Post AW8Rb4b1ybOKT1Atvs by rabia_elizabeth@mefi.social
(DIR) More posts by rabia_elizabeth@mefi.social
(DIR) Post #AW8Rb4b1ybOKT1Atvs by rabia_elizabeth@mefi.social
2023-05-29T03:53:23Z
3 likes, 3 repeats
'I asked people one question: Who are you?Almost unilaterally, non-autistic people began describing themselves in terms of their relationships to others– if they were a parent, a spouse, what their career was, where they lived, what their religion is, and what their roles were related to others (sister to a Senator, military brat, pastor’s wife, soccer mom, etc.).And, almost unilaterally, #Autistic people described themselves as what they loved to do, what their values were, and what they had experienced. Many even said this, having intuited the basis of the theory. Among the answers were, “I am a verb,” or “I am what I love,” or “Who I am is what I do.” Autistics would answer, “Lover of Justice,” or “Dreamer,” or “One who values autonomy.” Some would describe themselves as a “lover of” or “obsessed with” an intense passion, like trains, lichen and fungi, or theoretical physics and black holes.'@actuallyautistic#Autism #Neurodivergence #Identityhttps://neuroclastic.com/the-identity-theory-of-autism-how-autistic-identity-is-experienced-differently/
(DIR) Post #AWBGeyYbr5oasFa2vQ by Pathfinder@universeodon.com
2023-05-29T12:15:38Z
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@rabia_elizabeth @actuallyautistic It is my observation that for the most part allistics tend to be far more externally motivated than autistics. Which means they tend to see themselves in relationship with those around them. In terms of relative status and position and in terms of feeling validated and affirmed. It makes sense therefore that "who they are" would be couched in those terms. As opposed to the more internal processes that autistics tend to favour.
(DIR) Post #AWBGezEnKFYiz5Jjg8 by simid@neurodifferent.me
2023-05-29T12:21:28Z
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@Pathfinder @rabia_elizabeth @actuallyautistic right. exactly. I am just so reluctant to describe myself in those terms. It does not feel authentic.
(DIR) Post #AWBGezjdTaEGWjkMka by Pathfinder@universeodon.com
2023-05-29T12:27:39Z
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@simid @rabia_elizabeth @actuallyautistic I think most of us feel the same. We literally don't see how we interact with others in the same way as allistics. There is no social status/positional overlay that makes this seem a valid way of describing ourselves. So attempting to do it feels both fake and in effect lying.
(DIR) Post #AWBGf0E7eEcE3I0iGm by loops@neurodifferent.me
2023-05-29T13:31:27Z
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@Pathfinder wait, allistics talk about their careers as a form of comparing *status*? 🤯I always thought it was just because they rather boringly believed that it was because they really just saw jobs as an important part of the self, or because they found it weird to actually get to know you and it was just something to say.Still felt inauthentic, but I'm happy to answer the question. I didn't realise I was establishing a place in a social hierarchy with my answer 😅Tbh, I've also felt the need for external validation and affirmation, I don't think that's an allistic thing.@simid @rabia_elizabeth @actuallyautistic
(DIR) Post #AWBGf0lnd1YPjjlblI by Pathfinder@universeodon.com
2023-05-29T14:01:01Z
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@loops @simid @rabia_elizabeth @actuallyautistic Most of allistic communication has an overlay of positional, relative status, information. It is in many ways the conceptual framework which enables their sense of community to function and which they do mostly without realising. It is that sense of place within that structure that gives them their sense of value. Our need for external validation comes more from a desire for feedback and postive reinforcement as well as often just being reassured that we're actually getting something right for once.
(DIR) Post #AWBGf1q5eYa33KmY5Y by somecat@toot.cat
2023-05-29T15:46:11Z
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@Pathfinder That overlay has been very difficult for me to interface with. Having to realize that the question "so what do you do?" was more often code for "what is your job title?" essentially, and that there is an instant hierarchical judgment and placement made at the response.If i'm responding to "so what do you do?" naturally, it ends up being verbs and identifiers, traits, things like that, like this thread mentions above. them: "so what do you do?"me: "oh, i tinker, i make, i mess with things really, i like learning things, i try to be helpful and try to show that i care, ..."them: "..."my response to "who are you?" is basically the same, yeah. who i am is not my job title or my place in some arbitrary hierarchy, it's me.@loops @simid @rabia_elizabeth @actuallyautistic
(DIR) Post #AWBGf2lsBinjwXoh9c by russellmcormond@fosstodon.org
2023-05-30T11:17:23Z
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@somecat @Pathfinder @loops @simid @rabia_elizabeth @actuallyautistic I get in trouble with this all the time.Where I work I see a cloud of colleagues that have different lives, skills, etc.Other people see a hiring/firing graph with the Board of Directors at the "top", CEO below, and their delegates all the way to some low end of a hierarchy.Some get really upset when I don't bow to hierarchy I don't really see. I can look at the graph, but the graph is so subjectively drawn/labeled.
