Posts by BuffyHartland@tweesecake.social
(DIR) Post #AXvGND1F5QxVsbQHeC by BuffyHartland@tweesecake.social
2023-07-21T10:48:21Z
1 likes, 1 repeats
A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and looks sensational.On her way home, she stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”.‘About 32,’ is the reply.’‘Nope! I’m exactly 50,’ the woman says happily.A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question.The girl replies, ‘I’d guess about 29.’ The woman replies with a big smile, ‘Nope, I’m 50.’Now she’s feeling really good about herself. She stops at a candy shop on her way down the street.She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the assistant the same burning question.The clerk responds, ‘Oh, I’d say 30.’Again she proudly responds, ‘I’m 50, but thank you!’While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.He replies, ‘Lady, I’m 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was.It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra Then, and only then I can tell you EXACTLY how old you are.’They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the better of her. She finally blurts out, ‘What the hell, go ahead.’He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast.After a couple of minutes of this, she says, ‘Okay, okay.....How old am I?’He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, ‘Madam, you are 50.’Stunned and amazed, the woman says, ‘That was incredible, how could you tell?’‘I was behind you at McDonald's’.😃
(DIR) Post #AYE042wRxy1OHS8Tdw by BuffyHartland@tweesecake.social
2023-07-30T07:21:56Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
A woman was on the way to winning $100,000 on a game show, but her final question was suspended for the next night. Her husband sneaked into the studio and found the question and answer.He raced home and told his wife "Your question is 'What are the three main parts of the male anatomy', and the answer is 'The head, heart and penis.'The woman thinks about this throughout the night, but keeps forgetting the answer.Her husband keeps reminding her, "The head, heart and penis."Come the game show she has forgotten again, and the presenter asks, "For $100,000, what are the three main parts of the male anatomy? You have ten seconds.""Um... the head.""Good. Eight seconds.""Um... the heart.""That's right. Five seconds.""Oh... um... damn. My husband drilled it into me last night and I had it on the tip of my tongue this morning...""That's close enough! You've won $100,000!"
(DIR) Post #AZPQLlXCi66s8Xzvd2 by BuffyHartland@tweesecake.social
2023-09-03T22:28:35Z
1 likes, 1 repeats
IF YOU MARRY A NORTH CAROLINA GIRL Three friends married women from different parts of the country. The first man married a woman from Indiana. He told her that she wasto do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but onthe third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washedand put away. The second man married a woman from Michigan. He gave his wifeorders to do all the cleaning, wash dishes, and prepare gourmet meals.The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw itwas better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the disheswere done, and there was a huge dinner on the table. The third man married a girl from North Carolina. He ordered her tokeep the house cleaned, the dishes washed, the lawn mowed, the laundry washed and ironed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He saidthe first day he didn't see anything, and the second day he didn'tsee anything, but by the third day, some of the swelling had gonedown and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm washealed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load thedishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he pees. 😂😂😂💯🔥🙌🏼❤️👏🏼
(DIR) Post #AZuU4Nfv1eqlFaizcO by BuffyHartland@tweesecake.social
2023-09-18T18:21:25Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
A widow and widower lived next door to each other. They had been neighbours for over 30 years, but each had lost their spouse not too long ago. Over a number of weeks, they had become close. One day, the man asked the woman if she enjoyed fishing.Yes, she replied, she used to enjoy fishing with her late husband. The man agreed to pick her up at 6 a.m. the next morning. They went down to the river at the time they decided the next day, and began fishing.After a while, the man began to move the boat upstream. They came to a fork in the river and the man asked the woman, "Up or down." Being nice, he wanted to let her decide.The woman looked around, promptly took off all her clothes and jumped on the old man. They had passionate sex. After a while, they redressed and resumed fishing.Later in the day, they came to another fork in the river. Again, the man asked, "Up or down," and once again the woman stripped and another round of passionate sex commenced.That evening, upon arriving home, the man asked the woman if she would like to go fishing again the next day. The woman agreed. A little after 6 a.m. the next morning, they got to the river.As they came across that first fork in the river, the hopeful man asked the lady, "Up or down.""Down," the woman replied.A little surprised, the man headed that way. After a morning of fishing, they got to another fork. "Up or down," the man asked."Up," the woman said."Wait a minute," the man said. "Yesterday, when I asked that question, you took all your clothes off and we had passionate sex. What's going on?""Well," the woman replied, "yesterday, I forgot my hearing aid and I thought you said "fuck or Drown!'"
(DIR) Post #AaXTprlon6SmNxvJB2 by BuffyHartland@tweesecake.social
2023-10-06T17:36:17Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
Pets, it turns out, also have last wishes before they die, but only known by veterinarians who put old and sick animals to sleep.Twitter user Jesse Dietrich asked a vet what was the most difficult part of his job.The specialist answered without hesitation that it was the hardest for him to see how old or sick animals look for their owners with the eyes of their owners before going to sleep.The fact is that 90% of owners don't want to be in a room with a dying animal.People leave so that they don't see their pet leave. But they don't realize that it's in these last moments of life that their pet needs them most.Veterinarians ask the owners to be close to the animals until the very end."It's inevitable that they die before you. Don't forget that you were the center of their life.Maybe they were just a part of you. But they are also your family. No matter how hard it is, don't leave them."Dont let them die in a room with a stranger in a place they dont like.It is very painful for veterinarians to see how pets cannot find their owner during the last minutes of their life.They dont understand why the owner left them. After all, they needed their owner's consolation.Veterinarians do everything possible to ensure that animals are not so scared, but they are completely strangers to them. Don't be a coward because it's too painful for you.Think about the pet. Endure this pain for the sake of their sake.Be with them until the end.🐾🐾🐾
(DIR) Post #Acs3rCUEARh3rFNeAS by BuffyHartland@tweesecake.social
2023-12-16T00:16:00Z
1 likes, 1 repeats
A fart it is a pleasant thing, It gives the belly ease, It warms the bed in winter And suffocates the fleas. A fart can be quiet, A fart can be loud, Some leave a powerful, Poisonous cloud A fart can be short, Or a fart can be long, Some farts have been known To sound like a song...... A fart can create A most curious medley, A fart can be harmless, Or silent, and deadly. A fart might not smell, While others are vile, A fart may pass quickly, Or linger a while...... A fart can occur in a number of places, And leave everyone there, With strange looks on their faces. . From wide-open prairie, To small elevators, A fart will find all of us sooner or later. But farts are all bad, Is simply not true. We must never forget... Sweet old farts like you!
(DIR) Post #AvyGbacASsO22jjOKW by BuffyHartland@tweesecake.social
2025-07-09T13:33:57Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
@fesshole why not just admit it was you. Why put the animal through going to the vet for no reason.
(DIR) Post #AvyGngM8wZCnKE0BTk by BuffyHartland@tweesecake.social
2025-07-09T22:43:23Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
@Haikyoneko @fesshole yes, absolutely.
(DIR) Post #AwXWTLCaYeBzf3Yi6S by BuffyHartland@tweesecake.social
2025-07-26T21:01:08Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
@countrymetalhead great adition to the team. She's my bestest friend ever, we've known each other for many many years.