Post Ax3I2e1BVIpTtr8YEa by detondev@social.linux.pizza
(DIR) More posts by detondev@social.linux.pizza
(DIR) Post #AqGS2heo9fUXGqddbc by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-01-20T05:53:46Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
@bri_seven
(DIR) Post #Avw4U1K1hD6Cn9wxpR by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2024-11-17T16:06:36Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
i'm a girl trapped in a boy's body. literally. somebody cut it open and get me out, its pretty cramped being encased in slimy flesh 24/7
(DIR) Post #Avw4U2g2eqIszjG3ma by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2024-11-17T16:42:22Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
posting this from the church bathroom btw
(DIR) Post #Avw4U3GCUPE8nsAw8u by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2024-11-17T17:03:44Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
i hate that i find some of the boys around my age at church cute. like that happens abit less often than with girls whys it have to be ones who want me dead ðŸ˜
(DIR) Post #Avw4U3qiIeQyd7G63U by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2024-12-08T16:59:59Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
there's a guy at church who's always covered in maga/thin blue line/american flag themed clothes and he looks EXACTLY like this mf from the polar express
(DIR) Post #Avw4U9eWisFcd3bRtQ by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-02-16T19:02:37Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
wild that this is what turned into a megathread about what my church experience is like
(DIR) Post #Avw4UG1n1IQMOwX6zA by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2024-12-08T18:01:04Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
theres also a lot of old ladies in really cute outfits. i wanna wear them all one day even though id look a century in the past
(DIR) Post #Avw4UOQtlpGKT8LHEW by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2024-12-08T20:46:27Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
also there's this one guy who's an academic involved in geopolitics of some sort, my family used to go to small group at his house, back when we both went to a different church before both leaving basically cause it went too woke lol
(DIR) Post #Avw4UWSxu1fXNrN2Z6 by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2024-12-08T21:00:39Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
recently he's been getting really into demonology, and constantly asks the pastor to cast out all these demons that are apparently lurking in the sanctuary. it's funny to see the pastor listlessly waving his hands going through the motions as fast as possible
(DIR) Post #Avw4UdylyAGsgXJ2cC by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2024-12-22T16:47:38Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
my church just used blatant ai art for an event announcement ew ew ew
(DIR) Post #Avw4UlyiEGybUfL6dE by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2024-12-22T17:02:48Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
yall during worship a guy's phone ringtone went off while they were doing that play-the-piano-while-saying-psuedoinspirational-platitudes bullshit, and those corporate chimes fit PERFECTLY, like they were part of the band lol
(DIR) Post #Avw4Uu3yAbw2ZHrPw8 by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2024-12-22T17:49:43Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
going to my church really shows how voice is lowkey the most important thing for passing. i bet a solid 25% of women here would totally get accused of being trans satanists tryna infiltrate if their pitch and resonance was a bit more masculine, and they spoke and carried themselves with less cisfidence
(DIR) Post #Avw4V2DTr8IRr6N7s8 by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-01-12T17:17:37Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
the people in charge of the projector at my family's church are bafflingly incompetent, like half the time at least they always mess some shit up with the lyrics or something
(DIR) Post #Avw4VAMzXeer8uspo8 by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-01-12T17:23:10Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
oh there's a lady i don't think i've seen before here who kinda resembles me and has slightly cooler outfit than usual for this crowd, now im a little jealous lol
(DIR) Post #Avw4VISbSftsEdZQfI by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-01-12T17:45:59Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
After the sermon, most people go into the fellowship hall and start talking. I don't believe any of them can actually hear each other cause of how much talking there is at once. It makes me want to die. They must be hallucinating the response they think they hear, responding to that, and watching their conversation partner do the same.
(DIR) Post #Avw4VQiqk9eJrLEW6C by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-01-12T18:13:15Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
im so jealous of this one friend group of teenage girls here, fuck my shitty tranny life
(DIR) Post #Avw4VZZxoYtBKO92zw by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-01-19T17:30:24Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
as someone who's tasted cardboard, this church's communion wafers taste like cardboard
(DIR) Post #Avw4VhaG3LsU9cLOZE by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-01-20T00:41:02Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
my parents went off on a back and forth rant about how both the sermon and worship, for a while now, has apparently been so riddled with theological problems that they're considering leaving us kids home from church. cause they don't think we're discerning enough to firmly tell that so much of it is an evil tool of satan. i hope this happens, would be a funny way to get out of church
(DIR) Post #Avw4VpFHZDqvusakz2 by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-01-20T23:52:53Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
soooo from 5 to 9 pm every day this week my whole family is going and operating part of the church as a place for homeless people to stay out of the unusual levels of cold that'll be happening and eat a while. my mom sort of strongarmed the church into letting her do it, one of those things my mom disliked about the church was that she felt their "community services and charity" were all nothing burgers that didn't take any real resources or effort and were more just promotional social gatherings
(DIR) Post #Avw4VxD5xErAcPd7gW by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-01-20T23:58:52Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
ive talked a lot about the horrible things my parents have done due to how true believer they are, but as what we're doing now demonstrates, at least that also means they aren't one dimensional villians at the end of the day
(DIR) Post #Avw4W5ByHIi9NFAL2m by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-01-21T03:42:37Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
alright im back home from helping with that, it was... interesting. for starters, the church had a mlk day free clothing giveaway this morning and there was some thrift store truck that was supposed to come take the leftover shit away before we got there, but the church made some mistakes about when they'd be available and it was allllll still there, barely anyone had actually taken anything earlier.
