Post AZEZG39Q2OF4Wfevsu by grrrr_shark@supervolcano.angryshark.eu
(DIR) More posts by grrrr_shark@supervolcano.angryshark.eu
(DIR) Post #AZEZFzSPlp3n4QW2wC by grrrr_shark@supervolcano.angryshark.eu
2023-08-29T14:31:35Z
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So I had a long talk with the junior doctor that is providing my interim psych care, and it was surprisingly fruitful.I had to make a decision before I went in there - was I going to tell her another side of the COVID story in hopes that she might actually hear it - after all, she's still in training and maybe this was the only conversation I'd ever have about it with another adult that would have an impact?
(DIR) Post #AZEZG1M6iFCexRa2Ns by grrrr_shark@supervolcano.angryshark.eu
2023-08-29T14:35:42Z
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At first, I decided not to.I am burnt out, I am tired, and I am more than a little angry.But it came up, because she'd asked me to spend time every day doing something consciously for myself, and I needed to get across how TIRED I am, how any decision that means there might be conflict or more work has to be carefully weighed.
(DIR) Post #AZEZG39Q2OF4Wfevsu by grrrr_shark@supervolcano.angryshark.eu
2023-08-29T14:37:28Z
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And so I told her that I was about to tell her a side of things that maybe she hadn't seen so much of in the pandemic. What is was like for high-risk patients and their children, being forced into schools, kids being threatened with (and receiving!) state intervention if they refused to go into an environment where they weren't being protected, all of the moral injury, all of the cognitive dissonance.
(DIR) Post #AZEZG4xnIa8E9CEg2i by grrrr_shark@supervolcano.angryshark.eu
2023-08-29T14:39:05Z
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And all of the learning that actually, people don't give a flying fuck about you, as long as they kill you passively.All of the people being aggressive and acting like YOU are the one that is crazy.I took a breath and said, "I used to be a research scientist. I'm used to people being a little reluctant to listen to facts, but this... this I cannot comprehend."Friends, she did not respond the way I thought she would.
(DIR) Post #AZEZG76NLeBUmOGYhE by grrrr_shark@supervolcano.angryshark.eu
2023-08-29T14:44:39Z
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Remember that she was telling me I needed to be social, that I had to move forward, etc?Welp.People have layers. And I told you I thought she was bringing her pandemic trauma to the appointments, right?I wasn't wrong. I would guess it's not easy having this particular time be when you're doing your residency, or whatever you'd call it here in CH.
(DIR) Post #AZEZG8oiyFFm6E1USe by grrrr_shark@supervolcano.angryshark.eu
2023-08-29T14:46:27Z
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Suddenly, I got to hear about how there were other kids like N, how traumatic it was to watch schools decide those children were crazy and punish the parents. How hard it was to try to keep her high-risk patients from getting sick - kids with cancer, etc - and have other people simply not care.I started telling her this story because she wants me to be more social, and I had to explain why I don't trust people very much right now.
(DIR) Post #AZEZGAaGOysHZxGyCO by grrrr_shark@supervolcano.angryshark.eu
2023-08-29T14:48:30Z
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And what I got out of it was that she'll wear a mask again from now on, because actually, what she experienced from other people *wasn't* that different from what I was telling her.I did not ask her as to her motivations for the "move on" narrative - but she didn't criticise me, she validated what I was saying and said that actually, she masked for weeks before every trip back home to her high-risk parents.
(DIR) Post #AZEZGCOdfAlRCTqiMC by grrrr_shark@supervolcano.angryshark.eu
2023-08-29T14:52:27Z
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I am not going to say I came out of this feeling like everything was a rousing success or anything, but I think part of why it's so easy to go maskless and feel alone is because we're all so fucking tired that we don't talk about it anymore. If everyone else is too tired to fight, there's a lot of "why bother"?Which, of course, is exactly as Big Business intended.But when someone comes in and says, "actually, I *have* to fight and feel like I cannot", suddenly you are not alone in it.
(DIR) Post #AZEZGE6dJ5Y8VDRMZM by grrrr_shark@supervolcano.angryshark.eu
2023-08-29T14:53:33Z
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So instead of me looking for a way to get out of therapy with her, we spent an awful lot of time talking about how to deal with asshole randos who attack you for wearing a mask in public.
(DIR) Post #AZEZGFocx0Kpnx20mW by grrrr_shark@supervolcano.angryshark.eu
2023-08-29T14:58:57Z
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This wasn't meant to be an inspiring story - an inspiring story would be that I walked into the practice and all of the doctors and assistants and patients were masked and I was pleasantly shocked, but that is not happening.But... at least I know she heard me.