Post 9rQibQppWmrSSKOavY by the_wonderer@glindr.org
(DIR) More posts by the_wonderer@glindr.org
(DIR) Post #9rQibQppWmrSSKOavY by the_wonderer@glindr.org
2020-01-27T14:05:53Z
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So I've been asked to explain the inherent risks in self id to a large charity. I've been given ten minutes. Emphasis on impact on children. How best to embody @LangCleg in headlines backed up with easy to digest facts from reputable sources? I feel I have so much info, too much and a bit overwhelmed by task in hand . (Hoping also not to lose my job in the process - but I must speak up)
(DIR) Post #9rQlkw0DJiFlaZTXQe by You_cat_to_be_kitten_me@spinster.xyz
2020-01-27T14:08:41Z
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Wonderful! Will you share it here? Or at least with me pretty please? I might borrow from it as I have something similar to write. @the_wonderer @LangCleg
(DIR) Post #9rQlkwBucDbwAqwsfA by the_wonderer@glindr.org
2020-01-27T14:11:23Z
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I'll find a way to do that, yes. @You_cat_to_be_kitten_me @LangCleg
(DIR) Post #9rQlkwL83wz2dRGF1s by You_cat_to_be_kitten_me@spinster.xyz
2020-01-27T14:17:33Z
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Thank you! I would imagine a PowerPoint presentation would your best way if talking to a big group. Then you can go through a few points and let the slides say the detail. You could offer links to anyone who wants them to back up your statements. A good mix of legislation, stats about toilets which have been mad shared, and then some articles from the papers about young women and the loos would be a good start. @the_wonderer @LangCleg
(DIR) Post #9rQlkwZJDEKHLPtZ8C by grace_hawthorn@spinster.xyz
2020-01-27T14:22:01Z
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@You_cat_to_be_kitten_me @the_wonderer @LangCleg yes - i'd focus from child-centred perspective and talk about how they manage safeguarding ... i don't know where you work but with this kind of thing i tend to start from the assumption that most people want to be 'good' people, and then frame it so that it's easy for them to be. If you start with 'how do we safeguard children?' and build out to 'how do we make sure everyone's needs are effectively met?', it becomes a lot easier (i have made the argument successfully that we need to have different services to meet different needs, so in fact, in order to be 'inclusive', we need separate services). Good luck, and happy to talk about it more as it takes shape - this stuff is hard.
(DIR) Post #9rQlkwouHEnq7nC1RY by the_wonderer@glindr.org
2020-01-27T14:25:16Z
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Thank Grace, I may well take you up on that - and that's great advice. @grace_hawthorn @You_cat_to_be_kitten_me @LangCleg
(DIR) Post #9rQlkxE4lew5Nqy7fs by grace_hawthorn@spinster.xyz
2020-01-27T14:32:15Z
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@the_wonderer @You_cat_to_be_kitten_me @LangCleg i just did something about domestic violence with a public audience, and talked about it as the 'first wound' (the violence) and the 'second wound' (how others react and respond) and framed the whole thing around how the second wound is much harder to recover from because it is a betrayal of a world view, and of love, and of security. And then went into - how do we all make sure we are not contributing to the second wound? What do women need from us so that we are not part of their problem?(i'm giving you this as an example of how i've framed things to make it easy for people to be 'good'.... if i'd said 'women need x,y, z and deserve that' they'd have agreed and also had their judgements of women unchallenged. By bringing the focus onto 'how do we not be part of the problem?' people were much more willing to think about how they could support women and it was about the practicalities rather than convincing them at all. I think this could be a good way to go with the self-id.... what do children need from us in safeguarding? what do we know about perps? how do we make the spaces for perps to operate smaller? so, what does this mean in terms of safeguarding and self-id? All you need to do, actually, is create some doubt around the mantras, make space for and confirm people's unease - there will be people in the room who are DESPERATE to hear you say this is a problem and will be so grateful you've made space - and then open up questions. And bring it back, over and over, to their duty of care and to what we know about perps. Then you're off the whole 'transphobic erasure' thing because you're not talking about that, you're talking about the lengths perps will go to to get access. And they know about that. So then, due diligence in the same way as for everyone else)
(DIR) Post #9rQlkxVnhl78GpGHIm by the_wonderer@glindr.org
2020-01-27T14:41:22Z
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That has really helped me Grace, thank you. I've got a week to put it together (being flown to London next week to do this) so I'll probably have other questions but that framing advice is super helpful @grace_hawthorn @You_cat_to_be_kitten_me @LangCleg
(DIR) Post #9rQlkxnscXZlAtiiTw by AnneBevan@spinster.xyz
2020-01-27T15:22:29Z
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@the_wonderer @grace_hawthorn @You_cat_to_be_kitten_me @LangCleg There's new guidance to schools on hate crime and it's even worse than the previous version. Hate crime is a lesbian rejecting penis. https://twitter.com/AllianceLGB/status/1221489012873089025
(DIR) Post #9rQoJp5TDekYBYhKme by LangCleg@spinster.xyz
2020-01-27T16:00:10Z
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@grace_hawthorn @You_cat_to_be_kitten_me @the_wonderer Yes. Very important to emphasise that "being a good person" or a "kind person" is not the issue and that most people are good and kind.Also, we talk a lot about the downsides for girls in terms of privacy and dignity and ability to compete in sports etc with the various lobby group guidance going into schools.But it's important to point out where this guidance puts the very children it's purporting to advocate for OUTSIDE statutory safeguarding frameworks and therefore at more risk compared to other children. If schools are told that confidential disclosures are allowed and information sharing is disbanded for this cohort of children, then they are placed MORE at risk, not LESS.
