Post AtSfFQC24oe1dOXjEG by BernieDoesIt@mstdn.social
(DIR) More posts by BernieDoesIt@mstdn.social
(DIR) Post #AtRrRV9wRV8cnu8EPQ by futurebird@sauropods.win
2025-04-25T11:44:18Z
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“I have a lot of problems with social anxiety—““REALLY? It doesn’t seem like it at all!”“uh. Thanks. I think.”I guess it’s only a problem if troubles or inconveniences anyone *else*. If I’m miserable? Living in a tunnel of fear? Not relevant, I suppose. Listen, I know people say this to be nice, supportive even. Being extroverted is more socially correct so it’s meant often as a compliment. But, it also feels like minimization.
(DIR) Post #AtRrhPgIZssuRmqzjc by GreenSkyOverMe@ohai.social
2025-04-25T11:47:07Z
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@futurebird Luckily here in Europe being extrovert is less of a norm
(DIR) Post #AtRronLuy0iXtCqBYO by futurebird@sauropods.win
2025-04-25T11:48:27Z
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some responses I like better are: “do you know what seems to cause it?”“how do you manage it so well, It’s not something I would have noticed if you didn’t bring it up”“That sounds really stressful”“Is something making it worse as of late?”
(DIR) Post #AtRsOOxT8r7EemNpzc by futurebird@sauropods.win
2025-04-25T11:54:56Z
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I guess the precise point here is when I talk about something that is making my life very difficult I’m not bringing it up because I want to be reassured that I seem normal or whatever. I want to not be trapped in anxiety hell, sometimes other people can do little things that help a lot to make it easier. But boy oh boy is it hard to ask them (see previously mentioned anxiety) Great! I will continue to develop fine hairline cracks until a spectacular structural failure! See you then!
(DIR) Post #AtRsV3WTEjuuCdvbkW by david_chisnall@infosec.exchange
2025-04-25T11:56:07Z
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@futurebird 'But you're always the one organising social activities!'Yes, because then I am more in control of what's happening and it's less stressful.
(DIR) Post #AtRsllLe3wpYl4pai0 by futurebird@sauropods.win
2025-04-25T11:59:09Z
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It’s hard to go wrong with simply acknowledging that what another person feels is real. Saying things like “that sounds awful” can feel like not solving the problem but saying this kind of thing solves the problem of a person feeling like no one has even the smallest idea what they are going through. Even just repeating what they said eg “social anxiety is really bothering you?” can be good.
(DIR) Post #AtRt8t9rBxSVdmLQQK by Lyle@cville.online
2025-04-25T12:03:16Z
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@futurebird “My head is full of bats and I don’t like it!” “Really? You act just like a person whose head is not full of bats. Maybe you are exaggerating?” Bats: 🦇
(DIR) Post #AtRtQhvXgda21N961Y by gbargoud@masto.nyc
2025-04-25T12:06:29Z
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@futurebird The downside of masking well
(DIR) Post #AtRtcmEBWSwOpncXvk by thecrushedviolet@mstdn.games
2025-04-25T12:08:41Z
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@futurebird As someone who has absolutely never passed as extroverted, I get this in the form of "but you seem really confident" which I've taken to mean that they thought I was weird because I hate them, and I don't see how that is supposed to help me, either. I "understand" the impulse to minimize someone telling you they struggle with something, but I don't get the point to these responses at all.
(DIR) Post #AtRuLHNp3502CeLhUu by em_and_future_cats@mastodon.social
2025-04-25T12:16:45Z
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@futurebird I get this too. I’m actually an introvert, I don’t like crowds. I do like talking w/ 1or2 people about interesting subjects. I’m always trying to “put myself out there”. When I admit I’m socially awkward & anxious, people say things like “that’s not true” or “you’re a social butterfly” but it’s an act that I put on because I know that it’s one way for me to be successful & get ahead. Otherwise I’d rather be at home w/ a cat a good book & a friend chatting about philosophy & botany
(DIR) Post #AtRuhlsAN1Yv8RGcKW by asakiyume@wandering.shop
2025-04-25T12:08:09Z
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@futurebird I love all these because they open things up for the person, tell them they're welcome to say more.
(DIR) Post #AtRy4uXGcybqWeDWWe by nosword@localization.cafe
2025-04-25T12:58:34Z
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@futurebird You’re so right. People underestimate how primally most of us want to be heard, acknowledged, etc. Communication, including linguistic communication, is so much more than encoded logical propositions. I mean even something as simple as ELIZA made folks feel heard and cared for! Imagine how much better we can do with showing that we are listening AND actully caring.
(DIR) Post #AtRyLRIqZD6ymkLyr2 by falcennial@mastodon.social
2025-04-25T13:01:35Z
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@futurebird this makes logical sense. and the logical thing to do when someone tells me they experience anxiety from socialising is to recognise I am socialising at them right now and to stop and leave them kindly alone. which happens to be my strong preference too.I do suspect "extroversion" is fake. and the more people try to convince me it's a real thing, the more like an illness it sounds. because nobody mentally healthy is afraid of a little peace and quiet.
(DIR) Post #AtRyxPUbkJE0Atxc0G by VampiresAndRobots@writing.exchange
2025-04-25T13:08:24Z
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@futurebird I hate that. I tried to tell a supervisor that I couldn't just impromptu speak in front of a room of people due to anxiety and his response was, "Of course you can!" Needless to say, that didn't go well.
(DIR) Post #AtS8JYkYuJ8YqP3k7U by Jestbill@mastodon.world
2025-04-25T14:53:18Z
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@futurebird Hey! We're all Republicans now! Get over it on your own; we don't think it's a problem for us, so pipe down!/s
(DIR) Post #AtSEe2c6BVCiysFaKm by StephanieMoore@mastodon.online
2025-04-25T16:04:10Z
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@futurebird I’m at a conference right now and feeling this every minute. Conferences are hard and exhausting.
(DIR) Post #AtSEsWL8SXD9EJDiZE by hakona@im.alstadheim.no
2025-04-25T16:06:43Z
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@futurebird Uffda!
(DIR) Post #AtSJcLB4gyNzkRcPXU by AthanSpod@social.linux.pizza
2025-04-25T16:59:53Z
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@futurebird "But I saw you out and about at X, and you seemed fine!"Well, yeah, I'd managed to get past the anxiety and go out, and really by definition that meant I was having a better than normal day. There's the other 99% of the time when I just hide away from everyone and everything.
(DIR) Post #AtSMANuDFuIBxm5oCO by DSDJ3147@mastodon.social
2025-04-25T17:28:28Z
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@futurebird Boy, I really feel this.I wish kindness & understanding were the rule of our times…Sadly, no…I worry about mental health in this country…It’s degrading our opportunities, quality of life…& common sense.Grace has been my word for this yr.Toward others…but moreover towards myself.Not always easy but so necessary.Hate is eating society up!
(DIR) Post #AtSfFQC24oe1dOXjEG by BernieDoesIt@mstdn.social
2025-04-25T21:02:18Z
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@futurebird This is what it's like being told my autism is "mild" because I'm able to eke through what capitalism forces me to do. As long as my challenges don't inconvenience others, they must not be a big deal.#ActuallyAutistic
(DIR) Post #Ata4KTwe6wHC1S8COW by neutrin@mastodon.social
2025-04-29T10:46:18Z
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@futurebird I just want to thank you for your grace in responding with civility to people who say injurious things because they are ignorant / don’t understand, for (what I hope will be) for your forgiveness when I confess that I’ve probably been one of those people to people in your situation, and for your generosity in sharing this perspective, which will enable me to do better in future.