(DIR) Post #Avw4WDjaWCM3roxIYK by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-01-21T03:47:49Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
so i copped a bunch of clothes for myself, i don't actually have that many and it makes my parents upset sometimes lol. actually got away with taking some femcoded stuff, though they called me out when i was going through the girl section and i had to play it jokingly. maybe ill sneak some of that next time...
(DIR) Post #Avw4WLZFOWpwA4B9Xs by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-01-21T03:56:09Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
also at first i was tryna take this ac/dc cap even though i don't listen to them, just cause it looked nice. but my dad spotted it and went off about how they're one of the most satanic bands there are (which makes me wanna check them out ngl, even though hes said the same things about coldplay lol) and threw it in the trash to keep any homeless people from touching it too. so i settled for a pi cap instead ^_^
(DIR) Post #Avw4WTlwtBkZbmBPSC by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-01-22T01:05:12Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
another thing i forgot to mention, some people my mom's known for a long time, from back when she was some sort of social worker / volunteered for this one organization (idk this part of her past well), showed up. and they posted about what was happening on their facebooks, and so some of their friends showed up too. suprise, these people were from macedonia! the woman started crying when mom spoke her language and pointing to me telling her that i was born there, and they've invited us over for macedonian food as soon as possible. my parents are taking this event as a sign from god that they're doing the right thing.
(DIR) Post #Avw4WblBBvt8NhsuMi by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-02-02T15:45:10Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
lol the church people gave a weirdly broad thank you for this, my mom isnt registered with them even though we show up here every sunday so they gotta make sure some of the good optics go to them
(DIR) Post #Avw4WquwptcBOLZQAq by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-02-02T16:11:16Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
our church's ever-rotating cast of worship singers generally interject random wannabe deep statements about God, and wannabe emotional stories about his works in their lives, into worship. and it's always very obviously inorganic yet treated as if it wasnt
(DIR) Post #Avw4X0L9novYcEtym8 by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-02-02T16:56:05Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
but today, a lady who usually only shows up sometimes to play the piano sang one song after rambling about how she used to sing this song over and over to herself when she had a miscarriage 6 years ago and she was sorta tripping over herself as she talked and the singing was less polished and it all came off so distinctly sincere compared to how it's always been that it exposes the others for what they were, even as she was trying to do it in the way they did
(DIR) Post #Avw4X8g0oAMYTEikOO by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-02-02T17:42:26Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
my family walked out the church to the car rather than stopping and talking, and dad introduced us to this guy who was blatantly just finishing up vaping or doing some other sort of drug, going "this is Rico, he has a habit". and my younger brother went "there's a lotta people with habits here" and gestured at another dude who'd left the church to smoke, shit was close to comedy sketch timing, maybe i could workshop it into something im writing
(DIR) Post #Avw4XH7bPTBaf7gtVY by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-02-02T19:28:41Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
my mom's autistic about jesus, that must be it. after the song i mentioned ended she was excitedly offering constructive critique of its theology to dad while doing stimmy little hand motions
(DIR) Post #Avw4XPTWLrTKZQ0Vma by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-02-16T15:29:43Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
i hate how this church adds pop choruses to century old hymns like if you want tradition commit to the bit you cultureless cumbubbles
(DIR) Post #Avw4XYCptGTPeHGoWe by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-02-16T16:01:37Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
how much hearing damage do i have from their dogshit audio mixing and volume, the world will never know
(DIR) Post #Avw4XhRLYgQcHt81tQ by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-02-16T16:18:23Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
today was one of those sermons where the pastor brought up the forces of evil and darkness every few seconds and offered to cast out demons from anybody who had them, got me feeling like im in the victorian era or some shit
(DIR) Post #Avw4XpoKR7Z6FTwUpE by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-02-16T16:34:32Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
my mom just randomly put both her whole hands on a black woman's hair, palms and all. classic mom!
(DIR) Post #Avw4XyGH16fiST4vUe by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-02-16T16:58:24Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
my dad just randomly went "that guy has iii-ssues!" to me after interacting with a mentally disabled guy who visited church today, in the middle of the whole gathering crowd. classic dad!
