Post B1qPDWJKI8fyo5rAnI by Ailbhe@mendeddrum.org
(DIR) More posts by Ailbhe@mendeddrum.org
(DIR) Post #B1qFm8QA6cstJ9v9Zw by futurebird@sauropods.win
2026-01-01T13:06:50Z
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#fedihired ?What if we started #fediMarried? Bad idea? probably.I still think there ought to be some kind of introverts matchmaking service. And obviously it couldn't be a paid service as that gets the incentive structure wrong. I found my husband of 18 years online before "match.com" was totally broken. IDK what I'd do today. I know 6 people who kind of want to get married but none of them match. Gotta cast a wider net. They are introverts so this will not happen. How many have you got?
(DIR) Post #B1qFyM2dI6SB1gk48m by futurebird@sauropods.win
2026-01-01T13:09:03Z
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Lots of people don't want to get married and that's fine. I just think if people want to find someone they should be able to. Being married can be awesome.
(DIR) Post #B1qG6BrR1gGjlhEzA0 by Susanna55@mastodon.social
2026-01-01T13:10:25Z
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@futurebird great idea! #fedilove? the concept of marriage maybe not for everyone...
(DIR) Post #B1qGGQtVzEErI2673w by futurebird@sauropods.win
2026-01-01T13:12:19Z
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@Susanna55 That could be the more general umbrella. A great deal of the horrors of the "world of dating" seem to come from people who aren't looking for the same thing wasting each others time. If you want to get in a life long relationship be upfront about that. There are people who are looking for you!
(DIR) Post #B1qGQNSZbwIZX9EoEK by grootinside@troet.cafe
2026-01-01T13:14:03Z
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@futurebird The only situation i *could* imagine getting married is if that'd be celebrated with a Haka.Very VERY unlikely #age #socialdistance #nocommunity ...But that's ok.
(DIR) Post #B1qHU0CI8u0GUxulGq by Susanna55@mastodon.social
2026-01-01T13:25:57Z
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@futurebird ja, true! the wish for longterm is important!
(DIR) Post #B1qI81UUkhjO5sVpaq by futurebird@sauropods.win
2026-01-01T13:33:12Z
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I always thought that matchmaking should be like a kind of guild, and the matchmakers would have sashes with badges showing off all the good matches they'd made. It'd be all about bragging rights for the kind of people who pride themselves on having those kinds of advanced social skills. Maybe I will put such a guild in one of my stories.
(DIR) Post #B1qI8wFDkANi70nwCO by Dangerous_beans@aus.social
2026-01-01T13:33:15Z
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@futurebird @Susanna55 we're going to end up with a load of hashtags. FediMarried, FediLove, FediShag, FediSeriousButNonExclusiveThingSounds fun 😛
(DIR) Post #B1qIHSuy9HVLlOOjZo by darkling@mstdn.social
2026-01-01T13:34:53Z
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@futurebird This is not a million miles away from what some cultures do. I've had a friend ask me if I want him to have a word with his aunties about making a match for me.
(DIR) Post #B1qIuetDZVy2BeGeDQ by clayfoot@mastodon.social
2026-01-01T13:41:57Z
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@futurebird The founder of Hinge left that to start over with Overtone-a generative AI powered app to put people together. I don't know how AI can fulfill the promise of Match's original algorithm (matching people based on factors shown to lead to lasting relationships), but perhaps there is a legitimate use for generative AI in there.
(DIR) Post #B1qJ8TcAHyXbGvsd7I by futurebird@sauropods.win
2026-01-01T13:44:27Z
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@clayfoot He's just saying the new buzzword. Matchmaking isn't as complex as people want to make it. The most important thing is that the people want the same kind of relationship. So they have a shared vision of being together that makes sense. "What would it be like to take care of this person when they are sick? What will it be like to find their dishes in the sink?" These questions are key. It's pretty normal to want a partner, they won't change who you are or solve your problems.
(DIR) Post #B1qK3i6J6OoMhrGngW by quinn@social.circl.lu
2026-01-01T13:54:44Z
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@futurebird I believe the best way to find a partner is to work on things you care deeply about in a community of action. At worst you also get a bunch of great and interesting friends.
