Post AhFWP4fprUpaHkZL28 by ninapaley@spinster.xyz
(DIR) More posts by ninapaley@spinster.xyz
(DIR) Post #AhFVSY5CsLpyPXWrFQ by Gelatinousrube@spinster.xyz
2024-04-25T14:03:11.494273Z
3 likes, 0 repeats
My sister is an extremely minor local celebrity and she popped up on the radio yesterday while I was at the yarn shop. We just kind of mutually stopped calling each other years ago. I haven't thought of her in a few months and I don't usually until she pops up in local media. I remember being at a party a few years ago and overhearing her tell a patio full of people I was "losing my mind" while my ex was taking his steep dive into cognitive decline (she did not mention the extenuating circumstances). I confronted her about it and she lied and said she was discussing someone else. I don't think she was wrong about me but it hurt my feelings. We took a trip to LA together in 2018 for my birthday and she spent at least ten minutes haranguing me for enjoying Drake while we were stuck on the 10. I cannot say the musicians she likes are ~problematic~ nor can I say I don't care about things being problematic. I remember she broke out in hives head to toe on that trip and got really mad at me for pointing that out, insisting they were "bug bites" and that she didn't have the same health problems as me because we have different fathers. (I inherited my cellular disorder from our mother's side.)Weirdly there is social overlap between my sister's industry and local librarians. Rube Jr was at a party last summer while she still worked at the library and my sister (her aunt) was there. My sister completely blanked her. One of the librarians offered to introduce RJ to this ~famous person~ and RJ declined. My sister disliked RJ from the time she was a baby and favored my older daughter. She was often snide and callous to RJ in the way our mother was to her. I hated to see it and it was another nail in the coffin of our relationship.Anyway I had a brief moment of nostalgia hearing her voice and then felt relief.
(DIR) Post #AhFVopTOtqkwiUTBBo by ninapaley@spinster.xyz
2024-04-25T14:20:18.963349Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@Gelatinousrube I have a troubled relationship with my sister as well. I went a few years not speaking to her. However, I admire her as an intelligent and talented human being, and would like to know her as a more mature adult. I am putting some effort into making that happen. I have a lot of wounds from our relationship and I'm sure she does too. Not your situation I know. I mostly want to say that sister wounds run deep. Psychology is preoccupied with parent wounds, but sibling wounds are just as affecting and tend to be fresher.
(DIR) Post #AhFWIgpNblAYafzMvo by polarisera@spinster.xyz
2024-04-25T14:25:43.691581Z
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@ninapaley @Gelatinousrube Is your sis artistic and creative, too?
(DIR) Post #AhFWP4fprUpaHkZL28 by ninapaley@spinster.xyz
2024-04-25T14:26:52.418585Z
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@polarisera @Gelatinousrube Yes, although not singularly driven to my extent. She's an excellent writer, musician, and potter.
(DIR) Post #AhFWXoe8ovWTBRwddo by polarisera@spinster.xyz
2024-04-25T14:28:27.634930Z
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@ninapaley @Gelatinousrube From your film, you seem like you had a close relationship with your father. Did your sister have that as well?
(DIR) Post #AhFWk8zV0QYvkvoU08 by ninapaley@spinster.xyz
2024-04-25T14:30:40.904356Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@polarisera @Gelatinousrube Haha I had anything but a close relationship with my father. Very distant and poor. I never bonded with him. My sister was much closer to my father, as was my brother. I think of my family as an otherwise cohesive unit that really didn't want me (I was last to arrive, "unplanned") and used me as a scapegoat (hence my depiction as the black sacrificial goat).
(DIR) Post #AhFWpDMOBlRgkqwCH2 by polarisera@spinster.xyz
2024-04-25T14:31:36.297600Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@ninapaley @Gelatinousrube Now I'm going to have to re-watch the film.
(DIR) Post #AhFWrAsqMqIneY3K9w by ninapaley@spinster.xyz
2024-04-25T14:31:57.449467Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
@polarisera @Gelatinousrube Please do!
(DIR) Post #AhFWzWDyuFP29ov0Ns by polarisera@spinster.xyz
2024-04-25T14:33:28.138789Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@ninapaley @Gelatinousrube I watched it from my lens, I had a decent relationship with my father, though we didn't speak that much, I knew he cared about my future and well-being. He was far more lenient when I was "bad" than my mother, as long as I wasn't "bad" toward my mother.
(DIR) Post #AhFaYGruI7JyWsr8i0 by Gelatinousrube@spinster.xyz
2024-04-25T14:49:05.340561Z
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@ninapaley It's true about sisters. I hated watching her play out the dynamic that my mother imposed on her and me with my girls. She perceived me as the golden child since I was much older and able to move out much sooner. She didn't witness the time before she came along. So she doted on her older niece and played out something like sibling rivalry with my younger daughter. I kept working on working through my shit and improving my outlook so she increasingly saw me as a kook. I was at times. I think if we talked now things would be entirely different. However, she's also acquired her own terrible husband a few years ago. I might wait until she's 40 & divorced. 😬The legacy of the borderline mother can be very vast and far reaching. My sister is not borderline but I hated to see my mother's hand reaching through her to my younger daughter. I also hated spending holidays with someone who defaulted to negative and unpleasant. I'm sorry you've had your own struggles in this arena and I really hope you get what you want from your relationship with your sister.
(DIR) Post #AhG1bApZtPQNR3NKSG by HarpyMarx@spinster.xyz
2024-04-25T15:24:03.464926Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@ninapaley @Gelatinousrube I have no relationship with my brother due to his abuse of me as a child and terrible behavior towards me and the family as an adult. He is absolutely the avatar of male privilege and liberal misogyny in my mind.
(DIR) Post #AhG1h2A12eSeHYjHCy by ChasingWaterfalls@spinster.xyz
2024-04-25T18:37:20.777115Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@Gelatinousrube @ninapaley I also have a non-relationship with my sister. She has said some cruel things to me and while I miss my nephews, I don’t know if I can reconcile with her. One of the things she said was “you won’t ever be a priority to me”. I never asked to be a priority. I never even asked her for ANYTHING. And yet I’ve flown across the country multiple times to help her out for weeks at a time. Her words were just cruel. I was gaslit for years about my sister by my entire family. (She also never told her bestie that she has a sister. I found this out after 8 years of their friendship.) My mom FINALLY came around to my side when she was able to recognize the hurtful things my sister does to her as well. I think my sister is lost to a materialistic world as she cares more about her “new” wealthy family than her family of origin. This is something that has been a part of her personality since she was 10 so I don’t see her ever being able to recognize what a shallow idiot she is.
(DIR) Post #AhHQ7aofPKELLsttei by Gelatinousrube@spinster.xyz
2024-04-25T15:34:55.817763Z
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@HarpyMarx @ninapaley I had many friends who were abused by their (usually) older brothers. It's devastating. I'm sorry.
(DIR) Post #AhHQ7bbEUl4vmVcgM4 by HarpyMarx@spinster.xyz
2024-04-26T02:39:32.823241Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@Gelatinousrube @ninapaley It took a whole lifetime to grasp the scope of the damage. I’m glad I can fully enjoy my mature years on my own terms.