Post AB93fDY9WEfFOL4Egi by ObligateSpinster@spinster.xyz
(DIR) More posts by ObligateSpinster@spinster.xyz
(DIR) Post #AB7iJwKU3Zt9hrj7Eu by ninapaley@spinster.xyz
2021-09-07T16:15:28.591585Z
0 likes, 1 repeats
So it looks like I got myself a local stalker. This dude, whom I've never met, showed up unannounced at my house while I was recording a podcast, so my Momz sent him away. Then he sent me this email. What should I do?
(DIR) Post #AB7idngLutougAQSjQ by NeedaGin@spinster.xyz
2021-09-07T16:18:23.419181Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@ninapaley I think you should request no further contact but also inform your local police that this has happened.
(DIR) Post #AB7ieX05QNLNEP0MEq by progo@noagendasocial.com
2021-09-07T16:19:10Z
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@ninapaley go to a lawyer, and ask about getting a restraining order "OR what do you think I should do?"If you can get a restraining order immediately without a lot of leg work on your side, you'll likely scare off the stalker.
(DIR) Post #AB7jViry1gSlOGZRSa by Moonbuggy@spinster.xyz
2021-09-07T16:22:45.471185Z
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@ninapaley This is insane. Get some security cameras. Do you have a big dog?
(DIR) Post #AB7jVjUbi1N5K6eIgi by Jackuu@beefyboys.club
2021-09-07T16:28:49.051082Z
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@Moonbuggy @ninapaley you have to tell them to leave you alone at least once. Document everything. You won’t be able to do a restraining order right off the bat but if they persist it all after being told not to contact you then you’ll have a case for it.He seems more autistically overbearing then creepy stalker but if he’s showing up at your house unannounced then that’s cause for concern. Honestly with his aversion to technology he strikes me more as a socially stunted autist than anyone dangerous. If he shows up at your house again after being told to leave then you can also get him for criminal trespass.
(DIR) Post #AB7jfLEwjayd07uD1U by robh@noagendasocial.com
2021-09-07T16:30:31Z
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@ninapaley Damn, that's unsettling. I've recommended the book "The Gift of Fear" many times for cases like this... short answer... trust your intuition as to how serious this is, and I think in general he recommends option 1... "if you tell someone 10 times that you don't want to talk to him, you ARE talking to him, 9 times more than you wanted to".
(DIR) Post #AB7jh5TYJipeghZOme by Barber_Acrobatic@spinster.xyz
2021-09-07T16:30:04.928041Z
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@ninapaley If you've not read it already the Gift of Fear has a chapter on dealing with stalkers that I think you could probably find useful. It's slightly creepy how similar to the examples given in the book this creeps email reads.I'm sorry this is happening to you, it must be quite scary
(DIR) Post #AB7k3qctgzhNIHnHkG by snerber@spinster.xyz
2021-09-07T16:30:02.270149Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@ninapaley I don't know what the requirements are for a restraining order. I'd ignore him for now and submit an application online.
(DIR) Post #AB7k3rD3WYcd6QiA6a by IAMAL_PHARIUS@spinster.xyz
2021-09-07T16:34:58.581325Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@snerber @ninapaley that "ted kaczynski" will be enough for a search warrant and a restraining order lmao. Just apply for one.
(DIR) Post #AB7k5TwYzuRTWWluvA by ObligateSpinster@spinster.xyz
2021-09-07T16:29:37.446634Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@ninapaley I'm a fan too. But randomly turning up at house is creepy AF.
(DIR) Post #AB7k5UST5Hxl7ThOeO by snerber@spinster.xyz
2021-09-07T16:34:11.019562Z
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@ObligateSpinster And the long presumptuous overly familiar email, like he's convinced himself they're already in a relationship. @ninapaley
(DIR) Post #AB7k6Y17L1IiRlPUBM by LienRag@travel-friends.chat
2021-09-07T16:22:28Z
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@ninapaley He did absolutelty nothing wrong and seems friendly and polite ?He can't be a stalker, he came to visit you once, without any harm, and sent you a mail once.What he writes may imply that his poetry is a bit far in the direction of Antonin Arthaud, that is true (and probably without the talent, but that you won't know if you don't hear his work), but that's not a crime.1/2
(DIR) Post #AB7k6YavBtwOEoA4zQ by AbolishPregnancy@spinster.xyz
2021-09-07T16:33:18.186851Z
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@LienRag @ninapaley She doesn’t want to talk to you, dude. Accept it.