(DIR) Post #9rQoTzoyALToN6pZAW by LangCleg@spinster.xyz
2020-01-27T16:01:59Z
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@grace_hawthorn @You_cat_to_be_kitten_me @the_wonderer This has good red flags to look for where safeguarding may have been disregarded:https://safeschoolsallianceuk.files.wordpress.com/2019/10/redflagsa4.pdf
(DIR) Post #9rQoVYJnOLBBeVzXXs by You_cat_to_be_kitten_me@spinster.xyz
2020-01-27T16:02:17Z
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Could you elaborate further for the idiots in the back?Not me, obviously. Ahem.@LangCleg @grace_hawthorn @the_wonderer
(DIR) Post #9rQos1lyYqPvNItDMm by LangCleg@spinster.xyz
2020-01-27T16:06:21Z
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@You_cat_to_be_kitten_me @grace_hawthorn @the_wonderer Okay. Two (of many) things.1) a child with a secret shared by an adult with ill intentions is a child that is easier to control and groom2) if information is not shared with all parties involved in the care of a child (parents, school, other agencies) then risk increases. If one party knows piece of information A, another piece of information B, and another piece of information C, but NOBODY knows A, B AND C, then nobody knows the full picture. And, for a cohort of kids at increased risk of self harm, risky behaviours and suicide, it's essential. Serious Case Reviews in which serious harm has come to a child almost always identify lack of information sharing as a key cause.
(DIR) Post #9rQoyXDCaGeQcRj9Fo by the_wonderer@glindr.org
2020-01-27T16:07:31Z
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Thanks Lang! @LangCleg @grace_hawthorn @You_cat_to_be_kitten_me
(DIR) Post #9rQp2W9AUBBgTSjul6 by AnneBevan@spinster.xyz
2020-01-27T15:04:46Z
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@the_wonderer @grace_hawthorn @You_cat_to_be_kitten_me @LangCleg There's a Mumsnet thread about transgender ideology's ban on safeguarding. https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3804229-Avoidance-of-things-related-to-sexuality-or-rejection-of-own-genitals-or-bodies?watched=1&msgid=93395797#93395797An abused child often develops a hatred of his/her own body. But "Mermaids, alongside Stonewall and others inform schools that when a child approaches a school staff member to explain that they think that they are transgender then the teacher (or TA etc) must not see this as a safeguarding issue and that complete confidence should be maintained. School staff are also taught that it is wrong or transphobic to question a child about why he or she may feel this way and that instead they should affirm what the child says is their gender identity."schools.oxfordshire.gov.uk/cms/sites/schools/files/folders/folders/documents/antibullying/policies/TransInclusionToolkitforSchools.pdf
(DIR) Post #9rQp2WUnBmU7YWrBSq by grace_hawthorn@spinster.xyz
2020-01-27T15:14:44Z
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@AnneBevan @the_wonderer @You_cat_to_be_kitten_me @LangCleg right, bec the TRAs focus all this on the identity of the child, and how they feel. And then trashing safeguarding around that. What they very studiously avoid talking about is the identity and identifying of the adults - they really don't want to talk about that, and i think that's your way in. The issue of self-ID in children isn't the focus of your talk, it's about how we safeguard around perps - and we know that if they're prepared to train to be priests, teachers, social workers etc, of course they'll put on a frock. So then, how do they safeguard around that absolute chasm in safeguarding?And then, if they want to talk about children, i think you can frame it as you would other complex issues; if this is a form of dysphoria, as they say, how would they approach other issues of dysphoria (eating disorders, or self-harm, for example)? And what is in the best interests of the child, while they are still developing?It's really noticeable actually, how often they focus on the child, and not on the adults that are around them and have access to them. And that's where you can put the focus. Because it is horrifying and intuitively, they won't be surprised and it will confirm their best instincts. Which is mostly what they need, really. To be reminded and validated that they know what they're doing, that their questions are the right ones, that they have skills - it's the counter to gaslighting....
