Post AP1pgByTKgVXWrla7c by BarbaraPit@poa.st
(DIR) More posts by BarbaraPit@poa.st
(DIR) Post #AP1mievsL2EC3e2Km0 by _Trollcow_@poa.st
2022-10-28T13:45:55.367456Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
I wrote this earlier, and this is something I feel has to be said.I often feel as if I’m being misunderstood, or read the wrong way. I am not an attention-seeker, at least, no more than anyone else here is. I enjoy interaction and company. My work is extremely stressful, I do not hang out with people in my country because Br*tain, and my family do not live in the U.K. Because of this, I often lack meaningful or even, entertaining interactions outside of my work/business life. I don’t have debates, I don’t get advice and I don’t have anyone to rant to in real life.You may think this is awfully sad, but it’s really out of choice. I am only extroverted online. In real life, I’m very introverted, stressed out and overworked. I physically don’t have the energy to go to bars, meet up with people or go out of my way to interact with people.People, in real life, including my work place, know about my threads, know about my posts, my accounts and my entire Internet history. Although this somehow hasn’t stopped me from getting employed in a very high profile job, it has forced me to hold myself to incredibly high and, sometimes unattainable, standards irl to almost prove that my online persona and me in real life, are entirely separate. I cannot act like a lolcow at work. My entire real life existence, is making sure that:A) I am not lying to people about my online history and presence, so that if I were to be doxed, no one could use it against me to get me fired & so that my employers don’t feel lied to.B) I am proving the threads, posts and rumours about me to be false, and proving that I am capable in a business environment, and can separate my online drama from the workplace.Because of this, I massively overcompensate in real life. Being a lolcow online is one thing, but I cannot be doing that irl. I am scared of interacting with people outside the office, I repeat every sentence in my head at least 3 times before I say it out loud, and I work overtime to the point I now have stress rashes and regular seizures.Due to the above, I view my online life as a place to talk about things I don’t speak about at work, even if my work sometimes browse my accounts.At work, people care less about online footprints or even reputations, everything is down to my behaviour irl, which is honestly flawless because I’ve literally used every atom in my body to ensure that it is.People have to understand that I don’t have a place to talk about things like my threads, or a place to get advice, or share views or experiences. That is why I use the Interenet, and it truly is an outlet.The issue is, it’s very hard to talk about my experiences online & things like my threads without seeming like I’m drawing attention purposely to them, or myself under my real identity.I know it must come across poorly, but my intentions are not to attention seek, or to brand myself as a lolcow, but more to be able to talk about things, interact with interesting people, obtain advice, have debates, and sometimes just to get out the things I’ve been holding in all day.My Poasts are not about me as a subject of my threads, but more intended as an outlet of my experiences, things I struggle with, things I find funny and interactions I’ve had.I like to imagine that people reading, take my Poasts as their own entities, separate from my threads, I know this is a major ask considering a lot of you have read the threads, and would be able to find out who I am by what I’m saying.I am extremely grateful to @graf and all of his awesome staff for even tolerating me being here. I understand that I am impulsive, and due to enjoying a place where I can interact, I have a bit habit of interacting with everyone, and not filtering out those who just want a slap-fight. I’m working on this.I believe people think that because I’m talking about my threads, or things in them, that I am okay with having my dox/personal information shared. This is not the case. Even when my threads are gone, I will probably still talk about them. Being a lolcow has been both an important lesson, but also a shock, & arguably a little traumatic. You may see this as prolonging my own experience as a cow, not letting go, or remaining a cow for thinking about it, but I don’t see things this way.The fact is, having a thread doesn’t always make you a cow, sometimes, it just makes you the recipient of someone else’s vendetta, or a young person who was unguided on the Internet, and lacked a support system/education system through neglect.I am not stupid, and I do not see myself identifying as a lolcow forever. For now, that is what the Internet has branded me with, so I’m going to make the best of it, talk about my experiences & maybe learn something.Poast is truly the first place I’ve found to be unbiased, without an agenda or a herd narrative.For this, I am so very grateful & appreciative. I hope my status in future, will one day say “Former Lolcow”.Thank you.
(DIR) Post #AP1pgByTKgVXWrla7c by BarbaraPit@poa.st
2022-10-28T14:19:05.593077Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
@_Trollcow_ @graf Would it not be better to share your troubles with friends you can trust rather than a public site like poast which can attract your enemies?Although this is supposed to let you vent and relax you end up spending more time and effort arguing with old enemies, random strangers etc.You might think that you can't share your woes on more normie places but normies would probably not drag you into some new drama every other day on some site or another. There might not be a herd narrative but it's quite obvious that plenty of people are trying to bait or fuck with you.