Post AXvUOqundcwBGN5TIe by Childfree@spinster.xyz
(DIR) More posts by Childfree@spinster.xyz
(DIR) Post #AXtydLYz5v84gBn6bA by Kay@spinster.xyz
2023-07-21T00:06:08.031359Z
5 likes, 1 repeats
Well, I need to vent. It's hot so I and a neighbour mom, took our kids to the pool. We had lots of fun cooling off, and swimming. Then this boy who must be in his late teens by now, who is known for being incredibly weird. Possibly autistic. No one knows for sure. But we do know he says inappropriate things, and now I know he gets handsy with women, and he tried to get at my daughter today. I'm livid. It's bad enough he tried feeling me up. The little fucking pervert. But after my mom-friend and I told him not to touch us, and we were leaving, he cornered my daughter and I, trying to "help" her with her towel. She had no idea what he was trying to do was wrong. I had to drop everything and get in his way, and stare him down til he left. I fucking hate that I'm not allowed to be more assertive. I can't call the cops on this kid. He's mentally unwell, and unstable. His parents know he's a menace, but they let him loose with zero supervision. The fucking kid lashes out violently. He doesn't understand how to be appropriate in public. What the fuck. I don't know what to do. But I'm pissed. My daughter is ok. She's only a bit sad we had to leave the pool.
(DIR) Post #AXtyoQ3si5S9ofWSzw by Fullycaffeinated@spinster.xyz
2023-07-21T00:12:35.197235Z
3 likes, 0 repeats
@Kay Why can't you call the cops? If the parents won't do anything, maybe they will. He can't just be allowed to do this, he's likely to escalate.
(DIR) Post #AXtysCZWo1o38a82oS by realcaseyrollins@social.teci.world
2023-07-21T00:13:18.848895Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
@Kay If his parents aren’t going to get him under control, it sounds like it might be best to stay as far away from him as possible
(DIR) Post #AXtzNiRcM4VkxtSJlY by Dwalrus@eveningzoo.club
2023-07-21T00:19:00.994791Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
If the kid is mentally retarded for real; then don’t be angry at him. Be angry at his parents. You can call child services and tell them about it. His parents need to be put on the spot. If that fails, teach him to play fetch. Every time he gets near your daughter, throw a stick really really far. When he brings it back, throw it again.
(DIR) Post #AXu0NTgZKOaz94tpAW by EatKnitSleepAgain@spinster.xyz
2023-07-21T00:20:31.515471Z
2 likes, 0 repeats
@Kay If his parents won't teach him the limits of acceptable behaviour, maybe a scary visit from the police is just what he needs.
(DIR) Post #AXu0leYwXUAvpVrOtc by Kay@spinster.xyz
2023-07-21T00:32:20.247591Z
4 likes, 0 repeats
@Fullycaffeinated I'm terrified I won't be believed. I'm white as hell, and he is not. I've already dealt before with a not-white assailant, trying to rape me on my university campus. And though there were witnesses, and he was a repeat offender, he was never officially caught. And I had to deal with questions about whether it was possible I misunderstood the situation or lead him on, by the cop who swore he was definitely taking it seriously (he was not). So I'm convinced that'll be the same deal here. Plus he's technically a juvenile. So it'll look like I'm an evil Karen, targeting a poor immigrant family with a mentally unwell child.
(DIR) Post #AXu0qad6aZKB52A2ro by Fullycaffeinated@spinster.xyz
2023-07-21T00:35:26.862754Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
@Kay That's so fucked up. He tried to touch your daughter!!!! After touching you!But yeah, I get it.
(DIR) Post #AXu1X6U2Y0L22GC1ho by Kay@spinster.xyz
2023-07-21T00:40:09.077503Z
3 likes, 0 repeats
@Fullycaffeinated Yeah, I was raging mad. I wanted to kick his ass and throw him in the pool. But a) he's bigger than me, so who am I kidding and b) that's assault so I would get my own ass thrown in jail for the night. It's many layers of infuriating because now I have to consider having personal protective devices at the pool now. Nowhere is ever totally safe. It's gross enough that old men leer. But this kid has no understanding of physical boundaries and keeping hands to himself. So I don't know.
