Post AtxTOBB4cE62L9SBPs by afairmaiden@baraag.net
(DIR) More posts by afairmaiden@baraag.net
(DIR) Post #AtxNs4TnU2ruWs58HA by afairmaiden@baraag.net
2025-05-10T16:43:45Z
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Not so fun fact about my art: https://bsky.app/profile/atherist.bsky.social/post/3loteoduuus26I'm not reposting the whole thread here but this is a big reason I stopped drawing the way I used to. I am literally in the process of having to retrain and relearn how to draw because my brain and mind and hand doesn't carry art like I used to. I've had to literally relearn how to draw around something incomprehensible to me. I just needed to talk about it as plainly as possible.
(DIR) Post #AtxPHyDxSoUebyaREm by nanobot7066@baraag.net
2025-05-10T16:59:38Z
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@afairmaiden damn, i can't imagine how horrifying that must be to go through. it's like, some uzumaki type shit. my condolences :hug: i do like looking at these spirals, at least. they're drawn in an interesting way
(DIR) Post #AtxPrWqoiL9g8jianY by afairmaiden@baraag.net
2025-05-10T17:06:05Z
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@nanobot7066 AHAHA i actually had people ask if I was inspired by Uzumaki and I was like NO MY BRAIN LITERALLY BROKE WHY AM I DOING THIS???Thanks 😭 slowly but surely im working around it but holy shit what the fuck its so difficult to even comprehend and im living it
(DIR) Post #AtxSKxeKMAcfYo2RZA by afairmaiden@baraag.net
2025-05-10T17:33:48Z
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God, she's so me
(DIR) Post #AtxT1cUssNgKPSxkZ6 by coryhouse@baraag.net
2025-05-10T17:41:30Z
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@afairmaiden Did you maybe have seizures when you were young? Epilepsy?My mother developed Hypergraphia after decades with no symptoms, it made her fill notebooks end to end with mostly written nonsense but also scribbles that would peter out into incongruous shapes and spirals.It helped her a lot just hearing it wasn't that she was going "insane" but it was a symptom with a cause that wasn't "You're irreparably broken".
(DIR) Post #AtxTKLuYlZ48TIu9Gy by afairmaiden@baraag.net
2025-05-10T17:44:54Z
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@coryhouse im pretty certain i have a seizure like disorder now because ive been having a lot of overt seizures like collapsing and convulsing etc. but ive also not been taken seriously by the health care system whenever i bring it up so we ballin' im not getting treatments for anything
(DIR) Post #AtxTOBB4cE62L9SBPs by afairmaiden@baraag.net
2025-05-10T17:45:36Z
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@coryhouse i had no idea seizures could cause that as well... good to know I guess but damn wish I could see an actual doctor who gave a shit 😭
(DIR) Post #AtxVq6OCDCCLVR2A3U by coryhouse@baraag.net
2025-05-10T18:13:03Z
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@afairmaiden It's not a VERY common symptom, but it IS a possible symptom of temporal lobe epilepsy. I'm not a professional, I can only say my mother had Geschwind syndrome and your issues sound very familiar.Don't give up on advocating for yourself, you should be going to the ER every time you experience those symptoms and every time you should be telling them you feel like ending yourself because of your symptoms.
(DIR) Post #AtxWCyOa6B3bNG7UWW by afairmaiden@baraag.net
2025-05-10T18:17:11Z
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@coryhouse yeah there’s def something wrong with my brain/body that is not just psychiatric and I’ve gone to the ER about it but they treat me like a joke then kick me out ;-; it’s so hard to advocate for myself but I pray I get a miracle doctor who actually gives a shit.Thank you for the information. I learned seizures can cause random emotional outbursts like laughing fits etc as well which ive been plagued with next to textbook symptoms of actually seizing so im very hard pressed about it
(DIR) Post #AtxWltyEXgyrmmS2Ai by afairmaiden@baraag.net
2025-05-10T18:23:29Z
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@coryhouse ive also sustained a lot of head damage and concussions so 🫠 im pretty sure something is messed up
(DIR) Post #AtxYMeRJLhpEHn8hRQ by uberminz@baraag.net
2025-05-10T18:41:20Z
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@afairmaiden While you were going through the worst of it and I saw your art style changing, I was reminded of the movie Crumb, and how Charles Crumb's art changed and became more focused on skin/clothing wrinkles while he started to go through his emotional deterioration. I suspected it was something similar you were experiencing, but I didn't think it was my place to say. (Still not sure it is, but since you're reckoning with it here I at least feel like it's okay to mention.)