(DIR) Post #AB7k6ahjLYZkmVMXse by LienRag@travel-friends.chat
2021-09-07T16:27:36Z
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@ninapaley It certainly can be wise to write him a polite answer asking him to not come to your house (or any other place) uninvited from now on, and if you want to live in a police state you can indeed tell the police about him.Whether you want to listen to his work is up to you, but imho it's usually a good thing to be curious. Just ask him to send you a sample if he understands that it in no way means any commitment from you.And if he does, thank him politely and decide what you'll do.2/3
(DIR) Post #AB7k6dPPI8hXAXoSEi by LienRag@travel-friends.chat
2021-09-07T16:29:31Z
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@ninapaley But it's true that I write this from a country where people don't have guns and do not use to murder each others, and also that I grew up / have lived in countries where people are human beings, so I cannot guarantee that my advices do apply in your situation.3/3
(DIR) Post #AB7l70ue0MOM1FAVIe by Moonbuggy@spinster.xyz
2021-09-07T16:39:04.739494Z
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@AbolishPregnancy @LienRag @ninapaley It's not normal to turn up at a woman's house unannounced and reveal you have been obsessing over her stuff so much you decided to find where she lived.This is in the weird and creepy zone.If he sent her a *short* as in 2-4 line email complementing her work that would be fine and more than enough when contacting a complete stranger, especially when she is female and you are male.
(DIR) Post #AB7l78oYcsHCWgNkvI by ObligateSpinster@spinster.xyz
2021-09-07T16:38:22.257063Z
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@snerber @ninapaley thats the creepy part... also turning up at the house.
(DIR) Post #AB7lAQKpwPiRja2tv6 by Notgonnastop@spinster.xyz
2021-09-07T16:40:20.528349Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@ninapaley A 'Do not contact me again' email, and call in - or file online so you can attach the email(s) - a report with the local cop shop so there is an official record. In my city the first contact of showing up at your home would not be enough for a restraining order and I think the second contact email wouldn't hit the bar for an order either, but documentation of clear demand for no further contact and then if he contacts again an order may be available. BTW the whole 'this is my brother's computer' thing indicates to me he has either had his ISP drop his account due to court ordered no contact somewhere in the past, or that he knows that ISPs can do this to comply with a court order.
(DIR) Post #AB7lBrZ6Bb0STaP30S by Nora@spinster.xyz
2021-09-07T16:41:03.555700Z
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@ninapaley as others have said, ask him not to contact you again *and* look into a restraining order (contact a lawyer if possible). They're very difficult to get and cops don't take women seriously, so if you can show you've asked him to leave you alone, that's something. Do you know how he got hold of your address?This is so scary, I'm sorry you're dealing with it :(
(DIR) Post #AB7lDORFRuAqikScSW by UrbanGardener@spinster.xyz
2021-09-07T16:42:08.091064Z
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@Moonbuggy @ninapaley this is really creepy, it reads like he feels like he knows you personally. I've give a warning shot email, I'm not available, please don't contact me/visit my residence again. Keep records, and if he replies and tries to get you to change your mind contact the police. I'd also read the gift of fear, some stuff in there about how to respond to this sort of thing. Actually read the book first
(DIR) Post #AB7lGkiT4rXQgO7JB2 by InceptionState@poa.st
2021-09-07T16:42:56.283604Z
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@Jackuu @Moonbuggy @ninapaley The Ted Kaczynski reference is bizarre. Seriously, who thinks it's a good idea to praise the Unabomber when cold-emailing someone? That shows a massive deficit in basic social skills.
(DIR) Post #AB7lHijxuQO2qPHLqC by Funsizescot1975@spinster.xyz
2021-09-07T16:43:29.610174Z
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@Nora @ninapaley Oh that’s a scary situation for you I would Go with radio silence while getting the legal types involved etc
(DIR) Post #AB7lJo1pDeK3p9cw5Y by Berco@spinster.xyz
2021-09-07T16:44:18.189557Z
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@ninapaley That's scary, Nina, and I would take it seriously. I might first talk to a lawyer about your options. I would say report him to police but they are not really to be trusted. Why I say a lawyer, is i can't think of who else. She may be able to advise you and explain all about restraining order, etc., unless you already know. But yes, you don't want to rile him up cause he sounds like he could be nuts. On the other hand, someone in authority should be aware. Sorry about this, not fun.