(DIR) Post #B1qK780dEQEpveFGGu by BritishKoalaTea@social.coop
2026-01-01T13:55:23Z
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@futurebird count me interested! Bumble has been OK for coffee dates but not for second dates, the local singles in-person event I went to was full of people a LOT older or younger than me (I'm 50).I'm an introvert but when I'm with my people, I don't look it.
(DIR) Post #B1qKQodox0ULeTxmjY by futurebird@sauropods.win
2026-01-01T13:59:00Z
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@quinn I agree up to a point. This can be a trap: people will think that just by doing things they care about with other people they will eventually "naturally" just meet someone. It was only when I leveled with myself about what I wanted "I want to get married, a life long relationship" that I started making any real progress. I knew many nice people but not enough to meet someone like my husband. Started to think there was something wrong with me since it didn't just magically "happen"
(DIR) Post #B1qKc5U4fb1f4fmN5U by futurebird@sauropods.win
2026-01-01T14:01:02Z
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@quinn I literally ran the numbers and realized I only met about 3 new people in my age range as friends every 5 years or so. My husband and I had zero friends in common, did none of the same clubs or activities. We would have never met in NYC if not for the dating app.
(DIR) Post #B1qLAkMFD0f1ghdxjs by skyfaller@jawns.club
2026-01-01T14:07:16Z
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@futurebird @quinn Interestingly, my best friend from grade school married someone who was college roommates with my now wife, so theoretically, I could have met my wife though his wife. But we both met our partners on OK Cupid (when it sucked less), so if that website didn't exist, that connection would have also been impossible. We were all attending another grade school friend's wedding, when my partner introduced herself, and his partner said, "I know you!" My partner didn't recognize her.
(DIR) Post #B1qMH4cKtgUQDHkcvQ by clayfoot@mastodon.social
2026-01-01T14:19:37Z
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@futurebird It is pretty normal. I'm skeptical that generative AI can do any better than algorithms and data at narrowing matches and getting people together, but maybe there's something related to it (like visualization) that gen AI can do better.
(DIR) Post #B1qMNhbUrL1krhWGB6 by venya@musicians.today
2026-01-01T14:20:48Z
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@futurebirdMy wife and I are both introverts. We met in 2nd grade. I tell people I married the first girl who was nice to me, which is almost literally true. I wouldn't have the foggiest notion how to find someone as an adult.
(DIR) Post #B1qMZ3KqP20lRv8txg by quinn@social.circl.lu
2026-01-01T14:22:52Z
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@futurebird honestly, you make a lot of sense here. I think I stumbled into a short cut by being in activism circles. People who by definition are doing something social and compelling in common, but also weird and niche to most other people, make natural partners. And activists constantly sleep with each other, which also isn't a great idea, but it is a great shortcut to partnering 😂
(DIR) Post #B1qMpnX8PGbVMcsNEG by futurebird@sauropods.win
2026-01-01T14:25:56Z
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@quinn On my dating profile I added a line that said "maybe we can go protest the Republican national convention together" as a "date idea" and this resulted in fewer messages in my inbox but those that came were higher quality and shortly after I got a note from my now husband asking if I wanted to go to the AMNH and could we talk about Jane Jacobs maybe? The protest suggestion made most of the "hey baby" type responses dry up.
(DIR) Post #B1qMwhyZT2rQ9f0KPo by quinn@social.circl.lu
2026-01-01T14:27:09Z
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@futurebird That Jane Jacobs move is clutch 😂
(DIR) Post #B1qMya8VaPjcQ4Xu0e by futurebird@sauropods.win
2026-01-01T14:27:32Z
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@quinn He had me good with that one.
(DIR) Post #B1qN2qyOve6lnSr4Xw by quinn@social.circl.lu
2026-01-01T14:28:13Z
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@futurebird perfect, no notes.
(DIR) Post #B1qNye9Glil2okUqQq by PizzaDemon@mastodon.online
2026-01-01T14:38:31Z
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@futurebird I have a vague memory of meeting with one back in my late 20s. The woman she set me up with was.... Her assistant. Was never sure if that meant she held me in great esteem or if her cupboard was bare. Can't even clearly remember if I met the match.
