Post APpNxEVPRRtMvelt0y by beccabei@spinster.xyz
 (DIR) More posts by beccabei@spinster.xyz
 (DIR) Post #APpNxEVPRRtMvelt0y by beccabei@spinster.xyz
       2022-11-21T10:53:19.673530Z
       
       0 likes, 0 repeats
       
       Ok, so given last night’s development on this, I am rethinking an approach. If the girl is being lured away with a promise of marriage then the angle to take may be more to do with abusive relationships than anything else.I am thinking about ways to build up her self-confidence and boundaries, and ways to enable her to recognise what’s dodgy about this situation (flying to a city to marry a boy you’ve never met). In the best-case scenario this is just a lonely boy looking for a wife, and she will move to his city alone. In the worst-case scenario I see them getting on a plane together to somewhere like Pakistan, where she will be at a great disadvantage due to the language barrier. Across the spectrum from best to worst, all of those options sound bad to me. If anyone has advice or links about talking to her, please share. This boy lives in England so it’s English law that counts. Note: I have already shared ACT Early in case radicalisation is suspected, but if there are community solutions that don’t involve Prevent I would like to know about them. I also shared Karma Nirvana in case they try to coerce her into going abroad for marriage, and this book on abusive relationships in youth. I have shared Baggage Reclaim which I think is an excellent resource for developing boundaries. I also sent links about cult tactics, which of course overlap with relationship abuse tactics.
       
 (DIR) Post #APpNxFFUg6ktEaKgqW by Flick@spinster.xyz
       2022-11-21T12:03:59.364659Z
       
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       @beccabei I’m not sure if someone mentioned this yesterday, but is it worth telling her about the woman trapped in Saudi because her ex has stolen her daughter?
       
 (DIR) Post #APpQ6K2gQS6kcCnSu8 by DoctorDee@spinster.xyz
       2022-11-21T12:25:18.937619Z
       
       1 likes, 0 repeats
       
       @beccabei I'll preface this by writing that I have no experience or expertise in this area whatever. But I think what I'd do, if this is a girl I knew well and am comfortable talking with (and she's comfortable talking with me) is ask her about him. Let her talk, and tell me how amazing and wonderful he is. I'd ask how he shows how much he loves her, and when she's not really able to give a good answer I'd suggest to her that maybe he should demonstrate how much he loves her, maybe by coming to her instead of making her come to him.