(DIR) Post #AB7lLS4rnrMWK7pnzU by DoctorDee@spinster.xyz
2021-09-07T16:48:28.635591Z
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@ninapaley Interesting how the Spinsters here are giving you good solid advice (make one clear 'do not contact me' statement and also report to authorities in case it escalates, look at Gift of Fear for advice) while the responses from non-Spinster instances (which I will now block) are all 'oh I'm sure he's just autistic/socially awkward, why don't you think of HIS FEELINGS????'
(DIR) Post #AB7lN4S2cFJlcxRizo by ObligateSpinster@spinster.xyz
2021-09-07T16:31:26.593006Z
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@NeedaGin @ninapaley This is the best advice.Request no further contact but keep a paper trail.
(DIR) Post #AB7lN50mX56hMhhT96 by grace_hawthorn@spinster.xyz
2021-09-07T16:46:16.484437Z
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@ObligateSpinster @NeedaGin @ninapaley came here to say exactly this. A 2-line email saying unequivocally "do not contact me again. I am informing the police of this uninvited second contact, and if i hear from you again, I will be seeking a restraining order". that's it. Nothing he can wiggle into, nothing he can 'interpret' as the beginning of a negotiation, nothing that's ambiguous or ambivalent. It's your paper trail for later.I'm so sorry - this is horrible & creepy. Give him absolutely no quarter.
(DIR) Post #AB7lPHd6acZT4wfzlI by grace_hawthorn@spinster.xyz
2021-09-07T16:48:24.906589Z
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@LienRag @ninapaley this is absolutely stalker behaviour by him, and needs to be ended immediately. None of this is innocent & none of it is unintentional - he's pushing social boundaries to see where she'll say 'stop', and he's transgressing all norms. He's also pulling on the socialisation of women to be nice & to engage, especially if he's 'polite'. This isn't 'polite', this is manipulation. He's a dangerous man.
(DIR) Post #AB7lUUjfI2jtApEIKW by grace_hawthorn@spinster.xyz
2021-09-07T16:50:47.722464Z
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@DoctorDee @ninapaley really interesting. I noticed that too. It seems extraordinarily hard for them to imagine a woman might not want any uninvited contact & there's some pretzel justifications going on.....
(DIR) Post #AB7litQ2JYdvmXujDM by DoctorDee@spinster.xyz
2021-09-07T16:52:51.044920Z
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@grace_hawthorn @ninapaley Well it's basic himpathy. Their first instinct is not to understand how Nina feels and respond accordingly but to understand how stalker feels and respond accordingly.
(DIR) Post #AB7lt9DGRoKJf6pVbd by mittimithai@neenster.org
2021-09-07T16:55:26.417964Z
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@ninapaley GAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this super creep. Call the police, hopefully they can find his identity and put the fear of god into him.
(DIR) Post #AB7mnXSNUrg74MmwWu by Moonbuggy@spinster.xyz
2021-09-07T17:00:38.698328Z
2 likes, 0 repeats
@mittimithai @LienRag @ninapaley @CharlytheWorm @AbolishPregnancy I am from Europe but I live in the USA and believe I am a human being. I just happen to be a female human being who has lived independently since 16 and has good radar. I listen to my instincts.Being too "nice" can be interpreted by many men as encouragement in this situation.Safety first. I have daughters so I am giving Nina the advice I would give them or any woman in this situation.
(DIR) Post #AB7nBbBHImWJZOGM1A by Zaatar@spinster.xyz
2021-09-07T16:55:09.782127Z
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@snerber Right, he's writing as if he already knows Nina. It's so creepy. He doesn't respect your boundaries and is testing them at the same time. Be careful.@ObligateSpinster @ninapaley
(DIR) Post #AB7sK3twu3nAjT0ong by senryu@spinster.xyz
2021-09-07T17:49:39.633641Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@ninapaley It's not sufficient to get a restraining order. Do nothing right now except save evidence for when you have enough for a TRO. I work in Hollywood and see a lot of this sort of thing and we generally recommend not to feed them.
(DIR) Post #AB7sMBtq8Y8Y7LyaxM by Mildred@spinster.xyz
2021-09-07T17:41:05.305259Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@ninapaley You don’t have to respond, and for what it’s worth, I wouldn’t, because that can be interpreted (by creepy stalker folk) as engagement. You don’t owe a response or kindness to unsolicited contact. That long email… in which he has the nerve to tell you that you should be proud of your mother is him setting up familiarity hooks as if he has a relationship with you (and your mother). I’d suggest documenting details of of all contact, keep copies of communications and check in with the Police.
