Post B3lMVxorgzBTOHM4v2 by garthderby@mstdn.party
(DIR) More posts by garthderby@mstdn.party
(DIR) Post #B3l2P8FwUa9weJU9dg by futurebird@sauropods.win
2026-02-27T20:27:39Z
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Why are there usb ports on the microwave?wrong answers only
(DIR) Post #B3l2SYWFItAQyGkAU4 by benhamill@eldritch.cafe
2026-02-27T20:28:14Z
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@futurebird Kink reasons.
(DIR) Post #B3l2XowPfrnnLpUfWy by FuturisticRobert@infosec.exchange
2026-02-27T20:29:10Z
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@futurebird Good news! They're connected directly to the magnetron so they'll charge your device in a minute or less!!! You no longer need to put your device directly in the microwave. Please note that the popcorn settings is not recommended.
(DIR) Post #B3l2YVXlHOdJTpI5Zo by GeePawHill@mastodon.social
2026-02-27T20:29:15Z
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@futurebird If you pre-warm a phone before you nuke it, it'll dry out faster.
(DIR) Post #B3l2ZEVW6aZkvtaQpE by afeinman@wandering.shop
2026-02-27T20:29:25Z
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@futurebird Rechargeable popcorn
(DIR) Post #B3l2a4rHSuslISAXy4 by ehproque@neopaquita.es
2026-02-27T20:29:28Z
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@futurebird so you can apply security updates to the firmware?
(DIR) Post #B3l2b58RvBSGReg8Ku by jmax@mastodon.social
2026-02-27T20:29:47Z
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@futurebird - So the mind control devices can coord- uh, sorry, what was I saying?
(DIR) Post #B3l2eVql3MreAT2Vpg by Dunpiteog@bark.lgbt
2026-02-27T20:30:22Z
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@futurebird to reboot it with Linux
(DIR) Post #B3l2gWSHm2YsclYEXg by glyph@mastodon.social
2026-02-27T20:30:46Z
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@futurebird it's where you plug in the temperature probe
(DIR) Post #B3l2kuYk65LOXYfEMy by jonquass@techhub.social
2026-02-27T20:31:33Z
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@futurebirdSpeed ports. They make the microwave work faster.
(DIR) Post #B3l2m3c3vDBcuPlNtw by mpark@mathstodon.xyz
2026-02-27T20:31:46Z
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@futurebird to run Doom
(DIR) Post #B3l2mhTxgkTSYsHTpQ by trurl@mastodon.sdf.org
2026-02-27T20:31:52Z
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@futurebird to find a new way to sell you $55 replacement fuses for when you inevitably plug two devices in *and* run the microwave. (It says not to do that in the manual!)
(DIR) Post #B3l2sFeq3JZc0E11Xc by EvilKiru@techhub.social
2026-02-27T20:32:53Z
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@futurebird To hasten the arrival of the apocalypse.
(DIR) Post #B3l2wyxPZVWdefxUfY by ranjit@friend.camp
2026-02-27T20:33:43Z
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@futurebird so you can plug in one of those usb mug warmers to warm up your coffee, since there's no other convenient way to warm it up nearby
(DIR) Post #B3l2xrMRIfdCNw5FB2 by Moss@beige.party
2026-02-27T20:33:53Z
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@futurebird it’s for the Ultra Scrumptious Brownies attachment, sold separately
(DIR) Post #B3l2z2ZP6uNRRHi81I by superflippy@mastodon.xyz
2026-02-27T20:34:06Z
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@futurebird To daisy chain the rest of the smart kitchen appliances.The microwave’s connected to the air fryer,the air fryer’s connected to the coffee maker,the coffee maker’s connected to the juicer…
(DIR) Post #B3l358BN9lksaDNH2e by rlstone4dems@mastodon.social
2026-02-27T20:35:11Z
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@futurebird The ports allow the microwave to cook. USB drives.
(DIR) Post #B3l3HGISoUFjDyTYUy by simplynacht@ieji.de
2026-02-27T20:37:23Z
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@futurebird stupid question. You need to charge your food (or Hamster) before heating it. Cold food (or Hamsters) are known to be low in energy, as the calories are not active in a cold state, so you'll have to charge it Up. As an alternative you can also put a (at least 500p mAh) fully charged Li-Ion battery into the microwave. Works basically the Same. You're Welcome.Oh, and just to be on the safe side: if your house burns down, it must've been because you didnt use USB 3.0 or the battery wasn't fully charged.
(DIR) Post #B3l3IB1ltDljAi6WtU by rlstone4dems@mastodon.social
2026-02-27T20:37:35Z
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@futurebird In all seriousness: I wonder what the US ports are for?
