Post A9vvXoeRXVTgpvVTge by bornwithovaries@spinster.xyz
(DIR) More posts by bornwithovaries@spinster.xyz
(DIR) Post #A9tcPN2ER0D9bRq6JU by Nicotiana@spinster.xyz
2021-08-01T23:06:49.252226Z
0 likes, 1 repeats
I've spent the whole Covid-19 lockdown period, locked up with my husband (male) and my adult son (male).Hating the situation by now, because they both (the males, and despite me trying to explain Fuck Off to them, seem not to understand. They expect me to act as a woman, and clean the place, get food in, etc.A close relative died unexpected, recently. And left me enough money to buy a small flat - not London, not anywhere near! = To buy a flat where I currently live is feasible.Do I just drop the two men, my husband and my son, in the house where I've been confined for the past 18 months, and buy myself my own place?
(DIR) Post #A9tcPNTAoplIx0RcJ6 by grace_hawthorn@spinster.xyz
2021-08-01T23:10:00.558458Z
3 likes, 0 repeats
@Nicotiana YES. keep It as yours only, go and stay there when you need a break. They 'don't understand' because it's not in their interests to if you're not there, they won't die of starvation or in piles of their own dirty laundry. And, only go round/ go back, when it's in a state for visitors.I wholeheartedly support this plan ....
(DIR) Post #A9tczsLHVp5H7r9lgm by Fullycaffeinated@spinster.xyz
2021-08-01T23:17:45.753015Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@grace_hawthorn @Nicotiana I'm so sorry for your loss, Nic. Sending hugs ❤️ I don't know what the answer is as far as the flat goes. You doing everything is not fair, they are fully capable of taking some of the pressure off of you yet they chose not to. Like Grace said, having a place of your own, where you can go when you need to get away sounds good.
(DIR) Post #A9td3oQi06PE9LZY1Y by maiden@spinster.xyz
2021-08-01T23:09:41.043268Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
@Nicotiana I'm sorry for the loss of your relative. In this situation, what are your reasons for staying, if any? From the sidelines, this seems like a clear choice.
(DIR) Post #A9td3orIPFfnTo0mSu by Nicotiana@spinster.xyz
2021-08-01T23:17:42.365550Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
@maiden I have enough money now to buy myself my own small flat in a not-very-expensive-but - still decent area.Feeling troubled, I suppose, about walking away from my 30-year marriage and tellling my husband and my son, both of them l'm living with at the moment - that I don't want to live with them any more. I want out. The men are squishing me.
(DIR) Post #A9td9u321e4FJNOybA by Babayaga@spinster.xyz
2021-08-01T23:19:24.484115Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@Nicotiana Yes! Or a campervan to just drive away until such time as they learn to behave like adults.
(DIR) Post #A9tdHefx3yPJx5Ipu4 by Nora@spinster.xyz
2021-08-01T23:19:59.121912Z
2 likes, 0 repeats
@grace_hawthorn @Nicotiana I fully endorse this- if you're in a position to, absolutely do it. It will be liberating. You have nothing to lose, better mental health to gain, and they might be forced to grow up- it will do all of you a lot of good.
(DIR) Post #A9tdjriaAIjkViz8KG by tangleofsnakes@spinster.xyz
2021-08-01T23:26:04.841287Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@Nicotiana How about taking a vacation? It'll give you some time away from them to decide if it's really something you'd like to do before making a big investment.I think the lockdown has been pretty hard on married couples. Two of my relatives got divorced over the past year. They both have young children, too.
(DIR) Post #A9tfl5auG7pVkF6dH6 by Nicotiana@spinster.xyz
2021-08-01T23:32:37.752696Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
@tangleofsnakes Thanks to all of you for your views, it helps.
(DIR) Post #A9tgI8ovHlWPJ4QG5w by Gnomeshatecheese@spinster.xyz
2021-08-01T23:19:57.892220Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@Nicotiana Why not? There’s no reason why you couldn’t still have a relationship with them if you so wish, even if you have your own place. There are distinct benefits to living on one’s own. It’s just a question of figuring out what you really want to do. Personally I likely wouldn’t move out, but I also have no reason to want to do so. I might still use a big enough sudden windfall to buy real estate, but for other reasons (not going to have one, so this is all academic).
