Post B5UJjDUPQTrM90jVw0 by shinmera@tymoon.eu
 (DIR) More posts by shinmera@tymoon.eu
 (DIR) Post #B5UJjD8misYv3wcFEG by shinmera@tymoon.eu
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       Yesterday I had an interesting discussion with a friend, where we both realised that the word "confidence" in English is often used confusingly (in a 1984 kinda way) because it munges together two very different concepts:There's confidence in the "trust in your own ability to do something" kind of way, and confidence in the "projected persona that appears competent" kind of way.I very much have the former, but because I know my limitations and hate boasting and pretending, lack the latter.
       
 (DIR) Post #B5UJjDUPQTrM90jVw0 by shinmera@tymoon.eu
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       And I think while the former is very much more important in the long run, one of the possibilities why I might have been struggling a lot with dating and so on IRL is that the latter is what's much more important for first impressions and general kind of "normie attraction."
       
 (DIR) Post #B5UJlPoIaYZuw55Jom by lyrial@transfem.social
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       @shinmera@mastodon.tymoon.eu The latter is easily managed with the term "confidence man" or, more colloquially "con man"
       
 (DIR) Post #B5UJlQ9ZJTam032IyG by shinmera@tymoon.eu
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       @lyrial My point is specifically that when folks say "confidence is attractive" they are usually thinking of the latter quality, not the former, because only the latter quality is actually visible.
       
 (DIR) Post #B5UJlibWiGeRDyFt32 by KatS@chaosfem.tw
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       @shinmera @lyrial Yes, a more precise phrasing would be "a confident manner is attractive."