Posts by dreamthievin@mstdn.party
 (DIR) Post #ATr9M1Ljo30MORJ4Hw by dreamthievin@mstdn.party
       2023-03-21T17:07:14Z
       
       1 likes, 0 repeats
       
       @elfin death to zoodles!
       
 (DIR) Post #ATr9SlDiAox8OalYoK by dreamthievin@mstdn.party
       2023-03-21T19:21:47Z
       
       1 likes, 0 repeats
       
       @DavidMHarlan same goes for cauliflower "wings"!
       
 (DIR) Post #ATrS7ZlFTtjju644au by dreamthievin@mstdn.party
       2023-03-22T03:19:24Z
       
       1 likes, 0 repeats
       
       @ML2 @elfin yes good if you like zucchini. Same for carrot "noodles". But to pretend they're indistinguishable from real noodles? 🤢
       
 (DIR) Post #ATrSmhCKjgyOqFLCCW by dreamthievin@mstdn.party
       2023-03-22T03:21:53Z
       
       1 likes, 0 repeats
       
       @ML2 @DavidMHarlan basically little cauliflower florets that you dredge and deep-fry then coat in buffalo sauce like they're real chicken wings
       
 (DIR) Post #ATz3qldA7OYNGwrnAO by dreamthievin@mstdn.party
       2023-03-24T17:10:29Z
       
       1 likes, 0 repeats
       
       "C" is for "cookie" Also for the "crime" I "committed" when I "crashed" my "car" into a Girl Scout in order to "confiscate" her stash
       
 (DIR) Post #AUHeWmf9JVSJ3jrKHA by dreamthievin@mstdn.party
       2023-04-03T18:48:29Z
       
       0 likes, 1 repeats
       
       I'm not proud of what I did to that pepperoni pizza. Or that the delivery guy watched. Or that he called animal control.
       
 (DIR) Post #AUvdG8sN8Pf5RJLLBQ by dreamthievin@mstdn.party
       2023-04-23T00:56:51Z
       
       0 likes, 1 repeats
       
       Cat just brought me a decapitated bird. Beat that, people with kids! Oh...not you Jill. We already know your kid's into that sort of thing.
       
 (DIR) Post #AV7aNc1hBV2PuR5s5g by dreamthievin@mstdn.party
       2023-04-26T13:45:13Z
       
       0 likes, 1 repeats
       
       Dear co-workers: A power outage in an elevator brought us together. The gas I've been saving up since lunch will bring us all to our knees.
       
 (DIR) Post #AVBFipvBOiICgDANE0 by dreamthievin@mstdn.party
       2022-12-06T18:22:56Z
       
       0 likes, 0 repeats
       
       Life plan:1. Befriend shady people.2. Witness a murder.  3. Enter witness protection & get new name. 4. So long student loans!
       
 (DIR) Post #AWMZaaHDkYHtAMXMHo by dreamthievin@mstdn.party
       2023-05-20T19:29:16Z
       
       0 likes, 0 repeats
       
       Some call it "dressing for success" I call it "carrying a 36 oz bottle of ranch in my purse"
       
 (DIR) Post #AWU0iIvGDJdaWptGz2 by dreamthievin@mstdn.party
       2023-06-05T14:58:28Z
       
       0 likes, 2 repeats
       
       I successfully tied a cherry stem in a knot on my 78th try. The produce dept made me pay for all that fruit but 4 guys followed me home.
       
 (DIR) Post #AWiyhbTzbLQE8E4h4S by dreamthievin@mstdn.party
       2023-06-11T17:23:55Z
       
       0 likes, 1 repeats
       
       I may look like I'm well-adjusted, but the grossest part about eating that chicken nugget I found in my bathtub was not having any BBQ sauce for it
       
 (DIR) Post #AWkypYju4cjeFwELFw by dreamthievin@mstdn.party
       2023-06-12T18:01:40Z
       
       0 likes, 0 repeats
       
       An ASMR YouTube channel where I consume those bags of dicks my neighbors keep telling me to eat
       
 (DIR) Post #AWrPmQinI5YIEOCfIW by dreamthievin@mstdn.party
       2023-06-19T20:29:01Z
       
       1 likes, 0 repeats
       
       I helped my blind date christen his new truck last night Although in hindsight I don't think Chevy makes a Sodoma
       
 (DIR) Post #AXxKOHsbHxf1NR4Q8u by dreamthievin@mstdn.party
       2023-07-18T14:42:28Z
       
       0 likes, 1 repeats
       
       My fave thing to do after a massive grocery haul is have Domino's meet me in my driveway with 3 large pizzas
       
 (DIR) Post #AY3x0my5FYXoyLqrGS by dreamthievin@mstdn.party
       2023-07-25T14:53:55Z
       
       0 likes, 0 repeats
       
       I wHOLEheartedly think my boss's ANALysis & ASSessment of my innuENDo was wrong. I went TIT for tat with a coworker BUTT only I got in trouble. NUTS.
       
 (DIR) Post #AYI8rNbPW1P8oVAYN6 by dreamthievin@mstdn.party
       2023-07-31T20:29:35Z
       
       0 likes, 0 repeats
       
       Sorry I slid down your banister but your bathroom was out of toilet paper
       
 (DIR) Post #AYI982spnk8HTgGYRk by dreamthievin@mstdn.party
       2023-08-01T13:02:38Z
       
       0 likes, 0 repeats
       
       *fakes death to see who comes to my funeral* *misses funeral when it's planned the same day the McRib returns*
       
 (DIR) Post #AZFxbICRsDQpL2hMW0 by dreamthievin@mstdn.party
       2023-01-06T20:26:38Z
       
       0 likes, 0 repeats
       
       Gynecologists in small towns spend a lot of time looking up old friends
       
 (DIR) Post #AZlOFEOtSl0BA1UJKy by dreamthievin@mstdn.party
       2023-09-12T16:07:30Z
       
       0 likes, 1 repeats
       
       Sex is great, of course, but have you ever gone more than 6 minutes without a Teams notification while at work?