(DIR) Post #Avw4Y6qj5SaH5qC9QG by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-02-16T17:13:23Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
btw, i ran into that same guy a short while later. he went "nice hair man, how long did you grow it?" and i replied "about 4 years." and he responded something like "sorry i talk so much, i cant stop talking to women im such a flirt, i do it so much im talking to guys who look like that too now"
(DIR) Post #Avw4YEmPbNt1gmEooC by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-02-16T22:55:51Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
lmaooooo turns out my mom invited that very same black woman and somebody else over to dinner, she said we were having guests, yeah thats it just keep cranking the awkwardness up
(DIR) Post #Avw4YMiS5zTMIoRlkO by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-02-23T15:40:15Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
a cute little kid smiled at me from over his mom's shoulder in worship today 🥲
(DIR) Post #Avw4YUbel8n2m3KSGW by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-02-23T17:17:59Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
an underrated part of modern christianity's chokehold is that it's an excuse for dudes in conservative circles to express emotion. come to this church and you'll see dudes moved to tears at how god's protected and healed them and people they know as if it were a distant surrogate for openly showing any built up anxiety from what they experienced. you'll see dudes moved to tears at what god's done in their lives and in the church as if attributing the accomplishments of you and your team to him made it ok to be overwhelmed after hitting a milestone, kept it from being evil sinful pride
(DIR) Post #Avw4YcWHL1F3JgsGzg by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-02-23T17:37:43Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
yall the way our pastor yells and moves at key moments of every sermon reminds me of the bit from toy story where woody goes "YOU, ARE, A, TOY!" soooo much
(DIR) Post #Avw4YkhCwGjmfu378i by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-03-02T15:41:03Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
okay so once every year our church gathers everybody at a local creek and baptizes anybody who wants it there. the time is coming up fairly soon, and the projector slide for the event has started coming up. funny thing is that they've called it "WATER BAPTISM" and i know why cause of what they preach but allllll my brothers started joking about fire baptism instead
(DIR) Post #Avw4Yt9VUw7ytzLpMO by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-03-02T16:34:05Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
yall there's a guy here who looks just like dream and he's wearing a "i miss the kids table" shirt
(DIR) Post #Avw4Z1a2AC6H2Zp7om by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-03-02T17:21:37Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
mom: "todays sermon made me cry, in a bad way"little brother: "yeah cause it was soooo loooong"mom: *puts head in hands*
(DIR) Post #Avw4Z9nnatreXaKENs by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-03-02T18:39:36Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
every day the artlessness of conservative christians reaches a new low. our church replaced some of their old lights with these tacky ones that change color for different parts of the service, and it really doesn't mesh at all with anything else. nothing here meshes with anything else. like the stained glass cross and octagon windows next to the seasick-orange varnished wood pulpit and pews with new qr codes all over them, the different graphic styles of the slides, the 80's pop-rock-country-gospel derivative worship, it's all so intensly ugly and nobody seems to feel it but me
(DIR) Post #Avw4ZIAQUeiYU4yPlQ by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-03-09T14:44:56Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
oh yeah now they're using more corporate artstyle posters than ever way to back me up
(DIR) Post #Avw4ZQZtDrq6ZMwrZ2 by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-03-09T15:05:26Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
every worship singer should be banned from adlibbing
(DIR) Post #Avw4ZYuOFWzWPGbLd2 by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-03-09T17:41:28Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
to be clear, the worship leader was doing na na na na na na nursery rhyme melody type shit in between verses
(DIR) Post #Avw4ZhLGtTFOYxEvdg by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-03-09T18:00:35Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
this church looooves having crying white women come in front of the congregation at smoothly scripted moments to tell us how great our god is in a suspiciously coherent way throughout how broken up they're supposed to be about it
(DIR) Post #Avw4ZpyCob91K1W8R6 by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-03-16T15:00:47Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
as the worship band was playing that one song with the lyrics "I am who You say I am", i was singing "I am who I say I am" without consciously realizing what i was doing till halfway through that part. clearly the devil's got my soul in a chokehold
(DIR) Post #Avw4ZyBGHwLEmpgftg by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-03-16T16:49:47Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
*jumping in place while fist pumping* "MAKE ISRAEL GREAT AGAIN! YES! YES! YES!"- the pastor
(DIR) Post #Avw4a6a13mtcpvKYam by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-03-16T16:54:01Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
okay this isnt actually what he meant by that (even though he supports the genocide while hating netanyahu, he's too spineless to express any controversial shit this openly) but its a funny moment outta context, i should try looking for the online recording of the service lol
(DIR) Post #Avw4aEsODMLYZDzLLE by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-03-16T19:14:49Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
bad news for me yall, it seems like my parents have started befriending that maga polar express guy and his wife. ive learned theyre some of the people who move here from the south, and that they live in the most redneck area of our county, where most of the confederate flags are, neither of which surprise me. what does surprise me is that he was wearing merch for his original state's football team, one of our state's football opps. people here are NOT NORMAL about football so i wouldn't recommend that even though he said he's just tryna be funny lol
(DIR) Post #Avw4aMqYa3dNHrBzay by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-03-16T20:30:53Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
also, turns out he's also a preacher, he apparently gave a sermon here one time when i was sick at home and didn't hear it. my parents praised him for it being good, which makes me worry about how chuddy it mightve been lol they dont do that often. he's apparently going to seminary soon and now my parents are expressing worry that it might "corrupt" him cause they view seminary as generally manufacturing pastors who orient their whole speaking style and theology around what grows their church and pockets more rather than doubling down on the least marketable biblical beliefs. which i actually think is kinda facts haha
(DIR) Post #Avw4aUjlFCx3l64g76 by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-03-16T21:30:34Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
my whole family debated with each other abt the logistics of baptizing "large women" the whole way back from church. classic family!
