventive? Once more, by the vast majority of people's standards, I'm VERY MUCH not vanilla in this situation, sir.
(DIR) Post #B7SznLe9yHQLV13n7o by mintbug@mastodon.ml
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@drq даже если что-либо выходит из моды, зачем обязательно «идти в ногу со временем»? Не лучше ли идти в своём темпе?
(DIR) Post #B7T0Oyo5L0ahfOe9zs by mintbug@mastodon.ml
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@drq @fa11_1eaf если изначально некая вещь имела лишь одну разновидность, то явно указывать на это не требовалось. Если появляются различные варианты или альтернативы, «обычный» вариант удобно как-либо явно обозначить. Что плохого в подобном обозначении? (Извините за сумбур.)
(DIR) Post #B7T1t20U6YVcEVL99c by drq@mastodon.ml
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@mintbug Я не совсем понимаю, что значит "обычный" вариант секса, примерно так же, как я не понимаю, что значит "обычный" вариант той же еды (а "ванильный" - это пищевая метафора). С самого начала человеческой истории не было такой вещи, как "обычная" еда или "обычный" секс. У всех какие-то приколы и заморочки на этот счет, причем на всех уровнях - от наций до домов и индивидов. Это с одной стороны.С другой - вот прикинь, готовишь ты что-то для кого-то, стараешься как для себя, делаешь соусы, подбираешь специи которые по вкусу тебе, в надежде, что другому человеку (человекам, - иногда за столом сидят несколько) тоже понравится. Садитесь за стол, пробуете, ты спрашиваешь - "ну, как"? А тебе в ответ типа - "спасибо, очень обычно". Я думаю, ничего кроме желания встать и надеть едокам на головы их же тарелки это не вызовет.@fa11_1eaf
(DIR) Post #B7T2rSyEz07FEc6lN2 by mintbug@mastodon.ml
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@drq @fa11_1eaf «обычный» — привычный среднему человеку в некоторой местности в некоторое время, сферический в вакууме. При этом представление о том, что является привычным для окружающих, у разных людей может варьироваться, но при использовании этого слова человек подразумевает, что что-нибудь схожее всё-таки найдётся. По крайней мере, я это так понимаю.Думаю, «обычный» не всегда имеет негативный окрас. Иногда простые вещи просто работают.
(DIR) Post #B7T3DYZ6rY2kxOt2P2 by drq@mastodon.ml
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@mintbug https://ru.wikipedia.org/wiki/Иносказаниеhttps://ru.wikipedia.org/wiki/Юморhttps://ru.wikipedia.org/wiki/Иронияhttps://ru.wikipedia.org/wiki/Риторический_вопросНу, по большей части.
(DIR) Post #B7T4PCWUjyzO1WmQFM by mintbug@mastodon.ml
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@drq
(DIR) Post #B7T6gqajDkUD7mIo5o by vovanium@quietplace.xyz
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@drq@mastodon.ml Asymmetric roles do not imply that partners are not 'equal', do they?I like to think that people are different, not inequal.Say, you play music, I listen, we both enjoy music equally but differently.
(DIR) Post #B7T6gqtA7DEQ2wvWpE by drq@mastodon.ml
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@vovanium Playing music for someone doesn't count as "domination" and listening to it doesn't equate to "submission" in my book. Or vice-versa.
(DIR) Post #B7T7LINfJuFMtXTmvg by vovanium@quietplace.xyz
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@drq@mastodon.ml yes they don't, but they're both just asymmetric roles in mutual enjoyment.
(DIR) Post #B7T7LIb8Vp1RZJmXvU by drq@mastodon.ml
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@vovanium Which is actually not what I'm confused about.
(DIR) Post #B7T9XWzd194xb6CMhU by vovanium@quietplace.xyz
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@drq@mastodon.ml So, then i don't get your 'fuck as equal'.Doesn't any type of sex that isn't paid or forced° count for 'equal'?°I mean--truly forced, say, a crime.
(DIR) Post #B7T9XXIPtI6kXMzMzA by drq@mastodon.ml
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@vovanium Meaning, nobody has to dominate/subjugate/etc. anybody. Or, like, view every intimate interaction through the prism of BDSM-derived terms like domination and submission at all. It's not a framework that works for everybody, and that doesn't necessarily make them ""vanilla"".
