Post AFTLZOgg3C1WWrkWfo by StevenDouglas@social.quodverum.com
(DIR) More posts by StevenDouglas@social.quodverum.com
(DIR) Post #AFS47PvHyCq7sGhEH2 by StevenDouglas@social.quodverum.com
2022-01-15T03:22:21Z
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In hockey, to "check" is to finish CRASHING into an opponent who has possession of a puck, often CRUSHING them mid-ice or against the glass.Allowed. No harm, no foul if done cleanly - it's in the rules. Part of the game.I didn't know that. So when I saw a big guy at a hockey practice finish a brutal check on someone into the glass in front of me, it shocked me. Out of nowhere. Unprovoked! I GOT INCENSED."TRY THAT SH** WITH ME, YOU F$%&^G POS BULLY!"(still cringing at how stupid I was)
(DIR) Post #AFS4EAY3X0DaDY35jU by StevenDouglas@social.quodverum.com
2022-01-15T03:23:34Z
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I wanted to crush the guy. He looked at me genuinely confused, like "What the hell's your problem?"Which stopped ME short. Because his reaction was genuine bewilderment - like I was an alien from Planet Raw-Nervia. I had a lot to learn, not him. Finishing checks was part of his job as a player. Oops.Who knew that checking was a good thing, and part of the game?
(DIR) Post #AFS4ONBxNTesKJZsfY by StevenDouglas@social.quodverum.com
2022-01-15T03:25:24Z
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FFWD-> 2001, Phoenix, ArizonaMy sister Susan, who worked for a while as a bartender, went through something similar. She started worked at a VERY busy bar making extremely good tips. She knew how to tend bar, but NEVER at that pace with crowds of that size. The woman she worked with, a seasoned veteran, had to stop and have a FAST BUT BRUTAL talk with her on her very first night.It was something that gave her wisdom, strength, and changed her life for the better.
(DIR) Post #AFS4ZtrSFp6CpmU6To by StevenDouglas@social.quodverum.com
2022-01-15T03:27:30Z
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Susan's co-bartender said, "Stop apologizing! Stop saying excuse me whenever we bump into each other! STOP F^&%@G BEING POLITE! Get where you need to go, so will I, and quite often WE WILL CRASH INTO EACH OTHER. Space is limited back here, bumping into each other is part of the damned job, SO DO IT and let's be REAL friends!"And they were. Still are. Susan said it was one of the most liberating and exhilarating experiences of her life - something she looked forward to every night.
(DIR) Post #AFS4r3VFevY5f2HOam by StevenDouglas@social.quodverum.com
2022-01-15T03:30:35Z
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I can't count the number of friends I have whose families have disintegrated in bitter acrimony. Very sad to me.That could EASILY have happened to my large, diverse and apparently dysfunctional family, but didn't. The opposite happened. We got stronger, closer - and BIGGER as more were gathered in. Close in and at great distances.Like here.One of the reasons we managed that somewhat rare feat came from our ability to crash into each other with impunity.
(DIR) Post #AFS52IELFBASWQjEVE by StevenDouglas@social.quodverum.com
2022-01-15T03:32:37Z
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We have few trespasses to forgive because we just don't count them.There are too many to count! And they are inevitable. We know that already, so we expect them. And they're all pre-forgiven. We don't care. At all.Ever.And we escalate nothing. Ever. We don't read between anyone's lines either. Every thing is direct or it didn't happen.We are FAR from perfect, none of us are the same, we ram into each other all the time, and that's the point.
(DIR) Post #AFS5F8rtMZm1FbM3f6 by MichaelDaudel@social.quodverum.com
2022-01-15T03:34:57Z
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@StevenDouglas Not only will perfection not be encouraged, it will not be tolerated.
(DIR) Post #AFS5LE6SoQR7Dy4WDQ by StevenDouglas@social.quodverum.com
2022-01-15T03:36:03Z
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The vast majority of what COULD HAVE BEEN relationship-scarring or ending incidents in my family all evaporate as quickly as they happen. Because that's the rule. We're a CHECKING family. We don't TRY to ram into each other, we just expect it as inevitable. And it feels GOOD! THAT is what a so-called "SAFE SPACE" is all about.The opposite of the left. You're SAFE from having every damned thing you say or do looked at under a negative light.Even if it's overtly negative. WE DO NOT CARE.