(DIR) Post #B3l3O0ip7Phqwm1VcO by amsomniac@mastodon.mit.edu
2026-02-27T20:38:33Z
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@futurebird ubikey lock feature
(DIR) Post #B3l3RCDoooYNTx2XmS by MostlyTato@mstdn.social
2026-02-27T20:39:12Z
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@futurebird So you can boot it to Linux!
(DIR) Post #B3l3SGSIZ1LstyK2Vs by masp@wandering.shop
2026-02-27T20:39:25Z
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@futurebird it’s for heating up US Beef.
(DIR) Post #B3l3W18VSixsY3r1Vo by GGMcBG@mstdn.plus
2026-02-27T20:40:04Z
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@futurebird To combat microwave fish stink at work, you can plug-in 2 high-power air diffusers nearby, and if you hear them running when you're down the hall you know it's time to leave for lunch because Rhonda has friggin' leftover crab cakes and chowder and it's Monday, Rhonda, for cryin' out loud, it's only Monday.
(DIR) Post #B3l3bmGfegcQAlQ5Im by kboyd@phpc.social
2026-02-27T20:41:05Z
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@futurebird to install additional magnetrons
(DIR) Post #B3l3dDuSMyKGBvicAi by NoRomBasic@mastodon.world
2026-02-27T20:41:23Z
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@futurebird For future DMCA updates...
(DIR) Post #B3l3e2pb2nk27cpxB2 by marshray@infosec.exchange
2026-02-27T20:41:29Z
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@futurebird keyboard and mouse, obs
(DIR) Post #B3l3pmaXGEG7DjOCm0 by Astronomy_A2Z@mstdn.social
2026-02-27T20:43:37Z
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@futurebird Because Universal Serial Buses powered by Love aren't as effecient as those powered by Microwaves.
(DIR) Post #B3l3qbDb1HDGFM36bA by bryanredeagle@beige.party
2026-02-27T20:43:43Z
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@futurebird Phone defroster
(DIR) Post #B3l4A5IfOt2d2tiDDM by PatrikSchoenfeldt@gruene.social
2026-02-27T20:47:18Z
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@futurebird You are not allowed to connect the microwave to the mains when you use it in reversed operational mode (microwave to electric power). Thus, you need these USB power outlets.
(DIR) Post #B3l4D7WJbPfInfXlaa by keithpjolley@discuss.systems
2026-02-27T20:47:51Z
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@futurebird it's to help you cook your thanksgiving turkey. the other end goes into the thing that pops out when the turkey's done. yum! two ports so you can cook two turkeys.
(DIR) Post #B3l4MLutRjCK3XRTJQ by thejacenallen@mastodon.social
2026-02-27T20:49:31Z
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@futurebird hack the planet
(DIR) Post #B3l4Qk2lgV7A2jDbLk by RogerBW@discordian.social
2026-02-27T20:50:20Z
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@futurebird Otherwise the front panel would be waterproof.
(DIR) Post #B3l4V2Tv4gsyNxy2bI by shovemedia@triangletoot.party
2026-02-27T20:51:05Z
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@futurebird some people prefer to attach a manual keyboard so they can punch in cook times with more thonk
(DIR) Post #B3l4eRNhrpKADWXoMC by paulc@mstdn.social
2026-02-27T20:52:47Z
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@futurebird For the mouse and keyboard.
(DIR) Post #B3l5E7AOVD0VwnKPi4 by Doomed_Daniel@mastodon.gamedev.place
2026-02-27T20:59:12Z
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@futurebird if your microwave is too small they allow you to plug in extra storage
(DIR) Post #B3l71p8lth18TPpuka by Plan_A_to_Y@furry.engineer
2026-02-27T21:19:24Z
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@futurebird because their lead designer got tricked by a "charge your phone using a microwave" video and decided to make it real.
(DIR) Post #B3l7JkoKjXOqG2pIHI by admin@mastodon.slightlycyberpunk.com
2026-02-27T21:22:39Z
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@futurebird Potentially *correct* answer: the [microwave brand] engineers must be fans of Allen Pan:https://www.wired.com/video/watch/video-game-microwave-that-only-cooks-while-i-play
(DIR) Post #B3l7h84kOyV34YeMXA by wrosecrans@mstdn.social
2026-02-27T21:26:54Z
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@futurebird You plug in a USB cable and use it to stir whatever you are taking out if the microwave. Perhaps occasionally even doing it intentionally. This also charges the food to replace any electrons that got loose during cooking.
