Post AELLwpE811bfmq1apU by GalacticTurtle@spinster.xyz
(DIR) More posts by GalacticTurtle@spinster.xyz
(DIR) Post #AELLAAIOtRNKwPou7k by GalacticTurtle@spinster.xyz
2021-12-12T23:32:08.715703Z
2 likes, 0 repeats
///Mini rant below///More than once I've had friends.... or really, coworkers, since I'm typically in a situation where I'm living with my coworkers for some extended period of time... where someone will break up with their boyfriend then tell me all about how they're swearing off men for life. Ok. Good for you.And then, sometimes, this will slide into some sort of wonder/crisis about "maybe I'm bisexual." Ok. Again. Good for you.But inevitably, another guy will come around. He's cute, or something. He was nice to her for a minute, maybe. Now she's thinking of taking the plunge again. So I say, "I thought you were... ya know... not gonna do that?" And that usually turns into a conversation about how she can't help who she's attracted to. I know that, of course. But if I bring up personal agency, if I bring up that being attracted to someone doesn't mean you have to pursue any sort of entanglement with them, it's just... crickets. Am I not happy for them? Why am I not being encouraging? Do I say the same thing to gay people? Why do I not want them to have a fulfilling life? So then I'm just sitting there wondering since when was having a boyfriend the key to having a fulfilling life? What value are you assigning to this title? But I usually don't push on those points. It's not like I have much personal investment in the matter. It just makes me wonder what women are feeling at the precipice of this potential "new thing," and why so many treat it like it's some type of mind control. Who knows. Maybe I'm just out of touch. Oh and the kicker is once someone turned this whole conversation around on me. I tell her that swapping bodily fluids with a man is pretty high up on my list of "worst things that could ever physically happen to me" right below "being sliced, diced, and thrown into a ditch" even though in my mind those two events would likely happen on the same day. Then it's all "how do you know if you've never tried?" Why the fuck would I try? 🤡
(DIR) Post #AELLAAhDPBE0BNQino by cubensis@spinster.xyz
2021-12-12T23:38:15.266891Z
2 likes, 0 repeats
@GalacticTurtle All the Disney movies promise "Happily ever after" once the woman and the man get together. It's been pretty solidly programmed into many of us.
(DIR) Post #AELLwpE811bfmq1apU by GalacticTurtle@spinster.xyz
2021-12-12T23:44:11.292856Z
3 likes, 0 repeats
@cubensis I mean yeah, I get that. I spent most of my childhood dreading the day I'd have to marry a man. I had no idea why I thought it was mandatory. But for some reason, it seemed inevitable and inherently tied to my value and purpose on earth. But when I got to college and was actually faced with these men, it clicked for me that no, I really don't have to do that. I can say no. I can do literally anything else. From there it was just full speed ahead. So when I encounter someone else who is all like "ya know what I think this isn't for me," I get confused when they act like they're now being forced into a relationship like it's some sort of hypnotism. But I do know that after breakups, people might be prone to making declarations that don't stick. Emotional turmoil and... all that.
(DIR) Post #AELLwpbAdM2QwInzkG by Childfree@spinster.xyz
2021-12-12T23:46:49.731404Z
2 likes, 0 repeats
@GalacticTurtle @cubensis My mom got married and had kids because she thought that was just what you did when you grew up. I'm so glad you realized you can forge another path!
(DIR) Post #AELMT5YUqGGRhAw6FM by GalacticTurtle@spinster.xyz
2021-12-12T23:50:05.852022Z
3 likes, 1 repeats
@Childfree @cubensis Exactly! And I'm so thankful that because of the work of past generations, I can just say no and live out a life just as happy or chaotic as anyone else.
(DIR) Post #AELPlPyNy64q5uTeMK by PG@spinster.xyz
2021-12-12T23:55:00.469865Z
2 likes, 0 repeats
@GalacticTurtle You have developed a wonderful inner guidance system, youngling. The observations & commentaries in your posts often delight me & give me some measure of optimism about the future. The Force is with you, mostly definitely.
(DIR) Post #AELPvfUF8vrl6bGYfw by GrumpyOldNurse@spinster.xyz
2021-12-13T00:31:39.906599Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
@GalacticTurtle I think, in part, people feel inadequate if they're not romantically partnered, and they feel uncomfortable if someone else doesn't feel that way, too.
(DIR) Post #AELQpWpwUTsSUj3Hma by ninapaley@spinster.xyz
2021-12-13T00:41:45.336623Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@GrumpyOldNurse @GalacticTurtle For me it was all hormones. I did not want to be attracted to men, I didn't want to be horny, I didn't want to have "skin hunger." It's true that culture reinforces sexual inclinations, and that doesn't help at all. But desire was like "wild horses," it overrode rationality. This became even more clear when I hit menopause (and had a hysterectomy) and those hormonal desires finally lifted. It wasn't me thinking wrong, it wasn't be being stupid, although I'm sure many het women, like most humans, do think wrong and are stupid. No, it was those fucking hormones. Now I have my brain back, and am not compelled by my own treacherous endocrine system to do stupid things with men.
(DIR) Post #AELS32JYrtwDq7uXKq by GrumpyOldNurse@spinster.xyz
2021-12-13T00:55:24.260888Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@ninapaley @GalacticTurtle ouch. I'm glad you're in a better place with all this.I'm perimenopausal, and if my mister goes away, for whatever reason, I really doubt I'd be interested in replacing him.
(DIR) Post #AELSlfQIpAQvsJLUUy by GalacticTurtle@spinster.xyz
2021-12-13T00:54:59.304321Z
2 likes, 0 repeats
@ninapaley @GrumpyOldNurse It does seem like hormones have all sorts of impacts on different people. It's not something I really understand. But now that you mention it, I don't feel like I've really had a conversation about desire with women before, or how those desires have changed for anyone over time. Obviously for me, those particular rockets never seemingly fired. Or if they did, it didn't have the same results as it did for you.
(DIR) Post #AELeP4zCoZLxwkfQ48 by sleepwalker@spinster.xyz
2021-12-13T03:10:23.574445Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@GalacticTurtle well you're in luck, I know exactly what goes on and I'm ready to betray the party's secrets. The only problem is it's pretty hard to describe because we don't have words for that. Vocabulary for "love" is extremely limited and I don't think that it's a coincidence. But I think it's some Stockholm syndrome experience. The worse men treat you, the more your malcoping mechanisms are affirmed and integrated into how you see the world. The more they deny you, the more ecstatic you are when they promise to give. The less they give, the better it feels when you get anything. Women are raised on this denial, typically. Not loved in society, barely loved in their families, the black hole is created and when the society tells them that a man will fill it all, they snatch it and religiously believe till the end of their days. They were not convinced that they miss something vital, they do miss something vital. It's important for patriarchy to deny women love and attention, it's a part of it's conversion therapy. Therefore women lose their mind at the start of a relationship and all previous resolutions fly out of the window.
(DIR) Post #AELguFjF7kDM9KC1Pk by sleepwalker@spinster.xyz
2021-12-13T02:50:59.154186Z
2 likes, 0 repeats
@ninapaley @GrumpyOldNurse @GalacticTurtle I was in this state for about a week in my life, it really does feel like you're drunk all the time and can't think clearly, and suddenly all sex centricity in the world made sense, but then it disappeared and I felt like the last picture on the galaxy brain meme. I don't think it's normal but of course in this society it can't even be acknowledged as something bad, which is not the same thing as saying that women who suffer from it are stupid or wrong. In male society "sex" is always good.