(DIR) Post #Avw4acY0CoIbywdOtc by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-03-16T22:00:53Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
soooo my parents invited the turkish ex military guy we watched the super bowl with back over for my mom's soup and bread, and so far they've mostly just been tryna evangelize him with many stories about how god's protected us through the ghettos and slums we've lived in, miraculously given us food and money through my dad's jobless periods, helped us deal with authoritarian governments, shit like that. while i think they sincerely believe what they say, ill never be able to figure out how many of their miracle stories are exaggerated, rely on shit they didn't know, or are just pure coincidence.
(DIR) Post #Avw4al4uULNMRK5nIe by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-03-16T23:24:30Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
one thing they've heightened in this telling for me is the hostile atmosphere of governments thickly intertwined with religion. we were in gaziantep near the border, close enough to the war in syria that we'd hear gunshots and explosions way off in the distance sometimes, mom was getting isis recruitment ads on youtube till my older brother introduced us to adblockers, some of their ppl would drive down the street waving the flag out their window, there were constant religious and ethnic tensions, murders between the turks, kurds, syrians, and iranians in the area, there was a big riot on our street the week we happened to be staying at a contacts home in the finnish countryside. meanwhile the local mosque once handed out toy ak47s to the local boys, my dad got interrogated by the terrorism squad over suspected cia connections due to preaching at a small iranian church, he got interrogated some other times for other christian american reasons, i remember sitting in a white plastic chair in an officials office playing with one of those little plastic plinko toys or some shit once while he was getting interrogated, not to mention we got forced out the country lol
(DIR) Post #Avw4aszX4DpMyxdc1o by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-03-16T23:35:27Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
as yall can see, my parents'll consistently (correctly) criticize islamic religious institutions and leaders like erdogan when they do religious conservative authoritarianism, crazy racist and sexist policies, shit like that, but they'll almost always approve of similar shit done in the christian god's name in the usa. closest you'll get is hearing them say george w bush wasn't a good christian, and that his war was "misguided" lol, and i think that's just cause of how majority history looks back on it
(DIR) Post #Avw4b13179Mty5KVZQ by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-03-23T22:09:37Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
one thing i do give this church credit for is that it's probably the most diverse one ive ever been in, in terms of race and class and background. though while there's some things they've done i think encouraged this, i credit this more to it's location than all that
(DIR) Post #Avw4b9CWnfjJFtqDVQ by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-03-30T14:39:38Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
FUUUUUCCCCCKKKKK the la la la la lalalah adlib spread to another worship singer whos never done it before, it's a mind virus
(DIR) Post #Avw4bGyzrrexOFZWWe by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-03-30T15:35:57Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
the pastor looooooooves preaching about cheerful giving half the time
(DIR) Post #Avw4bP61hc2IYMvFaq by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-03-30T17:45:22Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
the pastor often tells his "come to christ" story, forming a rock band with his identical twin brother in the 90s that made "dark, evil music filled with vulgar words", eventually promoting it at a church, and then some girl quoted the bible to them, they turned to jesus, and now he's preaching and his brother's one of the worship singers
(DIR) Post #Avw4bXSIcgbcTlP9Q8 by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-03-30T18:01:49Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
today the brother played one of their old songs, but rewritten to be christian and for tenebrae. it was actually better than most christian songs cause it took a darker tone than most, and i give them points when they do that cause i know most christian people aren't capable of fully engaging with any art that ultimately makes them feel something negative (except maybe passion of the christ). i suspect this might be why nobody clapped for him lololol
(DIR) Post #Avw4bfg43OMzyluFzE by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-04-06T17:42:37Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
woke up early and so all through church i was on the verge of passing out like my little brothers had to keep hitting n pinching me
(DIR) Post #Avw4bnVMx2ZIFuxpQW by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-04-13T17:05:30Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
palm sunday. its crazy to me how literally every church ive ever been to gives out palms today, even the ones that r just some random ppls apartment doubling as one of only two churches in gaziantep. dad says even when he was preaching at rural indian villages they had them. he says they prolly plucked them from a local river, but i wonder how every other church gets them. do they just order some cheap fake plants off amazon or some shit??