(DIR) Post #B1qPDWJKI8fyo5rAnI by Ailbhe@mendeddrum.org
2026-01-01T14:52:32Z
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@futurebird That profile line is genius.
(DIR) Post #B1qQEjwVC5c9KTKIS0 by lydiaconwell@todon.nl
2026-01-01T15:04:00Z
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@futurebird I think we're all married to Fedi on here.
(DIR) Post #B1qRK8noIEkZpgOraq by futurebird@sauropods.win
2026-01-01T15:16:14Z
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@quinn I thought it was a bit forward when he wanted to show me his spreadsheets about the transportation times for different subway lines on just the second date... but I also said YES. Being a demure woman of quality I did not show my spreadsheets to him about prime numbers until we were going steady.(this sounds made up but is how it really went down)
(DIR) Post #B1qShwEIn1Ojk8hcqe by billseitz@toolsforthought.social
2026-01-01T15:31:41Z
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@futurebird did you see the Mrs Maisel episodes with her mother entering the matchmaker biz?
(DIR) Post #B1qSwU4vjlr0mHFsTA by futurebird@sauropods.win
2026-01-01T15:34:22Z
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@billseitz I'm not familiar with Mrs Maisel, was it a positive thing?
(DIR) Post #B1qT2bz3G6wP25QY40 by admin@mastodon.slightlycyberpunk.com
2026-01-01T15:01:39Z
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@futurebird So I had an idea for this for ages that I would occasionally post and always get a couple boosts and favorites so I finally started making it a thing: @FediMatch
(DIR) Post #B1qT9hna2NCn5vRbGq by lethe@digitalcourage.social
2026-01-01T15:36:42Z
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@futurebird @quinn I showed this post to a friend who is currently using dating apps because she tells me about weirdos and creeps on a daily basis.Apparently she already has stuff like that on her profile but it doesn't help.
(DIR) Post #B1qTGqO2VOzvkztxSq by raederle@masto.nu
2026-01-01T15:37:57Z
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@futurebird I met late husband on match.com almost 20 years ago. He was an extrovert and great at matchmaking his friends just not so much for himself until we met.
(DIR) Post #B1qTVk7K68eQejBegy by billseitz@toolsforthought.social
2026-01-01T15:40:37Z
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@futurebird positive, but not just a hobby...https://youtu.be/ThMCyZmK-b0?si=QEh5gKaGJaqMe3ql
(DIR) Post #B1qUrNeEQ0oLIHSeLQ by Moss@beige.party
2026-01-01T15:55:44Z
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@futurebird Before the internet I had the notion to provide a dating service for weirdos. I wrote up a long questionnaire with questions about creativity and special interests. I hung up flyers all over Minneapolis, got a P.O. box, and left stacks of the questionnaire at coffee shops. I got six respondents, none of whom were a match for each other, and the project stalled out there. Part of the problem was I had no money and no outreach skills of my own.
(DIR) Post #B1qV5SCmGuZVTwKYFs by futurebird@sauropods.win
2026-01-01T15:58:24Z
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@Moss I love this so much. I love that you did this.
(DIR) Post #B1qXXigGoDFIb4jOpE by quinn@social.circl.lu
2026-01-01T16:25:52Z
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@futurebird I just have to add, this is just *so* *damn* *cute.* Primes!
(DIR) Post #B1qY3iGfsZd6aE0yNU by rlcw@ecoevo.social
2026-01-01T16:31:35Z
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@futurebirdMrs Maisel is a good series. The matchmaking thing in there felt neither especially good nor bad I felt - just part of those communities tradition.@billseitz
(DIR) Post #B1qZM4Um4p7qgeva1w by ix9@social.vivaldi.net
2026-01-01T16:46:11Z
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@futurebird @quinn That was my experience too: I had to level with myself and explicitly decide that "yes, I want to be married". I didn't use a dating app to reach that decision. Are those things unrelated? Or was the app important for you in your process? I'm curious.