(DIR) Post #B3l7uqvGyLZPvblJPk by CaptainPilot@mastodon.social
2026-02-27T21:29:23Z
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@futurebird that's because you need special USB dongle to unlock the "grill" function
(DIR) Post #B3l8CfYnxLAZtukTJ2 by hopland@snabelen.no
2026-02-27T21:32:36Z
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@futurebird it's for pumping Open Sauce. Don't mix up the cables now, or your laptop gets filled with ragoo.
(DIR) Post #B3l8Qatu4rpHVGG0VU by bryanredeagle@beige.party
2026-02-27T21:35:07Z
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@futurebird It's a modular add on system a la 90s consoles. You put the microwave on a big base that also doubles as a DVD player or a dial up modem or a rumble pack.
(DIR) Post #B3l8iqaCVggFLxkFxQ by ciro_mango@mastodon.uno
2026-02-27T21:38:25Z
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@futurebird to connect keybord and mouse to move it with wasd
(DIR) Post #B3l945IgzADJ52gN0q by gdinwiddie@mastodon.social
2026-02-27T21:42:15Z
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@futurebird Because not everything can be recharged with RF energy.
(DIR) Post #B3l98CG13uaboaOKkC by llewelly@sauropods.win
2026-02-27T21:43:02Z
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@futurebird you put your cereal into those ports. Two cheerios at the same time!
(DIR) Post #B3l9C4ZTa4l98RLGOe by Jumpmed@mastodon.social
2026-02-27T21:43:42Z
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@futurebird Download the codes for the nukes
(DIR) Post #B3lAgj4FgGMTNFuwpk by bjorndown@mastodon.social
2026-02-27T22:00:25Z
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@futurebird so you can upload a picture of the meal you want to heat up. from it the microwave will deduce how long the meal has to be heated until it is blazing hot outside and just about lukewarm in the middle.
(DIR) Post #B3lC3YVjCG95FODeIC by StealthyTango@mastodon.world
2026-02-27T22:15:46Z
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@futurebird if you plug the left one into the right one, the power goes round in circles providing unlimited free cooking - so long as you don't open the door and let the microwave escape.
(DIR) Post #B3lCrjALr4Y2lz90O8 by robertklaschka@mastodon.online
2026-02-27T22:24:49Z
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@futurebird I am pretty sure you can download food on to a memory stick and then take it to another microwave to upload.
(DIR) Post #B3lD7vSptltRY3Vwae by bk1e@mastodon.social
2026-02-27T22:27:46Z
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@futurebird to support USB Swanson-the-Go
(DIR) Post #B3lDaj0ZHwUXJa1aUK by amxmln@mastodon.design
2026-02-27T22:32:55Z
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@futurebird In case you need to fry something. 🙃
(DIR) Post #B3lE486d3RXBYHsfWy by BarneyDellar@mastodon.scot
2026-02-27T22:38:18Z
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@futurebird For sausages.
(DIR) Post #B3lE6zCmbUcwod7aCG by futurebird@sauropods.win
2026-02-27T22:38:50Z
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@StealthyTango So. Bad news. I opened the door and the microwave is under the couch in the teacher's lounge. Ideas to get it back in the box and heating my rice again?
(DIR) Post #B3lEPn6NpMKCmR5w6S by futurebird@sauropods.win
2026-02-27T22:42:14Z
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@admin I often wonder what is wrong with that man and why it is wrong with me too. What happened to people like us? I think as I desolider and sort resistors from the computer I found in the trash.
(DIR) Post #B3lEin9dr8sWRfgAjI by futurebird@sauropods.win
2026-02-27T22:45:35Z
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@josh0 NO.
(DIR) Post #B3lEp0YQwsTBk3EuK8 by futurebird@sauropods.win
2026-02-27T22:46:48Z
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@nazokiyoubinbou Especially when it's A and not 12v C. pffffft.
(DIR) Post #B3lFCir2PMndnRFWPQ by pointlessone@status.pointless.one
2026-02-27T22:51:02Z
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@futurebird To load new dingtones.
(DIR) Post #B3lG6amBd7AQxVcYls by hoco@sfba.social
2026-02-27T23:00:38Z
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@StealthyTango @futurebird seems legit
(DIR) Post #B3lG6bmvrpMG66yfZY by futurebird@sauropods.win
2026-02-27T23:01:09Z
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@hoco @StealthyTango It's simple physics.
(DIR) Post #B3lGYNIfKMKVGu3oTA by log@mastodon.sdf.org
2026-02-27T23:06:10Z
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@futurebird So the microwave can connect to the Internet while it's running the magnetron, because that interferes with the wifi. The microwave has to connect to the Internet to download security updates. It needs security updates because it is connected to the Internet.One can also plug in one's phone and open the microwave app to use custom one-touch button programs such as "leg of goat roast", "tuna casserole with narrow egg noodles", and "tuna casserole with wide egg noodles".