(DIR) Post #Avw4bveAgCMXVX8yG0 by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-04-13T17:39:58Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
the pastors pants r purple. why r they purple
(DIR) Post #Avw4c3gEoOlkQGAjaa by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-04-13T18:18:18Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
one of my younger brothers made a crown wrapping palms together, had one sticking out that made him look like an angler fish lolwhen he put it on my older brother tho it genuinely made him look better, like the way it waved his hair made him downright pretty
(DIR) Post #Avw4cFQj7tUYrd0W4u by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-04-14T03:46:58Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
my family's idea of humor is often speaking in racist stereotype versions of other languages and accents, and they do it so much its like their first impulse now. my younger brother just described in detail how he almost made "muslim noises" at a guy leaving the church bathroom and had to bite his tounge a moment in, and the mental picture he painted was wayyy funnier than every time he's ever made "muslim noises" lol
(DIR) Post #Avw4cNt1gYsl5iJEIa by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-04-20T02:23:41Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
fuck i forgot my family's gonna make me get up over an hour sooner than i usually do for easter sunday service. i always forget that part. why
(DIR) Post #Avw4cWjmmHq2Xf3Te4 by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-04-20T22:13:47Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
back from easter service btw, was abt what i expected: church stuffed with people who only come on holidays, the most hardcore members serving as choir, everything simplified from usual for the kids. now i just have to deal with my mom's church friend group coming over
(DIR) Post #Avw4cf7palpGYYMnEe by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-04-21T06:23:54Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
wholesome: little brother bonds with elderly woman with the makeup skill of an average babytrans girl over islamophobia
(DIR) Post #Avw4cnNMut0Y93hJZ2 by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-04-27T15:31:26Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
my mom found out the church needs a new bass player and is tryna convince my lil brother to do it by... insisting it's the manliest instrument? cishets.
(DIR) Post #Avw4cv4WIqgU0uwNIO by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-05-04T16:34:46Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
im pretty sure ive only mentioned this once in a dm convo over the four years ive been here, but my youngest brother cant walk cause of cerebral palsy and uses a wheelchair, and there’s a lotta ppl in public who won’t be chill about it lol. ESPECIALLY christian ppl. literally a golden opportunity to publicly perform good personness by going and randomly praying out loud for the cute lil boy in the wheelchair in the middle of a fucking supermarket. or at church.
(DIR) Post #Avw4d3SZ7Kfi1oFgsy by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-05-05T01:30:21Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
ppl here gotta stop making their teenage daughters join the worship team, they can't harmonize for shit without wayyy more training
(DIR) Post #Avw4dBKhqR8eRkdWkK by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-05-18T16:37:46Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
actually, there's a silver lining to the daughters forced to sing. their relative lack of professionalism means that when one of those aforementioned tearful white women are yapping, they just stand around awkwardly waiting for it to be over rather than doing prayer type motions like the church elders. i love it lol
(DIR) Post #Avw4dJbf5HSG6edBHk by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-06-01T14:04:03Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
there’s this psychologist who goes to our church. he’s 44 years old, met his wife on a christian dating app, and they've adopted all black kids. while that makes me side-eye cuz there's some weird racial dynamics in this church, they're also undeniably doing a much better job at parenting then my parents in all the ways so idrc lolhe’s got something to do with my family’s legal stuff with regards to homeschooling so we've been talking to him after church
(DIR) Post #Avw4dRvo8GK5vS7NnU by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-06-02T01:56:25Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
we actually visited their fancy ass house last year. most i remember of conversation was that he shaded one of my little brothers a lot, sometimes funny sometimes wack.he brought out this board game called "pretty pretty princess" to entertain his youngest daughter, and at one point joked about how my parents could get him banned from becoming a church member by taking a picture of him in the plastic tiara that shit has u wear. thinking of how he still participates in the church with that awareness of how ridiculous it all is, messes me up sometimes to this day.
(DIR) Post #Avw4daAzThDnUrHcZc by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-06-08T16:13:48Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
a cute little kid smiled at me from her pew once again, but this time she was only here cause it's child baptism day, where the pastor brings infants on stage and pours water on them, makes their parents swear their undying loyalty to the church, and then they all rush to dry the kid off or shake them around tryna keep them from crying and screaming
(DIR) Post #Avw4diehx5kJnLFT0K by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-06-08T16:44:42Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
just saw maga polar express guy without a maga or american flag cap for the first time and he has one of the most medieval friar-coded hairdos i recall seeing in recent memory. keep the hats on buddy
(DIR) Post #Avw4dqr3T4NNDx5RMO by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-06-15T16:06:33Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
there was a no kings protest outside my family's church the other day, and today, one of the church's limited rotation of white women who cry on stage told the congregation about how she met the organizer and "found out" she was "just worried about her children's future" and then prayed with her for the prince of peace to come into her life "as an agent of jesus, not of politics"
(DIR) Post #Avw4dz0DAuSCUfQrk8 by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-06-15T18:15:27Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
one of the church elders, the (ex?) military programmer / kung fu instructor / podcaster who tried to pay me to make art for his christian nfts, told my brothers he was starting a carnivore diet and launched into a drawn out, very animated description of how the youngest should shave his head "like that x-men, you know" before another interrupted to awkwardly get across that mom wouldn't let them watch that kind of stuff
(DIR) Post #Avw4e6UxJ0Cnk2s18S by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-07-06T16:46:20Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
the pastor's on sabbatical for the first time in his career, so for the summer it's all guest pastors. ive talked about this outside the thread before, but he's the sort of guy who constantly emphasizes how apolitical he is before u meet his friends and find out they're all nazis. every time he's invited somebody to preach here and introduced them as a good friend, they've been the ones to talk about how all queerness is inherently sinful and whatnot.meanwhile the furthest he'll usually go is ocassionally saying something like "men and women are different, amen? our male singer and female singer's voices were designed to harmonize!" (his world would be rocked by TransVoiceLessons lol)
(DIR) Post #Avw4eDtfnV8WgjUM8O by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-07-06T20:39:35Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
GOD MADE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU... EUNUCH!