(DIR) Post #AXu1ZHbUArVb6RiNYO by Fullycaffeinated@spinster.xyz
2023-07-21T00:43:31.435867Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
@Kay Are there lifeguards? Can you warn them?
(DIR) Post #AXu4v78e414gsZKIcq by Kay@spinster.xyz
2023-07-21T00:58:47.770568Z
2 likes, 0 repeats
@Fullycaffeinated No, no lifeguards. It's hard to explain without doxxing myself. Imagine like a condo building with a pool. So you're your own lifeguards, and there's signage everywhere saying no diving but kids are all over it jumping in, and running around.
(DIR) Post #AXucddGFI6KvjbiW80 by EatKnitSleepAgain@spinster.xyz
2023-07-21T00:50:42.851945Z
2 likes, 0 repeats
@Kay @Fullycaffeinated Can you contact social services, or whatever your local equivalent is?You can frame it as concern for him, "I'm worried someone will beat the shit out of this kid for acting like a creep"To be fair, if he keeps on acting like this, it probably is only a matter of time before some man or another gets violent defending his daughter or partner.
(DIR) Post #AXvBDoykbAxowXxgYa by shrikefliesfree@spinster.xyz
2023-07-21T02:59:21.488871Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@Kay @Fullycaffeinated I don't know what the cops are like in your area so this may not be any good to try but I would try to visit a cop at the nearest station, so there is no cop car coming to the place, and explain the situation to see if there is anything you can do. This is a really rotten situation for you - for all the reasons you already know.
(DIR) Post #AXvD3wR4DgSJ5AchRw by starsstorm@spinster.xyz
2023-07-21T14:19:10.910679Z
5 likes, 0 repeats
@EatKnitSleepAgain @Kay @Fullycaffeinated This is probably the best that can be done right now. But it’s infuriating. Autistic boys are definitely allowed to be deeply creepy and grabby towards girls and then it’s explained away as they don’t understand. Which I think is bullshit. My niece is autistic and she has zero problems understanding not grabbing other people and she’s nonverbal. In fact, her high school teachers allowed her to be stalked and harassed by a fellow autistic boy who was verbal and has more social skills because they thought he’d be able to learn more about interacting with girls and dating from being a creep. I’m still angry about this four years later.
(DIR) Post #AXvFquTgUGYv6mKDOS by Kay@spinster.xyz
2023-07-21T00:54:36.412819Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
@EatKnitSleepAgain @Fullycaffeinated I'll have to look into that. I've never done that before. No idea where to start.
(DIR) Post #AXvFqv6KAbTF2cP4ca by EatKnitSleepAgain@spinster.xyz
2023-07-21T13:51:35.591454Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@Kay @Fullycaffeinated I'm guessing you're in the USA? This site tells you how to report concerns about child abuse or neglect in the different states. I'd say failing to teach a child the basic social skills that will protect him from possibly violent retaliation counts as neglect.https://www.helpisaclickaway.org/support-us?gclid=Cj0KCQjw2eilBhCCARIsAG0Pf8vWrGIExsVtBKeFoF77R9NNh8WdlTDeoYGEcxnWJz_emVQ40DmuBy4aAli_EALw_wcB
(DIR) Post #AXvJpx0tyPdGV3f0Yy by GrumpyOldNurse@spinster.xyz
2023-07-21T15:42:55.757229Z
3 likes, 0 repeats
@starsstorm @EatKnitSleepAgain @Kay @Fullycaffeinated It comes down to parents, IMHO.Having a child with autism is a challenge to up your parenting game, not a get out of jail free card.I realise that my son is very lucky to be as minimally affected as he is, but that was enough to create challenges in socialization, which we worked on addressing early.::hops off soapbox::
(DIR) Post #AXvJr6Y00pIIMGgwVc by EatKnitSleepAgain@spinster.xyz
2023-07-21T15:36:47.471757Z
3 likes, 0 repeats
@starsstorm @Kay @Fullycaffeinated Expecting a non-verbal autistic child to teach this boy some social skills was a massive dereliction of duty by his teachers. It's bad enough when girls in mainstream schools are burdened with being a civilising influence on the boys, but this is way, way worse.It might be harder to get them to understand. Unfortunately, some parents (and teachers) use this as an excuse not to even try, when they should be seeing it as an indicator that they will have to try harder than other parents.