(DIR) Post #B3lGkfw1rwaGXeL0cK by Moss@beige.party
2026-02-27T23:08:22Z
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@futurebird @StealthyTango employee lounge microwaves are especially fond of fish
(DIR) Post #B3lH6othEBWwi0o26K by somesortofkreature@mstdn.party
2026-02-27T23:12:21Z
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@futurebird To plug the Arch installer usb drive into it of course!
(DIR) Post #B3lIF0lh4l0lnSX5pw by MThaastrup@helvede.net
2026-02-27T23:25:04Z
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@futurebird It's a Decepticon
(DIR) Post #B3lIGI1iOXldc1dVHE by ephemeral@mograph.social
2026-02-27T23:25:17Z
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@futurebird all the extra ones taken off macbooks had to go somewhere.
(DIR) Post #B3lIUNsNRZc5o9zO40 by bmitch@fosstodon.org
2026-02-27T23:27:48Z
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@futurebird "Why are there usb ports on the microwave?"Because if they placed the ports *in* the microwave, you couldn't use them while the microwave was running.
(DIR) Post #B3lIXpb4pmvieTXaoC by admin@mastodon.slightlycyberpunk.com
2026-02-27T23:28:29Z
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@futurebird Nice! I had a couple boxes full of broken electronics for scavenging that I finally mostly recycled last time I moved. Got some ports and speakers and things off of them over the years, but I don't hardware well enough for that shit. I can barely solder a couple connectors to an arduino without fucking *something* up, and getting terribly frustrated, and putting the project on the shelf for months or years...I prefer software. Desoldering is a damn nightmare. The delete key is so much easier :)
(DIR) Post #B3lIe4kLQDI9NHqxU0 by kyle@mastodon.ie
2026-02-27T23:29:36Z
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@futurebird on the back is a USB-B port so you can connect your computer because it's a USB hub and microwave combo
(DIR) Post #B3lIn5F8wbTvWOYQxU by mrgrumpymonkey@mastodon.social
2026-02-27T23:31:13Z
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@futurebird Gatta test the viscosity of a fork
(DIR) Post #B3lIrQjF0IONJdhlia by NocturnalNessa@infosec.exchange
2026-02-27T23:32:02Z
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@futurebird connecting the smaller peripheral microwaves for more complex dishes
(DIR) Post #B3lIsQUrLrjAszS9uS by aSweetGentleman@mstdn.social
2026-02-27T23:32:06Z
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@futurebird @StealthyTango Did you try luring it out with a frozen Hot Pocket?
(DIR) Post #B3lIxSNXmXGEAeQip6 by satuelisa@mastodon.social
2026-02-27T23:33:06Z
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@futurebird for when the lightbulb breaks, so that you don’t need to find a matching replacement; you put the led light in but you obviously get one with a flat cable so you can push the door closed over it (neither the port nor the plug can be inside since they have metal parts)
(DIR) Post #B3lJ8KespHbrPbj5QO by a2_4am@mastodon.social
2026-02-27T23:06:58Z
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@llewelly @futurebird no, they are clearly USB ports, not cereal ports
(DIR) Post #B3lJ9FunwlDIzUc6ee by xcanehan@fosstodon.org
2026-02-27T23:35:07Z
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@futurebird this is how micro-usb used to be made !
(DIR) Post #B3lJCSN063PqUHKQ5o by lapis@elekk.xyz
2026-02-27T23:35:48Z
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@futurebird how else am I supposed to speed charge my phone?????
(DIR) Post #B3lJSS6eqPlwIrJNLM by SpaceLifeForm@infosec.exchange
2026-02-27T23:38:43Z
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@futurebird To livestream the popcorn popping.
(DIR) Post #B3lJf59ZUiLcsdhG5o by electric_gumball@mastodon.social
2026-02-27T23:40:58Z
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@futurebird So you can download recipes off the internet & show the microwave what it's supposed to turn out like.The microwave will still destroy the food, but it'll do it with full knowledge of it's crime.
(DIR) Post #B3lJx2YBuWMm1Im8US by futurebird@sauropods.win
2026-02-27T23:44:15Z
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@Mungencakes What do you influence the food to do exactly?
(DIR) Post #B3lK7gWEAExKsKvt3o by ojocle_olonam@mastodon.social
2026-02-27T23:46:09Z
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@futurebird to get your food delivered to your USB capable gaming station once it is hot
(DIR) Post #B3lKUz9r1weZLOZvIu by greenpepper22@mastodon.social
2026-02-27T23:50:21Z
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@futurebird for directly cooking hotdogs with electricity, reminiscent of The Hot Dogger from the 1970s . Just plug the other end of the USB cord directly into the hot dog!!