(DIR) Post #Avw4eLoINNaXEN2ArY by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-07-06T20:40:02Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
today it was a brazillian missionary pastor who's been here a buncha times and always complains about queers and liberal christians. except for now! it was a more tolerable sermon cause most of it was a sob story about a ukranian lady with cancer. he pronounces "unique" as "eunuch", which lead to some amazing moments ^_^
(DIR) Post #Avw4eVKWytimkxBXrE by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-07-08T12:15:07Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
younger brother chatted up the turkish ex-military guy again in the hall. he wants to have a "christian jihad" (his words) in india to deal with the "rising hindus"
(DIR) Post #AwN3aydDWBBLj1hgpc by feliks@chaos.social
2025-07-20T23:07:58Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
@kolya @detondev @BingsPingsDings oh sounds like a glassy closet. if her tits couldn't save him ig only christ could ;(
(DIR) Post #AwN3b0BdjgJMY4oh7o by BingsPingsDings@social.linux.pizza
2025-07-21T20:34:41Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
@feliks @kolya @detondev only boobs can save me
(DIR) Post #AwN3b11kbvzl9hCJLk by m0xEE@nosh0b10.m0xee.net
2025-07-21T21:42:53Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
@BingsPingsDings@social.linux.pizza @feliks@chaos.social @kolya@social.cologne @detondev@social.linux.pizzaHelp me, Boobie-Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope! 🥺
(DIR) Post #AwnYiFTHeG4QfYmVxw by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-07-13T16:46:45Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
"so i was taking my kids to this candy store... and they were going like DADDY I WANT THIS DADDY I WANT THAT, and so it's my duty to limit them, what they put in the candy bag. truth is, i do it more for MYSELF. SAY AMEN TO THE CANDY BAG CHURCH!" - guest pastor
(DIR) Post #AwnYiGWVjkFJvrIbdQ by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-07-13T17:54:55Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
younger brother introduced the turkish guy to the islamophobia lady today. she opened with a long winded explanation of how she's an armenian born in gaziantep, got away to america on a ship, and dislikes "all that stuff over there". turkish guy praised her for not hating him for being turkish or blaming him for the armenian genocide, and retold how he got away from the turkish military and would get in trouble if he went back. one of the good ones! #wholesome
(DIR) Post #AwnYiH9rNRintti1y4 by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-07-20T14:12:55Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
"SAY AMEN TO THE CANDY BAG CHURCH" has quickly become a meme phrase in my family cause my mom was openly musing about if it was disrespectful to the word amen after the sermon, which naturally caused my brothers to use it to be funny. we just apply it to any fleshly pleasure now. i make pancakes and its SAY AMEN TO THE PANCAKES CHURCH
(DIR) Post #AwnYiHiFJbE9cXnUZ6 by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-07-20T16:31:49Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
gonna be so real first thing i thought when today's guest pastor stepped up and started speaking was "faggot", interesting he's got to such a high position in a conservative christian org when everything about him gives stereotypical gay guy vibes
(DIR) Post #AwnYiILaxIhdaaCutk by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-07-27T17:26:51Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
i still can't figure out what's up with worship leaders at this church. are they bringing in these randoms to audition for hire or just to fill in for someone that day? mom has beef with almost all of them. also complained that most of them were black and that "the black ones are more focused on performing and elevating themselves over the lord". spoiler alert they're all on the money formula regardless of race lolonly one she didn't have beef with was today, either cause he didn't say anything between songs but scripture or cause the most sauceless of the usual in-church worship volunteers were also there for contrast. apparently they aren't considering hiring this guy cause he has an it degree. dumb reason. as if our people went to some worship college
(DIR) Post #AwnYiJ4yEazzrJR9cm by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-08-03T16:34:18Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
today's guest pastor was that particularly sauceless worship guy lol. this was his first time officially preaching ever so it was awkward and nervous as hell. i didn't mention this before but an earlier guest preacher drove my mom crazy describing shit as "chaos mode" and then THIS MF SAID THAT WAS HIS FAVORITE PART OF THAT SERMON AND DID THE SAME
(DIR) Post #AwnbLKNXXKFt5irCGu by yujiri@freeradical.zone
2025-08-03T17:03:52Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
@detondev 🤣
(DIR) Post #AwncyXSSwPgsu8QEdc by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-08-03T17:22:10Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
AAAAArrgghfhfhfh I just remembered the church is designing its new "outdoor kids corner" off an ai generated image
(DIR) Post #Awnd4k1r7GAJd5vv72 by yujiri@freeradical.zone
2025-08-03T17:23:18Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
@detondev wtf 😆
(DIR) Post #Ax23wEc5S70ir2UGkC by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-08-10T16:30:13Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
this week's guest pastor is a guy from st louis who told a long story of how he let a girl onto a sports team he used to coach, then she beat the shit outta a guy who was with her sister at prom and treated her bad, and he was okay with it. also joked about being scared to touch our large pastor's bible afraid god would strike him dead, and talked about sports a lot but overly careful not to trigger our area's infamous "passion" for it. mom put her head in her hands a lot, she does NOT like when pastors are too "material" regardless of how much more able to connect to actual people it makes them.