(DIR) Post #B1qZWbXW4eJu4GEUSm by ix9@social.vivaldi.net
2026-01-01T16:48:06Z
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@futurebird The idea sound great! I'm not so sure about the name: #fediMarried sounds like a club for people who have already reached that aim.
(DIR) Post #B1qaDhRtyjU6qc9jg8 by rlcw@ecoevo.social
2026-01-01T16:55:52Z
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@futurebirdI sometimes feel that the way online dating is set up, it gets in the way of seeing those basic things. A friend of mine has just asked me to pick natches for her in blind mate - which is a dating app where friends pick matches - like tinder but one of each of your friends needs to swipe right. It's an interesting experience.@clayfoot
(DIR) Post #B1qbpr4ClgP1dQpUuG by moriel@chaosfem.tw
2026-01-01T17:13:58Z
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@futurebird @quinn I hope you don't take this poorly, because it's meant entirely in a lighthearted and happy way, but that is one of the most autistic things i've ever read! 😆 i've been reading a lot about autism lately, because i've been trying to learn more about myself, and your description of how y'all met sounds absolutely like something i would want to happen in my life!
(DIR) Post #B1qivXfIW1UKsVq2MK by jasper@beige.party
2026-01-01T18:33:25Z
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@quinn I think that is a very common feeling among introverts and autists—everyone around us seems to be stumbling into relationships, and that just doesn't happen for us. I share the experience that being intentional and systematic about it actually helped!
(DIR) Post #B1qmWvSlIYt9GMUagK by vinay@veganism.social
2026-01-01T19:13:49Z
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@futurebird I think that's a great idea! I'd probably call it #fedipartnered though because marriage is such a loaded term.The way I look at it, the internet and our lifestyles have hollowed out the community spots in which people historically ran into each other and initiated conversations - the town squares, the churches, the bakery, even the bars. So it falls to the dating apps to be the "town square" in which you "see" others and others can see you.This is why I have a Bumble profile, even though I have very low expectations from it.
(DIR) Post #B1qysbRlb57l0N86tc by rogerparkinson@mastodon.nz
2026-01-01T21:32:09Z
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@futurebird just an aside about the earliest 'dating app' I've seen. Late 70s, pre internet, but we did have a corporate link between branch offices around our small country. This allowed a chat app. It was in the days of terminals that had no screens, they had dot matrix printers and lineflo paper. One of the lads based at head office in the south of the country began finding excuses to travel to a particular branch office because he'd had some encouraging chats with a lady there. Not the same as today, but the idea of meeting/matching online goes back a long way.
(DIR) Post #B1r70BJTRe3Zu1NLfc by firebreathingduck@social.vivaldi.net
2026-01-01T23:03:11Z
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@futurebird a quick count says I have 6, but I bet I could find more.
(DIR) Post #B1s7ZwkXGOKiJl30Mq by lienrag@mastodon.tedomum.net
2026-01-02T10:44:15Z
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@futurebird Have you watched Rohmer's "Conte d'automne" ?@billseitz
(DIR) Post #B1sKwbQlzUq6GNwAym by lienrag@mastodon.tedomum.net
2026-01-02T12:51:42Z
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@futurebird Gen ai (as in generative AI) can't do anything and is just a buzzword here.General AI would certainly be able to perform well, but it doesn't exist (and we have no idea if it ever will exist).AI in general may be helpful though, provided it gets enough data.I mean, a lot of data, as to be able to point to patterns that a human wouldn't see.@clayfoot
(DIR) Post #B1sKwcYFpAPxjsRfHM by futurebird@sauropods.win
2026-01-02T13:14:09Z
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@lienrag @clayfoot But, it already has ... all of the data possible. I think people don't understand just how huge "training data" (train is a poor word, it should be just called "data" or "data to be optimized into a relational fine-grain net with a ton of computing time")
(DIR) Post #B1sNcp0u53n6Sb62UK by futurebird@sauropods.win
2026-01-02T13:44:08Z
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@lienrag @clayfoot I thought you were replying to the other thread. I thought you were talking about it in a more general way. Not this "application"