Post B0XT07pH7TASYeHXiS by Tattie@eldritch.cafe
(DIR) More posts by Tattie@eldritch.cafe
(DIR) Post #B0XT07pH7TASYeHXiS by Tattie@eldritch.cafe
2025-11-22T11:00:48Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
The male loneliness epidemic: firstly it's real, and secondly we know the fix. The fix is men reaching out and talking to other men. The problem persists when men keep trying literally anything other than this.
(DIR) Post #B0XT09Aw6Q5Yk7QM7M by Melezioh@mstdn.games
2025-11-22T15:38:28Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
@Tattie this would help but especially as a trans man, that would not be a solution. Trans men do experience a loneliness problem and part of it is exclusion within the LGBTQ+ community. So men talking isn’t going to solve anything.
(DIR) Post #B0XT0A4EmoKBVdIWJc by Tattie@eldritch.cafe
2025-11-22T16:30:52Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
@Melezioh I'm gonna be blunt in the next couple of paragraphs, and I expect it will cause some discomfort, which I would ask you to sit with and ponder a bit before responding.If you feel you are being excluded by cis LGB people specifically, trans women have long reported the same-- it's transphobia.But if you feel you are being excluded because so much seems to be by and for women (or "women and femmes"), this is the male loneliness epidemic that I'm talking about. And the solution has to be the same as for the wider population-- organising with other men, particularly other queer men, to create "safe enough" spaces and opportunities for connection.I know, it's nowhere near as easy to do as it is to say, and I'm sorry. I transitioned into femininity, and even accounting for transphobia I feel less isolated now, because women are there for women. I hate that the price for trans men is increasing isolation. Because largely I don't see men being there for men.I love my transmasc brothers and siblings and always try to include and think of you. But ultimately I'm a woman. An outsider. And solutions have got to come from the inside.
(DIR) Post #B0XT0B4H49wqc2K40m by Melezioh@mstdn.games
2025-11-22T16:41:39Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
@Tattie I see what you are saying but is not part of the solution for people (femmes/women) not to exclude men? Like trans spaces should be inclusive and general lgbtq+ spaces should be inclusive of men. I was once much more welcome, as a lesbian and now excluded. I understand women and femmes wanting space but is not part of the problem men being excluded? Not sure how to phrase that but lgbtq+ and trans spaces should be welcoming of trans and queer men. There is also the issue of trans men not being welcome in gay male spaces but I can’t really speak on that as I’m not gay.Edit: I do recognize transphobia definitely plays a role in all of this and affects trans women tok. This would be like trans men in queer men spaces.
(DIR) Post #B0XT0CPa4QaMmPIarQ by Shivaekul@infosec.exchange
2025-11-22T22:02:12Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
@Melezioh @Tattie It sounds like part of what you are saying is that spaces created by women, for women, were more welcoming than spaces created by men, for men. And that sounds correct, unfortunately, and it seems like everyone in this conversation agrees on that point. But the next step is, why does it become women's responsibility to make welcoming spaces for men and women, rather than for men to get their own house in order? I understand that you didn't really create the situation, and it absolutely sucks. But solving it requires understanding and acknowledging that is a problem with the way men act and associate. I enjoy women led spaces too, I've been going with my mum and sister to derby and it's been awesome how it's so competitive and wholesome at the same time. But as men it's also worth thinking about how we can make our spaces better too. (And I know you feel like you have very little power, but like everything else in life, it's all about the little connections and actions you take, that slowly add up. So I hope you can find a crew that is there for you, and that you can be there for <3 As we all do our part to make the world better, it will get better.)
(DIR) Post #B0XT0DXPsmRoGzyMiG by Melezioh@mstdn.games
2025-11-22T22:45:58Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
@Shivaekul @Tattie I’m not saying it’s women and femmes jobs to create open spaces for all and I get why they want their own spaces. I used to be part of those spaces. Just some spaces should be welcoming of all, that aren’t. Also that trans guys are in a sticky spot that even with queer guys there is the extra hurdle of transphobia of being welcome into men’s spaces. Even queer men spaces, trans guys are met with transphobia and excluded. Anyways I didn’t have a solution but don’t feel like the only needed solution is just getting with men to solve trans guys loneliness problem. It’s not on women and femmes to solve. I’m not saying that. Just it’s complicated. I’m not trying to get anyone to do the emotional labor. It’s just a layered problem where trans guys need to be welcome in more spaces, including trans spaces where they are not always welcome and should be. Not saying we should invade women and femme spaces if that is what they are but if they are not…Im probably just digging a hole. Sorry.
(DIR) Post #B0XT0ERQWXFb4iB612 by strypey@mastodon.nzoss.nz
2025-11-23T13:43:16Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
(1/2)@Melezioh> Even queer men spaces, trans guys are met with transphobia and excludedStraight cis guy brainstorming here, sorry if advance if I'm putting both feet in my mouth. But...From what I've heard and noticed, caucus spaces for queer people often have strict safer spaces policing, and low tolerance for violations (3 strikes is generous in these groups). I totally get why. These people cop a lot of shit from society and large, and desperately need safer spaces.@Shivaekul @Tattie
(DIR) Post #B0XT0FtT7lH9ZyJ0Ma by Tattie@eldritch.cafe
2025-11-22T13:09:05Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
Also this video describing the violence done to men by patriarchy is on point https://kind.social/@nat/115589323785683574That's what yous men are up against, and that's why talking and listening might feel terrifying, but it's essential.
(DIR) Post #B0XT0LrYvlJe5nSZE0 by Melezioh@mstdn.games
2025-11-22T22:49:03Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
@Shivaekul @Tattie Sorry if I’ve just irritated and dug a hole and maybe I’m off the mark. Mens spaces need to be inclusive and we need to create safe spaces and that is definitely a major issue but those shouldn’t be the only spaces. There’s a hole in the lgbtq+ spaces where many trans guys at least once felt most comfortable and welcome and suddenly are not.Edit: also sorry I veered from your original post and point. I’m in agreement with it just that it’s more complicated than that when it comes to trans guys.
(DIR) Post #B0XTP1cvIyhmZSNTpA by strypey@mastodon.nzoss.nz
2025-11-23T13:47:54Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
(2/2)Also, the pool of queer people is smaller than the pool of people in general, and the pool of gay men even smaller. So as with any subculture, there tends to be high overlap between social circles, which can lead to strong cultural patters forming (I noticed this in the small 1990s anarchist and punk scenes in Aotearoa).So, maybe the solution to the problems @Tattie and you raised are the same? More (pro-feminist) men's groups, open to all men, *including* those excluded by ABCD rules?
(DIR) Post #B0XThuYTozwG8mIxyS by strypey@mastodon.nzoss.nz
2025-11-23T13:51:18Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
(3/3)i agree with @Tattie that this is not women's responsibility. I would add to this, that it's not on you and other trans men either. It's on me and other cis men to set up support structures for me that are trans inclusive, just as we've made the effort to set up men's groups that are pro-feminist, at some times, in some places.Maybe this could be a cross-generational solidarity thing between Xers who remember how in-person organising is done, and Zoomers who are keen to learn?