(DIR) Post #AWBGf3j4dc9ku9VyQi by loops@neurodifferent.me
2023-05-30T11:33:28Z
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@russellmcormond @somecat @Pathfinder @simid @rabia_elizabeth @actuallyautistic for me, I can see the hierarchy, it just doesn't make any sense to me, really. Someone is not a better person for having more or less organisational control, that's just their role.So I can learn the hierarchy and where they place me in it, and act that professionally at least, but I have a lot of trouble acting that hierarchy place socially - why can't we just address each other as human beings? Aren't we all for equality here? (several workplaces with this as a core value, do not, in fact, practice equality) - so I'm like, yeah I'm X and y is my manager and they report to z - but it doesn't make any sense to me as a system of worth, it's just a reporting structure, like how messages get sent in information networks or (if you'll pardon the stereotype) like a rail network.I don't see how we can't also just be human outside of the formal reporting structure, or why we shouldn't have ideas flow "both ways". Ideally, I'd work with people all accountable to eachother rather than some hierarchical power dynamic.
(DIR) Post #AWBGf4HSZlf6cnbR1k by russellmcormond@fosstodon.org
2023-05-30T11:52:00Z
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@loops @somecat @Pathfinder @simid @rabia_elizabeth @actuallyautistic There is that word: Equality.I am treated equally: everyone is neurotypical, right?Equity is an entirely different concept.One is about assimilation/rejection and the other is about accessibility/acceptance.I'm hoping I can work in an accessible workplace in the future. I wish my current workplace was accessible, as I very strongly believe in the mission of the organization (Society critical stuff).
(DIR) Post #AWBGf4wa6sYUgKqH7g by loops@neurodifferent.me
2023-05-30T12:03:19Z
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@russellmcormond @somecat @Pathfinder @simid @rabia_elizabeth @actuallyautistic you're so right on equality Vs equity, but we are often taught that equality is about equal respect, equal rights etc. Of course, equitable distribution of equal rights would require unequal resources - some needs are higher than others. The point I was always taught of equality, is that we don't judge based on the amount of resources required I'm all for boosting accessibility and acceptance over forced assimilation, it's just that to me, that word equality has always meant equality of dignity and respect, because obviously uniform outcomes seem undesirable and unhelpful 😅I'm sorry your workplace isn't as accessible as you need, are there any organisations that can help?
(DIR) Post #AWBGf5ZZltkOdH5Pu4 by russellmcormond@fosstodon.org
2023-05-30T12:17:42Z
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@loops @somecat @Pathfinder @simid @rabia_elizabeth @actuallyautistic "often taught that equality is about equal respect, equal rights etc"Exactly! Taught? Indoctrinated? Propagandized?Most Canadians see https://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/1982/11/schedule/B as universal "Rights and Freedoms".I see assimilation. English, French, Christianity aren't domestic. While domestic languages/cultures are being oppressed, these two foreign worldviews are being imposed (and so-on).Equality doesn't mean Human Rights.
(DIR) Post #AWBGf6KiwbSezV94OO by russellmcormond@fosstodon.org
2023-05-30T12:20:58Z
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@loops @somecat @Pathfinder @simid @rabia_elizabeth @actuallyautistic "I'm sorry your workplace isn't as accessible as you need, are there any organisations that can help?"I don't know how to approach this, given my workplace doesn't see the issue as systemic but entirely about an individual (me)...." Everyone else who works here has no problem walking up the stairs. Why do you feel so priviledged. You are offending people with your neediness."....(looks down at wheelchair)... "What?"
(DIR) Post #AWBGf6sku4gQh34FRA by russellmcormond@fosstodon.org
2023-05-30T12:36:25Z
0 likes, 1 repeats
@loops @somecat @Pathfinder @simid @rabia_elizabeth @actuallyautistic Oops -- I did it again.I brought up one of my "special interests" in a way that may cause distraction/etc.Anti-Racism and non-metaphorical decolonization have become interests in last 3 years.I'm one of those people that seems to have less than a handful of focused interests at a time and not the same one throughout my life.Discussing “copyright” or “6502 assembly” didn’t upset people like decolonization does.