(DIR) Post #B3lKtNezaDxsHom8ky by SoftwareTheron@mas.to
2026-02-27T23:54:47Z
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@futurebird That's where the cook comes out when they're expressed.
(DIR) Post #B3lLDzawFk5TjKhwrw by yugthebug@mastodon.social
2026-02-27T23:57:50Z
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@apLundell @futurebird bro might be cooking
(DIR) Post #B3lLE0PHEaLyFSG9Ka by futurebird@sauropods.win
2026-02-27T23:58:27Z
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@yugthebug @apLundell If you beatbox too close to the microwave you'll burn the popcorn.
(DIR) Post #B3lLFMwquX7cRuc9KK by blp@framapiaf.org
2026-02-27T23:58:43Z
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@futurebird Because if they were in the microwave you'd end up cooking your phone
(DIR) Post #B3lLHDUp1a1ziHNt6O by yugthebug@mastodon.social
2026-02-27T23:59:06Z
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@futurebird @apLundell wouldnt it stop early?
(DIR) Post #B3lLKjeFwL6qIfTV4a by futurebird@sauropods.win
2026-02-27T23:59:46Z
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@yugthebug @apLundell It stops when the average space between pops falls under some wonderful threshold i think?
(DIR) Post #B3lLO5ng2IEds7TxdQ by yugthebug@mastodon.social
2026-02-28T00:00:19Z
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@futurebird @apLundell oohhh smart
(DIR) Post #B3lLYK1Q0zwGsKmt4i by funnymonkey@freeradical.zone
2026-02-28T00:02:11Z
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@futurebirdSave your important work files in the water you are boiling. I mean. Obvs.
(DIR) Post #B3lLgkG0MBlmYjcuHY by DamonWakes@mastodon.sdf.org
2026-02-28T00:03:41Z
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@futurebird The left one is for Speed Defrost, the right one is for Start/Stop. They're clearly labelled.
(DIR) Post #B3lLl8tmgLCu8sKW36 by rk@mastodon.well.com
2026-02-28T00:04:30Z
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@futurebird To get to the other side.
(DIR) Post #B3lLoBieeTbZl5ZnRQ by SRLevine@neuromatch.social
2026-02-28T00:05:01Z
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@futurebird So you can run the toaster oven at the same time.
(DIR) Post #B3lLyZKphhCfthNrii by diver300@mastodon.social
2026-02-28T00:06:55Z
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@futurebird They're connected to the output of the HT transformer so you can use that for fractal burning without having to open the microwave and see the danger notices.
(DIR) Post #B3lMVxorgzBTOHM4v2 by garthderby@mstdn.party
2026-02-28T00:12:51Z
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@futurebird In the event that Princess Leia or Luke Skywalker need R2D2 to hack into the Empire data Base for plans to the Death Star to expose any vulnerabilities…while they’re popping microwave popcorn.
(DIR) Post #B3lNHFb5PeJ08bSTVQ by iomf42@chaos.social
2026-02-28T00:21:29Z
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@futurebird mouse port
(DIR) Post #B3lNKMhTSb5n2Ivnl2 by fluffykittycat@furry.engineer
2026-02-28T00:22:03Z
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@futurebird running a USB powered micro microwave
(DIR) Post #B3lNazMBVHfHYptrDF by leberschnitzel@existiert.ch
2026-02-28T00:25:03Z
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@futurebird ECU tuning
(DIR) Post #B3lO6oPbjPj0snfwy8 by 0x575446@mastodon.social
2026-02-28T00:30:49Z
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@futurebird It's so you can use a hardware security key instead of solving the captcha to cook your stuff.
(DIR) Post #B3lP9kLDQIOH52aI4W by futurebird@sauropods.win
2026-02-28T00:42:27Z
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@agturcz @a2_4am @llewelly I'm going to teach this to my students.
(DIR) Post #B3lPB2NnpVzjKEPUDA by dshan@mastodon.au
2026-02-28T00:42:47Z
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@futurebird USB-C? Nah, never gonna happen.
(DIR) Post #B3lPX3WWGn1hEXzDo8 by LuluHelle@ohai.social
2026-02-28T00:46:46Z
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@futurebird so you can charge the microwave as you use it.
(DIR) Post #B3lRMxnitIu8UwLg4e by HamonWry@mastodon.world
2026-02-28T01:07:19Z
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@futurebird These are used to power your warming trays for the Hot Pockets you just microwaved
(DIR) Post #B3lRyrInVAUnLXxA8G by lobsterofrevenge@mastodon.social
2026-02-28T01:14:12Z
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@futurebird so that if you are lost in the woods with your microwave and your phone is dying you can plug it in.
