Post AAMJCT2W95RQjn4vS4 by arivigo@fosstodon.org
(DIR) More posts by arivigo@fosstodon.org
(DIR) Post #AAMH5Z5l2reFZaAuie by Gina@fosstodon.org
2021-08-15T18:58:50Z
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My friend opened up about feeling stuck in his life and after listening for a bit I went into fixing mode. Which is so unhelpful. I remember being in the same mental space a year ago, not seeing a way out. And I remember how incredulous it would sound if someone said "but there ARE alternatives, you just have to make choices." Yet that's what I told my friend. 😐😐I wish there was an easy way to help someone mentally unstuck themselves, but they have to do it themselves.
(DIR) Post #AAMHFpG1nRlObbs61g by Gina@fosstodon.org
2021-08-15T19:00:42Z
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At the same time, while I might not be as mentally stuck anymore as I was a few years ago, I'm still in the same place physically. I really hope I find my niche this year.
(DIR) Post #AAMHTmoJgu9v4RZC40 by ghostdancer@mastodon.sdf.org
2021-08-15T19:03:15Z
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@Gina Be there for your friend, it's what good friends do , give support, is more important than good advice , what it looks like good advice for soemone can be the wrong thing for another person.
(DIR) Post #AAMHYhsRSdgVDYqIL2 by Gina@fosstodon.org
2021-08-15T19:04:08Z
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@ghostdancer exactly, that's where I went wrong and now I feel crappy 😕
(DIR) Post #AAMHltiSkrk9hUSsLo by ghostdancer@mastodon.sdf.org
2021-08-15T19:06:33Z
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@Gina But you were there and you tried. Don't be too hard on yourself no one can't ask more from a friend, at least I think it would be unfair.
(DIR) Post #AAMI7xDER7bSumNFb6 by kambing@fosstodon.org
2021-08-15T19:10:28Z
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@Gina ain't that the truth
(DIR) Post #AAMJCT2W95RQjn4vS4 by arivigo@fosstodon.org
2021-08-15T19:22:29Z
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@Gina Hey, I think the intention shows. In the end they wanted to share their issues with someone... And you meant well, so they probably felt you were trying to help.Don't be so hard on yourself 💖
(DIR) Post #AAMJRLUOV3ZnfFDCuO by Gina@fosstodon.org
2021-08-15T19:25:10Z
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For anyone wondering, this is basically his life (and mine sorta too):
(DIR) Post #AAMJnFoCIiJiPuvCJU by nathand@fosstodon.org
2021-08-15T19:29:08Z
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@Gina Don't dump on yourself. You can't really be faulted for trying to fix it. We all do it. Sometimes I have to explicitly ask my SO about if she wants help, or just to commiserate.Keep helping. You're doing great 👍
(DIR) Post #AAMJsnlbTMdnBULz1s by Gina@fosstodon.org
2021-08-15T19:30:09Z
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@nathand thank you 🥺🥺
(DIR) Post #AAMK3gOZDiHrVVlcKu by nathand@fosstodon.org
2021-08-15T19:32:05Z
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@Gina No problem! You're the one doing the helping. I'm just some guy over here trying to cook chicken.
(DIR) Post #AAML8EMmxQSfyofSOe by mike@fosstodon.org
2021-08-15T19:44:00Z
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@Gina I think that's a lot of people's lives. Pretty good description of mine as well. Except for the drinking part. Saturday and Sunday are spent getting run over by a horde of children. Then back to work.
(DIR) Post #AAMMLRqSFvrfV9PUWW by kambing@fosstodon.org
2021-08-15T19:57:46Z
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@Gina
(DIR) Post #AAMN7AtGb1IeokU1Dc by sphinxc0re@ruhr.social
2021-08-15T20:05:05Z
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@Gina I totally get the impulse to try and fix things. But for me that never works out. I’ve found out that when people are in "complain-mode" it is probably best to just listen and tell them that you understand. That might not feel right at first but you can never know what is best for other people and giving advice when the person is not ready to act just goes nowhere.
(DIR) Post #AAMNz17t7CNQAizpRI by techonify@mastodon.social
2021-08-15T20:15:13Z
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@Gina Think you gave some pretty good advice within that post!
(DIR) Post #AAMYSpd5QJl0kDRcRc by sandzwerg@chaos.social
2021-08-15T22:13:19Z
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@Gina you could follow up with them, saying you feel bad for giving (bad) advice when you assume they just needed someone to listen and offer to (only) listen next time?
(DIR) Post #AAMoCOGP03jyVJ140e by rogbeer@im-in.space
2021-08-16T01:09:47Z
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@Gina i got sick of giving bad advice to others, so I read a book titled, "There is No Good Card for This: What To Say and Do When Life Is Scary, Awful, and Unfair to People You Love". Written by Emily McDowell and Kelsey Crowe, PhD.They begin the book with the following tip: "put your oxygen mask on, first". This is so named because on airplane-flights, the stewardesses would tell you: "in the event of an emergency, please put on your own oxygen mask, before helping others with theirs."So we have to fix ourselves and solve our own problems, before we can begin to help others.I hope you find this book helpful :)
(DIR) Post #AANM6vnymFRnEeI2vw by Gina@fosstodon.org
2021-08-16T07:29:50Z
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@rogbeer thank you for the recommendation! I downloaded it and read 1/3rd of it at like 4am today, it's an interesting book 😁
(DIR) Post #AANRYOlxgUuifLGN84 by rogbeer@im-in.space
2021-08-16T08:30:09Z
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@Gina I'm glad you find it interesting. (Wow, 4 AM 😄)I hope you enjoy it more and more
(DIR) Post #AANRqWxVzE15GfJTBg by le_ArthurDent@mastodon.social
2021-08-16T08:34:06Z
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@Gina I am not an expert in giving helpful advices but I think this is not a problem of knowing alternatives but rather a problem of really comprehending them. When you spend too much time in your deep dark hole you forget how the outer world looks like. My try of an advice is to take some time off. Not a day, not a week but at least two weeks and get some (mental) distance between you and the hole. Then you are able to reevaluate what's really important to you.