(DIR) Post #AB7sOGtcWzbwC1rk1Y by Babayaga@spinster.xyz
2021-09-07T17:33:28.175376Z
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@ninapaley Oh I fucking hate men, the entitled fucking shits.Creepy creepy fuck. Send to cops , they wont do a thing but get it on record. I'd reply to tell him hed crossed the line visiting home and that any further contact will just be forwarded to the cops. Also tell him you've instructed your mum to call them if he turns up again. But you've to decide what you want to do. But solidarity sister. I wish we could just squash them like a bug collectively with witch power!
(DIR) Post #AB7sTetUjby24MNMCO by Spring@spinster.xyz
2021-09-07T17:41:52.428763Z
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@ninapaley Gavin de Becker is very good on this sort of thing in the Gift of Fear. Responses can inflame as they are attention. I think I recall him recommending total non response, or one firm rebuff in writing and then total non response. He says every additional response thereafter on average buys six more weeks of stalking. I really recommend his advice on this. It was his actual job for many years. Depending on the crackpot, restraining orders can make things worse.
(DIR) Post #AB7sV45YY0JEUxgiZs by Mariposa@spinster.xyz
2021-09-07T17:42:11.215692Z
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@ninapaley creepy! Agree with others who say short email "do not contact me" - as in your poll. Shows you clearly told him to stay away, should he persist and you need to report him. I don't think this is enuf for a restraining order -yet. I know you already know - document everything. Good luck, and keep us posted.
(DIR) Post #AB7sWvx3luRDqCbZRI by grace_hawthorn@spinster.xyz
2021-09-07T17:49:21.838171Z
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@Spring @ninapaley he's completely right; 1 firm clear unambiguous rebuff & then both non-response & also contacting police. The stalker doesn't care *what kind* of contact it is, they just want you pulled into engaging with them. Silence is the only possible response after the first, very clear closing down. That first one is documentation for potential use later if you need to show evidence of clear boundaries.
(DIR) Post #AB7sulIP2c7Nk6wyGW by kathleenbee@spinster.xyz
2021-09-07T18:14:10.789197Z
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@ninapaley I think it's the Gift of Fear where he says any response gets you several more months of contact, even a negative response. I'd definitely check out Gavin de Becker's book.
(DIR) Post #AB8Du5g9ryx7hwaBlI by ninapaley@spinster.xyz
2021-09-07T22:09:21.283984Z
5 likes, 0 repeats
UPDATE: I called the police. The woman on the phone was very helpful, and said next step was an officer would contact me. A few hours later, a policewoman visited and took a bunch of information. I read the email aloud to her (it was so creepy to read) and then forwarded it to her. She said I should not respond to him - because SHE will. She's going to write back telling him I want zero contact and he should never come to my house again. Meanwhile if he does show up again, our instructions are to call 911 so they can send an officer to talk to him. (Unbeknownst to me, he came by again yesterday while I was on a long bike ride. My Momz failed to mention this to me but she told the cop.)It was really good to have the person answering the phone be a woman, and then talk to a woman cop.Gives me hope.
(DIR) Post #AB8E3dKK8ZF8fev6v2 by Nora@spinster.xyz
2021-09-07T22:10:53.510563Z
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@ninapaley Oh that's brilliant, so much better than I would have expected. Sounds like they're willing to deal with him and they know how to do it. Hope you both feel a bit easier now.
(DIR) Post #AB8E5ruasiFkU6x1c0 by ninapaley@spinster.xyz
2021-09-07T22:11:29.574013Z
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@Nora Yes! Momz and I were both pleasantly surprised.
(DIR) Post #AB8FiNUrzscbP0qTjc by Peony20@spinster.xyz
2021-09-07T22:23:27.727435Z
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@ninapaley Call the police immediately. Do not respond to his email. Don't leave the house without friends or someone watching out for you and knowing where you're going. Please be careful.
(DIR) Post #AB8OL3QTLyFo53k3Fo by meogsis@spinster.xyz
2021-09-07T23:52:25.272690Z
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@LienRag @ninapaley it's not stalking when a dude who you have never met shows up to your house unannounced, writes you a huge creepy oversharing email then insists on meeting up because he doesn't want to email, etc??? you say there's no harm in that? are you a man? are you him? nina get a restraining order
(DIR) Post #AB8U69ZWoshMWWFuAi by starsstorm@spinster.xyz
2021-09-07T23:45:48.760099Z
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@grace_hawthorn @LienRag @ninapaley This. This is exactly how women get murdered by stalkers.
