Post Amxt3KDaIN3a7ImaPY by slothrop@chaos.social
(DIR) More posts by slothrop@chaos.social
(DIR) Post #AmxrQGuUYoEObqfNLs by futurebird@sauropods.win
2024-10-13T13:10:08Z
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Why did I get to age 40 not knowing that most of my crippling social anxiety could be cured by simply making (digital) flash cards of the faces of all the people I need to interact with at work or at other events and simply memorizing all their names?This probably won’t for everyone but it’s shockingly effective for me. And it’s not like I’m particularly bad with names when learning them “naturally” (although I’m slower than average) 1/
(DIR) Post #Amxrk9ww9JoWoUIEqW by futurebird@sauropods.win
2024-10-13T13:13:43Z
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I've posted about this before, but I like to mention it from time to time since I think there are people it could really help. It not like I’ve ever felt anxious about names in particular. I think it is more about having something concrete I can do to feel prepared for social spaces. I can look around and see how many names I know rather looking around in pure terror or finding something that is *not * a person to look at: eg a book, phone, wall. 2/
(DIR) Post #Amxs9x52cTOWQfNmyW by slothrop@chaos.social
2024-10-13T13:18:21Z
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@futurebird I had a similar revelation at a similar age: at work, we did a speaker training with some high-powered coaching team.As all of us - ca 40 people -arrived one by one, a team member would greet us, and ask a few small-talk level questions. They’d repeat our names a few times during the conversation. When the training started, they knew all our names.My mind was blown: there was a technique for doing what I’d struggled with all my life!
(DIR) Post #AmxsB5dsGwqnGyDazI by futurebird@sauropods.win
2024-10-13T13:18:22Z
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People are always happy when you remember their name. (This is never something I've cared about personally, so that's why it wasn't obvious to me what a big difference it could make)So, it's an easy way to have a nice thing to say to everyone. 3/3
(DIR) Post #AmxskkozA2TZ7hQBlo by slothrop@chaos.social
2024-10-13T13:21:02Z
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@futurebird Since then, I do some variation of this whenever I meet new people. That way I quickly learn maybe 70% of the names; and that makes me confident enough to simply ask whenever I forget one.Ok, there are also those two middle management ladies at work who are identical twins. They kneecap my confidence about once a month. But that’s another story
(DIR) Post #Amxsklfnzej7lW8N6G by futurebird@sauropods.win
2024-10-13T13:25:00Z
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I find social situations a bit too stressful to learn the names as it's happening. Hence the flash cards. I'm good at memorizing things when I can concentrate and it only takes a few moments of practice to get everyone's name down. That was another thing I had to learn. I can't learn names in real time with lots of people. But there are OFTEN ways to do this in advance or after the fact. @slothrop
(DIR) Post #Amxt1i74U2Qde8xyNM by futurebird@sauropods.win
2024-10-13T13:28:06Z
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Since I've started doing this people have called me everything from "considerate" to "extroverted" (lol wut)Just because I know most people's names and say hello instead of uh... starting the conversation with "Have you ever wondered how long a single human corpse could sustain an ant colony?" NO.Instead say: "Hello, Bob." ... "Have you ever wondered how long a single human corpse could sustain an ant colony?" And suddenly you're the damn prom queen.
(DIR) Post #Amxt3KDaIN3a7ImaPY by slothrop@chaos.social
2024-10-13T13:28:22Z
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@futurebird That’s amazing! It helps so much to understand what the actual problem is, and then develop techniques to work around it.This sort of life hack gives me so much confidence, because it makes me feel like I’m in control of my brain
(DIR) Post #Amxt7e6QJ6ZMwhUeSO by roytoo@mstdn.social
2024-10-13T13:29:10Z
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@futurebird Heheheh
(DIR) Post #Amxtk3pR6gK9jnrigS by wendigo@metalhead.club
2024-10-13T13:36:06Z
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@futurebird That some real death metal shit. If you look at my full handle, you'll understand... ;>)
(DIR) Post #AmxtsevD4ydr63fMBM by MichaelPorter@ottawa.place
2024-10-13T13:37:39Z
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@futurebird Also, crucial when you’re a teacher. There’s so much tied up in a kid knowing you see them. I say this with a fair amount of guilt as I always struggled with names, flashcards (well, photo seating plans) not withstanding.
(DIR) Post #Amxu5paCkiHpvV7cMy by futurebird@sauropods.win
2024-10-13T13:40:03Z
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@MichaelPorter OK that's the other goofy part of this story. I always memorized my students names... but didn't think to do this with other social situations for some reason. Like I had some notion that it was IDK rude or fake to memorize names and be prepared even though it stressed me out so much. I though I "had to" learn names "naturally" and if I didn't it meant I was being a bad person.This makes no sense and once I recognized that everything was easy.
(DIR) Post #AmxuRNYHeSZtMQUwrI by MichaelPorter@ottawa.place
2024-10-13T13:43:55Z
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@futurebird I think this sums up my ability to hold onto names once I’ve heard them… The time frame is similar 😄 #ADHDhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rfbb4yRBH64
(DIR) Post #AmxuYXGvuWW3XBnMSO by Mikal@sfba.social
2024-10-13T13:45:12Z
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@futurebird If we had just met at a party and you had said this, I would think you were weird as fuck and would want to immediately go hang out with you away from all these other boring people. Also hoping that you wouldn't be feeding me to your ant colony to find out the answer.
(DIR) Post #AmxvUGe3t4b0lL8rtg by futurebird@sauropods.win
2024-10-13T13:55:40Z
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@hrandt I use "flashcard max" which can be bought for a flat fee, works on my laptop AND phone, lets me make flashcards with images (photos) and has some nice learning modes where you swipe one way if you remember the name and the other if you don't... then it keeps quizzing you on the names you got wrong until you get them right. 5min a day for three days and I can memorize like 50 names. (not perfectly but I know 90 percent of them which is enough)
(DIR) Post #Amxx9BxWJadi3WK0dE by log@mastodon.sdf.org
2024-10-13T14:14:13Z
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@futurebird @hrandt Anki is one that I use. Just be sure to get the free-software one and not a paid-software fake.
(DIR) Post #Amy2ZDrANkktEza7DE by cshlan@dawdling.net
2024-10-13T15:14:58Z
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@futurebird❤️
(DIR) Post #Amy5GZUa15vSheoaYa by Laplantgenetics@spore.social
2024-10-13T15:45:11Z
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@futurebird This is why I love assigned seating: You make a chart of where people are supposed to sit as you are introduced (or at the beginning of a new class). Then, if you forget their name, you just look at the chart. (I apologize to all the college classes I subjected to this, but it is very helpful to know who needs to turn off their Bunsen burner ASAP before they start the lab classroom on fire).
(DIR) Post #AmyRVUi4HI9xCpe2U4 by Susan60@aus.social
2024-10-13T19:54:25Z
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@futurebird When I was teaching, I would print off photos of students & study them to learn their names. No other teacher I knew did this, & yet it didn’t occur to me to wonder why I needed to do so, or cared enough to bother. Der!