(DIR) Post #AFS5WoQU6Z4f3yxe6a by StevenDouglas@social.quodverum.com
2022-01-15T03:38:09Z
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So, for the record, you can all crash into me with impunity.You're SAFE.You don't have to be polite or careful, I'll take offense to nothing and won't read ANYTHING negative into anything.ALL benefit of ALL the remotest doubts are automatically given to you in perpetuity.For someone to come at "all the way" - online or IRL, with actual evil intent - is really difficult.I make it difficult for them, because I'm wide open. They have PROVE that they are evil.And almost nobody does.END
(DIR) Post #AFS6URLh2Cvyri9WPQ by StevenDouglas@social.quodverum.com
2022-01-15T03:48:55Z
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Time to go to the dentist and get this goofy geezer grin erased.
(DIR) Post #AFS7Atp7YaMVLAABgu by AliceInWonderland@social.quodverum.com
2022-01-15T03:56:35Z
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@StevenDouglas Another great perspective. You have so many! Thanks for posting.
(DIR) Post #AFS7I4fFeJsWzPy5aa by DeWalt@social.quodverum.com
2022-01-15T03:57:54Z
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@StevenDouglas Our very own Aesop. 👍
(DIR) Post #AFS7WiHZ9CRxutrzjU by Linnie@social.quodverum.com
2022-01-15T04:00:32Z
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@StevenDouglas Ya know, Steven. I see now why you live life stress free. I don’t know your life path in how you got there…but you made it. If only…❤️
(DIR) Post #AFS7w3E0Q83y6nHpnE by DonnaLea@social.quodverum.com
2022-01-15T04:05:07Z
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@StevenDouglas Excellent as always. Thank you!
(DIR) Post #AFS9AUnenHPZdhPing by SandyisGettingSteamed@social.quodverum.com
2022-01-15T04:18:13Z
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@StevenDouglas What a perceptive thread!Instead of our disagreements turning into fatal crashes, they should be like bumper cars—just smash and then bounce off.Wisdom at work.
(DIR) Post #AFSBmcyt1b7HvPycs4 by Give_Me_Liberty@social.quodverum.com
2022-01-15T04:48:14Z
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@StevenDouglas Can't wait to see you smiling again!
(DIR) Post #AFSClTRh5jPs14StSS by StevenDouglas@social.quodverum.com
2022-01-15T04:59:14Z
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@Give_Me_Liberty Monday afternoon. 😥 Just as well, needed to heal more anyway and I'm still running a low grade fever.
(DIR) Post #AFSCwYSqlxXolbI18i by StevenDouglas@social.quodverum.com
2022-01-15T05:00:43Z
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@EPL16 Thank YOU.
(DIR) Post #AFSD1sa1PVMSbPBP8K by Give_Me_Liberty@social.quodverum.com
2022-01-15T05:02:12Z
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@StevenDouglas A bump in the road. Better to heal. It will be worth the wait.
(DIR) Post #AFSDA5nm8TnlvSX4jo by StevenDouglas@social.quodverum.com
2022-01-15T05:03:41Z
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@SandyisGettingSteamed Yes. Build resilience for others and you rarely have misunderstandings, you end up emotionally bullet proofed, and people just feel good being themselves around you and growing from where they really are. Good stuff!
(DIR) Post #AFSEcRHXxydGbkXRFw by Jaygarza1@social.quodverum.com
2022-01-15T05:20:00Z
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@StevenDouglas Good stuff right here. With Impunity ! Crash away ! Thank you Steven 😎🏒
(DIR) Post #AFSGt0PhJeS86kNVPE by StevenDouglas@social.quodverum.com
2022-01-15T05:45:24Z
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@Jaygarza1 One of the things I LOVE about Vietnamese culture is how they navigate around each other. As I've said before, road rage is practically non-existent here. Accidents happen and everyone is quick to pick up and move on. "Don't fight the Vietnamese!" is an adage all expats learn early. What it really means is, DON'T PROVOKE. Because odds are you WILL be in a fight, much bigger than you anticipated, and you WILL regret it. Because they never WANTED to fight. But they WILL.
(DIR) Post #AFSHGupTjHeZjrq1LM by StevenDouglas@social.quodverum.com
2022-01-15T05:49:44Z
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@Jaygarza1 The best part about that - no accidental crash, kick or bump is considered provocation. All apologies are accepted and often not necessary if simple genuine politeness and respect are present. No words wasted, just smile and keep moving!They are SO tolerant and ready to forgive. Which makes REAL escalation here the shortest of fuses. As many a poop stoopid from all over the world have learned the hard way.Love it!