(DIR) Post #AB93bCxjlEB6Pa7eUq by DoctorDee@spinster.xyz
2021-09-08T05:26:28.439172Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@ninapaley Wow that is fantastic. Great response. I hope that means it’s over now.
(DIR) Post #AB93c0oEQqHf0a3lce by DoctorDee@spinster.xyz
2021-09-08T05:27:38.120439Z
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@ninapaley And good lesson learned that the police should make contact not us.
(DIR) Post #AB93cgQbh4LG5TKUd6 by AliceAnn@spinster.xyz
2021-09-08T05:14:48.017140Z
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I wonder if you can send a response to the police. Then respond to the stalker with copy of your report to the police. Just that then never directly contact him again.@ninapaley
(DIR) Post #AB93ch17VJY5uiPeXg by AliceAnn@spinster.xyz
2021-09-08T05:26:36.139111Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@ninapaley just saw that the police are dealing it. Excellent.
(DIR) Post #AB93fCUZS4Cm6wNrSy by ObligateSpinster@spinster.xyz
2021-09-08T05:04:00.282652Z
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@meogsis @LienRag @ninapaley I would rather be a paranoid antisocial than dead.Just yesterday a man called me regarding a collab.BUT! I have known this guy for 3 years! and I anticipated that he might contact me!Theres a difference.Also etiquette and manners is still a thing.
(DIR) Post #AB93fD2bPXQXoUJ2Vk by Yemaya@spinster.xyz
2021-09-08T05:16:18.573601Z
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@ObligateSpinsterOMG! THIS!Etiquette! Manners! What happened!?? @meogsis @LienRag @ninapaley
(DIR) Post #AB93fDY9WEfFOL4Egi by ObligateSpinster@spinster.xyz
2021-09-08T05:21:58.909703Z
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@Yemaya @LienRag @meogsis @ninapaley Yeah even when I go to my cousin's place I give a call ahead.People who are very close family.
(DIR) Post #AB93fE3hcvtwyBpQrg by Yemaya@spinster.xyz
2021-09-08T05:31:07.253647Z
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@ObligateSpinster @meogsis @ninapaley Whatever the case, in this situation, this is highly unusual and even though we know Nina is a woman who can handle herself, men can be very dangerous and unpredictable and if he already thinks he has the balls to write her emails like he knows her and show up at her house like she'd give him the time of day, this situation is pathological and I'm glad she shared it with us because lots of people know now. It's too bad we don't know what he looks like. Because I AM NOT KIDDING about that man barging in on this conversation claiming "it's no big deal" THE fuck it isn't. This is sort of thing is all too familiar
(DIR) Post #AB93iOJPxevpdggkZU by Tiggy@spinster.xyz
2021-09-08T06:22:36.431815Z
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@DoctorDee @ninapaley my experience says they are so much more willing to listen to another man with authority than most normal citizens, let alone a woman. They need to start actually being mediators, every time a police officer has done that my situation has gotten, even if just a tiny bit, better. They need to know that authority figures see their behavior and find it unacceptable.
(DIR) Post #AB93ixdqbh4PDBW3m4 by DoctorDee@spinster.xyz
2021-09-08T06:33:32.830447Z
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@Tiggy @ninapaley Absolutely--it is really good advice, when the police are acting the way they've acted toward Nina--taking her seriously and taking immediate action.
(DIR) Post #AB93oOmh7PO0qDFNqq by Tiggy@spinster.xyz
2021-09-08T07:38:15.677943Z
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@DoctorDee @ninapaley unfortunately in my case the key to getting male officers to give a shit, is competent female workers who answer 911 and non emergency calls. If anything I'm advocating for more women to become 911 dispatchers. Never had I ever had a competent male 911 dispatcher, minus the night I literally got robbed. Unless it is comedically extreme, I find male 911 operators have always taken my complaints as nothing. Absolutely nothing. They tell me it's my issue. The women always understand. They always try and dispatch officers in a reasonable time to the point it's a stereotype to me.