(DIR) Post #AWC4cw3IihTB7Z4HYG by Inginsub@clubcyberia.co
2023-05-30T21:58:18.699338Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@rabia_elizabeth @actuallyautistic I'm Sonic
(DIR) Post #AWC5sNZCnsf0knv3KK by Erik@social.uden.ai
2023-05-30T22:04:55.141275Z
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An interesting thing is that according to the age group model by Eric H. Erikson autistic people are hence ahead of non-autistic people.
(DIR) Post #AWC5sRIgvDpMKkDv8q by w@arachnid.town
2023-05-30T22:11:51.925788Z
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@Erik @rabia_elizabeth Erik Erikson is a really funny name.
(DIR) Post #AWKjyLJTe82ovtdlB2 by youronlyone@calckey.social
2023-05-29T04:45:45.147Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@rabia_elizabeth@mefi.social Same. I explain myself from my vantage point, the “me, myself, and I”.It never crossed my mind to explain myself in relation to others. For me, that's like asking for a validation of your existence, or you are trying to elevate yourself as someone important. That without those relations and achievements, there is no “you”.Answering through the lens of others, or listing our achievements, is for biography, description, or introduction write-up. If it wasn't asked specifically, like “what do people say about you”, then it should be answered from the “me, myself, and I” lens.Thank you for doing this survey. This is a good example of the positive aspect of us being literal. “Who are you?”, is a simple question that can only be answered literally from our own lens:Me, myself, and I.@autistics@chirp.social @actuallyautistic@a.gup.pe
(DIR) Post #AWKk3RpIrDGQa6xdei by rabia_elizabeth@mefi.social
2023-05-29T05:14:26Z
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@youronlyone @actuallyautistic @autistics For me the only exception to this general rule is when I speak about my son. But even that is complicated since I placed him for (open) adoption when he was an infant! He knows I'm bio mom, and we're in contact; he turns 24 in June God willing.
(DIR) Post #AWKk3SVqJ3I8i2rbxg by youronlyone@calckey.social
2023-05-29T05:22:15.314Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@rabia_elizabeth@mefi.social Ahh, yes! Our children. They define us as parents.@actuallyautistic@a.gup.pe @autistics@chirp.social
(DIR) Post #AWKk82hhgpWk74b5sW by gekitsu@toot.cat
2023-05-30T15:23:06Z
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@rabia_elizabeth @actuallyautistic thank you for linking that, it was a most interesting read!it also jives with a thought i’ve been nurturing for a while now. i suspected that i am locating ‘identity’ at a different epistemological layer than neurotypicals: where it is common to see the self as one thing in a world of things, i always erred on the side of feeling the self as the point opposite the world of things, as the stage on which the phenomena describing the world happen. and the self-as-a-part-of-the-world only happens in the phenomena on that stage. they enter stage right, so to say, and speak of things, some of which affect me. and i do like some of those described things more than others (and am super duper into some of them!), but at the end of the day, my self is more the stage on which that happens rather than the play performed on it.hence i always struggled a bit with gender as well – not in terms of understanding it as a varied spectrum, or which parts of that spectrum i find more likeable, but in terms of not getting the importance of putting my ‘me’ on a spot on that spectrum where it reads as ‘is like this’ and ‘is not like that’ – when what i feel to be my true self exists only as itself, and all those axes of differentiation can only happen within the play, between characters, but not on the stage. i have only me. and even saying ‘ah, i must be agender’ places me too much inside the play to describe my true, inner me-ness.
(DIR) Post #AWKk83WOeM4oeIJZtQ by ScottSoCal@computerfairi.es
2023-05-30T18:56:21Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@gekitsu @rabia_elizabeth @actuallyautistic My unsolicited two cents:Gender roles, being artificial constructs, serve the purpose of restricting/limiting/controlling how we present ourselves to the world. Given that as a foundation, I have no respect for the idea of "gender presentation". I present me to the world. I may or may not fit neatly into a category they have in their head, but that has nothing to do with me - that's all them.
(DIR) Post #AWUpNeukLiaSJdYyCe by ArdainianRight@detroitriotcity.com
2023-06-08T23:07:03.388605Z
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@rabia_elizabeth @actuallyautistic I'm autistic and I define myself in the former way, because even if I'm not very social, the people who I am close to and leave an impact on are the ones who define me and my legacy. I might have described myself otherwise when I was younger, but a lot can change the more life experience you get.