(DIR) Post #AXvK8dSwsK89NNgl3A by EatKnitSleepAgain@spinster.xyz
2023-07-21T15:46:05.792940Z
4 likes, 0 repeats
@GrumpyOldNurse @starsstorm @Kay @Fullycaffeinated Based on the number of times I've seen little kids get puched, bit or pushed over at soft-play, by boys whose parents refuse to intervene because "He can't help it, he's autistic" I'd say far too many are using it as a get out of jail free card.
(DIR) Post #AXvKul1U57CaiJmxWa by GrumpyOldNurse@spinster.xyz
2023-07-21T15:55:00.736831Z
3 likes, 0 repeats
@EatKnitSleepAgain @starsstorm @Kay @Fullycaffeinated I may have over corrected, but I was on my boy when he was a preschooler.I was at a bakery once, when he was about 3. He was standing quietly beside me, holding my hand (he knew that was the expectation, he knew I would pull us out if he acted up, and he really wanted his treat) he was stimming, to help him focus on not running amok, and a little girl about the same age was banging on the display cases, smacking random people, etc, while the adult she was with (presumably her father) was playing on his phone. When he noticed the dark looks from other customers, his reply was "she can't help it, she's autistic" and I felt so much anger at that man. Like, how can you set your kid up to be unable to get along in the world? If he had even been trying to refocus her, I would have felt less resentment, but he was using it as an excuse.I've always felt that if your child has a challenge, you don't write them off, you teach them to manage.
(DIR) Post #AXvLLOYthPvOs37SK0 by Fullycaffeinated@spinster.xyz
2023-07-21T15:59:49.274134Z
2 likes, 0 repeats
@GrumpyOldNurse @starsstorm @EatKnitSleepAgain @Kay I understand that it will be more difficult, to varying degrees, to teach these children social skills, but all kids have to learn them. No kids are born knowing all of the acceptable behaviours for their family, culture, or society in general. If these kids are to be integrated into society, and they should, they have to be able to function. Parents do them no favours in setting them up to be ostracized or worse. This holds equally for kids who are not autistic.
(DIR) Post #AXvLbXzmORCklIOYhE by GrumpyOldNurse@spinster.xyz
2023-07-21T16:02:43.610222Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
@Fullycaffeinated @starsstorm @EatKnitSleepAgain @Kay Very much so. And, better articulated than my rant.(I realise my bit might have sounded like a humble brag. That was not my intention. I do not think I am a perfect mother, by any means, but rather, I intended to say, if I can help my kid understand basic social expectations, anyone can)
(DIR) Post #AXvLqAgJM9YUnZGJm4 by KeepTakingTheSoma@spinster.xyz
2023-07-21T16:05:23.353570Z
2 likes, 0 repeats
@GrumpyOldNurse @EatKnitSleepAgain @starsstorm @Kay @Fullycaffeinated When I was teaching I noticed that so many adults who should know better loved any label that exempted a child from making any effort at all.
(DIR) Post #AXvLzOBaW4qtHvHrIe by GrumpyOldNurse@spinster.xyz
2023-07-21T16:07:03.195232Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@KeepTakingTheSoma @EatKnitSleepAgain @starsstorm @Kay @Fullycaffeinated That's not acceptance. JFC.