(DIR) Post #B3lS3L4ujkZaqzb05Y by dsalo@digipres.club
2026-02-28T01:15:00Z
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@futurebird For a couple of those USB-powered can fridges.Hot pizza and cold beer, what's not to like?
(DIR) Post #B3lS6qh1eOzpm2607U by autumn@mstdn.dk
2026-02-28T01:15:38Z
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@futurebird Command-line Microwave!
(DIR) Post #B3lSCX4FWwj2dzfWBk by mrgm@mastodon.social
2026-02-28T01:16:40Z
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@futurebird For USB to RS-232 serial console access/control
(DIR) Post #B3lSapKzFqx8G159MW by joriki@infosec.exchange
2026-02-28T01:21:02Z
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@futurebird you can power the microwave using your phone during a power outage
(DIR) Post #B3lTf7ebCGjMB1rqXg by goleztrol@mastodon.social
2026-02-28T01:33:01Z
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@futurebird With some cross link USB cables and a hub, connect it to the fridge and dishwasher and play multiplayer DOOM.Don't hook up the washing machine, though. It will rotate the token, putting sn early end to your KAN (kitchen appliances network) party!
(DIR) Post #B3lThCZPtAEc0JR1sG by Sgcrawford@dice.camp
2026-02-28T01:33:26Z
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@futurebird how can there be a correct answer??
(DIR) Post #B3lTqYzLuJbg8i1vpA by glutto@mastodon.social
2026-02-28T01:35:06Z
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@futurebird So you can run dual hot plates.
(DIR) Post #B3lUaCzu0BaDFw3KaG by leonardof@bertha.social
2026-02-28T01:43:19Z
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@futurebird synchronized swimming
(DIR) Post #B3lV4ZBg45FmlS2JE0 by mshiltonj@mastodon.online
2026-02-28T01:48:52Z
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@futurebird copy your files to the microwave and nuke them for 30 seconds to sanitize them -- it's the best way to remove bugs and viruses.
(DIR) Post #B3lXsFWvckPSBanKK0 by renardboy@mastodon.social
2026-02-28T02:20:11Z
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@futurebird so you can install linux using UEFI and free your food reheating process from the shackles of proprietary software.
(DIR) Post #B3lZt2Oy7WETfPZia0 by rgsteele@toque.town
2026-02-28T02:42:32Z
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@futurebird They're in case all the ports on your paper towel holder are in use.
(DIR) Post #B3leY2guLh90Fnm3BQ by chertridge@beige.party
2026-02-28T03:35:01Z
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@futurebird To plug in both Flux Capacitors.
(DIR) Post #B3lfSY0X6NGPb4tgbw by MamaLake@beige.party
2026-02-28T03:45:14Z
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@futurebird it's for calling the police : https://share.google/KmlgpJPWMSzwxsJ72
(DIR) Post #B3lfre0JwZdrR0lUJ6 by B_Bird@mastodon.social
2026-02-28T03:49:46Z
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@futurebird Obviously, to program the mark-space-ratio of the magnetron power-supply to play music as your food cooks.
(DIR) Post #B3ljdoHJLdZf3sN3OS by chamomile@furry.engineer
2026-02-28T04:32:02Z
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@futurebird That's for initial wifi setup for the smart features
(DIR) Post #B3ljf6YQsonw28zrBg by ottaross@mastodon.social
2026-02-28T04:32:20Z
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@futurebird because SCSI ports were too scuzzy.
(DIR) Post #B3lmxYGIuCA12g0Mng by mikesax@mas.to
2026-02-28T05:09:16Z
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@futurebird for camping, obviously ⛺️
(DIR) Post #B3lnZkiX2rlSfxQLYm by perhaps391@mastodon.social
2026-02-28T05:16:09Z
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@futurebird For firmware upgrades when they switch to "Metric Time" next year.
(DIR) Post #B3lpCd1vexIW5Ab94C by darac@furry.engineer
2026-02-28T05:34:22Z
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@futurebird For roasting battery chicken.
(DIR) Post #B3lpGKhJlFTMNqivs8 by fishidwardrobe@social.tchncs.de
2026-02-28T05:35:04Z
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@futurebird Uncooked Sausage Blinis?
(DIR) Post #B3lt7dpTf0swvheRyy by thegarbagebird@theblower.au
2026-02-28T06:18:14Z
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@futurebird it is to safely extract the very small waves for transport
(DIR) Post #B3lwr4WTYqbuc07O0O by SuperMoosie@mastodon.au
2026-02-28T07:00:03Z
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@futurebird Plug your USB software defined radio SDR.So you can listen into what message is being sent.
