Post ATeGV3r42CofOSjom0 by silence@sneed.social
(DIR) More posts by silence@sneed.social
(DIR) Post #ATdpUOy9Li6ppIVtEu by Trollcow@sneed.social
2023-03-15T13:44:23.834093Z
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I’m going to talk about something I have avoided talking about for a very very long time.There is a one word explanation for why I suffer from a lot of things, why I have insomnia, why I first did drugs, etc…I have incredibly severe OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder).I have very few compulsions, but I suffer with obsessive thoughts and mainly, intrusive thoughts. OCD is from the only issue I suffer with, but it’s the one that plagues me the most.The reason why I was so happy to jump into online drama, and came across so willing to interact with people that I was perceived as an attention seeker, is because to me, anything that distracts me from my OCD is something I’ll do. Having threads, being in drama and having to partake in essentially virtual war, was considerably hard, and painful, but a far better alternative to OCD. My threads were a constant, and as long as they were there, I had something to think about.I have had OCD for as long as I can remember but it got worse around the ages of 11. This was the age I was put into essentially non consensual medical trials. I do not want to go into a family history or background here, but just know that I was given a lot of medications some unheard of, some foreign, for a large number of years, to the point I eventually ended up with chemical poisoning, which resulted in a rash that covered my entire body, a day in hospital, and narrowingly missing liver failure. Pictures attached. (Sorry).Many people close to me had my IQ assessed, and it was high, but I was not succeeding academically, and after I was diagnosed with ADHD, those people became convinced that if they could erase my ADHD, they could mold me into a child prodigy. Obviously this didn’t work because I wasn’t failing due to ADHD, I was failing because I hated my environment. I have tried almost every medication under the sun for anxiety and ADHD, none worked to decrease my OCD.My OCD was so severe that I remember for a few years of my life, I’d wake up retching every single morning, and have to spend two hours on top deck buses (for some reason the motion calmed me) to shake the retching, intrusive thoughts and nausea. I very much had OCD “meltdowns”, my OCD would get so severe it would almost become psychosis, or delusional, and I’d be so exhausted afterwards I’d pass out. I’ve woken up in random bus destinations many times, in the sunshine and relieved the feeling had passed.Sleeping nearly always kicks it. I first tried drugs because nothing else worked apart from them, and I don’t see them as a method of getting high, I see them as a method of survival and medication. I don’t want to get high, I want to be able to function.Sober, my OCD makes me dysfunctional. I can’t eat, I can’t work and I can’t talk during OCD meltdowns. I have been in situations at night where OCD has kicked in and I have been too sick to get home. My OCD is less safe for me than drugs are. If I could find any other method or cure, I would, but to me, having anything that works, and makes me able to function and live, is something I do not see as unhealthy, nor a burden, but something unfortunately damned by law, but essential to people like me, that the health care system has failed. I never tried drugs wanting to get high. I was looking for a treatment for OCD, and I found one.My OCD rendered me unable to eat, sleep, work, study, walk, talk or even get out of bed. It made me so nauseous I literally couldn’t talk while in an OCD “episode”.How I describe my OCD is having too much of the “disgust” emotion. It takes one thought, and I’m knocked down. People can say what they want about drugs, and about how we should try therapy or legalized medicine, but there are people with brain chemistries in which therapy and the available prescription medications just don’t work for us. Had I not found anything that did work for me, I would have killed myself due to OCD.I was incredibly anti legalization of drugs until I realized that without them, I wouldn’t be here. I don’t believe we should make drugs available to the general public, but legalizing them for medicinal purposes should absolutely be considered. There are drugs that are un replicable medicinally. There are drugs whose unique chemical structure are the only thing that works for someone else’s unique brain wiring. I hope we see a change soon.
(DIR) Post #ATeGV3r42CofOSjom0 by silence@sneed.social
2023-03-15T18:36:54.372935Z
1 likes, 1 repeats
@Trollcow People who won't subscribe to better living through chemistry don't believe in science and should be used as test subjects.
(DIR) Post #ATeGV4Ok0zkr4uUiGW by Trollcow@sneed.social
2023-03-15T18:47:03.061257Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
YES YES YES