(DIR) Post #AXvMMgdW5HBxAhSYJE by KeepTakingTheSoma@spinster.xyz
2023-07-21T16:11:15.667791Z
3 likes, 0 repeats
@GrumpyOldNurse @starsstorm @EatKnitSleepAgain @Kay @Fullycaffeinated There is not one of us that hasn't faced some difficulty in life at some point to a greater or lesser extent. It'snot the hand you were dealt, it's how you play it. I have admiration for parents who have children with disabilities, because raising a child is hard enough without extra challenges. To use a child's disability as a reason for not bothering is a dereliction of duty. *thanks for the loan of the soapbox*
(DIR) Post #AXvN6eO8m4JRWKBW1Q by Fullycaffeinated@spinster.xyz
2023-07-21T16:19:33.950749Z
6 likes, 0 repeats
@GrumpyOldNurse @starsstorm @EatKnitSleepAgain @Kay Well, I have worked with many kids who have had all kinds of excuses made for them...We have a muslim (this will be relevant) autistic kid, going into grade 9, who has had all kinds of behaviours excused. In grade 7, some boys had smacked him, and he didn't understand why. Turns out he had grabbed a few of the girls' breasts. Knew enough to do it when/where no teacher would see it. The girls had told him to cut it out, but he wouldn't. So the boys had enough and decided to set him straight. I went to bat for the boys (not saying that they should get to hit him, but that his behaviour had not been addressed when it started). The girls were horrified, but didn't know what to do. Thankfully some of them did speak up after the fact. This year, I had to have admin have a chat with him (because as a woman I have no authority....) because he was saying that all jews deserve to die. No kids want to sit with him or interact with him if they can help it. He is not being helped by not teaching him what is and isn't acceptable.
(DIR) Post #AXvUOqundcwBGN5TIe by Childfree@spinster.xyz
2023-07-21T17:15:59.734145Z
5 likes, 0 repeats
@KeepTakingTheSoma @GrumpyOldNurse @EatKnitSleepAgain @starsstorm @Kay @Fullycaffeinated At one of my jobs, a woman with her teen- or pre-teen son cut in front of a long line and insisted it was necessary and that her son get something free "because he's autistic and can't wait in line".Anyone in that line could have had a visible or invisible disability but that didn't matter because her son is special and doesn't need to follow the rules everyone else has to follow.
(DIR) Post #AXvc4icrXzLlObbkWW by GrumpyOldNurse@spinster.xyz
2023-07-21T19:07:17.667854Z
3 likes, 0 repeats
@Childfree @KeepTakingTheSoma @EatKnitSleepAgain @starsstorm @Kay @Fullycaffeinated Entitleitis is not the same as autism, ffs. What does she think her son will do when she's no longer around?
(DIR) Post #AXvcLUqI2y2ZZPt9qC by GrumpyOldNurse@spinster.xyz
2023-07-21T19:10:19.824787Z
2 likes, 0 repeats
@Fullycaffeinated @starsstorm @EatKnitSleepAgain @Kay If he knew enough to not get caught by teachers, he knew it was wrong and was using his autism as an excuse.The racism is another issue, entirely.
(DIR) Post #AXvcavUPFwAUYg0h60 by GrumpyOldNurse@spinster.xyz
2023-07-21T19:13:06.775522Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
@KeepTakingTheSoma @starsstorm @EatKnitSleepAgain @Kay @Fullycaffeinated Happy to share. My soapbox is your soapbox!!
(DIR) Post #AXvdTIJIcnGyyPjvIO by starsstorm@spinster.xyz
2023-07-21T19:22:46.412133Z
3 likes, 0 repeats
@GrumpyOldNurse @Fullycaffeinated @EatKnitSleepAgain @Kay Yes to this! He definitely knew it was wrong if he was avoiding getting caught.
