Posts by aiju@chaos.social
(DIR) Post #AkznPU9ul7QdvGs2Ou by aiju@chaos.social
2024-08-15T12:51:28Z
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like you’re used to thinking about present tense vs past tense but chinese has 了 instead, which is an aspect marker and has nothing to do with tense, and you might spent some time confused thinking it’s a past tense
(DIR) Post #AkznPVrCRfeBBo87VY by aiju@chaos.social
2024-08-15T12:59:16Z
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this isnt fundamentally distinct imo from how people who’ve only ever done computer code find learning, say, law or continental philosophy difficult and confusing bc it requires very different ways of thinking that they might not even realise exist
(DIR) Post #AkznPXjpS2wJ1WhGIS by aiju@chaos.social
2024-08-15T13:01:22Z
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there is definitely a metaskill here of “not letting yourself be confused by previous knowledge” that comes a lot easier to children than it comes to adults
(DIR) Post #Al2CSVtndFpxMHnFqa by aiju@chaos.social
2024-08-16T19:14:39Z
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i have such hangups around traumaqueers…. it’s weird bc i used to see myself as one of them. i mean i am very traumatised and very queer ^^ but these days i’m pretty uncomfortable around them. sometimes feels like we have a fundamentally different and incompatible way of relating to that trauma.
(DIR) Post #Al2CSWhQejXHqD0tCi by aiju@chaos.social
2024-08-16T19:28:08Z
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like a common aspect of trauma is having aspects of your personhood stripped from you and my response to that has been to reclaim those aspects. to claim my place among the others, with all the rights and responsibilities that entails, etc. i.e. to boldly state that at the end of the day i’m still a person! and it’s a bit confusing to me when people go the other way.
(DIR) Post #Al2CSbeQFL6NCKe3iC by aiju@chaos.social
2024-08-16T19:40:19Z
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i think on a very fundamental level im fairly against “identifying” with your trauma. which i understand is difficult if your daily experience is fully defined by it. but the nice thing is that you can let go of that! as much as it’s difficult to fully heal, you can get a little peak behind the curtain of trauma (and imo, you’ll be happy you did), and there *is* something behind and it matters.
(DIR) Post #Al5xRrgSQi8tx9cpA8 by aiju@chaos.social
2024-08-18T14:45:26Z
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little flag i can set on my post to indicate that it is not meant to be literally and i am in fact being poetic goddamnit im reinventing tone indicators am i not
(DIR) Post #Al5xRtVXeGbDbsX8QS by aiju@chaos.social
2024-08-18T14:46:15Z
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i lowkey dislike tone indicator bc i feel like people should be wise enough to read tone through text but also in practice that doesnt seem to work out, so, idk
(DIR) Post #Al5xRvDtGrfUviI4Bs by aiju@chaos.social
2024-08-18T14:52:48Z
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i think part of what i dislike about tone indicators is also that they remove any and all ambiguity and i think the ambiguity around “is this literal? how much of this is literal and how much is poetic?” is actually something where people have to find their own answers
(DIR) Post #Al63TflmITAjJ2MK5g by aiju@chaos.social
2024-08-18T15:46:20Z
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i think my answer to “should you meditate?” is “probably not, unless you feel drawn to it” but i do think there is a caveat that neurodivergent people are more likely to be the kind of person for whomst it is worth it
(DIR) Post #Al63TgTNgM3BUGl93Q by aiju@chaos.social
2024-08-18T15:48:14Z
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everything feels kinda empty and pointless? every moment is suffering? somehow nothing ever feels quite right? you feel deeply unhappy but you also struggle to point at exactly what is making you unhappy? you may just be inclined to see samsara for what it is
(DIR) Post #Al63ThEWr3lRqUonXk by aiju@chaos.social
2024-08-18T15:50:04Z
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and i mean it might still just be a stupid mundane problems, if you have stupid mundane problems (lonely, bad living situation, no fulfilling activities, etc) then go fix those, but you may also just be suffering from a deeper ‘spiritual’ problem and there are established ways for resolving those (definitely not easy, though)
(DIR) Post #Al63Thk4xl09QLZzii by aiju@chaos.social
2024-08-18T15:54:07Z
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to be clear when i say ‘spiritual’ here i don’t mean spooky metaphysics, there is no need to invoke any gods or demons here. i think for me spiritual roughly means ~taking the contents of your mind seriously. it’s like your own private virtual reality so it’s gonna be a little weird.
(DIR) Post #Al63Tm4mqhwUrjIaYK by aiju@chaos.social
2024-08-18T16:03:44Z
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the pitch for meditation is like, by default people are horrendously confused about what their own existence and their own minds are like and the main effect of meditation is to clear up that confusion and see things clearly for what they are. and once you see past the confusions a lot of these pains i mentioned earlier just dissolve? it’s a little crazy.
(DIR) Post #Al63TndD4D4VgmPaqW by aiju@chaos.social
2024-08-18T16:06:54Z
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it would be nice if we could just tell people the correct way of seeing but unfortunately it tends to be impossible to say anything that is understood correctly. every description only seems to make sense once you have seen it for yourself. so yea the only way out is to sit.
(DIR) Post #Al64qbSMbCbiXlmAvw by aiju@chaos.social
2024-08-18T16:28:30Z
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@Hyolobrika the short answer is “just sit” ^^
(DIR) Post #Al8VeCZ0PVf4wY76qe by aiju@chaos.social
2024-08-19T19:43:58Z
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sometimes i worry im too boring and that im actually trending in a more boring direction, especially since i’m drawn to quiet and want to long term spend more time in quiet contemplative-ish activities ^^ but it does seem to make me more happy…
(DIR) Post #Al8VeDFBsfPD3NqnbM by aiju@chaos.social
2024-08-19T19:53:01Z
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like i can tell that im starting to enjoy silence more and more. i used to really hate breaks in conversations and now im like, this is fine. and i think i can extrapolate that at some point i will prefer just enjoying people’s presence in silence and that might be .. weird ? idk ^^
(DIR) Post #Al8VeHxIMd3tfKW4u0 by aiju@chaos.social
2024-08-19T19:55:42Z
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when i was a kid someone told me that the words spoken are actually the least important part of communication and i thought that was complete nonsense back then but the older i get the more it seems like he was right ^^
(DIR) Post #Al8VeJbOF2jClyHc2K by aiju@chaos.social
2024-08-19T20:38:21Z
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honestly i think im realising im mostly scared about being boring bc i dont have an embodied experience of being around people that have compatible vibes? most of the time when i hang out with people i can feel this tension bc they’re more drawn to intensity and i’m more drawn to quiet