Post ATdSXITxcs3Bd9nvVo by eeveelyn@kolektiva.social
 (DIR) More posts by eeveelyn@kolektiva.social
 (DIR) Post #ATdSXGyjDVTOy0BTBw by eeveelyn@kolektiva.social
       2023-03-15T07:24:03Z
       
       0 likes, 0 repeats
       
       being a 'mystic' may seem really cool, but its actually an extremely isolating and lonely existencei dont like to pathologize my experiences, but i do reclaim the labels 'psychosis' and 'delusion' even when i consider these experiences spiritual and mystical. problem is, i know that everyone else pathologizes me, and i cant change how people view me. i cant blame anyone either. i claim to possess divine revelation and make myself out as if im akin to a prophet. i believe i embody divinity itself. i feel an intimate connection with the divine and have a sense of profound insight into a grand eschatological & messianic plan. of course people arent going to take me seriously, and how could i possibly ask them to? to everyone else, im just a poor psychotic girl with a history of drug use babbling about incomprehensible incoherent nonsense
       
 (DIR) Post #ATdSXHYB5hpUjwlmRk by eeveelyn@kolektiva.social
       2023-03-15T07:32:50Z
       
       1 likes, 0 repeats
       
       is it arrogant of me to want so desparately to be taken seriously? i do genuinely believe i have divine insight that needs to be shared for the sake of the world. in my view, its not just my pride thats at stake, its the whole world. what i want is for us all to be liberated from our oppression, and i believe that there is a divine force guiding us in that effort. for whatever reason, i seem to have been bestowed unique insight into that divine guidance, and i feel compelled to share that......or maybe it is just selfish arrogance. maybe i just want to be recognized. maybe i want to have others who share my beliefs so i dont feel so alone. maybe i want a community of people who all have this worldview in common. even just one person would be enough. everyone else gets to have community, but i cant, because im alone in my experiences and my beliefs. and its not like i can start a new religion, that would be a distant pipe dream
       
 (DIR) Post #ATdSXITxcs3Bd9nvVo by eeveelyn@kolektiva.social
       2023-03-15T07:41:11Z
       
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       ive complained a lot about these issues before but in the past i kind of danced around the core issue (loneliness). im just lonely, no matter how many people surround me or how many people i talk to, im alone in my beliefs, im alone in how i think, im alone in what i feel, im alone in how i view and interpret the world... i may as well be in an entirely different world from everyone else. im just in my own inner world in my head, while the world outside passes me by and looks away as if i dont exist, as if im invisiblei acknowledge that i probably will never be taken seriously. i just have to accept that. i just have to accept a lifetime of existential loneliness, that can never be fixed no matter how many friends i might make. because the only thing that hurts more than being alone, is trying and failing not to be alone
       
 (DIR) Post #ATdSXPryA0PkXe5hPE by neotoy@mastodon.social
       2023-03-15T07:57:12Z
       
       1 likes, 0 repeats
       
       @eeveelyn autism feels like this a lot of the time honestly. that horrible feeling of loneliness and isolation within one's own feelings and mind... you captured it very well with your words. let's hear it, your divine message of liberation.