(DIR) Post #B7TJ27YoWY8FHhJju4 by pastecat@shitpost.poridge.club
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@drq@mastodon.ml нет ладно ок, я просто оставлю эту идею здесь хули вы мне сделаете. В общем то концепт дом/саб не более абсурден, чем пресловутые гендерные роли и все рядомлежащее. Просто один общепринятый в твоем эхочембере мем нашел в твоем мтровосприятии место, а другой - как то не сложилось. И это норм. Не все социальные игры нам нравятся. Не все мы принимаем. Не все темы готовы сводить к простым нормисным форматам. Норм. Не норм - это когд....@mintbug@mastodon.ml @fa11_1eaf@lamp.leemoon.network
(DIR) Post #B7TJ27p7XvAy6GwlJw by drq@mastodon.ml
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@pastecat Я не говорю, что концепт абсурдный, с самим концептом у меня проблем нет, я про то, что почему-то через него стало модно объяснять *весь* секс, а те, кому такие игры не в жилу, автоматом, с какого-то перепуга, записываются в "ванильки", хотя "неконвенционального" секса и за границами БДСМ-парадигмы и power play вообще-то дохрена.Тем более мне странно, когда в "ванильки" почему-то записывают меня, хотя настоящая, стопроцентная ванилька, увидев мой послужной список, схватилась бы за ожерелье и умерла от инфаркта пизды.Старая как мир тема про молоток, гвозди, и игнорирование контекстов крч.@mintbug @fa11_1eaf
(DIR) Post #B7TJeF0VHnKnNrRid6 by pastecat@shitpost.poridge.club
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@drq@mastodon.ml а ты молоток или гвозди?) @mintbug@mastodon.ml @fa11_1eaf@lamp.leemoon.network
(DIR) Post #B7TJeFCCaIgxy8v3rc by drq@mastodon.ml
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@pastecat Я стяжка мебельная межсекционная M4x20.Кстати, классный крепеж. Если обточить по-хитрому - получается неплохая кобылка для струнодержателя для самодельного баса, например.@mintbug @fa11_1eaf
(DIR) Post #B7Td5TB8bRXAHf7KUq by drq@mastodon.ml
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@timursagdenov Мой любимый режим - это когда партнеры по очереди перехватывают инициативу в зависимости от настроения и обстоятельств. Этакий тяни-толкай.
(DIR) Post #B7TqQ62L8bwZzoATho by drq@mastodon.ml
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Here's a proposal. Rename that grey area of "more conventional than BDSM but not really vanilla" to "pizza sex".Just like vanilla, it's a staple, everyone knows what it looks like (in case of pizza, even without hard definition), the world almost universally agrees it's a force for good, it's hard to fuck-up but there's nothing quite like it when it's done well. It can be casually delivered in a box, it can be consumed in an expensive authentic Italian restaurant. Most people eat it with bare hands, but you can use utensils if you like. Unlike "vanilla", however - everyone has their own version of it, and it isn't associated with blandness and being "default", as there's no such thing as "default" flavour of pizza.P.S.: inspired by this wonderful Ideachannel episode (RIP) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZxUaTQ2_CsM and my love for pizza.
(DIR) Post #B7TsJabdHeCSgahVzM by lritter@mastodon.gamedev.place
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@drq i learned that what i like to do on my own and what i like to act out are two different fields. in an encounter, physical stimulation is primary, and such an event happens so infrequently that on its own it's already great. but going about it manually is less rewarding, and so a "scandalous / transgressive" headspace is tremendously conducive. it works in personal imagination and also as fiction. i guess if i had more encounters, i'd use it there too as a dopamine spike.
(DIR) Post #B7Tt4NtgLvMSseSONk by lritter@mastodon.gamedev.place
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@drq secondly, i think dom sub or top bottom is just an encoding of leader follower, which is a universal human dynamic, not just in the bedroom.
(DIR) Post #B7Tt4OEF7To9uQ4oQi by drq@mastodon.ml
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@lritter I disagree, top/bottom/switch is just a physical characteristic.
(DIR) Post #B7Ttun9zfbuMI64nNg by lritter@mastodon.gamedev.place
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@drq ok fine. then just dom sub. the act needs to be negotiated if a participant prefers to follow/experience exclusively. the bdsm origin stories i read often start with the to-be sub having this epiphany, often later in life. good domination is just well-done make-believe. a villain role needs to be learned too. i guess that's why we call it kinky, because it's complicated. one can only guess what horrible evolutionary events have led to such programs laying dormant in our psyche. we're coping
(DIR) Post #B7UaXAKlErfECcWfIW by vovanium@quietplace.xyz
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@drq@mastodon.ml Ah, ok. For me, it does not matter how specific roles are called. One may call them active/passive, agent/patient, leader/follower, first/second or so. (I think very rarely sex roles are really symmetric)
(DIR) Post #B7UaXAW6Ygjolnpiym by drq@mastodon.ml
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@vovanium It's very rarely anything involving something breathing is totally and ideally symmetrical. The difference is, if you put the emphasis on ot or not. I prefer not to.
(DIR) Post #B7UazVsAkdMv72feoC by drq@mastodon.ml
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@Chia As an example, yes.A pizza can contain pineapples, while still staying a pizza. It may be unusual for the vast majority of people, someone may even be uneasy with it*, but it's not something outlandish and overly adventurous like Fugu.Same with things like, I dunno, DP. Is it a "kinky" sex, like in terms of BDSM? No, not really, I don't think so. Not necessarily, anyway. Is it "vanilla" sex? Most will disagree with that either. It's somewhere inbetween. It's a pizza sex.Makes sense, right?
(DIR) Post #B7UesUr2XR8xkC3DsG by drq@mastodon.ml
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@Chia * or they like pretending to be uneasy with it either for social norms or ironically for the fun factor of mocking the pointless drama of dying on the stupidest hills possible. I actually don't care about pineapples on pizza all that passionately, I may have eaten and enjoyed it couple of times, and IIRC, you may have even seen me doing that in person