(DIR) Post #AtxYS5mZ7I4AXIfvrE by uberminz@baraag.net
2025-05-10T18:42:20Z
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@afairmaiden Either way...I just want you to find the ways to work through your pain and trauma with however feels right and healing to you. And if it's via art that you are able to share, it's a blessing to someone like me who likes what you do, and hopes for the best for you.
(DIR) Post #AtxZZh9oehYuQxjvfc by afairmaiden@baraag.net
2025-05-10T18:54:54Z
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@uberminz i wouldn’t say it’s an emotional deterioration making my art worse because I’ve always had rough emotional battles. From what I’ve put together it might be literal seizures/head trauma (ive had concussions) mixed with the fact that I’ve been on an emotional roller coaster. But brain controls emotions too so 😢 it fucking sucks though. Its a physical problem in me not just a bad emotion but I think I’ve done a fairly good job retraining my hand but it does make drawing very difficult
(DIR) Post #AtxZfye4Y3twPRt5Ky by afairmaiden@baraag.net
2025-05-10T18:56:03Z
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@uberminz i wish i knew better what was going on but our brain is an organ and controls our memories thought impulses and something in me is breaking as im trying to duct tape and glue it back together : (
(DIR) Post #AtxZma5WFZsQH0sHOy by afairmaiden@baraag.net
2025-05-10T18:57:14Z
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Working out this may be head trauma (ive had concussions) and seizure related because I’ve been having a lot of very overt seizures for a while now but was never taken seriously and just huge F. My poor body is actually falling apart.
(DIR) Post #AtxZs6bwl31gacg0Qa by MercilessMorgan@baraag.net
2025-05-10T18:58:14Z
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@afairmaiden god I'm so fucking sorry this is happening to you, Ang.
(DIR) Post #AtxZzadlVYBJkd60gK by afairmaiden@baraag.net
2025-05-10T18:59:35Z
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@MercilessMorgan literally am just stapling and duct taping my body together. All aside I think i’ve done a fairly good job pulling my art back to what I used to draw but God Damn it’s still hard because it’s so disruptive it takes me way longer to do an art piece I have to always wait for the episodes to pass
(DIR) Post #Atxa5jBEfakByTg6bo by MercilessMorgan@baraag.net
2025-05-10T19:00:43Z
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@afairmaiden the best I can do is hope that it gets bettet for you.
(DIR) Post #Atxa8SA0PDB23bP0ee by afairmaiden@baraag.net
2025-05-10T19:01:11Z
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@MercilessMorgan thank you 🥺❤️
(DIR) Post #Atxa9n2QGhQd67UcrI by MercilessMorgan@baraag.net
2025-05-10T19:01:26Z
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@afairmaiden you're welcome 😌🫂
(DIR) Post #AtxewUa84pNTrXjmlM by Freakyguy@baraag.net
2025-05-10T19:55:02Z
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@afairmaiden Jesus Christ that’s horrific, I’m so sorry all of that has happened to you, hope things get better ❤️🩹
(DIR) Post #Atxh0GMD6ZMEoS9Wuu by afairmaiden@baraag.net
2025-05-10T20:18:08Z
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@Freakyguy thank you, ive been able to retrain my hand and mind to work better than it used to but its still coming through it 😭 otherwise i’d be drawing nonstop like I used to
(DIR) Post #AtxrppIzvXlTVrsO4e by S_mommo@baraag.net
2025-05-10T22:19:30Z
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@afairmaiden this made me low key want to cry, I'm so sorry. I hope you'll soon feel better and very comfortable with drawing again
(DIR) Post #AtxvyPMa9Gt3TftsFE by ChristinaCoreWolf@baraag.net
2025-05-10T23:05:52Z
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@afairmaiden no falling apart allowed or yet grounded!
(DIR) Post #Aty30zdUxPkaEZzaam by afairmaiden@baraag.net
2025-05-11T00:24:47Z
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@S_mommo thank you 🥺 im trying so hard to believe i can get around it my life has been so sad and unhinged im really playing for a moment of peace