(DIR) Post #B3lyW8nQg2zvh1C9aK by young_ullrich@norden.social
2026-02-28T07:18:45Z
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@futurebirdthe two-factor firmware update security policy
(DIR) Post #B3lzoYzY7bHq6TDEhs by tadc47@hostux.social
2026-02-28T07:33:18Z
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@futurebird le fabricant a cessé de fabriquer des chargeurs usb et fait face à un surstock de usb femelle. En les mettant par deux il double la capacite de destockage....The manufacturer has stopped manufacturing USB chargers and is facing an overstock of female USB. By putting them by pair, it doubles the destocking capacity.
(DIR) Post #B3lzyOUS1MrWQfM0vI by tadc47@hostux.social
2026-02-28T07:35:03Z
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@futurebird needed to fill blank lines in the datasheet with fake args...
(DIR) Post #B3m3wr3XF62EGJHn0K by ImpossibleUmbrella@infosec.exchange
2026-02-28T08:19:37Z
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@futurebird There are only wrong answers!
(DIR) Post #B3m5iOYWbmuviz0vdQ by B_Bird@mastodon.social
2026-02-28T08:39:27Z
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@futurebirdThe 'Speed Deforst' port is to play video-games competitively against the microwave AI... Be Warned it will hold a grudge, and really screw up your food... so you better let it win!The start/stop port is to play cooperatively as a team and is recommended if you want properly cooked food !! Else it's off to ER with food poisoning.
(DIR) Post #B3mE96765HFByjQdF2 by cyclotopie@mastodon.gougere.fr
2026-02-28T10:13:46Z
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@futurebird As for myself, I was wondering why my USB hub had a knob and a door.
(DIR) Post #B3mPf1WNnAloUygKOm by hallunke23@troet.cafe
2026-02-28T12:22:54Z
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It's for charging your USB devices (e. g. phone etc.)While you microwave them.@futurebird
(DIR) Post #B3mPjGHaqqD5RGmjMO by graste@social.vivaldi.net
2026-02-28T12:23:38Z
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@futurebird To daisy chain your air gapped smart kitchen devices so they can communicate!
(DIR) Post #B3mPnFvW7JuNUcMbNg by janneke@todon.nl
2026-02-28T12:24:24Z
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@futurebird To charge your phone.(This is a wrong answer, because it either doesn't work, your phone will be stolen while charging it, or charging will take 10x as long as using your dedicated charger.)
(DIR) Post #B3mQAKL9sE6FqFMGsi by gundersen@mastodon.social
2026-02-28T12:28:33Z
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@futurebird it's not like it could be Bluetooth, the Faraday cage blocks the 2.4Ghz signals...
(DIR) Post #B3mYD0CfzuFXtHB49g by thejikz@infosec.exchange
2026-02-28T13:58:43Z
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@futurebird to plug in the turbo-encabulator.
(DIR) Post #B3mZkYTrfzw5i4mRP6 by JaykeBird@social.vivaldi.net
2026-02-28T14:15:52Z
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(DIR) Post #B3mahRN1kupKk8f28G by robbinthepeople@social.vivaldi.net
2026-02-28T14:26:35Z
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@futurebirdIt's the pro version with 2 game controller slots. You get to beat the other player and rotate the dish in your direction if you win.
(DIR) Post #B3mbBFFTOApjprL5vM by bogosity@im-in.space
2026-02-28T14:31:59Z
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@futurebird Allows the microwave to switch into two-player mode.
(DIR) Post #B3mcepWThWCigqxqjY by FaeAlchemist@denden.world
2026-02-28T14:48:21Z
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@futurebird To microwave data sticks to remove any digital pathogens.—✴️ :sylveon:
(DIR) Post #B3msVTLKOVGAYqJCj2 by outer@mas.to
2026-02-28T17:46:08Z
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@futurebird @kevpeirce That's so you can use your phone for a rice cooker.
(DIR) Post #B3mtNEhD4GAoltBF4K by antoinechambertloir@mathstodon.xyz
2026-02-28T17:55:50Z
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@futurebird for proton-charged food.
