Post Ai0Eda07Er4wFGaFU0 by fcktheworld587@social.linux.pizza
(DIR) More posts by fcktheworld587@social.linux.pizza
(DIR) Post #Ai0AUrPcjasbp56MuO by fcktheworld587@social.linux.pizza
2024-05-18T02:32:48Z
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Emotionally speaking, I think I might be on a trajectory towards a drug relapse. I've been thinking so for a while. Rationally, I understand this to be not what I want - but emotionally, I seem to already have my mind made up, which is spooky AF and idunno what to do about it
(DIR) Post #Ai0AtBTfme970KataC by Clarity@c.im
2024-05-18T02:37:11Z
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@fcktheworld587 Relapse is part of a good recovery program . There are no perfact recoveries nor is sobriety the exclusive domain of the pure of heart. #KISS
(DIR) Post #Ai0Eda07Er4wFGaFU0 by fcktheworld587@social.linux.pizza
2024-05-18T03:19:12Z
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@Clarity I recognize this, I just don't know if I'll be able to get back to sobriety if I do. The only way I was able to get sober to begin with is because the stars aligned perfectly during the pandemic, and led to some extremely niche circumstances which allowed me to get sober. Without those exact circumstances occurring again, I doubt I'll be able to get sober again. Once I'm sober, I can maintain it pretty well, it seems - but _getting_ sober is damned near impossible for me
(DIR) Post #Ai1We74MHe5D8cvqee by fcktheworld587@social.linux.pizza
2024-05-18T18:15:39Z
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@AmeliasBrain I have been depressed , and getting less joy out of things I used to enjoy, lately - but, consciously speaking, anyways, this is unrelated. In terms of sensation, my drug cravings now come with desire and intent, rather than simple craving - which is a deviation from how I've experienced them over the course of my sobriety. I've been able to break free once drug seeking routine cues and initiates, still - but it's been difficult, and with lingering regret, which is new
(DIR) Post #Ai1soY1x5yQ6e0BgDA by fcktheworld587@social.linux.pizza
2024-05-18T22:24:06Z
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@AmeliasBrain you hit the nail on the head, there. I'm gonna do what I can. Thank you for being there :). I lack any real degree of in-person, informal, social support, and I really appreciate the support you've given me here, emotionally
(DIR) Post #Ai1tj6xcPfkfC88Eqm by Clarity@c.im
2024-05-18T22:34:19Z
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@fcktheworld587 We come to this lifetime to find out about how we evolve. It's not wasted even when we think it is. You can always take anabuse or take acupuncture treatments. Are you MTH FR genetically. It may help taking folated vitamins. There are also controlled drinking studies which separate OCD from behaviour(sic)/ addiction.
(DIR) Post #Ai2cz9actxGDv4OwIS by TheDonsieLass@mas.to
2024-05-19T07:01:26Z
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@fcktheworld587 I'm sorry you're in such a difficult place, seeing and outcome you feel almost unable to avoid. It reads as quite disempowering and an almost trapped feeling, like your fate is set. I hope you have safe people you feel able to talk to about this who will support you. Maybe they can help you to come up with plans for what you might do to construct different way of feeling and thinking through this tough time
(DIR) Post #Ai39oRR9VENqZcTAoa by Incognitim@mastodon.social
2024-05-19T06:55:08Z
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@AmeliasBrain @fcktheworld587 It definitely helps to have someone to talk about it with, even if just to vent.I tend to view it as: staying sober allows you to keep your agency. After you relinquish that, getting it back becomes more difficult.Just remember, though- we're all much stronger than we give ourselves credit for. And more worthy, of love, friendship, forgiveness, compassion...especially to ourselves.Wishing you the best! 💚
(DIR) Post #Ai39oS5Z4yi4axNRo0 by fcktheworld587@social.linux.pizza
2024-05-19T13:09:15Z
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@Incognitim @AmeliasBrain thank you! This is also my view of things. Once I start using, my agency is totally gone; and I want very much to avoid this
(DIR) Post #Ai39sUSEE5Nt5du4q8 by fcktheworld587@social.linux.pizza
2024-05-19T13:10:01Z
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@TheDonsieLass yeah, maybe it is time to try changing something. Thank you for your support and advice! Have a great day 😊
(DIR) Post #Ai3e8V5Aej5cIQfWgy by TheDonsieLass@mas.to
2024-05-19T18:48:59Z
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@fcktheworld587 Good luck and take care 🍀
(DIR) Post #Ai3oUzZywsOwnFRb3w by Incognitim@mastodon.social
2024-05-19T20:45:09Z
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@fcktheworld587 I feel ya 💯💚🙂@AmeliasBrain