Post Arg0QK8lxddyMZdul6 by futurebird@sauropods.win
(DIR) More posts by futurebird@sauropods.win
(DIR) Post #ArfzHp6rLhwRqs8AQi by futurebird@sauropods.win
2025-03-03T11:33:57Z
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I wish there were a socially acceptable way to tell people that one has problems picking up subtle social cues, hints etc. With most people I know well and get on with they eventually tell me something like “when I first met you I thought you hated me” or “I thought you were trying to make me look bad by correcting me”I don’t let this feedback just wash over me. Project “Lees Obnoxious more Approachable” has been ongoing for decades. But, even still I can’t read minds.
(DIR) Post #Arfzj3xMG0upiVfvc0 by mensrea@freeradical.zone
2025-03-03T11:38:50Z
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@futurebird neurotypicals and their inability to communicate clearly. sigh
(DIR) Post #ArfzoWNG1oSzIiONuK by futurebird@sauropods.win
2025-03-03T11:39:52Z
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It’s especially frustrating when I discover someone thinks I’m doing something socially advanced and devious. I’m struggling to seem normal, buddy. I don’t have the time, or the understanding of people required to plot anything against you. Just tell me what’s annoying. I do not know. Please just tell me. People are terrifying and inscrutable and I don’t want to be one of them in your life.
(DIR) Post #Arfztr12i6N4lfXojg by chrisamaphone@hci.social
2025-03-03T11:40:46Z
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@futurebird so much this
(DIR) Post #Arg0QK8lxddyMZdul6 by futurebird@sauropods.win
2025-03-03T11:46:36Z
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@maloki I kind of wish I could be the devious social mastermind that some people think I am but really I’m just trying to remember how to say all the names correctly and struggling NOT to change the subject to ants *before* remembering to ask if your sick dog is feeling better. And if I manage to do all that? well maybe THAT is why I look smug. I said “hello” each person. I did it! And my heart is only beating at like 220 so I may even yet live.
(DIR) Post #Arg1TAkhQGay4KIxzU by SKleefeld@mastodon.social
2025-03-03T11:58:23Z
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@futurebird I only know you via Mastodon here, but FWIW you've always come across as 'normal' to me. 🤷
(DIR) Post #Arg1aOIVSaEm6cYmFE by futurebird@sauropods.win
2025-03-03T11:59:43Z
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@arrrg When I find out some of the things people think I’m up to I’m horrified for a moment thinking about all of the intrigue I must be missing. But, then the fully taxing task of just interacting on a basic level drives all such concerns from my mind. #1 greet the person and say their name. #2 look at them to see how they are, ask about it #3 carefully listen to how they respond, think about if this is new, respond #4 tell them about ants
(DIR) Post #Arg1v1I2CGoqpXAxZw by futurebird@sauropods.win
2025-03-03T12:03:26Z
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@SKleefeld I love interacting via text. It’s so much easier than talking— I can re-read what people say and think about it. I can take all the time I want to respond. I often text my friends when they are in the same room and there are two conversations. The text one is higher quality IMO.
(DIR) Post #Arg3Ko9jkbJja09gp6 by Phosphenes@mastodon.social
2025-03-03T12:19:16Z
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@futurebird No it is just a fact that when I don't understand people it is to deliberately make them furious with me.That is the only possible reason because everybody wants that, right? People are so clever when they suss my agenda to be universally hated, no sir they aren't fools.
(DIR) Post #Arg4JdsSa4knMj59Zw by BoysenberryCider@mastodon.social
2025-03-03T12:30:13Z
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@futurebird Don't overthink it. If you're hearing people saying that, the message is that hat people are comfortable sharing silly first impressions with you.I have resting bitch face, my best friend is a man of few words and people assume we're pricks until they know better. Play the cards you're dealt, if you're making friends you're doing fine.Words like that hurt when you're vulnerable, but flipped around, you can be yourself, be intimidating and still make friends. How cool is that?
(DIR) Post #Arg59O7GQSjVXcgH2G by maybenot@mstdn.social
2025-03-03T12:39:37Z
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@futurebird a t-shirt with some humorous framing of the issue could maybe pass as socially acceptable?'ppl keep making assumptions concerning malice about my "ppl keep making assumptions concerning malice" t-shirt already answered by the t-shirt'not sure how to frame well it tho
(DIR) Post #Arg5PE8dI7JbEEsEVM by GLaDTheresCake@todon.nl
2025-03-03T12:42:29Z
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@futurebird I think you might be neurodivergent(?) But the thing is that a lot of studies have shown that neurotypical people are very good at clocking us immediately, and also that they tend to associate our different expressions with dishonesty when we mask, and maliciousness against us if we don't. There's no real solution to this on the personal level I'm afraid, and will require structural solutions on neurotypical society's side, it's definitely exhausting though.
(DIR) Post #Arg5fsbiazmFNIQ27M by wmd@chaos.social
2025-03-03T12:45:28Z
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@futurebird :blob_rainbowheart:
(DIR) Post #Arg7XzGMAPD3bkn7nE by silvermoon82@wandering.shop
2025-03-03T13:06:21Z
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@futurebird I just tell people that I’m autistic and likely to miss social cues or to say weird or uncomfortable things, but I never mean harm by it. It doesn’t always help much.
(DIR) Post #ArgAbMQEoiPWAOiIkq by Shkshkshk@dice.camp
2025-03-03T13:40:42Z
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@futurebird The way I've avoided this is to make my resting face a smile. Their normie brains are looking for signals and get all weird when they can't make sense of what they see. A little Mona Lisa smile gives them something to latch onto.To be fair, this is USA-specific advice. In other countries, people will see a smile and either clock you as a stupid American, or decide you are flirting with them, or think you are trying to manipulate them. In Europe, it's better to master eye contact.
(DIR) Post #ArgHXMkaM1alhnGzo0 by GreenSkyOverMe@ohai.social
2025-03-03T14:58:24Z
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@futurebird This so much *le sigh*
(DIR) Post #ArgIPcjr7tq2vgnui0 by mycotropic@beige.party
2025-03-03T15:08:13Z
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@futurebird @arrrg@kolektiva.social My daughter (20) is teaching me this and I love learning it!1. Ask about stories2. Listen to stories 3. Appreciate stories4. Thank people for sharing their stories 5. Tell stories (about how the correlational structure of human lung imaging and the measurements of pulmonary function capture aspects of lung disease that aren't captured well using other approaches)In that order most of the time.
(DIR) Post #ArgQh8T1DHx7tDn1ge by EverydayMoggie@sfba.social
2025-03-03T16:41:01Z
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There is. You just say it. People don't like that? Not your problem, and also a great way to filter out people who are not worth your time. @futurebird
(DIR) Post #ArgRFJakMICuEohcQK by KatS@chaosfem.tw
2025-03-03T16:47:10Z
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@futurebird FWIW, when I think it's useful, I'll just barrel on ahead and say "because I'm autistic, I'm blind to some kinds of nonverbal communication. If I'm not picking up on a hint, or I'm making you uncomfortable, please just tell me."Of course, the problem is that I'm reliant on neurotypicals being straightforward and direct with me.