(DIR) Post #AFSHwjXO6OtiseJge0 by StevenDouglas@social.quodverum.com
2022-01-15T05:57:17Z
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@bonghitone That made me laugh out loud, thank you.
(DIR) Post #AFSIjfq4dsavbCORzk by Debradelai@social.quodverum.com
2022-01-15T06:06:07Z
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@StevenDouglas Perfect allegory.Just fucking perfect.
(DIR) Post #AFSJ6yOjo2K1oriWVE by StevenDouglas@social.quodverum.com
2022-01-15T06:10:20Z
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@Debradelai You have an amazing family, Saul. I'm really honored (thrilled) to be a part of it. I know you by your fruits. That's the lens through which I see all your words.
(DIR) Post #AFSNR0G8zjZZCVVJGS by StevenDouglas@social.quodverum.com
2022-01-15T06:58:47Z
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@SandyisGettingSteamed Most don't see themselves coming from others' perspectives. Can't fully, as everyone receives/processes differently.And words and tones are often just habitual - not as deliberate as they might sound.It's only through reactions - feedback - that most people are able to see themselves reflected, and nearly ALWAYS as distortions. The trick: Respond positively, as if one said what they "really meant to say" - in positive retrospect.It's not a lie. And tail wags dog.
(DIR) Post #AFSQxxGXRgupKp5o3s by Karl_W_Braun@social.quodverum.com
2022-01-15T07:37:58Z
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@StevenDouglas @Jaygarza1 They've managed to hold their own against the likes of their northern neighbor for quite some time.
(DIR) Post #AFSRInm5vbqDypnFce by StevenDouglas@social.quodverum.com
2022-01-15T07:42:07Z
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@Karl_W_Braun @Jaygarza1 Yes, both Far North Vietnam and West Taiwan have been kept at bay, still licking wounds.
(DIR) Post #AFSRcE0wav7CrY06vQ by Karl_W_Braun@social.quodverum.com
2022-01-15T07:45:37Z
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@StevenDouglas @Jaygarza1 It goes back a long way.
(DIR) Post #AFSRn2umCbsVcjH9yC by Karl_W_Braun@social.quodverum.com
2022-01-15T07:47:35Z
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@StevenDouglas @Jaygarza1 It goes back a looong way...
(DIR) Post #AFSW4zUK55C21ciMU4 by Debradelai@social.quodverum.com
2022-01-15T08:35:38Z
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@StevenDouglas Shhh!Don't give me away!I have a "reputation" to protect.
(DIR) Post #AFSaULnoeYzUHwBEq8 by wtawtaw_gal@social.quodverum.com
2022-01-15T09:25:03Z
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@StevenDouglas Nice Steven!
(DIR) Post #AFSaayUXikmc1BK9MO by wtawtaw_gal@social.quodverum.com
2022-01-15T09:26:15Z
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@SandyisGettingSteamed @StevenDouglas Bumper cars is a great way to add to the mix!
(DIR) Post #AFSfTxqMEQx1kf0JsG by Zemeliko@social.quodverum.com
2022-01-15T10:19:01Z
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@StevenDouglas I have a conjecture as to why you wrote this wonderful and thoughtful thread in this particular timing.If I'm right, then thank you very much!De-escalation is a great, and often underestimated, quality.When I was 14yo, some problematic guy decided that I offended his honor somehow.It was evident that he wanted to initiate a fist fight.We were talking for about 40 minutes, and left without a fight. Still don't know how I did that 🙂Oh, and good luck with that dentist!
(DIR) Post #AFSfmrVe0QlRboKKIq by Zemeliko@social.quodverum.com
2022-01-15T10:24:25Z
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@StevenDouglas ``Far North Vietnam and West Taiwan'' 😂🤣 Gotta love ya, man!Are both China, or is one Mongolia? And thank you for that amazing thread!@Karl_W_Braun @Jaygarza1 @bonghitone @Give_Me_Liberty @LL @AliceInWonderland @DeWalt @Linnie @DonnaLea @SandyisGettingSteamed @wtawtaw_gal @EPL16 @Debradelai @MichaelDaudel
(DIR) Post #AFSgJXxLj0juWQs3lY by RonOgletree@social.quodverum.com
2022-01-15T10:30:19Z
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@StevenDouglas @Debradelai "That's the lens through which I see all your words."You nailed it, brother.