(DIR) Post #A9tgJnH8MOh746PEEC by Nicotiana@spinster.xyz
2021-08-01T23:52:29.367069Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
Thank you for all your responses, Spinsters. And having written it down - it's looking obvious. The men - husband of over 30 years and son - are using me. I feel that I do need my own place now, away from the men.
(DIR) Post #A9tgPZkFZwhaq4mXJY by GrumpyOldNurse@spinster.xyz
2021-08-01T23:56:01.668096Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
@Nicotiana I'm so sorry that you are in this position, but if they are impossible to live with, it's probably best for you.I'm sorry for your loss, too. ❤️
(DIR) Post #A9tgeUaJ2zMnB6F9jk by maiden@spinster.xyz
2021-08-01T23:55:07.035940Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@Nicotiana don't fall into the trap of the sunk-cost fallacy. If you aren't being treated the way you deserve to be treated, and they're unwilling to change or treat you better, is there really a reason to stay? Do you want another 30 years in a marriage that makes you feel squished?Maybe consider telling them how you feel, and going out of town for a few days in a nice hotel. Take some time to yourself, and give them an opportunity to change. That seems like a safe middle ground. I'm sorry it has to come to the point where you're considering leaving. I hope whatever you chose it makes your life happier.
(DIR) Post #A9thdQB62s1TAxVMxc by snerber@spinster.xyz
2021-08-02T00:08:23.755499Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@tangleofsnakes From what I know of men like this she'd probably just come home from the vacation to find the house in total squalor. @Nicotiana
(DIR) Post #A9thlYa0gvQ3YB2NlY by LittleSis@spinster.xyz
2021-08-02T00:09:22.159200Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@Nicotiana Yes. Good luck.
(DIR) Post #A9tiKwLgJLatP5Cv2G by LostInCalifornia@spinster.xyz
2021-08-02T00:17:36.131935Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@Nicotiana Real estate is always a good investment wink
(DIR) Post #A9vvXoeRXVTgpvVTge by bornwithovaries@spinster.xyz
2021-08-03T01:36:28.192846Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@Nicotiana If you decide to buy your own place, please check the law ahead of time. Make sure that money is not also your husband's money, and that any flat you buy will not be part owned by him.In that situation, if I were in a marital property state (USA here), I'd talk to a lawyer but my first impulse is "divorce him, settle the asset division in the divorce, THEN buy the place after the divorce is final." Hopefully I'd be left with enough cashola to get it done. Or at least put down a very nice down payment.
(DIR) Post #A9w2lnzjTcvUX85AVU by Notgonnastop@spinster.xyz
2021-08-02T00:09:59.237552Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
@Nicotiana If your own place is where you need to live to feel like a person, then that's probably where you should be. I don't want to be THAT woman who gets all 'but everything should be budgeted and planned for' but I'm gonna anyway - remember when calculating what you can purchase that there will be on-going maintenance, repairs, taxes and insurance as well as some start-up necessities (unless you can bring everything like furniture, cooking utensils, cleaning supplies, towel,s linens etc. with you) so those will have to be covered by the inheritance in the future unless or until until you can have enough wage income to do so. I'm sorry for the loss of your relative.
(DIR) Post #A9w2loX3Tja6CTfmRk by AnneBevan@spinster.xyz
2021-08-02T13:23:52.714852Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@Notgonnastop @Nicotiana Plus - divorce may mean that the court decides how all marital property is split.
(DIR) Post #A9w2paosP4sKpVoJiC by BeachBleach@spinster.xyz
2021-08-03T03:16:40.065058Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
@AnneBevan @Notgonnastop @Nicotiana Go talk to a lawyer BEFORE you decide to file. They will tell you how to protect your assets in case you have a vindictive spouse, and other things.