Post B21eqlCVBAb5Nwi1Bo by futurebird@sauropods.win
(DIR) More posts by futurebird@sauropods.win
(DIR) Post #B21ePudXzHuupfYbgW by futurebird@sauropods.win
2026-01-07T01:04:46Z
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There is something deeply wrong with this country and I think I've found the source. A totem, a moment, and artifact that has poisoned the American psyche since our nation's inception.I speak of course of "The Mammoth Cheese of Thomas Jefferson."Basically this "founding father" as had a big mansion called Monticello and in it, for a time, he had a big wheel of cheese someone gave to him. It was 1200 lbs. He had a room for it. Made people go look at it. You had to "view the great cheese"
(DIR) Post #B21eUfQdxTsZ74my1o by Jon_Kramer@mastodon.social
2026-01-07T01:05:32Z
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@futurebird He was a MONSTER!
(DIR) Post #B21ecrYKlVsL22IHXk by ramsey@phpc.social
2026-01-07T01:07:03Z
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@futurebird Look, if I had a 1200lb wheel of cheese, I’d build a room and make people look at it, too.
(DIR) Post #B21efdqMC0UXNk36W0 by futurebird@sauropods.win
2026-01-07T01:07:36Z
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On the surface? It sounds charming, right? Harmless. But think again. No one said "this is too much cheese, this is unseemly, cut it out" they just... went along with it. Munched on it for months!No one could question it. And this is the root of the evil in the soul of this country. We are haunted by the specter of men who'd call their mansion something absurd and needlessly fancy like "Monticello" but then have a big cheese and think it's fine. And that is my history for the day.
(DIR) Post #B21enZMEkqjhmnjzsG by futurebird@sauropods.win
2026-01-07T01:09:03Z
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@ramsey You see! It's infectious! Insidious. The secret dark "American Dream"
(DIR) Post #B21eqlCVBAb5Nwi1Bo by futurebird@sauropods.win
2026-01-07T01:09:37Z
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@Jon_Kramer *munsteralthough... it was cheddar, bland American cheddar.
(DIR) Post #B21f4kfXx5zDn5xxKa by snork303@toot.community
2026-01-07T01:12:06Z
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@futurebirdThus my little hunk of Beecher's Flagship Cheddar here at Chez Snork.
(DIR) Post #B21fHGCeXFxZ4CPq1w by Okanogen@mastodon.social
2026-01-07T01:14:15Z
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@futurebird I don't even know where to start the process of processing this.Much like I would not know where to start the process of starting the process of eating a 1200lbs cheese.
(DIR) Post #B21fK1aJLJUOb5ne9A by freequaybuoy@mastodon.social
2026-01-07T01:14:52Z
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@futurebird And so the same story repeats over and over in an endless churn
(DIR) Post #B21fNun4XrtYgScjzs by gbsills@social.vivaldi.net
2026-01-07T01:15:34Z
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@futurebird Well, it's better than my explanation that "Anglo Saxons tend to suck it big time".
(DIR) Post #B21gMvUQYlm0W7zleC by mtechman@mastodon.ie
2026-01-07T01:26:29Z
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@futurebird I really appreciate the quotation marks
(DIR) Post #B21hlJUH5a5nqf7H0a by stevenaleach@sigmoid.social
2026-01-07T01:42:07Z
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@futurebirdI love this! How have I never heard about this cheese?"Jefferson's policy to refuse gifts while in office led him on January 4, 1802, to pay Leland $200 for the cheese"" reported to still be there as late as March of 1804 (at which point it was described as "very far from being good").[9] Apocryphal accounts assert that the last of it was served at a presidential reception in 1805, or that it was dumped in the Potomac at some date unknown"https://www.monticello.org/research-education/thomas-jefferson-encyclopedia/mammoth-cheese/
(DIR) Post #B21huRBNqbHyJydB8y by futurebird@sauropods.win
2026-01-07T01:43:54Z
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@stevenaleach We must dive the Potomac, find the mummified rind of the cheese and destroy it to free the country from the terrible curse.
(DIR) Post #B21iMOpMCJyx7nf4YC by futurebird@sauropods.win
2026-01-07T01:48:54Z
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@apLundell Between this, the cheese, and calling the place Monticello I'm starting to think Jefferson was some kind of... weeb but for Italy?
(DIR) Post #B21iwZzWATrSAqfMIK by mkb@mastodon.social
2026-01-07T01:55:27Z
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@futurebird I am profoundly uncomfortable with you disparaging cheese like this.#cheeselife
(DIR) Post #B21jXXWiIIgdFEoibg by futurebird@sauropods.win
2026-01-07T02:02:10Z
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@mkb All things in moderation. Even the divine may overwhelm if taken in excess.
(DIR) Post #B21jdAnnhCiyVIUnC4 by futurebird@sauropods.win
2026-01-07T02:03:05Z
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@corujosilva I would not be shocked. This is ... it's a theme in the soil or water... something desperate and ... cheese-seeking.
(DIR) Post #B21jiPtizxZYlmlc36 by futurebird@sauropods.win
2026-01-07T02:04:02Z
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@faithisleaping @corbden @ramsey I think this is a joke... But American cheese comes in wheels. You are thinking of Processed American Cheese-Flavored "food" Product.
(DIR) Post #B21johvItQZCPcVNei by Faith@chaosfem.tw
2026-01-07T02:05:11Z
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@futurebirdBut "Big block of Cheese Day" was fun in the West Wing shows!