(DIR) Post #B3mz42RwyR7D0uGv9k by lxo@snac.lx.oliva.nom.br
2026-02-28T18:57:46Z
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it's for them to call mothership and get enshittification downgrades without the need for builtin networking gear
(DIR) Post #B3mzOfzreHCdSSyZ5U by lxo@snac.lx.oliva.nom.br
2026-02-28T18:59:17Z
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there was room on the panel, and you know how people are always desperate for changing ports
(DIR) Post #B3n02lKhEFPTagpn3w by lxo@snac.lx.oliva.nom.br
2026-02-28T19:09:00Z
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to cook phone batteries
(DIR) Post #B3n0H4ZEVp4tIdSQMq by StealthyTango@mastodon.world
2026-02-28T19:13:11Z
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@futurebird "Micro"waves are, of course, very small (which is why the holes are so small in the door screen). So, they are easily intimidated by larger waves. Your best bet is to scare it back in with a really big wave. Do you happen to know 110,000 Mexicans? https://www.topendsports.com/rob/spectators/starting-the-wave/
(DIR) Post #B3n0mVcpxd1SCD8K4e by lxo@snac.lx.oliva.nom.br
2026-02-28T19:17:13Z
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so you can plug in extension modules to cook with nanowaves, lasers, accelerated particles and the likes
(DIR) Post #B3nE9hj6QyxNn7SFKy by T_X@chaos.social
2026-02-28T21:48:43Z
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@futurebird also, notably it only mentions 2 Amp. Without a voltage.So it can also be used for super fast phone charging. With a typical 1kW microwave you could charge your phone at 500V/2A. About 10x to 100x faster than with most chargers.
(DIR) Post #B3nH9UMMQo9aCIPEcy by nichtsicher@flokinet.social
2026-02-28T22:22:15Z
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@futurebird To charge the microwave.
(DIR) Post #B3nKMhwDYgaFw9AllY by T_X@chaos.social
2026-02-28T22:58:16Z
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@futurebird also the USB ports must be there for some project @geerlingguy is working on.After connecting power hungry GPUs to a raspbery Pi, it seems like the logical next step to connect a 1kW microwave to a Pi for @geerlingguy :-)?Also, maybe @geerlingguy wasn't happy with the accuracy of the built-in clock of microwaves and complained to the manufacturer. An extendable design via USB was a compromise.Also @geerlingguy needed a WiFi + Meshtastic range. This is a radio signal amplifier.
(DIR) Post #B3nmaMpxbatzGRY1Am by rootbrian@mastodon.social
2026-03-01T04:14:27Z
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@futurebird It's inside it!
(DIR) Post #B3tMMG5iSRa8QcHxMe by VileOx@infosec.exchange
2026-03-03T20:48:54Z
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@futurebird The right one is marked "Start/Stop", so I assume a bluetooth dongle would suffice. On the other (wireless) end is a big red button. There may be some difficulty with the Stop function, as microwaves notoriously noisy in the BT spectrum.The left one is marked "Speed Defrost". Must be a speedy way to defrost electronics brought inside from the freezing outside. Handy!
(DIR) Post #B3zR0iKiRJu0Mqbtz6 by noondlyt@hellions.cloud
2026-03-06T19:09:16Z
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@futurebird To run your smart air fryer
(DIR) Post #B3zS9rfpBIj5tfPXmq by CStamp@mastodon.social
2026-03-06T19:22:09Z
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@futurebird So you can communicate with your food as you cook it.
(DIR) Post #B3zSRXDhxvSZfqgZ7o by mhoye@cosocial.ca
2026-03-06T19:25:20Z
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@futurebird to type your prompt in
(DIR) Post #B3zSUK1HV7JTbPCaH2 by schtaks@infosec.exchange
2026-03-06T19:25:51Z
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@futurebird yubi key to unlock the door
(DIR) Post #B3zSidHwemgNPwoutU by catdad@ohai.social
2026-03-06T19:28:25Z
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@futurebird so you can upload food items like popcorn and tunafish
(DIR) Post #B3zSwcotCDBu1Bty76 by ZenHeathen@beige.party
2026-03-06T19:30:54Z
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@futurebird To collect errant cheese
(DIR) Post #B3zUzpcsEstgVrwEsK by nshr@hhsocial.de
2026-03-06T19:53:57Z
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@futurebird To charge the microwave. It‘s two ports to support supercharging mode. But charging it with just one is ok also. If you’re lucky the left port will support bidirectional charging.
(DIR) Post #B3zXbmkVaEBsVFjcJc by hub@cosocial.ca
2026-03-06T20:23:14Z
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@futurebird to cook your devices
(DIR) Post #B3zYRJHEPCBW9fbql6 by sri@mastodon.social
2026-03-06T20:32:32Z
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@futurebird to connect microwaves serially. Clearly a new way to create a microwave botnet!
(DIR) Post #B3zmNRSLS4zpiqrEIK by tripleman@mastodon.social
2026-03-06T23:08:42Z
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@futurebird How the hell else else do you charge your chicken?