(DIR) Post #9rQpCm7NxZf4u6nTHM by LangCleg@spinster.xyz
2020-01-27T16:10:06Z
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@the_wonderer @grace_hawthorn @You_cat_to_be_kitten_me Would this help you?https://excelpope.wordpress.com/2019/02/28/the-unaskable-question/
(DIR) Post #9rQppus3LqThLNHzpg by HebrideanHecate@spinster.xyz
2020-01-27T16:17:11Z
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@LangCleg @You_cat_to_be_kitten_me @grace_hawthorn @the_wonderer 🎯
(DIR) Post #9rQrW20lIFtNbe0b5M by grace_hawthorn@spinster.xyz
2020-01-27T16:34:26Z
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@HebrideanHecate @LangCleg @You_cat_to_be_kitten_me @the_wonderer and then bring this back to - if we're not safeguarding around the adults (i.e. taking self-id as truthful and not thinking about how perps misuse that) + telling children to keep secrets and other adults that there can be no disclosures or information sharing = absolutely perfect space for grooming and abuse. And then reminding them they have the skills, they already work with children and complex issues and make nuanced and careful decisions about safe information sharing all the time (children who disclose abuse at home, for example - the first phone call is not to the abusing parent) ... this is not different to that.
(DIR) Post #9rQsh4mrPgpDM3KwhU by magpieshines@spinster.xyz
2020-01-27T16:49:11Z
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@LangCleg these posts are so helpful. It's like CPD every day.
(DIR) Post #9rQt7sDYFq72BpbDPM by the_wonderer@glindr.org
2020-01-27T16:54:01Z
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Yes indeed! @LangCleg @grace_hawthorn @You_cat_to_be_kitten_me
(DIR) Post #9rQubNh8OzZcAO4Rd2 by HellaDea@spinster.xyz
2020-01-27T17:10:34Z
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@grace_hawthorn @the_wonderer @You_cat_to_be_kitten_me @LangCleg well idk bc every news article says we shouldnt believe the victims and that the rapists deserve due process even though 97% of them go free. Can you fuching believe journalists are telling the public to not believe victims not to say you believe them not to support them till everyone knows if hes part of the 3% that cant get away with it. Im sorry im raging
(DIR) Post #9rQv6fjLOc3T521bPc by grace_hawthorn@spinster.xyz
2020-01-27T17:16:14Z
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@HellaDea @the_wonderer @You_cat_to_be_kitten_me @LangCleg raging with you, always. i do believe that the media says this, i believe media is deeply complicit in building hate against women. in that room at that event, it was good - all the questions were 'this is someone i know and i'm worried about her, what would be the best thing for me to do?' which gave me so much heart. most of the people in that room did not want to be fuckwits, they wanted to help and i think that is more true than we know (although obvs there's a lot of sanctimonious fuckwits who need to shut up and get out of the way).rage on. anger is energy, energy changes things. Also, eat cake 😘
(DIR) Post #9rQwCRb8x6FYwQVO0u by HellaDea@spinster.xyz
2020-01-27T17:28:29Z
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@the_wonderer @LangCleg please bring up sports and how girls will no longer feel safe to use public bathrooms and will make it so girls dont go in public and wont be able to go to school
(DIR) Post #9rR35IlU5wYtCJsptY by rose@spinster.xyz
2020-01-27T18:45:37Z
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@LangCleg @You_cat_to_be_kitten_me @grace_hawthorn @the_wonderer "23.Effective sharing of information between practitioners and local organisations and agencies is essential for early identification of need, assessment and service provision to keep children safe. Serious case reviews (SCRs13) have highlighted that missed opportunities to record, understand the significance of and share information in a timely manner can have severe consequences for the safety and welfare of children." (Working Together to Safeguard Children, p.17)Doing a LangCleg. :purpleheart:
(DIR) Post #9rR3REXgTVbwTLt1CS by LangCleg@spinster.xyz
2020-01-27T18:49:35Z
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@rose @You_cat_to_be_kitten_me @grace_hawthorn @the_wonderer LOL!But when you point it out to people, they go "Ohhhhhhh. OF COURSE."It just needs saying and people get it.
(DIR) Post #9rR3ti04Xq3DwVk6zY by rose@spinster.xyz
2020-01-27T18:54:43Z
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@LangCleg @You_cat_to_be_kitten_me @grace_hawthorn @the_wondererI agree. Keep saying it. Keep pointing out what the law is. Some people get misled into thinking that keeping children's secrets is some way of showing them respect, especially when they've been encouraged to believe that the child's parents are the enemy or that professionals don't know anything (but that somehow soft porn models and 'celebrities' are experts on health issues).
(DIR) Post #9rRMwcGEEqdm8kOq6S by the_wonderer@glindr.org
2020-01-27T21:30:45Z
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Thank you! This is the point really, isn't it? Reminding them of what they already know to be true. @rose @LangCleg @You_cat_to_be_kitten_me @grace_hawthorn
(DIR) Post #9rRMwckiPV1jfIfBce by LangCleg@spinster.xyz
2020-01-27T22:28:09Z
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@the_wonderer @rose @You_cat_to_be_kitten_me @grace_hawthorn Exactly.