(DIR) Post #B21lIpEaNKMnjERv60 by eseubert@mstdn.science
2026-01-07T02:21:52Z
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@futurebird Ok I know your point was totally not this… but I can’t stop thinking about needing to eat some cheese ever since I read it. It’s been an hour and I’m STILL thinking about cheese. I might have a problem…..
(DIR) Post #B21lPHjbKCqhrG2KyO by catselbow@fosstodon.org
2026-01-07T02:23:03Z
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@futurebird The hardest part was milking the mammoth.
(DIR) Post #B21mCatuqyW3UVNEy8 by clayfoot@mastodon.social
2026-01-07T02:31:58Z
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@futurebird some day I shall have my own great wheel of cheesehttps://www.costco.com/p/-/whole-wheel-parmigiano-reggiano-approximately-80-lbs/100096211
(DIR) Post #B21mKTSAQXsIi39U6i by futurebird@sauropods.win
2026-01-07T02:33:23Z
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@clayfoot Look at his joy. He's so happy. Smug even. This is what cheese will do.
(DIR) Post #B21nc7DLww68u4CNaC by futurebird@sauropods.win
2026-01-07T02:47:48Z
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@nazokiyoubinbou @clayfoot To be fair if I had that much cheese I might look MORE smug.
(DIR) Post #B21ngr5NLKPGKSj9xw by esvrld@normal.style
2026-01-07T02:48:35Z
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@futurebird @clayfoot same energy
(DIR) Post #B21nhpqbQrpomJHiuO by futurebird@sauropods.win
2026-01-07T02:48:46Z
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@nazokiyoubinbou @clayfoot I have known the danger and it is why I am the perfect messenger of warning.And the only one who could be trusted with THAT much cheese.
(DIR) Post #B21nkIwaDuWpbAG9yK by futurebird@sauropods.win
2026-01-07T02:49:18Z
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@esvrld @clayfoot I adore the photo genre of "people holding big food"
(DIR) Post #B21p1YNkB6TOM7kiu0 by ramsey@phpc.social
2026-01-07T03:03:35Z
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@futurebird @nazokiyoubinbou @clayfoot I receive joy just looking at that cheese!
(DIR) Post #B21pSK7VJNpFwSvC3U by maxleibman@beige.party
2026-01-07T03:08:26Z
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@futurebird @clayfoot Gonna tell my kids this was Thomas Jefferson.
(DIR) Post #B21rULkIREChTI9zjk by varx@cybersecurity.theater
2026-01-07T03:31:11Z
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@futurebird @clayfoot I had to have "the cheese talk" with my kid the other day. She didn't know that pecorino romano (and similar) came in great honking wheels like this.
(DIR) Post #B21raW1t7HFl6TKRBw by varx@cybersecurity.theater
2026-01-07T03:32:12Z
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@futurebird It's this sort of forced admiration for "the big cheese" that led to today's centralization of power in the executive branch (or perhaps merely prefigured it, I can't really speak to the causation here).
(DIR) Post #B21scPfBr9FRtPBFsO by xris@ecoevo.social
2026-01-07T03:43:50Z
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@futurebird @clayfoot "Hot Cheesemongers In My Area" ...
(DIR) Post #B2288bHng35cWF2vkO by spiegelmama@infosec.exchange
2026-01-07T06:37:45Z
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@futurebird One of my most successful heists was stealing a wheel of cheese from a work party. I did look that smug. We had to have several house parties to get through all the ill-gotten gouda.
(DIR) Post #B22P4McPy0wx5iFuRk by Illuminatus@mstdn.social
2026-01-07T09:47:26Z
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@futurebird @clayfoot Sorry, but it is our* culture and we won't apologise for it.*European (yes, even British cheeses, I admit).
(DIR) Post #B22W3ZoU7ikZP3TIie by violanders@mastodon.nu
2026-01-07T11:05:45Z
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@futurebirdThere can never be too much cheese!
(DIR) Post #B22XBG95EQ5yfwKkam by futurebird@sauropods.win
2026-01-07T11:18:24Z
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@violanders Thus, man tempts the Gods to teach him an unforgettable lesson.
(DIR) Post #B22iC4wnRzz1jLBDVo by Flisty@mstdn.social
2026-01-07T13:21:43Z
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@futurebird @esvrld @clayfoot there's a big viral thing for giant croissants at the moment. I mainly blame a place in London called Philippe Conticini.
(DIR) Post #B22rIPt1PZobzrVkoq by Thomas@laserdisc.party
2026-01-07T15:03:41Z
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@futurebird I’m sorry, but that is an upsetting amount of cheese
(DIR) Post #B22suErExqmmkZHDn6 by woo@fosstodon.org
2026-01-07T15:21:48Z
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@futurebird Trump needs to lead a national team into battle (unless he's too scared) if he wants to be The Big Cheese. Warning: the video contains some 'Australian accent' English.Take a look at this annual Gloucestershire 'cheese rolling competition' https://share.google/pEO5MglQSMIEpUeoG
(DIR) Post #B23GXYNMd0MrWY1BMe by azurelore@eldritch.cafe
2026-01-07T19:46:34Z
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@futurebird mild, nutty counterpoint:🤤🧀
(DIR) Post #B2JiQHTcxwgYKbcwb2 by IngaLovinde@embracing.space
2026-01-15T18:14:26Z
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@futurebird this animated film https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Boxtrolls had enormous wheels of (aged) cheese in it. Like house-sized.