(DIR) Post #AXvdnxmg8SvBOUKyR6 by Fullycaffeinated@spinster.xyz
2023-07-21T19:26:40.865835Z
2 likes, 0 repeats
@GrumpyOldNurse @starsstorm @EatKnitSleepAgain @Kay It is, but he also feels that it is okay to say that in class and was quite miffed that I told him not to.
(DIR) Post #AXvdrWKe8yoRPXvCvQ by starsstorm@spinster.xyz
2023-07-21T19:26:35.773469Z
2 likes, 0 repeats
@EatKnitSleepAgain @Kay @Fullycaffeinated It was utterly insane to me. My sister, her boyfriend, and niece’s mom were all reading the emails from her teacher and going what the actual fuck. Niece is so ‘low functioning’ that she can’t handle having a job at a fast food place cleaning up, but sure she can teach a boy who is better able to socialize all about dating (idk what the appropriate term is anymore for an autistic person with her skill set). I’ve known this girl for 14 years and her future terrifies me.
(DIR) Post #AXve3UciK29FaS576O by Fullycaffeinated@spinster.xyz
2023-07-21T19:29:28.698914Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@starsstorm @EatKnitSleepAgain @Kay No girls should have to be subjected to this, but to think that an autistic one should is a whole new level of unfair.
(DIR) Post #AXve4c30CnAutxua9o by starsstorm@spinster.xyz
2023-07-21T19:29:26.809291Z
3 likes, 0 repeats
@KeepTakingTheSoma @GrumpyOldNurse @EatKnitSleepAgain @Kay @Fullycaffeinated It both angers me and doesn’t surprise me that this is a thing.
(DIR) Post #AXvegU2UQbuD4JjKLI by Flick@spinster.xyz
2023-07-21T19:36:29.307887Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@GrumpyOldNurse @starsstorm @EatKnitSleepAgain @Kay @Fullycaffeinated God, yes, this. I have some friends whose son used to be a really lovely, bright, sweet little boy. When he hit about ten, he turned into an absolute brat almost overnight, and when he was about eleven they got him statemented (note on his school record saying he was autistic and needed extra help). They were never exactly structured parents, but they just completely washed their hands at that point. He’s now in his early twenties and spends all his time playing vidya in his bedroom in their house.
(DIR) Post #AXvfWJHpeQHomKcRpg by Fullycaffeinated@spinster.xyz
2023-07-21T19:45:53.749978Z
2 likes, 0 repeats
@Flick @GrumpyOldNurse @starsstorm @EatKnitSleepAgain @Kay The thing is, these kids need more structure, not less. I have no problem with them getting extra help, but the goal needs to be for them to be functioning better.
(DIR) Post #AXvfrxFmFa2GoZykwi by Flick@spinster.xyz
2023-07-21T19:49:42.189308Z
2 likes, 0 repeats
@Fullycaffeinated @GrumpyOldNurse @starsstorm @EatKnitSleepAgain @Kay Exactly. (Tbh, while I’m sure he is a touch autistic, he really was a very normal little boy, perfectly normal development and behaviour. If he’d been in a different home environment, I’m sure he’d now be some sort of high-flying city maths whizz or something. It’s such a waste.)
(DIR) Post #AXvgnJNWf999wMx9ii by Fullycaffeinated@spinster.xyz
2023-07-21T20:00:09.258741Z
2 likes, 0 repeats
@Flick @GrumpyOldNurse @starsstorm @EatKnitSleepAgain @Kay It's the same with one of my nieces. She was diagnosed around 11. Tantrums were excused, plans had to be changed if she didn't like them, didn't want to take classes she didn't like. Barely finished high school, spends as much time on her tablet as possible. She could be doing so much more. I understand accepting that she will have some limitations, but she was allowed to have her way anytime she showed the least little sign that a meltdown might be coming on.