(DIR) Post #Ax3I2cKFnQtWeQ2kgC by Erato_Heti@social.xenofem.me
2025-08-11T05:52:38.789701Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
@detondev your moms real for that
(DIR) Post #Ax3I2e1BVIpTtr8YEa by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-08-11T06:42:58Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
@Erato_Heti she's right about a lot of people being materialistic Americans first, primarily Christian cause the aesthetic is embedded in the culture, but more often it just means dont cross her arbitrary line of how much and how intense ur interests or personality are allowed to be, especially if ur her kid lololololol
(DIR) Post #AxGV8CjVgdQLTPKXnE by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-08-17T15:40:54Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
guest pastor: can any of yall get me something to wipe this melting Hershey with?*crypto karate guy runs up with a ridiculous massive vaguely defined ball-thing of tissue/toilet paper*guest pastor: that aint gonna be enough but god bless you
(DIR) Post #AxV22pbeGG5d018bM8 by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-08-24T15:55:41Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
if god is real may he bless this chruch's strangely large population of little wasian boys with backwards hats and chains and overdeveloped handshakes
(DIR) Post #AxjVoEpZuaCZj639Qe by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-08-31T15:35:07Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
church today opened with thoughts and prayers over the minneapolis shooting. there have been so many goddamn shootings worse than this since my parents started dragging us here christmas 2021 and these smiling pieces of shit have never given a fuck. just say its cause of the trans transgender tranny. everyone knows.
(DIR) Post #Axy1y1d1lnbwQDKSVU by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-09-07T15:41:25Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
love how christian worship songs are so predictable every time the band introduces a new one i can sing it perfectly without knowing it prior almost every time
(DIR) Post #Axy9STzLalXmkHEtBQ by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-09-07T17:05:22Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
the lady who told that no kings story got up to share once again, this time about how a guy on her block got caught doing pedophilia and has been sitting isolated in his home while legal shit goes on, and when a block party started up keeping him from pulling up to where he lived, she used the opportunity to trap him with her and preach on and on about how he had to turn to jesus to be forgiven for pedophilia and go to heaven
(DIR) Post #Ay08xOtGsvLeH0Uo7M by aaronp@beige.party
2025-09-08T16:09:03Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
@detondev I've been in churches like this for just under two decades and stopped going in early 2022. I'm sorry to read that you're still stuck in an environment with so much to deal with.