(DIR) Post #AB9Oqps1Tz9sSmk6vA by ninapaley@spinster.xyz
2021-09-08T11:46:44.270878Z
2 likes, 0 repeats
SECOND UPDATE! The police officer found a phone number and address of my stalker, and called him to clearly instruct him to leave me alone, never come to my house again and no emails. He apparently argued with her about the email, to the point of yelling, but she got through to him. Any further contact from him means it will become a criminal case.This service went way beyond my expectations and almost brought a tear to my eye. 5 stars for the Urbana Police Department. I'm so glad there are female officers and dispatchers! After the warnings that the police likely wouldn't care about something like this, I am so relieved and pleasantly surprised, I could cry.
(DIR) Post #AB9Pp69w39LuMDrAWm by Moonbuggy@spinster.xyz
2021-09-08T11:56:51.779812Z
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@ninapaley That is fantastic 👏 Which country do you live in Nina?
(DIR) Post #AB9Pp6gY5tRLzN7DMW by ninapaley@spinster.xyz
2021-09-08T11:57:38.002308Z
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@Moonbuggy USA, specifically Urbana Illinois.
(DIR) Post #AB9PqiTD62BlSxdySG by AnneBevan@spinster.xyz
2021-09-08T11:52:11.629584Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@ninapaley Such good news.l
(DIR) Post #AB9PrQ5euxUgkexmr2 by Funsizescot1975@spinster.xyz
2021-09-08T11:50:21.322341Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@ninapaley Excellent
(DIR) Post #AB9XAZT8yGpx1L1kWW by Berco@spinster.xyz
2021-09-08T13:17:12.716892Z
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@ninapaley So glad for you that the police dept in your city has been responsive and acted properly. Unfortunately it really is not uniform in the US, or maybe in other countries to. The same request to a police force elsewhere might get a totally different and unsatisfactory outcome. Women need to always be careful and hopefully knowledgeable about their own police departments. It so much depends on so many variables: what you are reporting, who you are, who you speak to, how that dept. is trained, who the chief is, the size of the town or city you live in, how much attention the city government gives the police dept, are they accountable to the community etc. etc. etc.
(DIR) Post #AB9XMNeoiF7FrW7PLU by ninapaley@spinster.xyz
2021-09-08T13:22:05.238080Z
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@Berco Yes, I've not heard good things about reporting such cases to the police, and my expectations were accordingly low. That's why I was so touched and surprised that my local police handled this so well. I actually feel "protected and served."
(DIR) Post #AB9ahvCjTqajqlwg64 by Berco@spinster.xyz
2021-09-08T13:29:41.339126Z
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@ninapaley I live in a small, woke, university community, where the mayor and city council are involved in every aspect of the community departments, and where all departments, including police, make public reports when necessary. They are accountable and therefore I think, more positive in their approach: somewhat community policing. But in larger cities, with more crime and a more stressed police department, there are horror stories. I agree with you, that our expectations are low and rightly we have caution and suspicion with the police. It is good to hear positive outcomes. Thank you for posting here, because this is, unfortunately, something that can and does happen to too many women. And of course you have made some of your life public, through your art, writings and podcasts, and that can and has, brought out the crazies. Admire the way you handled it.
(DIR) Post #AB9atwygiEcKpF6zmC by ninapaley@spinster.xyz
2021-09-08T14:01:45.976245Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@Berco I'm really glad I posted about this here on Spinster. It went from a creepy thing I didn't want to talk about, to something I didn't have to be alone in. Many women here gave me excellent advice. Thanks @mk for this genuinely women-centered space!
(DIR) Post #AB9b8qXgvC2zD5aTyq by ArtistBristol@spinster.xyz
2021-09-08T14:04:27.703854Z
2 likes, 0 repeats
@ninapaley @Berco @mk Fantastic result, Nina! :spinster:
(DIR) Post #ABAPnvzyXGvniHbRE8 by iMeMiss@spinster.xyz
2021-09-08T06:44:06.778034Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@grace_hawthorn @ObligateSpinster @NeedaGin @ninapaley ☝️ What she said. Also, no need to make an excuse to him about not being available. It's none of his business why you don't want to meet- you owe him nothing. When you tell him "do not contact me", definitely avoid the word 'please'. No need to be polite. You're not asking his permission, you're making a definitive statement. Keep record of interactions.
(DIR) Post #ABAPnwWaa11FLQrU3s by grace_hawthorn@spinster.xyz
2021-09-08T18:21:40.157930Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@iMeMiss @NeedaGin @ObligateSpinster @ninapaley exactly that - no reasons, no justifications, no explanations (all of these will give him a hook into a continuing exchange. It's a firm, clear no. And that's it.