Post AtAEi4KoEK26dEnz8a by scherzog@mastodon.gamedev.place
(DIR) More posts by scherzog@mastodon.gamedev.place
(DIR) Post #At9MriOefcP9QlIsPw by whitequark@mastodon.social
2024-08-17T15:16:31Z
1 likes, 1 repeats
i think the optimal amount of people being upset with you (in relation to your work) is non-zeroif nobody gets upset about what you're doing, there is space to be more ambitious, and to push the boundaries of the status quo more
(DIR) Post #At9MrnfV4PqlmSDtrs by whitequark@mastodon.social
2024-08-17T15:19:31Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
i also, unsurprisingly for those who know me, really dislike conflict avoidance as a basis for personal or professional relationshipsall it does is kicks the can of worms down the road, where it has an opportunty to fester and result in a much worse, now inevitably catastrophic conflicti've seen this play out over and over during my career thus far and i absolutely refuse to participate. to the extent i did (and i did!) it was awful
(DIR) Post #At9MrrJJWqTp4nsEqG by whitequark@mastodon.social
2024-08-18T15:10:32Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@awe I understand how it'd feel like dishonesty, yeah. I've thought about that _a lot_ and I think that it sorta is but also people lie to each other all the time, so I don't think it is in and of itself a huge deal. the problem is more in what it's masking, in my view.
(DIR) Post #At9Mrt2j5UOqRw81GS by whitequark@mastodon.social
2024-08-17T15:21:54Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
i actually find it that it hurts quite a bit when people are upset at me, whichever the reason! i think it feels similarly to how others describe "rejection sensitive dysphoria"i don't really have much of a choice; being known by as many others as i am makes it an inevitability that someone, somewhere, will be upset at mefacing this, i had to learn how to tolerate it, and also decided that minimizing it above all else is a really bad strategy for existence
(DIR) Post #At9MryA03sBmJwZOnQ by whitequark@mastodon.social
2024-08-17T15:28:44Z
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(side note: i'm not sure that RSD is a "disorder" or even a "condition" so much as a result of accurately learning that your worth is entirely determined by some one person's volatile emotional state, and then applying that as a generalized principle)
(DIR) Post #AtAEi4KoEK26dEnz8a by scherzog@mastodon.gamedev.place
2024-08-17T15:52:57Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@whitequark I vaguely remember reading that perceived rejection has been found to trigger the same physiological responses as physical pain. While that is fascinating in its own right, it suggests that RSD could be a matter of having a skewed perception of what counts as rejection (and thus causes pain), which would definitely be a learned thing.
(DIR) Post #AtAEi5Bd3wHfH3WAT2 by whitequark@mastodon.social
2024-08-17T15:56:04Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@scherzog yes, that's my theory of it. which is really a good thing! learning is relatively speaking easy, and widely accessible, more so than drugs are for example(though the thing you need to learn, that someone genuinely gives a shit about you, is hard to learn if nobody around you actually does)
(DIR) Post #AtAEiC6vJpgAkUN0bY by scherzog@mastodon.gamedev.place
2024-08-17T15:55:25Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
@whitequark This got me thinking if anger also happens to work similarly (literally manifesting as ambient physical pain) or if that is more of a synesthesia thing / result of fucking with my halo too much.
(DIR) Post #AtAEiH9EafUyN6UQOu by alex@feed.yopp.me
2024-08-17T15:38:20Z
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@whitequark RSD is a friend of my ADHD. My therapist told me that you can use same rule as with an anxiety: it’s okay to be hurt sometimes with a clear reason why. Like if you made an effort to make a present for someone and they instead of being happy where rude or angry at you. but if it constantly hurts, especially if you are feeling guilty of person being upset on you, it’s not normal and it’s an disorder. in many cases it caused by parents giving no shit about your emotions in early childhood. Who would have thought that right
(DIR) Post #AtAEiIIqIQmJxBzc12 by whitequark@mastodon.social
2024-08-17T15:40:29Z
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@alex I don't think medicalizing it does anything useful, you just cede agency to cops in white
(DIR) Post #AtAEiIoOP811X2koC0 by alex@feed.yopp.me
2024-08-17T15:48:17Z
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@whitequark for me it at least feels like agency: I can stop and process why it hurts and then I can decide either to be angry, to give zero fucks or to be hurt. But to unlock zero fucks option first I had to complete The Quest Of Finding Appropriate Drug Cocktail to stop living in constant anxiety (and psychiatrist who *belive* in adult ADHD ffs). As always anger is free
(DIR) Post #AtAEiJTVwEuPaZzeHw by whitequark@mastodon.social
2024-08-17T15:52:49Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@alex I'm all for doing whichever drugs you need (and not restricted by whatever a psych thinks makes sense); I just refuse to cede conceptual ground to doctors, even if I'll not tell them that
(DIR) Post #AtAEiKZZrBLwzfq0NU by alex@feed.yopp.me
2024-08-17T15:59:43Z
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@whitequark interesting! where is conceptual ground for you in this? I see this more like being given a tool that I can decide to use or not. akin to dressing the wound or knitting the sweater
(DIR) Post #AtAEiLLmxvuxPCOVWa by whitequark@mastodon.social
2024-08-17T16:08:02Z
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@alex I described it as medicalization since in cases like this the treatment is based on first being classified by the medical system (which was prejudiced against you) and then processed by it. while there's nothing wrong with taking advantage of it I don't think it should or even can be the only or primary means of problem solving
(DIR) Post #AtAEiLeZq4wkLTBVoG by whitequark@mastodon.social
2024-08-17T16:09:23Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@alex you needed to be put in a box so eventually you got put in a box, and before that you didn't get much in useful solutionsthat's not a great system! the previous country where i live does not recognize adult ADHD or treat any ADHD with stimulants. what next?
(DIR) Post #AtAEiM6w8ddDlQSA0u by alex@feed.yopp.me
2024-08-17T16:16:28Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@whitequark yeah, it’s my previous country as well. at that time there were like 4 psychiatrists in the whole country who treated adult adhd. I had my share of unuseful and even harmful solutions and trauma along the way But do you see another way around?
(DIR) Post #AtAEiMb4KbjbGsYDyq by whitequark@mastodon.social
2024-08-17T16:20:20Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@alex we had to figure out almost everything ourselves, so... clearly that is one option available (then you do a parallel construction for the doctors)
(DIR) Post #AtAEiMkzjhfrlfC9S4 by whitequark@mastodon.social
2024-08-17T16:21:44Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@alex like, my position is that who gives a shit if it's a disorder or not or if you have a diagnosis or not? if something's making your life hard, fix it. if doctors are a problem, lie to them (not like they wouldn't) and/or find different doctors
(DIR) Post #AtAEiNDi0wdvCid5Cy by alex@feed.yopp.me
2024-08-17T16:30:32Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@whitequark it’s utterly disgusting and a bit sad that when you are disabled on top of other things to get better you have to fight/hack/neglect the system that was supposed to help you