Post AcypimpvbweWjmLOWe by KingShawn@mastodon.social
(DIR) More posts by KingShawn@mastodon.social
(DIR) Post #AcyIIxdnWNQOEJkQN6 by RickiTarr@beige.party
2023-12-19T14:31:42Z
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I'm going to open up a discussion about how people actually live with Boundaries. This isn't a place to be judgemental about other people's choices, we all rationalize things, and make the best we can out of difficult circumstances.Many of you know I care for my mother who is paraplegic, the level of care my husband and I give her is on the high end, it would be incredibly difficult for one person to do everything that would need to be done. This might sound ugly, but my mother was not a good mother, she frantically switched back and forth between helicopter parenting and outright neglect. She also doesn't think she has issues, and would never go to any therapy that wasn't "Christian" or take any kind of medication for mental health. I spent my childhood caring for her, my father and my siblings, and I still care for her. Understandably, people ask why, and it's a hard thing for me to answer. I do try very hard to set Boundaries with her now, but it probably isn't enough all the time, burn out is high for caregivers in the best of situations, and I can't pretend this is that. It feels like most of us compromise on something, especially with family.So, what are your experiences with this kind of thing? What do you rationalize? What have you learned?This is more about sharing personal experiences than to preach at people about their choices, so please keep that in mind when you reply.
(DIR) Post #AcyIIySUTtySlXSuO0 by ParadeGrotesque@mastodon.sdf.org
2023-12-19T15:30:21Z
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@RickiTarr To cut a long story short: I cut off several abusive people out of my life. No warnings, no last message, no nothing. Complete silence.No communication at all until they passed away. I never even visited their graves.No everyone can do that - I realize this is your situation right now, and, honestly, I admire you for taking care of your mother.But do I regret cutting off these people? Not. At. All.The best boundary is rejecting the worst people no matter the cost.
(DIR) Post #AcyZ8ARlGdvVywYao4 by KingShawn@mastodon.social
2023-12-19T18:38:53Z
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@ParadeGrotesque @RickiTarr Same here. I cut off contact with my entire (large) family 30 years ago over a Collective Lie. I haven’t spoken to any of them since. I don’t regret cutting them off either. I’m not happy to have no family, especially this time of year, but I’m less miserable for removing the toxic people from my life.
(DIR) Post #AcypilnlSVKNWmK9Vw by CapriciousGhost@mastodon.social
2023-12-19T18:45:57Z
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@KingShawn @ParadeGrotesque @RickiTarr Similar situation here. I stopped contacting both my parents (one was abusive and the other doesn't believe the abuse, even though they saw it happen). I miss the nice things about them--it would be easier if they were entirely evil. But the bottom line for me is that contact with them harms me and has cost me many years of recovery, and I deserve better from the loved ones in my life.
(DIR) Post #AcypimpvbweWjmLOWe by KingShawn@mastodon.social
2023-12-19T19:18:19Z
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@CapriciousGhost @ParadeGrotesque @RickiTarr “I deserve better from the loved ones in my life.” I can’t say “HELL YES!” loud enough.My *entire* family lied about me being adopted. I didn’t find out I was adopted until I was *27* years old. *Everyone else* knew. 😳I deserve better from the loved ones in my life.
(DIR) Post #AcypineyY9UBI6EA5o by ParadeGrotesque@mastodon.sdf.org
2023-12-19T21:44:47Z
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@KingShawn @CapriciousGhost You both have all my respect and support. You both deserve to have a great Christmas and a fantastic New Year in 2024.@RickiTarr
(DIR) Post #AcyqMmF9EgnwTsD2VU by KingShawn@mastodon.social
2023-12-19T21:52:00Z
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@ParadeGrotesque @CapriciousGhost @RickiTarr Agreed. But, at least for me, it’s not going to happen. 2024 will be the same shitshow that 2022/2023 were for me. :(