(DIR) Post #AXvmqJ1n1QVFRlb5kW by Flick@spinster.xyz
2023-07-21T21:07:56.329187Z
2 likes, 0 repeats
@Fullycaffeinated @GrumpyOldNurse @starsstorm @EatKnitSleepAgain @Kay This lad pretty much never used to have tantrums before he got statemented. After a year or two, constant threat. He made it as far as uni, on a really good course that he was really looking forward to, then spent the first half of the year sitting in his bedroom playing vidya. They were really good about it, told him to come back in eighteen months, but sadly by then it was too late. I honestly can’t see him ever being independent now.
(DIR) Post #AXvndTZAd4GyJwemwq by Fullycaffeinated@spinster.xyz
2023-07-21T21:16:50.032347Z
2 likes, 0 repeats
@Flick @GrumpyOldNurse @starsstorm @EatKnitSleepAgain @Kay My niece now has a job, because she saw that her younger sister had her own spending money, so that was the motivation. It seems to be going well so far so I'm keeping my fingers crossed.
(DIR) Post #AXvnm62NTivfxAQebw by Flick@spinster.xyz
2023-07-21T21:18:23.229102Z
2 likes, 0 repeats
@Fullycaffeinated @GrumpyOldNurse @starsstorm @EatKnitSleepAgain @Kay His older sister has just recently got her first proper job and moved out of parents’/halls/partner’s parents’ for the first time. Maybe it’ll give him a kick up the bum, but I really doubt it.
(DIR) Post #AXvo9v7Pj3Z72V921I by Fullycaffeinated@spinster.xyz
2023-07-21T21:22:41.682236Z
2 likes, 0 repeats
@Flick @GrumpyOldNurse @starsstorm @EatKnitSleepAgain @Kay Well, she just turned 18 so seeing her 16 year old sister awash with cash (relatively speaking) made her start thinking about it.
(DIR) Post #AXvvFFz4H8pIsZjUES by starsstorm@spinster.xyz
2023-07-21T19:28:48.633334Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
@GrumpyOldNurse @EatKnitSleepAgain @Kay @Fullycaffeinated Your soap box is perfect! Speaking as an adhd adult who has challenges in socializing too and who has lots of adhd/autistic individuals in my family.
(DIR) Post #AXvxs1N4jsvSlDZe8O by KeepTakingTheSoma@spinster.xyz
2023-07-21T23:11:30.713711Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@GrumpyOldNurse @Childfree @EatKnitSleepAgain @starsstorm @Kay @Fullycaffeinated Some people no longer think; they emote.They also think that emoting is thinking.This is the problem.
(DIR) Post #AXvxxJauPgsoj6ZKEa by GrumpyOldNurse@spinster.xyz
2023-07-21T23:12:28.217918Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@KeepTakingTheSoma @Childfree @EatKnitSleepAgain @starsstorm @Kay @Fullycaffeinated And wants are needs.
(DIR) Post #AXvy0mnmHDvUBHF8ds by KeepTakingTheSoma@spinster.xyz
2023-07-21T23:13:04.954463Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@GrumpyOldNurse @Childfree @EatKnitSleepAgain @starsstorm @Kay @Fullycaffeinated Exactly.
(DIR) Post #AXzHukwGs6EBDsUvEe by starsstorm@spinster.xyz
2023-07-23T13:39:31.272506Z
3 likes, 0 repeats
@Fullycaffeinated @Flick @GrumpyOldNurse @EatKnitSleepAgain @Kay People really seem to miss this part of dealing with neurodevelopmental disorders. I have to create that structure for myself to function well, but it seems I was lucky to have parts who created a very strictly structured environment for my sisters and I growing up (all of us have adhd). I suspect the neurodivergence movement is partially responsible for this.
(DIR) Post #AXzHuzl7lpDxBeOjRY by starsstorm@spinster.xyz
2023-07-23T13:39:52.908654Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@Fullycaffeinated @EatKnitSleepAgain @Kay I don’t think I’ll ever stop being angry about it.