(DIR) Post #AFSh11SjtgAcUDHgLw by StevenDouglas@social.quodverum.com
2022-01-15T10:38:10Z
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@Zemeliko Both China, From Mongolia it's the Southernmost Mongolian Semi-Autonomous Region.@Karl_W_Braun @Jaygarza1 @bonghitone @Give_Me_Liberty @LL @AliceInWonderland @DeWalt @Linnie @DonnaLea @SandyisGettingSteamed @wtawtaw_gal @EPL16 @Debradelai @MichaelDaudel
(DIR) Post #AFShgyGGBoemiiRwVk by Zemeliko@social.quodverum.com
2022-01-15T10:45:45Z
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@StevenDouglas Nice 🙂Anyway, that's the reason I was asking about Mongolia:https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mongol_invasions_of_Vietnamhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kublai_KhanEven the descendents of the mighty Ghengis Khan couldn't conquer that land.When I was there, it was obvious that the Vietnamese are a very proud people.These things have a big part of it.@Karl_W_Braun @Jaygarza1 @bonghitone @Give_Me_Liberty @LL @AliceInWonderland @DeWalt @Linnie @DonnaLea @SandyisGettingSteamed @wtawtaw_gal @EPL16 @Debradelai @MichaelDaudel
(DIR) Post #AFSjSpUGDNphMUNnRA by StevenDouglas@social.quodverum.com
2022-01-15T11:05:37Z
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@Zemeliko
(DIR) Post #AFSk8IUVHefdBlGnGC by Zemeliko@social.quodverum.com
2022-01-15T11:13:07Z
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@StevenDouglas Thank you, well received and very appreciated!And I'll take it as a ``Yes, your conjecture is right'' as well 🙂You are a blessing, my friend. And when I look again at our entire correspondence in the last day or two, I think that we can make you the Undoubted King of Discernment of QV.The way that you seem to see the essence behind people's toots is a rare and special blessing, and we all benefit from you using it for the good of everybody here.You're a true gem here!
(DIR) Post #AFSlLgaT6cePdm0YTI by StevenDouglas@social.quodverum.com
2022-01-15T11:26:44Z
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@Zemeliko No, I'm using you. When someone says I'm antisemitic I want to be able to virtue signal with, "No, one of my best friends is a Jew! A REAL Jew. So nyah."The whole, "What? I like Coen Brothers movies as much as the next guy!" was never all that convincing.
(DIR) Post #AFTGT5ftKJsk3PYUG8 by Karen99@social.quodverum.com
2022-01-15T17:15:26Z
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@StevenDouglas @Jaygarza1 My nephew lives in Vietnam teaching English. I asked him about the chaos on the roads and he said, well, frankly, it's organized chaos; once you learn what's going on it all makes sense!
(DIR) Post #AFTHkiBRVM0MMeHNj6 by Ballerina@social.quodverum.com
2022-01-15T17:29:50Z
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@StevenDouglas I can remember going to see a live boxing match. The brutality of it was shocking to me as no live pay per view could even begin to portray the reality of what occurs.
(DIR) Post #AFTHw1ogqkvARN27iy by StevenDouglas@social.quodverum.com
2022-01-15T17:31:52Z
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@Karen99 @Jaygarza1 Yes, it all makes PERFECT sense (but not at first for sure). Different universe, different rules. Now I get it, and I love it, and I'm very good at it.Love riding my motorbike in Saigon. Pure Zen, I blend right in seamlessly.
(DIR) Post #AFTItTW1Ve97QseGNE by StevenDouglas@social.quodverum.com
2022-01-15T17:42:37Z
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@Karen99 @Jaygarza1 Way better than Disney's Autopia ride.Terrifying at first but once you learn the rules, rhythms and patterns there's absolutely nothing scary about it. Your head is ALWAYS on a swivel, you anticipate absolutely everything at all times, but it FLOWS!Favorite pastime now, nothing to it.https://youtu.be/Op1hdgzmhXM
(DIR) Post #AFTLZOgg3C1WWrkWfo by StevenDouglas@social.quodverum.com
2022-01-15T18:12:36Z
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@LL @Karen99 @Jaygarza1 "The people make a country, not the government."What an understatement that is. I have no difficulty whatsoever separating the Chinese people and culture(s), who and which I grew to love, from the government - a very separate, distant, and still very strange to me animal.