(DIR) Post #AyCZAZkNVjY6IeQuPY by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-09-14T15:59:24Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
the second the pastor got up he started talking about charlie kirk and how tragic it was and how apolitical talking abt it is and opened with prayer for the widow and kids cuz of course he did
(DIR) Post #AyR43eux69WNRmDbEG by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-09-21T15:51:28Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
they've recently added a q&a time to the services. everyone texts them questions during the sermon, the youth pastor reads some to the pastor, and his off the cuff response is usually that he either spirals off into yaps about niche church history or says some borderline heretical shit my mom loses it over on the drive back home
(DIR) Post #AyRJmJhYKBenzRhfUW by yujiri@freeradical.zone
2025-09-21T18:47:36Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
@detondev it's always intresting for me to hear about other christian cultures. because in the one i was raised with, it would've been sacrilege to use phones as part of the mass
(DIR) Post #AyRK1JpA9OKmiMPsTA by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-09-21T18:50:20Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
@yujiri maybe if u went back there now in big 2025 things would be a bit different
(DIR) Post #AyRKHojB1IOXC2U2fQ by yujiri@freeradical.zone
2025-09-21T18:53:17Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
@detondev i dont think so
(DIR) Post #AyRMH3zgySko9xyckK by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-09-21T19:15:33Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
@lz @yujiri not necessarily the phone shit, my grandparents church's biggest changes over the years have been getting a gay pastor and kicking him out a few years later. the few times ive been its staying incredibly stuffy and old fashioned and loudly aging and dying much more and more each time
(DIR) Post #AyRMt1nLbBaKLMJ0K0 by kon@kokoro.garden
2025-09-21T19:20:56Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
@yujiri @detondev we definitely find it a faux pas, at best. It’s a bit disrespectful during the actual ritual
(DIR) Post #AyRMt2onnGLJW9zgEC by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-09-21T19:22:26Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
@kon @yujiri my family is christofash evangelicals and this church is a milder version of that more interested in church growth church growth church growth
(DIR) Post #AyfaUBhWYd8UoPhJc8 by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-09-28T16:00:45Z
1 likes, 1 repeats
today the pastor got into comparing how adam and eve "knew" eachother in the sexual intimacy way to knowing god in a metaphor that got muddled and now im pretty sure he accidentally implied he's either fucking god or every stranger he meets
(DIR) Post #AygEhfHzrAxEVejr84 by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-09-28T23:31:26Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
man the church dudes my lil brother talks to most are kinda shitty to him. ex turkish military guy tells him hes stupid every time he makes a turkish mistake, and the crypto karate podcast guy told him hes nothing and today that he has no friends while also yapping abt his book hes assembling outta his stream of consiousness phone notes over the last decade and dedicating to his son
(DIR) Post #AyuAOQZueFr1mK84HI by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-10-05T16:49:04Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
someone's blasting some really emo country song in the church parking lot, my little brother reminisces about riding in the trunk of a turkish taxi that want big enough for all of us as he loads my youngest brother's wheelchair in our trunk. i exaggerate every latent southernism from my grandparents left in me singing the road signs on the way back. dad says i have a "good country singer voice." tf does that really mean
(DIR) Post #Az8jPnKXl6xTF0laXA by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-10-12T17:27:27Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
ex turkish military guy feels very intensely that one of the old missionary dudes at this church is his spiritual father despite still being muslim, and he has him keep his passport and other important documents in his house for some reason, even though he's scared he won't be able to get them back out when he dies
(DIR) Post #Azbyq1b0ZXDV2bQQPA by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-10-26T20:06:54Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
today the pastor said "our police officers and soldiers" usually aren't going to hell cuz they're "agents of god." i mean this is what i expect people like this to think but the phrasing was so clumsy my brother was making fun of it and even my parents were criticizing it on the way home
(DIR) Post #Azc34bO8h2DJv6c1Zo by kon@kokoro.garden
2025-10-26T20:54:18Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
@detondev conflating human and divine law — or even just the State and God -- is a common theological error, but i think should be on the same grounds as heresy
(DIR) Post #AzqC3tIuDWnezlL5W4 by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-11-02T16:41:03Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
theres a dude at church dad previously referred to as his spiritual son, says he yearns to mentor him in christ n shit, so naturally all his biological sons sho dont really display any natural sincere desire to become more christian enjoy relentlessly mocking him for it. today we pulled up to church, this guy's a volunteer outside, and all my lil brothers go SPIRITUAL SONNN!!!! together real loudly
(DIR) Post #AzqLWD1nNOprrcuilk by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-11-02T18:27:00Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
the one sincere worship lady played again, still seems significantly more into it than everyone else involved in worship, but today unfortunately contributed to this church's pantheon of wack ass adlibs. after singing a lyric with the word lion in it she went ROOOOAAAAAAAR
(DIR) Post #AzqNaMlDKgwj7EGg6a by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-11-02T18:50:11Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
my mom was talking about being afraid of rabbit incest the other day, and now i know why: the church suddenly has bunnies for some reason
(DIR) Post #B05TwUItq4InjBvqVc by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-11-09T17:02:10Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
thing that gets me is how aggressively professional and business meeting-like most church announcements and financial updates and shit before the sermon are. pastor announced some shit alongside the head of a local christian school and i felt like i was wearing a suit to a zoom call.
(DIR) Post #B0mK8NVrz1dpOyLIQK by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2025-11-30T17:44:46Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
the adding pop choruses to classic hymns situation is more dire than ever. not only did amazing grace get one, they now added one to joy to the world. fucking joy to the world. these people really ran some calculation and decided acting like everyone's brain is too soup for anything besides verse chorus verse oooOOOOHhhh tiktok ai music'll boost church growth
(DIR) Post #B1x2fk6fednYra93uC by detondev@social.linux.pizza
2026-01-04T19:43:02Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
there's one guy at this church i haven't thought to mention since he's that ubiquitous: an old guy who shows up every week in the same boonie hat and sweater vest, always shouts hallelujah really loudly at every key sermon moment, and never remembers anyone. every week he comes up to the same people and goes "hi, my name's bill, what's yours?"